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In which I attempt to get to grips with home learning (and fail utterly ****ing miserably); I convince myself that I am a DIY genius and prove all the reasons why you should never attempt to repair your own dishwasher; my children are left in no doubt as to all the reasons why I never made it as a teacher; we compare the parallels between getting Jamie out of bed on time, and herding cats; I 'fess up to my dirty secret and explain why you really don't want a Playdough License; Beth and I discover there's something even more dickish than fronted adverbials; and I share with you why you should never, ever, consider doing 1,000 squats.