Yesterday Tina asked me what I think most often stands in the way of truly transforming an ordinary house into something extraordinary. I was thinking about that question again this morning. Wanting to give a more complete answer. What stands in the way of true transformation? For a house? For a life?There’s no question in my mind that the first obstacle is honest self-knowledge. I’m not sure how many people actually give themselves permission to be utterly honest with themselves. Honest about how they really feel. Honest about what they really want. For Tina and I that has become the number one sign of a potentially very difficult project: a client who doesn’t know themself well enough. In the past, when I was a hungry young designer who didn’t want to ever say no to a commission I would be tempted to look past it and just give them what I wanted for them. But that never turns out well. You can’t give someone else their story. They have to know themself well enough to choose their own adventure. You and I have to know ourselves well enough to choose our own adventures.So what stands in the way of true transformation? A lack of self-knowledge to be sure. You certainly can’t plan an adventure if you have no idea where you want to go. But there’s usually something else standing in the way of change. It’s the fear of change. Or perhaps it might be more accurate to call it—the fear of the cost of change. Transformation is change and yes, change is gaining something new, so why shouldn’t we be anything but excited? Well, because change is also letting go. Change always costs us something. Sometimes change costs money. Sometimes change costs time. Sometimes it may cost you a relationship. But always, change will cost you some measure of what is right now predictable, controllable, and safe.So what really stands in the way of true transformation? A lack of self-knowledge and the age old endless tug of war within each of us between love and fear. Love and fear are not opposites, but they feel like it and often act like it. They both want the best for you, but have very different ways of getting it. Love wants you to grow, to change, to become the best you. Love knows, as Robin Sharma would say, you can’t live the same year seventy five times and call it a life. Fear, on the other hand, wants to keep the you that you’ve already become safe and sound. Don’t take unnecessary risks. Don’t throw away what you already have. That is also not bad advice. Love and fear are like two parents bickering over what’s best for you. So who’s right?Well, it’s not that easy, is it? Love certainly gets all the best press these days. “Love wins.” “All you need is love.” Right? Wrong. As a card carrying certified romantic can I tell you the truth? Love, unrestrained by any fear whatsoever, is an idiot who will mess up your life and maybe even get you killed. But lets be fair … fear, if unrestrained, will shut you down from ever becoming anything other than what you are right now. Even worse, if fear succeeds in keeping you from growing then you will not stay the same. You will begin to shrink.So what are we to do? What do I want for myself and what do I wish for you? To find the balance. I have no idea where it is but I know it’s always there. I wish for you every good adventure. I don’t want you to stay put or stay the same. I wish for you transformation. Explore, grow, become. But don’t be an idiot. Know thyself. Honor the call of love. Take to heart the warnings of fear. Seek for yourself until you find yourself and then when opportunity presents the next adventure say, “yes.” Then plan wisely. Pack wisely. Prepare wisely. Plan to stay as safe as you can. Take care of yourself the best you can. Let your fears make you wise and keep you alive, but don’t stay where you are. Say, “yes.” Let love say, “yes.”Know thyself, choose a destination, invite your fears to be a wise companion on your journey so you won’t be too reckless … but … say, “yes.” I know...