I’ve been swimming a lot lately. I hit the pool at 5:00 am and do a mile every morning. It takes me about 45 minutes which means I have 45 minutes with my eyes and ears in the water, cut off from all external stimuli, and left to my own thoughts. This is usually a good thing. Because my mind is fresh, half asleep, and as yet uncluttered with the burdens of the day, a lot of free thoughts rise up while I’m in the water. Problems get solved. Ideas hatch. Emotions get noticed and sorted. But sometimes having extra time to think means I have extra time to beat myself up. That’s a problem, mostly because I do it so well. In fact, I’m not sure there’s anything I actually do better. I have mastered the art of getting down on myself.What can I say? I have lived long enough to have made a lot of mistakes. Some worse than others, and some of which have sent me significantly off course and cost me a lot of time. And there is a voice in me, maybe more than one, who is really hurt by all that and very disappointed. That’s fair.I’m sharing this with you because I’m assuming I’m not totally alone in feeling this way. And like me, I assume you’d love to find a way to not beat yourself up so much. I think I may have had a little breakthrough on that front. Another voice in me—yes, there are a lot of them—spoke out this week. And unlike other attempts at trying to convince myself that those mistakes weren’t all that bad, or that they don’t matter, or didn’t have lasting consequences, this voice simply said, “We tried, and trying counts.” It went on, “It’s neither your mistakes nor your successes that have made you who you are today. It’s the trying. It’s always been the trying. When life has gone off course, were you trying to send it off course? No. When you chose poorly, were you trying to make a bad choice? No. When you failed, were you trying to fail? No. You were always trying. Trying to find the path. Trying to know the truth. Trying to be a good person. You are the person you are today not because of wins or losses but because of the trying.”I honestly don’t know what part of me said that or why it came across as clearly as it did. And, if I’m going to be perfectly honest I’ll tell you the debate isn’t over. I’m not 100% sure if what I heard was the voice of wisdom or me just finding another way to make excuses. But I’ll tell you this, no other voice inside me has ever been able to stand up against the one that beats me up like this one did. This one just stood up, grabbed the other’s fist and said, “Enough. Sit down.”So I’ve been thinking a lot this week about what it means to try. Win or lose, succeed or fail, trying does count. Problem is, trying is slow and sure wheres successes and failures are poignant and acute, so we feel them more acutely and we remember them longer. But trying is what gets me back in the pool, day after day. And whether or not I swim a fast strong mile or a slow sore mile, I keep trying and I swim. Trying counts. Slowly, quietly, often awkwardly and almost always imperceptibly, trying builds muscle and endurance.I like the person I am today better than I’ve ever liked myself before. I still have painful memories and regrets, but I think I’m beginning to accept that I am who I am today because I’ve always tried to be this person, and despite the mistakes and failures, trying gets it done. I also think that perhaps the only real regrets I should have are not the misguided failures but just the days I didn’t try. It’s not a bad day at the gym that messes with your health. It’s not trying at all that kills you.Come to think of it, there is one thing I do even better than beat myself up. I keep trying. And I hope you keep trying too. Because trying counts. What’s that saying? “You can try and fail, but never fail to try.” Sounds right. We are all so messed up, but in the end that’s not what matters. What matters is that we keep trying to be good people. If you try hard enough and long enough to be a good person,...