It is September 11. A day of great significance and deep memory and loss for many of us. Life changed significantly after 9/11. When things we’ve always taken for granted end—be it people we love, or our sense of invulnerability, or the climate, or even a queen who it seems was always with us—it shakes us. It’s not just change. It’s endings that stir us up. Well, here’s another ending for you to consider. Summer is ending. As of this moment, the first day of Autumn is a mere ten days away. If you’re like me that’s good news. Autumn always puts me in a better mood. It’s beauty. It’s feel. The holidays. Everything. Autumn stirs up nostalgia, and I find myself remembering, re-evaluating, and returning to the search for meaning and purpose in my life. It’s when I most consciously slow down and search for happiness. And I think I’ve finally figured out why.

Now please don’t freak out at what I’m about to say. It is not intended to be morbid or morose. Just the opposite in fact … For me, the secret of happiness that Autumn so clearly brings to mind is the painful, sobering acceptance of the inevitability of my own death.

Really Dean? How in the world could facing death be the secret to happiness? Well, because I’ve come to learn that even though Death will ultimately end my life it has no interest in ruining my life. In fact, Death helps me sift and filter and improve my life. And whether we consciously realize it or not I believe it’s why we find such meaning in Autumn. In the language of the seasons Autumn has but one message, “Winter is coming.” Autumn is death’s foyer and as we step into it our response to it is almost a reflex, but the best of reflexes … we wax nostalgic about the past, we ponder the present, and we yearn live better, deeper, truer. It’s why we gather a little closer to one another. Why we hold one another a little tighter, for a little longer. You might believe the reason this time of year is special is because it’s where we’ve placed our holidays. But you’d be mistaken. Autumn is not hallowed by our holidays. The holidays are here because it is Death that hallows this time of year. When the leaves start changing it should remind you winter is coming. When your body, your hair, your skin, your vision starts changing, it should remind you winter is coming.

That message is a gift. A painful one but a great gift nonetheless. It’s a gift that helps you understand the reason you will die is that you are fortunate enough to be alive. I’m not romanticizing this. Death is the most terrifying idea of all. But when you run from it something far worse happens. Your are terrorized by lesser gods who seek to waste your precious time with trivialities not worthy of your life. Anxieties, inhibitions, addictions, fear, shame, as Thoreau would say, “quiet desperations” … what a tragedy it is to offer our lives to these lesser gods. To be taken one day by the great mysterious expanse of death, that’s one thing. But to drown every day in the shallow puddles of our own making. That is the true tragedy.

So to the coming of Autumn I say, “Welcome.” And of Death I will ask to be tutored again. The wise person doesn’t meet Death at the end. The wise invite Death as a companion on the journey, knowing it is ready to offer all the courage and strength needed to really get living. Invite death to be your tutor. Let it remind you how important it is to live.How important it is to strip away everything in your life that isn’t worthy of your life. Death will help you not take your life for granted. If you let it, it will sift your priorities, your beliefs, your values, your relationships, your pursuits, until all that remains is truly you, honestly you, authentically you, and perhaps for the first time in a long time, the truly alive you. Death is not the party pooper. Death is there to remind you the party will end, so make it a good one. Welcome Autumn, and get busy building yourself a...