The fathers of yesteryear were supposed to be protectors, providers, disciplinarians, and leaders. Today? Maybe. Maybe not.

Some see the upending of traditional roles as a sign of the moral decay of our society. Others see it as just another testimony to the uselessness of men. I’m in neither camp. I’ve seen good dads fulfill traditional roles. I’ve seen good dads who break every convention and challenge every norm.

So then what does it mean when you’re looking for the truth about fatherhood but find that either story, or a thousand more stories, can all work? I think it means that every dad has to find their own job description because everything else is just a story.

Does that mean dad is left without any absolutes to hold onto? Not at all. I think there’s actually an unchanging absolute road map for fatherhood carved into the very soul of humanity. When you strip away all the stories of what fatherhood is “supposed” to be I believe you’ll find a father’s one fundamental job is exactly the same as mom’s. It’s the same job of any and every parent:

To be the healthiest, happiest, best possible version of yourself so your child can learn how to be the healthiest, happiest, best possible version of themself.

Now, as far as what the details of that will look like? That’s every father’s story to work out. All I know about parenting is that it’s about modeling what it means to be a good human. That’s not a story or a role or a tradition of any kind. That’s just the fact of what it takes to do it right.

I also know this … there are a lot of dads out there who’ve done it right. And it’s those men—those tired, overworked, utterly confused, imperfect, in over their heads amateur human beings—whom we celebrate today. If one of those men—who’ve been knocked down so many times but refuse to leave the ring and just keep getting back up—if one of those men are in or near your life, today is the day to make him feel like the hero he really wishes he could be.

And have no doubt—despite the dad jokes and the dad bod—he does wish he could be your hero. Because if he could he would move heaven and earth for you. The hard truth is he can’t. But what he can do, what the good ones do, is show us how to thrive in and through it all.

To be the healthiest, happiest, best possible version of yourself so your child can learn how to be the healthiest, happiest, best possible version of themself.

I miss my dad. I lost him when I was just getting started with the hard stuff. I didn’t want to have to spend so much time figuring out this life all on my own. If you still have yours and he’s one of the good ones then yes, tell him again to stop wearing socks with his sandals, but laugh at his dad jokes, hug his dad bod, and maybe while you’re hugging him, whisper in his ear, “You’re my hero. Thank you for always being there, and for helping me figure out how to build myself a beautiful life.”