Hops and Box Office Flops

The Crow for a long time was considered a property that was untouchable. The tragedy of Brandon Lee's passing during the making of the 1994 film immortalized his portrayal for fans.

Although there was zero interest in the property being formally rebooted—there were three sequels and a TV show—the studio soldiered on.

They even ignored all the signs that it probably wasn't meant to be. The Crow's path back to the big screen saw multiple directors sign on and off, and a myriad of lead actors come and go.

By the time it finally happened in 2024, the fans couldn't even be bothered to hate watch it. The Crow, with a box office around $24 million, was one of the bigger flops of the year. This despite having a rather modest budget of just $50 million.

Reviews were just as scathing. Critics made it clear The Crow was better off staying dead this time around, excoriating it with a 21% on Rotten Tomatoes.

Now, sit back, free your soul with a Grateful Dead Juicy Pale Ale from Dogfish Head, and quench your thirst for vengeance! The Thunderous Wizard, Chumpzilla, and Bling Blake are looking for the exit in this weird purgatory warehouse!

This Week’s Segments:

And, as always, hit us up on Threads, X, Facebook, Bluesky, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids from this week’s episode!

2012's Total Recall lacks the bizarre charm of Paul Verhoeven's 1990 film. Substituting Mars for dystopian earth, the movie ultimately feels like just any other action movie.

Whereas the 1990 version was full of oddities, one-liners, and gore galore, this Total Recall is just a bland, PG-13 wannabe. What it lacks in personality and style, though, it does make up for with a few kinetic action scenes and solid special effects.

Those, however, were not enough to save it from the critics' wrath. At 30% on Rotten Tomatoes—compared to 82% for the 1990 version—there wasn't much behind the spectacle to warrant a recommendation. Fans agreed. Thus, with a gross of $211.8 million on a budget of $125, audiences clearly felt this trip wasn't worth taking.

Now, sit back, shake the memory fog with a Super Fun Hazy Hop from Paperback Brewing, and get your ass to the Colony! The Thunderous Wizard, Chumpzilla, and Bling Blake are dreaming of better days on Mars!

This Week’s Segments:

And, as always, hit us up on Threads, X, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids from this week’s episode!

The 2015 remake of Point Break is all style and no substance. It's an extreme sports highlight video that flourishes when the stunts are on display, but fizzles whenever the cast has to act.

Ultimately, there is just too much going on, and as we bound from place to place and stunt to stunt, very little in the way of plot or character depth is ever established.

Sure, having the radical Robin Hoods branch out into several extreme sports seems cool on the surface, but there has to be more to the film than insane feats across beautiful locales.

Hence why this Point Break couldn't muster the same following as its predecessor. It's empty calories. The stakes feel shallow when we don't care about any of the people engaging in the death-defying pageantry. The lesser Bodhi's empty philosophizing doesn't help either.

Now, sit back, get gnarly with a Antihero IPA from Revolution Brewing, and follow your line! The Thunderous Wizard, Chumpzilla, and Bling Blake aren't living off the grid! We're living on it—just on our own terms!

This Week’s Segments:

And, as always, hit us up on Threads, X, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids from this week’s episode!

Captain America: Brave New World carries on the distressing trend of underachieving and subpar MCU movies. Worse, like much of Phase 4 and 5, there still seems to be no clear direction for what is coming next or why.

Brave New World is not a terrible film, but it is one that is clearly stitched together. Plagued by behind-the-scenes drama and frequent reshoots, the whole is clearly made from disparate parts.

Thus, despite game efforts from Anthony Mackie as the titular Captain and Harrison Ford, replacing William Hurt, as Thaddeus "Thunderbolt" Ross, it can never overcome its issues.

That said, there is fun to be had. The height of which never should have been spoiled in the film's trailers.

Now, sit back, enrage your soul with a Pogzilla Double IPA from Scofflaw Brewing, and don't think you're Steve Rodgers! The Thunderous Wizard, Chumpzilla, and Bling Blake are sneaking onto Celestial Island to steal all that sweet adamantium!

This Week’s Segments:

And, as always, hit us up on Threads, X, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids from this week’s episode!

When Tremors was released in 1990, Kevin Bacon—who starred as Valentine McKee—thought it would kill his career. Like all great cult classics, though, Tremors has come to be one of the actor's most beloved films.

And that's not a mistake. Tremors is a ton of fun. With an interesting new creature that burrows under the surface and terrorizes a small town, it does exactly what a monster movie should do.

Add in its abundance of humor and great characters, and the recipe is there for an infinitely rewatchable film. It's no surprise then that after a tepid theatrical box office, Tremors tripled its gross on VHS rentals and purchases.

That is what insiders call, "bringing home the bacon."

Now, sit back, bring the heat with a Hatch Chile Gatos from Fate Brewing, and get off the ground! The Thunderous Wizard, Chumpzilla, and Bling Blake are feeding these damned motherhumpers a bucket of hot lead!

This Week’s Segments:

And, as always, hit us up on Threads, X, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids from this week’s episode!

Army of Darkness, the finale of Sam Raimi's iconic Evil Dead series, is truly a cult classic.

A minor departure from the series more comedic/horror roots, it is a film that revels in its absurdity, taking the protagonist, Ash, back through time to the 14th century.

Though it is goofier, it is no less fun than the first two. And its one-liners—frequent throughout—remain infinitely quotable to this day.

There is a reason Ash and the hordes of undead he's dispatched over the years with prejudice have continued to captivate the hearts and minds of fans.

Good ... bad ... we're the guys with the mics!

Now, sit back, wash down tiny Ash with a Dragon Stout Fire, and listen up, you primitive screw heads! The Thunderous Wizard, Chumpzilla, and Bling Blake are blasting deadites with our boomsticks!

This Week’s Segments:

And, as always, hit us up on Threads, X, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids from this week’s episode!

Empire Records poses the important question: What do a bunch of pre-20s slackers do at work all day? Well, they have random sex with has been celebrities, eat weed brownies, argue over mundane things, and thoroughly explore the existential crises they're all experiencing.

To no one's surprise, very little work is actually done amidst all the melodrama. Now, that may not sound all that great, but Empire Records is very much a time capsule film. If you grew up in the 90s, you've no doubt seen it and probably have fond memories of it.

Thus, its devout following, despite its lack of box office and critical success, is well earned. Empire Records is a shared experience film. We've all had jobs where we screw around all day, and we've all worked with people who fit the familiar archetypes in the movie.

That is what makes it so relatable and has helped it to endure over the years.

Now, sit back, compliment your special brownie with a Bloodline Blood Orange IPA from Flying Dog, and delight in the sweet stylings of Rex Manning! The Thunderous Wizard, Chumpzilla, and Bling Blake are damning the man to save the Empire!

This Week’s Segments:

And, as always, hit us up on Threads, X, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids from this week’s episode!

Based on a William Gibson story of the same name, Johnny Mnemonic centers on the titular data courier as he embarks on his latest assignment, transporting 320 gigabytes of corporate secrets.

That intel is quite sensitive, and its owner, Pharmakom, will stop at nothing to get it back, employing the Yakuza to track down Johnny. Like most of Gibson's work, the world in which Johnny lives is a cyberpunk dystopia.

Corporations rule with impunity and an overreliance on/addiction to technology has left much of the populace in dire straits.

The messaging of Johnny Mnemonic is as relevant as ever. The issues with the film lie within its execution. Despite costing upward of $30 million, the movie looks and feels cheap. This aesthetic is only worsened by shockingly dated CGI VR segments.

The ideas just weren't enough to salvage the subpar acting, shoddy action sequences, and atrocious effects. Hence Johnny Mnemonic's poor reviews and paltry box office performance.

Now, sit back, jack in with a Halfway to Hefen from Fate Brewing, and don't ignore the ghost in the machine! The Thunderous Wizard, Chumpzilla, and Bling Blake are riding Jones the dolphin through cyberspace!

This Week’s Segments:

And, as always, hit us up on Threads, X, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids from this week’s episode!

Transformers: The Last Knight is the fifth film directed by Michael Bay about the storied toy line. The prior four were of varying quality, but The Last Knight stands out as by far the worst.

A convoluted mess, it rewrites the legend of King Arthur, infusing the Autobots into the tale. This, of course, leads to a whole bunch of other nonsense, including Merlin's magical staff being of Cybertron origin.

Anyway, as we rumble through this slog, we're treated to secret societies, moronic plot twists, and a smorgasbord of explosions and CGI bombast. It's a lot to digest, folks.

Mercifully, though, The Last Knight's poor box office performance and abysmal reviews ensured this would be the last of the so-called Bayformers. 

Now, sit back, transform your taste buds with an Automatic IPA from Creature Comforts, and don't let Merlin's staff fall into Megatron's hands! The Thunderous Wizard, Chumpzilla, and Bling Blake are sliding under giant robots and wielding Excalibur!

This Week’s Segments:

And, as always, hit us up on Threads, Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids from this week’s episode!

The Last Jedi, despite being a massive financial success, has been highly divisive since its release in December 2017.

Sure, there are those who love and defend it, especially for its willingness to subvert expectations. Its detractors, though, often cite The Last Jedi's nonsensical plot and less than favorable depiction of beloved Star Wars hero Luke Skywalker for why they hate it.

The pod tends to lean toward the latter. For all its exceptional visuals and some genuinely great Star Wars moments, The Last Jedi often feels like a muddled mess—less a sequel to a $2 billion movie, more a piece of odd fan fiction.

Hence the divide between fans. As the middle part of a trilogy, The Last Jedi too often throws away or outright dismisses plot threads from The Force Awakens. When there was still a film to follow it, perhaps writing the characters into a narrative corner wasn't the best idea.

Now, sit back, feel the Force with a Mind Haze Cosmic Crusher from Firestone Walker Brewing, and find the master codebreaker! The Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Chumpzilla, and Bling Blake are seeing who can chug the most thala-siren milk!

This Week’s Segments:

And, as always, hit us up on Threads, Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids from this week’s episode!