As single parents, there are so many aspects of our life that are entirely out of control. In fact, for those of us that have been divorced, divorce in and of itself is a way of taking control of the situation/relationship that was toxic or out of control. We choose control to escape uncertainty, defend against pain, and keep ourselves from feeling afraid. We see control as a way to bring peace, but it actually leads us in the opposite direction. Control is a counterfeit to peace; control actually destroys peace. When we are in the midst of pain or struggle, we don’t want to wait for it to subside; we want to get to the other side of that pain and struggle. We tend to want to take the reins of control and get out of discomfort as fast as possible to have a sense of peace finally. If only I could find a mate… If only I had more money… If only my kids would stop acting out… That’s all a natural reaction. But that control never brings lasting peace. That kind of control is an illusion of peace. So how do we let go of the illusion of control when it feels so counterintuitive while we are hurting, confused and disillusioned.

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