How To Not

How To Not episodes:

• 08.27.2018

  31 - How to Greet Someone

  K and Rob try to out-spiderwalk the oncoming storm. Today's WikiHow article: 3 Ways to Greet Someone Listen to learn all about Home Improvement, lo-fi Avengers, film history, Toronto weather patterns, and more. How to Not is...

  
• 08.13.2018

  30 - How to Attract a Skater Boi

  K and Rob dive into an article NOT READY FOR THE PUBLIC Today's WikiHow article: How to Attract a Skater How to Not is a comedy podcast where K Alexander and Rob Moden read very real how-to articles...

  
• 08.06.2018

  29 - How to Improve Friendships

  K and Rob whisper words in italics. Today's WikiHow article: How to Improve Your Friendships Listen to learn all about Thomas Cruise, Old People Tinder, secondary locations, mid-2000's social media, clothes jokes, and not putting things in your...

  
• 07.23.2018

  28 - How to Look at Ugly Babies

  K and Rob's baby gets demonetized. Today's WikiHow article: How to React to an Ugly Baby Listen to learn all about canes, beefs with God, tape noises, smashing like buttons, closer cookies, curses, compliment catchphrases, and maybe other...

  
• 06.18.2018

  27 - How to Fake Laugh

  K and Rob uncover an anti-meme conspiracy. Listen to learn all about laugh jazz, how adage + proverb = adverb, grammatical laughter, job interviewer etiquette, and our T-shirt machine.   Today's WikiHow article: How to Fake Laugh How to...

  
• 06.05.2018

  26 - How to Be Unforgettable

  K and Rob reveal their exciting new religion. Listen to learn all about K's eyepatch, Tomorrowland, the Illuminati film club, paragons of averageness, the ghost of Ayn Rand, Michael Phelps versus a CGI shark, rules of fashion, posture, and...

  
• 05.14.2018

  25 - How to Do Facial Expressions

  K and Rob are reader-approved. Listen to learn all about K's music college, diva Daniel Radcliffe, self-helping bots, Sophia the Terminator, extra uses for pens, imitating your dog to make friends, lounge chair insides, selfie technique, Oprah's self-esteem lessons,...

  
• 05.07.2018

  24 - How to Be a Werewolf

  K and Rob get terse. Listen to learn all about real games and FIFAs, a tub full of mice, tersely-worded hypocrisy, upsetting Twihards, fire safety, Justin Timberlake's listenership, lie-down measurements, the youths' skinny legends, and the great debaters of...

  
• 04.23.2018

  23 - How to Clap Your Hands

  K and Rob put their foot down. In the "nuh uh" way, not in the "WikiHow thinks foot-stomping is clapping" way. Listen to learn all about opera-loving Boss Babies, praying with enthusiasm, Not-a-Claps, poetry reading etiquette, eye-clapping, actual useful...

  
• 04.10.2018

  22 - How to Be a Mean Girl

  K and Rob discover the secret origins of Leslie Knope and John Mulaney. Listen to learn all about pronunciations of Regina, the WikiHow beauty standard, fairweather friends, signs you're old, Mean Girls versus Mean Women (in a non-gendered sense),...

  
• 04.03.2018

  21 - How to Shower

  K and Rob drink too much coffee and call out your skincare routine. Listen to learn all about frugally spending your handful of fucks, fash shlosh, soap vs no soap, neg coaching, hand showers, God's hygiene plan, Oprah's retirement...

  
• 03.26.2018

  20 - How to Be Home Alone

  K and Rob wonder why their friends don't answer their calls about elaborate Marble Traps. Listen to learn all about profiling wikiHow users, Macaulay Culkin, entertainment devices, accidentally Pavlovian training your significant other, the chore of the body, Big...

  
• 03.20.2018

  19 - How to Get Thong Permission from Parents

  K and Rob ask mother and father to let them show off that juicy butt. Listen to learn all about scanty birds and bees, butt-holders and butt-holsters, being a better Christian, Yeezys, papercraft clothes, bubble wrap, parenting strategies, and misidentifying...

  
• 03.06.2018

  18 - How to Journal as a Mermaid

  K and Rob talk about 50 Shades of Grey, and nothing else. Listen to learn all about: God as the ultimate eyewitness, the Twilight-ing of mermaids, ASMR pleas, mer-doping, K's memory of obscure TV publicity stunts, Shape of Water vs...

  
• 02.27.2018

  17 - How to Join Ragdoll Culture

  K and Rob spend 30 minutes asking over and over again for the article to just EXPLAIN WHAT RAGDOLL CULTURE IS. Listen to learn all about: self-liking on social media, toy addictions, esoteric questionaires, Hot Topic's business model, Zero the...

  
• 02.20.2018

  16 - How to Bite Your Lip Seductively

  K and Rob practice their eye kegels. Listen to learn all about: Holy Family Day, Canadian time travelers, '127 Hours' as a verb, lip care, Rob's ugly laugh and a K apology, saying 'veritable' instead of 'verifiable', little tiny people...

  
• 02.13.2018

  15 - How to Create an Imaginary Girlfriend or Boyfriend

  K and Rob would like you to meet Jeremy. Jeremy? Jeremy! Jeremyyyyyyy. Tonight's podcast will help you learn about: Netflix-style announcements, double flus, lesbian clocks, self-Catfishing, catchphrases, winter witness protection, street-shouting, and a new premise for the podcast. Today's WikiHow...

  
• 01.30.2018

  14 - How to Hug

  K and Rob welcome you to the (un)official audiobook of WikiHow. Tonight's podcast will help you learn about: Country Mouse & City Mouse, mandatory restraining orders, genderless voids, armpits, Stairway to Heaven, nnnice, gal pals, #cupandpat, JFK, future babies, K's...

  
• 01.25.2018

  13 - How to Write a Cat Prophecy

  K and Rob maybe take this whole cat articles thing too far. Listen now to learn all about star clans, misquoting The Lion King, not circling back to that, proxy wrestlers, garbage cat authors, prophecy word counts, J. Lo clickbait,...

  
• 01.09.2018

  12 - How to Call Your Girlfriend

  It's the first episode of 2018, and we stayed inside on New Year's and refused to stop being awkward introverts. So this week, we learn how to actually talk to our better halves. Listen to learn all about resolutions, spies,...

  
• 12.19.2017

  11 - How to Celebrate Christmas With Your Teddy Bears

  Time to get in the holiday spirit the only way we as responsible humans can: spoiling our 2 to 5 stuffed animals with gifts and more attention than we give our friends or family. Learn all about jingle bells, friendship...

  
• 12.11.2017

  10 - How to Develop Telekinesis

  Science does and does not exist. 'Psi balls' are a known thing you can totally drop into casual conversation. You are part human, part spoon. Enter the fantastical galaxy of another WikiHow article. Learn all about Mine-Mime Binks, Schrödinger's science,...

  
• 12.05.2017

  9 - How to Act Like You're Possessed by a Demon

  K has a fever, and the only prescription, is talking about demons method acting. Learn all about demonic fevers, falling from trees, Big Mouth, puberty, second Breakfast, concertgoing etiquette, Time Lords, Sunnydale, self-examination, chicken vs egg, the California census, book...

  
• 11.20.2017

  8 - How to Fake Being Sick

  Want to get out of school or work? K and Rob read WikiHow's instructions that'll at best force you to have a "fun" day refusing to do anything, and at worst ruin your life. Learn all about: tum-tums, Mondays, Napoleon...

  
• 11.11.2017

  7 - How to Be Random

  Learn all about: frigid wastelands, randomology, Pokémon towns, hooker's green, wandom words, rarr, Jake Paul, Party City, St. Louis, party conversation, zeppelins, Sharon, toe tags, breakability, Waldo Today's WikiHow article: 3 Ways to Be Random How to Not is a comedy...

  
• 11.03.2017

  6 - How to Act Like a Cat

  Oh, to escape. To be carefree. To have no responsibilities besides finding a sunspot and figuring out where your next mouse comes from, and also planning your solo audition for the role of Mr. Yellow Mephistophelesikin in the hit Broadway...

  
• 10.28.2017

  5 - How to Scare Someone

  It's time for Steve Buscemi's favorite holiday, All Hallow's Eve! So grab some cats to throw at people, put on your quiet pink trousers, and ask your friend for a traditional Halloween sleepover: it's time for K and Rob to...

  
• 10.20.2017

  4 - How to Talk Like a Pirate

  Arr, matey! Do ye be lookin' to translate yer lexicon from that of a simple scallywag to that of a handsome brigadier? This is not the podcast for that. But join K Alexander and Rob Moden as they do get into another...

  
• 10.06.2017

  3 - How to Turn on Your Pretty Boy Swag

  K and Rob try to a) define what a pretty boy is, b) define what swag is, c) figure out what celebrity fits that profile, and d) throw that out to talk about Guy Fieri a bunch. This week's WikiHow...

  
• 09.22.2017

  2 - How to Pretend to Have Ice Powers (for Girls)

  K and Rob try to imagine what kind of super-creep dressed in all blue was created by this problematic, inexplicably gender-specific article. Today's WikiHow article: Pretending to Have Ice Powers (for Girls) How to Not is a comedy podcast where K...

  
• 09.15.2017

  1 - How to Start a Rumor

  Welcome back to what is technically the first on-purpose (?) episode of How to Not! This week, K and Rob are very concerned at the clear geopolitical sabotage motivations underpinning WikiHow's guide to starting a rumor (or 'rumour', if like...

  
• 09.08.2017

  0 - How to Dance at a Rave [Test Episode]

  Welcome to the (kind of) first episode of How to Not, a podcast that teaches you how to do normal, human things by reading through real WikiHow articles. K Alexander and Rob Moden are here and they recorded this test...