Do you ever get irritated with friends who believe differently than you do about politics or Covid? Do you get annoyed with the faults of a spouse or family member? Do you get frustrated with people who drive at a different speed than you drive? If so, today’s post and podcast will help. We’ll be discussing how to stop being angry. Before we do that, though, let’s look at what anger is.

When I first started helping people let go of anger, I discovered people have different definitions for anger. Many picture anger as the person who is yelling and swearing, but anger is more than that. It also includes resentment, irritation, annoyance, and frustration. Often we stuff feelings of anger because we feel bad about it. But if you stuff those emotions for too long, you may not even know you’re angry.

If you’re used to stuffing or denying your anger, it will be hard to spot it in the beginning. Look for times when you feel out of sorts. Then think back to the last few hours. Did something just happen to upset you? Did you read something on the news? A post on social media? Did someone say something hurtful?

Ask yourself, “What emotion am I feeling?” This will help you begin to recognize your emotions. Anger, resentment, irritation, frustration, and bitterness all fall into the category of anger. Judgement and pride are accompanying emotions.

Have you ever been in a situation where you were angry and your friend wasn’t? Even though you were both witnessing the same thing happening? We all get angry at different things because of our different life experiences, beliefs, and personalities. If we know why we’re angry, it will be easier to stop being angry. Begin by asking yourself, “Why am I angry?” Here are a few reasons we get angry, irritated, annoyed, or resentful:

Any time I teach on anger in a Bible study, I’ll always have at least one person in the room bring up righteous anger. The idea is that there are good forms of anger and bad forms of anger. The problem is that even if there are good forms of anger, we engage in the bad form 95% of the time. So rather than defend ourselves for the 5%, we’re better off if we work on the 95% of unrighteous anger!

It’s true that God is angry in the Bible at times and since we know God never sins, we know it’s possible to be angry and not sin. But Romans 3:10 tells us that “none is righteous, no not one.” So my question is, can an unrighteous person have righteous anger? That question is up for debate and people will answer it in different ways.

One of the ways people answer it is to point out how you need righteous anger to right all the wrongs in the world–to help save the innocent from their abusers, for example. My question is, could you help the innocent with a motive of love rather than an emotion of anger? When Jesus died on the cross, I don’t think he was angry.

Jesus appears to be angry in the temple when he is overturning tables and it’s possible he was–but if you look at those passages, it doesn’t actually say he was. Although if he was, He would be another example of God–who is 100% righteous–being angry.

I think you could make a biblical case for both points of view, so I usually try to avoid this part of the anger topic. But since it’s a topic that always comes up, I thought I should at least mention it.

If you look up anger in the Bible, you’ll find some examples of God being angry and all kinds of verses telling us not to be angry. The only passage that seems like it’s saying we can be angry is Ephesians 4:26-27: “Be angry and yet do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity.”

Here’s the interesting thing, though. In the Greek, the verb for “be angry” can either be translated “be angry” or “you are being angry.” The reason for this is that the imperative 2nd person plural form (be angry) is the same as the present active indicative 2nd person plural form (you are continually being angry) in the Greek. (See pages 12 and 111 in Essentials of New Testament Greek by Ray Summers, Broadman Press, 1950.)

But even if we use the imperative form, the verse still tells us to let go of our anger before we go to sleep. Why? Because otherwise we’ll give the devil an opportunity. I don’t know how many times I’ve given the devil an opportunity by holding onto my anger for not just a day but weeks and months and even years. When we do that, we hurt ourselves and others.

Here are just a few of the ways our anger, irritation, annoyance, and resentment hurt ourselves and others:

So how do you stop being angry? Much of the literature on how to stop being angry focuses on how to control our anger. With this approach, we’re still angry. We’re just learning how to control it.

I agree that we need to learn to control our anger. We don’t want to have outbursts because they hurt people and scare people. But what if we could let go of the angry feelings altogether? If we could do that, we wouldn’t have to control our anger because it wouldn’t be there to control. This is actually possible, and I’ve experienced it myself.

My brother once said, “Barb, you say the things everyone else is thinking but are afraid to say.” This is true. That’s why it was so much more helpful for me to learn how to get rid of the angry thoughts, than just control the anger. Because if it was in my head, I was going to say it.

God did teach me how to let go of anger, and although I still get annoyed at times, it’s no longer a big issue in my life. God can do the same for you. Following are 12 tips to help you stop being angry.

When I first started practicing these tips, I thought I was inviting myself to life of misery. A life of everyone else getting what they wanted but not me. I couldn’t have been more wrong. The more I learned to let go of my idea of what had to happen for me to be happy, the happier I became. Here are the steps I took–and you can take–to stop being angry.

If you decide to make a project of letting go of anger, try to remember that life isn’t fair, nor is it easy. Letting go of anger is an act of laying down your life to love others well. That’s not easy. When I worked on it, I made a commitment to renew my mind every time I was annoyed with my husband. In two months, I saw a huge change in my attitude. It’s worth going through the effort to let go of this emotion!

Jesus came to give us abundant life. That abundant life is only dependent on us walking in the Spirit. It’s not dependent on us controlling all the people in our lives so they don’t hurt us. It’s also not dependent on all the leaders in the world making policies that will keep people safe and allow all of us to live the lives we want to live. The fruit of the Spirit includes love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, and gentleness. All of those things are the opposite of anger. My prayer is that God will continue to help each of us grow in walking with Him so that each year, we see more of His fruit in our lives.

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