How to Survive

It's episode 85... and let me list all the ways you're gonna die: rain, heat, disease-carrying flies, and we haven't started on the things that want to eat you alive.

Kong: Skull Island (2017) tells the story of a group of scientists and soldiers who travel to the newly discovered Skull Island in the name of scientific exploration. The Vietnam War has just ended, but no war could prepare them for what they face there: a really big gorilla!

We talk about a How to Survive staple: always listen to the experts; we discuss the risks of falling victim to the sunk cost fallacy; and we weigh up the appropriate responses to the crimes of animals.

All of which leads to one big question:

How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure...

Remember the tale of Icarus, whose father gave him wax wings to fly. But he flew too close to the sun, and his wings melted, and he fell into the sea. But our wings are not made of wax, but Pennsylvania steel, guaranteed not to melt.

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

It's episode 84... and we have ten minutes until the ectoplasmic sh*t hits the fan.

Thir13en Ghosts (2001) tells the story of Arthur, a widower who moves himself, his children and their nanny into a haunted house left to them in a wealthy uncle's will. Before long, the family is trapped in the house, and have to fight against the other residents: twelve ghosts who have been captured and locked in the basement.

We talk about the benefits of coating your clothing in protective spells; the importance of not laboriously explaining your evil plan to your victim before it can take place; and the risks involved in showing up in public after you've faked your death.

All of which leads to one big question:

How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure...

If you hadn't noticed, I'M A LITTLE BIT OF A FREAK! I come within ten feet of anything dead I go into seizures. I touch somebody, and a whole life full of shit flashes in front of my eyes! Alright? So yeah, I'm depraved. But Cyrus was my friend and he accepted me, so...

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

It's episode 83... and there's something strange in the neighbourhood...

Ghostbusters (1984) tells the story of three parapsychologist researchers who lose their jobs and decide to open a ghost hunting service. Calling themselves the Ghostbusters, they set out to rid New York City of paranormal threats, but before long find themselves in a battle to save humanity from an invading demigod.

We talk about the importance of establishing a sustainable strategy for acquiring start-up capital; the very real risks of carrying out an activity which could lead to all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light. And we also dig into the 2016 remake of the movie to compare and contrast.

All of which leads to one big question:

How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure...

As a duly designated representative of the City, County and State of New York, I order you to cease any and all supernatural activity and return forthwith to your place of origin or to the nearest convenient parallel dimension.

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

It's episode 82... and I'm so glad you're here. We have a lot to talk about. So much to say tonight.

The Invitation (2015) tells the story of Will, a man who is invited to a dinner party at the home of his estranged ex-wife. Also in attendance are all of Will's closest friends, (also estranged). As the night wears on, the mood shifts from awkward to extremely awkward before settling on terrifying. Why were the group really invited over?

We talk about the importance of leaving as soon as things a party as soon as things become irredeemably awkward; the redundancy of going somewhere that requires you to observe social norms when you have no intention to observe social norms; and we finally discuss a mathematical formula for deciding if you should leave the house.

All of which leads to one big question:

How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure...

Forgiveness doesn't have to wait. I'm free to forgive myself and so are you. It's a beautiful thing. It really is.

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

It's episode 81... and Jason Voorhees is back to Crystal Lake...

Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday (1993) tells the story of Diana and Jessica Kimble, two women whose lives are turned upside down by the return of Jason Vorhees. As it transpires, both women are members of the Voorhees family, and only they can stop Jason's rampage. Also Jason can now possess people...

We talk about recommended improvements to the aim of a team of armed FBI sharpshooters; the dangers of staying in a town where most of your demographic have been murdered; and the benefits of using your previously-demonstrated magical powers when faced with adversity.

All of which leads to one big question:

How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure...

Jason Voorhees makes me think of a little girl in a pink dress sticking a hot dog through a doughnut.

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

It's episode 80... and you weren't supposed to help her...

The Ring (2002) tells the story of Rachel Keller, a woman who falls foul of a cursed videotape. The curse means that anyone who watches the video tape will die exactly seven days after they see it - and after Rachel's son watches the video too, the race is on to find out what's really going on.

We talk about how quick-fix internet marketing could save your life; the merits of recognising when your behaviour is upsetting wild animals; and the importance of keeping your drains clear of waste foods.

All of which leads to one big question:

How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure...

What is it with podcasts? You take one person's tragedy and force the world to experience it... spread it like sickness.

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

It's episode 79... and possession is nine tenths of the law...

The Exorcist (1973) tells the story of Chris MacNeil, a hollywood actress whose daughter, Regan becomes possessed by a demon. Will enlisting the help of a local priest be enough to save Regan's soul?

We talk about the necessity of stringent diagnostic criteria in modern medicine; the benefits of trusting your colleagues in tense situations; and the importance of listening to experts of all kinds - especially when you've brought them in to do a specific job.

All of which leads to one big question:

How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure...

The power of Christ compels you!

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

It's Valentine's Day, and what better way to celebrate than by watching a mediocre slasher film?

But this is no ordinary episode! To celebrate the official day of lovers around the world, we've invited our better halves onto the show to help us tackle the greatest love story ever told (about a mining village that gets attacked by a rogue miner...)

Normal service resumes tomorrow.

It's episode 78... and we are what we believe we are...

Split (2017) tells the story of Casey. A young girl who is kidnapped along with her two friends by a man calling himself Dennis. It turns out Dennis is one of twenty-three personalities living inside the body of one man, and there could be an even more menacing twenty-fourth personality on the way... Will Casey and her friends escape before it's too late?

We talk about the key principles of controlling a conversation; the benefits of excessive violence against the extremely vulnerable; and (as ever) the importance of sticking to your principles.

All of which leads to one big question:

How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure...

Weren't there those two guys on a podcast a while ago... what were their names?

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

It's episode 77... and no more being kept in the dark...

Under the Shadow (2016) tells the story of Shideh, a young woman trying to protect her daughter during a major barrage attack in the Iran-Iraq War. During the attack, a missile hits their apartment but fails to detonate. A neighbour claims that the bomb brought with it an evil spirit, and Shideh's world is turned upside down...

We talk about the importance of getting your priorities right; a balanced approach to stress-management; and some common sense parenting advice when you find yourself in a warzone.

All of which leads to one big question:

How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure...

The movie is in Farsi, so there's no pithy quote to put here, but according to IMDB the movie was actually shot in Jordan, not Iran. So there.

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.