Hugh Do Hugh Think Hugh Are?

It’s the Soviet Hughnian! America and its best cold war frenemy are forced to team up in this history-adjacent romp about both Nazis and nuclear warfare. A movie we’re dubbing ‘Guy Ritchie’s Sound of Music’, The Man From U.N.C.L.E. features Henry Cavill, the default settings of actors, alongside Armie Hammer, both of them trying to out-unperform one another. Hugh Grant pops up later in the movie to show us what a real hot guy looks like. Does Guy Ritchie understand what a Nazi is? No. Do we understand what an U.N.C.L.E. is? Absolutely not. And just wait for the wrestling scene.

I'm handing in my Hugh Week's Notice! Turns out that while Hugh Grant is devilishly handsome and utterly charming, he's also terrible to work for - classic billionaire bad boy, amiright? In this medium-quality Sandra Bullock vehicle, Hugh will take us on a journey from playboy to playman, showing off his worst hair ever and truly terrible clothing. Lean in, ladies, because we're about to get some lessons in climbing the corporate ladder while also maintaining our principles AND looking darned cute in a ballgown!

Hugh Hugh Hugh! The pirate’s life is for me. Is it though, Hugh? Our lead man plays the least convincing pirate of all time, failing to convince even in animated form as he attempts to claim underdog status while literally being the poshest man ever to have been invented. What do we have here then? Well, we have The Pirates! In An Adventure With Scientists!, one of those subversive, adult-oriented kid movies trying too hard to introduce meta to the young’uns. Martin Freeman, early-ages misogyny and Hugh Grant saying yo. And not even “yo ho ho”

England has been GRANTed a King once more! We're in the Restoration Era for an hour of shagging, drinking and general debauchery, followed by an hour of sanatoriums, plagues and general misery. Art! Puppies! Slack, wet mouths! This movie has it all, plus Meg Ryan doing an Irish accent. Do not watch this movie if you want to enjoy pineapples, history, or the oboe ever again.

Hugh must believe in Spring! That’s right, it’s slightly warmer than it was last week, so in true pod fashion, we watched the most seasonally irrelevant movie possible! Halloween flick The Lair of the White Worm features our main man, plus main man of some other podcast Peter Capaldi. Both of them are bonded by wearing jumpers and dealing with very horny b-flick horror. Is a worm a snake? Other questions will be answered but Robin will mostly worry about this as fangs are grown, spaghetti is eaten and nipples are unveiled. Stupid sexy horror movie!

Would Hugh listen to that? What IS that? Is it the hilarious sound of a delightfully quirky woman living her dreams and belting her heart out to disastrous results, leading to good feelings and general mirth all round? No! It's the sound of an infantilised selfish socialite who has dreams and is annoying and is not funny. And who's that beside her? Is it a man whose pure love sustains her through her twilight years, supporting her to the detriment of his other relationships and bonded to her for all eternity? No! It's a man who makes decisions and statements that make no sense and also is very annoying! Enjoy!

It’s the big one! We’re finally watching ‘About A Boy’, the movie that ultimately catalysed our silly little pod. So excited was Zoe this week that she watched it twice, which is a mere drop in the ocean compared with how many times she’s seen it before. In what we’re dubbing ‘Hugh’s most iconic role’, our leading man plays a disgruntled manbaby trying to gamify his sad little life. Join us as he attempts to have discerning taste (while owning a huge poster that just says ‘jazz’ on it), picks up women at a single parent support group (successfully), and meets a child called Marcus who he doesn’t offer cigarettes to (against type). Will this pathetic but inexplicably sympathetic man ever grow up? Are they gonna be able to shoehorn those 20 mins of romcom in at the end? How the heck did Nicholas Holt end up in Skins? All these questions will be answered as we watch the definitive entry into the “babies doth suck” genre of Hugh movie.

pHughberty, pHughniversity and Hughman dignity are all hot topics in this - what's the opposite of a 'romp'? Sedate walk? Two boys take a gentle turn about their youth as they navigate studying, running the world and falling in love with one another, and it happens so slowly you'd barely notice it. We loved it! Someone hand us a white tie and a punt because we're all in for Maurice and Clive (and Scudder, there's a third boy who appears at some point. Don't worry about it.). Boys!

Makes Hugh think! With the recently deceased and rested in piss 2020 in the rear view, we decided it was the right time to watch ‘Death to 2020’, Charlie Brooker’s attempt at upgrading the TV wipe to something marketable to America. Here we see him write some topic sentences about Trump, compare Nazis to ‘the woke left’, and pull punches whenever he gets too close to actually criticising Boris Johnson. He delivers his jokes via a cavalcade of fictional celebrities and it is just awful, I mean this is your guy? Really? Charlie, you are the dystopia, pal.

Do you know what Hugh expect when Hugh 's expecting? You're about to find out! Expect this fun family romp to teach you about essential facts of life, such as condoms only being 97% effective and how women are always trying to trap men into marriage by getting pregnant, the wily minxes. Expect to enjoy the gentle physical comedy of Robin Williams, and also a giant dinosaur that says 'pussy' a lot. Most of all, expect that once Hugh's expecting he'll turn into a cad and a rotter because he's not allowed to keep his car! Once again Hugh Grant is being forced into a more committed and involved relationship than he's comfortable with - now with babies!