On paper, Ready At Dawn Studio’s new big budget release seems like it should be right up our alley. It’s a plot-focused game with a (seemingly) insane premise, which is basically catnip for us. In practice, it’s actually a boring cliched mess wrapped up in a bundle of desaturated colors and lots of weak filler.

But what is The Order 1886? Well, we thought it was going to be a game about a elite order of nearly immortal knights battling monstrous werewolves in an alt-history Victorian London. But actually, it’s mostly about a bunch of dudes ignoring werewolves and instead shooting poor people (in an alt-history Victorian London).

We had a lot to say about Wolfenstein: The New Order, so much so that we had to split it into our first ever TWO PART EPISODE!

Our game today is one of the best FPSes in recent memory. The New Order manages to excell at both new and interesting elements, while still paying homage to it’s iconic ancestors. We rejoin the original FPS hero, BJ Blazkowicz, as he faces his old enemy, General Deathshead, and the Nazi regime in a whole new arena: THE FUTURE! Well, 1960, but its the future to BJ. Developers MachineGames (who I incorrectly refer to as “Machine Head”) use the new setting and returning characters to tell a surprisingly moving story.

Today’s episode is about a game that represents the platonic ideal of every 80’s/90’s cop films. The plot to this reboot of the Dead to Rights series could easily be a Stallone movie. It makes more sense than Cobra at least! The game follows supercop Jack Slate, pictured above doing bog-standard police work, as he battles gangs, investigates his father’s murder (eventually), and ultimately unravels a deadly conspiracy. He does all this by brutally murdering bikers, Triads, corrupt cops, and even cyborgs (?!).

Oh, did we mention there’s a dog? Because there’s not a dog. Jack’s trusty companion, Shadow, may appear to be a dog, but he is not a dog. No, he is not.

Remember last week when we said we didn’t want to play Dante’s Inferno? Welp!

Dante’s Inferno (2010) is a character action game based on one of the most iconic pieces of classic Italian literature. Developed by Visceral Games, this blood-soaked God of War clone is exactly as respectful to the source material as you’d expect. It also feature’s full frontal nudity from almost every major character, including Satan himself. Not a joke. We talk for over an hour about this crazy mess of a game, and we still barely scratch the surface. So join us as we delve into depravity and despair. Abandon all hope, ye who enter here, and thanks for listening.

In today’s episode, we visit one of Jared’s personal favorite games, Lords of Shadow 2. The third and likely final installment in the Lords of Shadow pseudo-series, this is where MercurySteam’s reimagining of the iconic Castlevania series gets good. And with a premise like “Dracula VS Satan!” how could it be anything less than amazing? Join us as we discuss Robert Carlyle and Patrick Stewart’s wacky adventures in the cyber-goth future.

This week, we delve into the world of horror with this mess of a sequel. The first Condemned was a surprisingly successful launch title for the Xbox 360, and honestly still holds up. Bloodshot, on the other hand…

Join us as we try to make sense of the jumbled plot-line, schizophrenic pacing and general weirdness of this homeless punching simulator. If you can explain the Doll Woman, please feel free to write in, because honestly what is even happening there?

Our first episode is about a little gem called Drakengard, or as it’s known in Japan, Drag-on Dragoon. Released in 2004 for the Playstation 2, Drakengard is basically Dynasty Warriors filtered through the eyes of an absolute psychopath. The plot is so relentlessly dark and dismal that it wraps back around to hilarious. Join us as we discuss what can only be described as Drakengard!