I Am Citizen Abels

Joe Biden, the presumptive Democratic candidate for the United States of America in the 2020 election. Former Vice President to Barack Obama. Former Senator from Delaware. And major gaffer. Major verbal blunderer. Now, Sleepy Joe, as Donald Trump calls him, seems out of it sometimes. Maybe he’s just sleepy.

Most Gen Z kids don’t know anything if you ask Citizen Abels. So, don’t ask him. But lo and behold it seems to The Citizen that young comedian Harrison Friedman in fact does know something – and it’s not just that being the hardest working man in show business since James Brown died is a lofty pursuit; it’s that comedy is a bridge between people. Laughter is the best medicine, and like a great proctologist, Harrison injects humor into life and on stage to get people to see that we’re all pretty

No joking on this episode of “I Am Citizen Abels.” Because The Citizen is asking questions like The Riddler trying to pick up a joker in a downtown bar. And not only is our fearless friend asking questions, he’s asking whether the Chinese government has started a biowar by unleashing the Coronavirus on the Western world. America and the rest of the world may need to wake up.

Our ever-horny and now desperate but determined friend, The Citizen, takes the opportunity in this latest episode of “I Am Citizen Abels” to unbox shaving sampler kits from Dollar Shave Club and Harry’s. The Citizen reveals that his closest shave actually came when he was married – Satan took all of his money but he escaped with his life. The fun aside, Citizen Abels actually shaves on this show – a miracle of sorts for someone who had alopecia (another show to come about that).

In this episode of “I Am Citizen Abels,” recorded on March 16, 2020 during the emerging droplets of the Coronavirus pandemic (just a little levity), The Citizen unboxes the “Complete Lovers Kit” adult toy sampler from his former employer, Adam & Eve. Unwittingly, The Citizen and his mouth and his very talented tongue make the most of the situation to show quite how desperate he is – the poor old fart is beyond freaking horny.

Laughter is the best medicine what ever your grouchy uncle or sister or even doctor says. In this new Top 10 list from The Citizen, our fearless friend tries to inject some levity into the Coronavirus scare with his own special ways to diagnose what might be ailing you. Shit, it’s all going to hell in a handbasket. Might as well have some fun before the Terminator returns.

While everyone knows The Citizen is funny (did you say, funny looking?), The Citizen knows Gen Z punks aren’t. Well, at least most of them. On this episode of “I Am Citizen Abels,” our fearless friend takes on Gen Z punk and comedian, Harrison Friedman. The Citizen rolls out the roasting oven for Harrison until he gets “cancelled” as they say in the stupid comedy clubs the Gen Z crowds go to sip beer and pretend they don’t want to get laid. Oh well, what can you with these dumbasses but laugh? N

The third of a three-part series, this episode of “I Am Citizen Abels” with renown therapist and corporate consultant, Dr. Beatrice Chestnut, reveals information about several of the brain-based Enneagram types. The Citizen and Dr. Chestnut run through each of these types and the Enneagram subtypes. Of course, our friend and pseudo-therapist, The Citizen, finds a way to figure out why he never gets any copays from the crazy women he winds up with. It’s because he’s crazier than they are.

Money, money, money. Show me the money. And that’s true especially as you get older. The American Dream is alive for some. But even for those that have it, sailing through the senior years without illness or disability, without help or care, without worry or fear…well, good freakin’ luck with that. So, on this episode of “I Am Citizen Abels,” The Citizen and friend, Ken Perry, talk about their concerns gettin’ on up there. For our fateful friend, The Citizen, you know his main concern – gettin

Everyone knows The Citizen is a sucker for a good story. Because you know he’s got a million stories and they’re all true.™ So, on this episode of “I Am Citizen Abels,” The Citizen and friend, conspiracy theorist, and true believer, Ken Perry, talk about globalism, the “globalists”, and one of their supposed enemies – Julian Assange. Perry gets some good shots in at a bunch of globalists that many like him are on a constant mission to control the world.