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This episode is an excerpt from the recording session for the audio book version of "The Man, He's Stupid, And The Girl, She's So Bitch: Relationship Wisdom From My Chaldean Mother." Frankie, Cheri and Rachel were reading this excerpt of the book:
Frankie: “Move on? But, Frank, what about this man. I like him.” Okay, but maybe he’s not worth the time it’s taking you to try to screw yourself into some way to be ok with all the shit he does that isn’t working for you.
Cheri: How about, he may not be worth my time.
Frankie: Not worth my time. And you can say to him, “Hey, Man is that really what you want? Is this how you really want to do things? And if that's truly what you want, I'm okay with that, just not with me.”
Cheri: Yeah. As women we have these fallacies, these fantasies of, “Oh, he just needs someone in his life to love him enough and then he will change.”
Frankie: No. Behavior is behavior. It's not you, it's not your character. It's a behavior. It's like doing math. I do math with my left hand, or I do it with my right hand. It’s a behavior. How we do one thing is how we will do everything. If he’s not considerate of you when it comes to time, he’s not considerate of anyone when it comes to time. It’s just how people are. Realizing it has nothing to do with you is so important.
Frankie interrupts to change a comment in the book to "If he’s not considerate of you when it comes to time, he’s not considerate of anyone when it comes to time."
"The way we do anything is the way we do everything."
"If he's late for you I promise you he's late for everybody."
Frankie says she is always on time but she has friends that are not on time and she realizes it has nothing to do with HER, it has to do with them. They are not going to change. Frankie can change knowing they are always late and make their appointment later. Rachel explains she likes being early to sit with herself and think about the next segment of her day ie: "segment intending" because she used to feel like a hamster on a wheel, a long run-on sentence with no periods. Cheri prefers to use that time at home as a ritual to get herself ready. She hates to be late and generally builds in time for the unexpected. Rachel maps out the parking lot where she is going to, she looks up the menu at a restaurant explaining "there are no surprises in my life." Frankie explains she took something from her brother Sam when she was younger but he was pissed because she didn't put it back exactly where she got it from. Sam went on to say if she wants something from him she needs to be early and he'll be on time, she is always early because her brother scared her when she was younger. Frankie says "you must come from the way you operate, some of it is comfort, some of it is completely uncomfortable.
SPINOZA'S GOD QUOTE:
Did you know that when Einstein gave lectures at the numerous US universities he was invited to, the recurring question that students asked him was:
Do you believe in God?
And he always answered:
I believe in the God of Spinoza.
The ones who hadn't read Spinoza didn't understand...
I hope this gem of history, serves you as much as it does me:
(Baruch de Spinoza was a Dutch philosopher considered one of the three great rationalists of 17th-century philosophy, along with René Descartes in France, and Gottfried Leibniz in Germany.)
Here's some of his wisdom:
God would have said:
Stop praying and punching yourself in the chest!
What I want you to do is go out into the world and enjoy your life. I want you to enjoy, sing, have fun and enjoy everything I've made for you.
Stop going to those dark, cold temples that you built yourself and say they are my house! My house is in the mountains, in the woods, rivers, lakes, beaches. That's where I live and there I express my love for you.
Stop blaming me for your miserable life; I never told you there was anything wrong with you or that you were a sinner, or that your sexuality was a bad thing! Sex is a gift I have given you and with which you can express your love, your ecstasy, your joy. So don't blame me for everything they made you believe.
Stop reading alleged sacred scriptures that have nothing to do with me. If you can't read me in a sunrise, in a landscape, in the look of your friends, in your son's eyes... you will find me in no book! Trust me and stop asking me. Would you tell me how to do my job?
Stop being so scared of me. I do not judge you or criticize you, nor get angry, or seek to punish you. I am pure love.
Stop asking for forgiveness, there's nothing to forgive. If I made you... I filled you with passions, limitations, pleasures, feelings, needs, inconsistencies... free will. How can I blame you if you respond to something I put in you? How can I punish you for being the way you are, if I'm the one who made you? Do you think I could create a place to burn all my children who behave badly for the rest of eternity? What kind of God would do that?
Forget any kind of commandments, any kind of laws; those are wiles to manipulate you, to control you, that only create guilt in you.
Respect your peers and don't do what you don't want for yourself. All I ask is that you pay attention in your life, that your consciousness is your guide.
My beloved, this life is not a test, not a step, not a rehearsal, nor a prelude to paradise. This life is the only thing that exists here and now, and it is all you need.
I have set you absolutely free, no prizes or punishments, no sins or virtues... no one carries a marker, no one keeps a record.
You are absolutely free to create in your life heaven or hell.
I could tell you if there's anything after this life, but I won't... but I can give you a tip. Live as if there is nothing after... as if this is your only chance to enjoy, to love, to exist.
So, if there's nothing, then you will have enjoyed the opportunity I gave you. And if there is, rest assured that I won't ask if you behaved right or wrong, I'll ask. Did you like it? Did you have fun? What did you enjoy the most? What did you learn?...
Stop believing in me; believing is assuming, guessing, imagining. I don't want you to believe in me... I want you to feel me in you when you kiss your beloved, when you tuck in your little girl, when you caress your dog, when you bathe in the sea.
Stop praising me, what kind of egomaniac God do you think I am?
I'm bored being praised, I'm tired of being thanked. Feeling grateful? Prove it by taking care of yourself, your health, your relationships, the world. Express your joy!... that's the way to praise me.
Stop complicating things and repeating as a parakeet what you've been taught about me.
The only thing for sure is that you are here, that you are alive, and that this world is full of wonders.
What do you need more miracles for? Why so many explanations?
Look for me outside... you won't find me. Find me inside... there I am beating within you.
Spinoza.