I Hate It, Let’s Watch It

Run -- don't walk -- to your nearest CCC store because their latest Super Shaper jeans are (literally) JUMPING off the shelves! If you want to get your hands on (or eaten by) these GMO masterpieces, you'd better be first in line for the exclusive launch event that will definitely NOT turn into a bloodbath faster than you can say "end stage capitalism." On the surface, Slaxx looks like it's just your average movie about killer pants, but it has an important message about child labor and holding onto grudges so hard, everyone forgets the message. Welcome to spooky season! Come join us as we debrief this wild ride about haunted jeans!

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It's the finale you've all been waiting for, and we can honestly say, we did NOT see that one coming. We've talked about some horrible fathers on this podcast, but William might just take "Dad of the Year" for this bullshit. Thanks for coming on this mini-journey with us! Everyone stay safe out there and wash your goddamn pillows.

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So far, the most unbelievable part of this Netflix miniseries that asks us to accept that a father would have no issue seducing his daughter-in-law-to-be is that no one seems to have noticed that said father is acting SUSPICIOUS AF. It's only getting worse the closer we get to the end, and you know what, maybe everyone deserves what they get at this point for being so freakin' stupid. Will Jay and Anna make it down the aisle? Does William's dick explode and kill everyone around him before the secret is exposed? Does anyone get to have a happy ending?? Join us next week for the final part of OBSESSION and let's find out together!

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Warning: This episode contains discussions of nonconsensual sex acts perpetrated on a decorative pillow. If that's not convincing enough for you to tune in, we're not sure there's anything else we can say.

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If you thought Riverdale was the show with the absolute WORST parents, we invite you to come along on THIS ride with us. The first episode of Netflix's miniseries Obsession features one deeply unhinged father and his wildly inappropriate fixation on his son's girlfriend, and that's all we care to say about it here because you really have to get into this one with us to experience the full BANANAS effect.

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While we might not be sad to see the end of Season 7, we feel a bit differently about the end of Riverdale as a whole. It's a show that sparked our podcast and our friendship, and even though the last couple of seasons have been rough, the bad moments don't erase the good. Riverdale was never able to recapture the magic of those first couple of seasons -- in fact, it seemed to get further and further away from its own heart -- but man, it was a WILD ride and definitely gave us something to talk about. This one is especially for all you loyalists out there like us who stuck with this runaway train all the way to hell and back. Goodbye, Riverdale, and thank you for everything.

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With only two chances left to make things right, this penultimate episode of Riverdale takes a gigantic step back, right off a cliff. Despite this 7th season being set up from the beginning as a quest to return to the present day Riverdale we know and love(ish), Tabitha comes back to crush that dream and condemn us all to a finale in the 50s. With seemingly no more Barchie vs. Varchie, no more adult baby Anthony, and no more Foni/Kevin/Cheryl love quadrangle, what even is the point?? We're holding out the tiniest sliver of hope that the finale can answer that question and assure us that we haven't wasted our time. Don't miss our finale episode coming out next Friday, September 1st! We'll obviously discuss the Season 7 finale, but we'll also take you down memory lane a la Angel Tabitha and talk about some of the great moments, some of the worst moments, and Dawn will probably cry. It's time to close the chapter, and we're ready to turn the page.

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As they say, it's a numbers game, and this week, Riverdale finally gave us something worth talking about. It took 18 episodes, but For A Better Tomorrow reminds us of exactly why we are still here watching this train wreck so many years later. Crazy plot twists, unfathomably complicated conspiracy schemes, and the glue that holds this whole town together -- PALLADIUM. It's all there, and we love to see it. If you're like us and have been missing that classic I-don't-know-what-the-fuck-is-going-on-but-I-love-it Riverdale feeling, you'll enjoy this nostalgic reminder of why we watch.

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Riverdale really be testing us with a Veronica-centric episode this close to the end. Not to mention Archie's apple-based seduction, the return of Vughead (barf), and our weekly reminder that Fangs needs to get famous in a hurry. Our only shining light here is an unexpected partnership between Betty and Cheryl with each one helping the other to embrace their sexuality. Enjoy our short and sweet recap which is surely a better use of your time than actually watching Season 7's slow death. Only three episodes to go!!!

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It's a Dawn & Lisa Double Digest for this week's episode of Riverdale recapping! Hot button issues include the questionable selection of judges for a beauty pageant featuring teenage girls, Alice's wildly (if not consistently) unethical parenting strategies, a rogue musical number, and the unwelcome resurrection of Vughead. Join us as we continue to ignore anything remotely important or plot-worthy and instead focus on the insipid drivel of high school students because that's just where we're at these days.

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