I Learned Nothing

Pat was seeking enlightenment so Ben brought in an expert. John Rabon joins Ben as our first guest to explain Zen, living in the moment and resisting the lures of pleasure. Ben and John enlighten Pat by explaining the history of Buddhism, its ultimate goal of eliminating all desire, and how an unhealthy obsession with immediate gratification and the pursuit of pleasure leads to unhappiness and lack of fulfillment. Buddha would know because Buddha smashed.

Pat was feeling ambitious so he wanted to tackle one of the greats: German philosopher & weird virgin Immanuel Kant. Ben explains Kant's whole mission to Pat, which was basically to lay out a comprehensive, scientific theory of how we know things. He did this by reconciling the two competing theories of knowledge at the time: Rationalism vs. Empiricism. This was an insane thing to attempt, even for a huge nerd like Kant, which may explain why he never left his hometown and never, ever got laid. Pat also advances the theory that Kant's weirdness came from having a super hot mom. Who knows?

Pat was feeling oppressed so he recruits his revolutionary friend Ben to teach him about class struggle, revolution, and the man behind it all: Big Bad Karl Marx. Pat learns about the dialectical march of history, alienation, and why you shouldn't get your leftist rhetoric from teenagers screaming on the Internet. In this episode, we also get a brief cameo from Pat's roommate, Jay, but you probably won't hear him because he wasn't mic'd. Join the DSA! We have nothing to lose but our chains!

Pat is obsessed with trains & trolleys. So, to keep Pat engaged, Ben explains The Trolley Problem, a famous ethical dilemma, while teaching Pat the difference between right and wrong. In this very special episode, Pat and Ben discuss deep ideas like actions, culpability and consequences. They also uncover a sinister cabal of philosophers, led by Judith Jarvis Thompson, whose only goal is to murder the nation's obese people using a vast network of trains.

Pat was curious about Schrodinger's Cat, the famous thought experiment developed by Nobel Prize winning pervert Erwin Schrödinger. Schrödinger's Cat explores the insane metaphysical implications of quantum theory, so Ben had to start off by teaching Pat advanced theoretical physics before explaining how this cat has been fucking with our understanding of reality for years. We also discuss why this involves the ritual torture of household pets and beating off. Tim the Cat listens in horror.