One day they're in diapers; the next they're nervously picking up their first date, standing on the doorstep with sweaty palms because they're about to meet the parents. You, meanwhile, are sitting behind the wheel of the car trying not to stare. No, you're not stalking your child. You're actually the chauffeur because someone has to give these 13-year-olds a ride to the movies!

You read that right. Dating at 13. It may be hard to believe but before you know it that sweet child of your loins will disappear into a hormonal pile of yearning and frantic text messaging until the big event itself: The first date. Then there's a second. And, as the third date comes barreling down the tracks, suddenly the soundtrack of your mind is all Marvin Gaye singing "Let's Get It On" over and over and over again. What is happening here? This is not your beautiful life!!

That's when you understand that there MUST BE RULES—all kinds of rules—and you have no clue where to start. That's why you have us. We've already made all the mistakes a parent can make while navigating the dating years. We've got you. Ready to roll?

Links
World Wide Words website: What in the world does "bated breath" mean, anyway?
YouTube: Trailer for Moonrise Kingdom

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Parenting in normal times is hard enough, but then you add in a little pandemic, a three-state inferno, political division the likes we've never seen, deadly policing, and for a little kick how about the start of a new school year with, yet again, distance learning and no one around to supervise. In the words of our current favorite meme:

"At this point, if a clown invited me into the woods I would just go."

Since that's not an option, couples are turning to an age-old response to stress. Fighting. Or, as we call it this week, Quarantine Quarreling.

We're bringing insight, a few coping strategies and, as always, lots of laughs to this week's episode. So go ahead. Put in your ear phones, tune out your spouse (sorry, spouse, sometimes it just has to be done) and join us for 60 minutes of zero arguing!

Links
NPR: Zoom Towns and the New Housing Market for the 2 Americas
New York Times article: How to End Pandemic Fights With Your Partner

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It all started with Baby Cha-Cha. That creepy little dancing baby was the first modern meme and made its splash on Ally McBeal waaaay back in 1998. Nope. We're not kidding. 1998.

We could never have imagined how that little meme would jump from television to the internet and spawn today's teenage digital language. Let's be honest: teens can have an entire in-person conversation with each other by sharing memes back and forth and never uttering a single word. It's a fricken' mystery.

On this week's episode, we unpack the memes that started it all and the head-scratching inventions our teens are currently chewing on. Oh, and we laugh until we cry. We invite you to join us and try it yourself. It. Feels. Great.

Links
Amazon link to our new favorite game: Catch Phrase
YouTube video: Ally McBeal Dancing Baby
YouTube video: Star Wars Kid
KnowYourMeme: Rick Rolling


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Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Mommy’s new boyfriend.

Mommy's new boyfr– wait. Whut??!! 

It’s our 40th show—the Ruby episode—and we are celebrating with a topic hand-selected by one of our OG PodSquad listeners! How in the world do you introduce your children to a new love interest?

Let’s get real. Dating after divorce is a bit of a minefield. And that’s on a good day. Throw in kids, however, and suddenly the landscape becomes shrouded in an I-don’t-know-what-the-hell-I’m-doing-mist. 

When to let your kids meet the person you’re dating is just the first complicated decision you’ll face. Should the new love of your life spend the night? What role should they play in your family life? And when do you tell your ex about the interloper into his or her child’s life? Most people would rather poke their eye out with a fork than call up the ex with THAT news. 

We have insight. We have experience. AND we have our first bona fide guest on the show this week! It’s a good one so pop in your ear buds and get ready to listen as we drop a little divorce drama on I Shouldn't Have Had Kids.

Links
Divorce Mag blog: How to introduce your children to your new special friend
Divorce Mag blog: Introducing your kids to a new partner
Portland Press Herald: Ex Etiquette
Website for a little sleuthing: People Check

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When the social media platform NextDoor came on the scene, it seemed perfect. It provided a place for people to connect locally, share neighborhood information, and look out for one another. You know, a total love-they-neighbor kind of opportunity.

But that Nirvana was short-lived. The platform has slowly devolved into a bickering, mean-spirited place for people to shout at each other in all caps, compete for the snarkiest comment award, turn any and all conversations into a political rant. It literally begs you to pour a glass of wine and curl up to watch the slugfest—unless of course, Fluffy goes missing. Then it's all hands on deck and everyone agrees that all cat lives matter. 

On this episode we share the good, the bad, and the ugly as we deconstruct a NextDoor bickerfest about whether or not there should be sex education in our schools. We would venture to bet that 80% of the people you’re about to hear from are 70 and older, with no kids in the house anymore!

Links
Smithsonian Magazine: The real story of Pocahantas
Social Media Platform: NextDoor
Washington Post Article: The cost of an unwanted pregnancy

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There is little a parent can do when it comes to teen love. You can't pick your child's crush because that would just be weird. And if you don't like said crush, well, you're out of luck on that one, too. No teen wants to hear a parent's criticism of their heart's true desire.

About the only thing you can do when your teen has their first crush—or the next one or the next one or the one after that—is to be ready for the rare occasion when they ask your advice about how to handle love gone awry. Even when asked, you can rest assured they'll only listen to you about half the time. 

But one thing is certain. When love ends in loss, they'll come running to you for support while they lick their wounds and figure out if life is worth living. That's when you grab a decedent dessert, listen with love, and cap it all off with a little Titanic to let your son or daughter know that things could be worse. Much, much worse.

When it comes to puppy love and loss, we've done some things right and some things very, very wrong. The end result is the same, however. We learn from where we've screwed up, celebrate the wins, and share it all with you!

Show Link
Randy Rainbow on YouTube: KAMALA! (sung to the tune of Camelot!)
Greatest Showman song on YouTube: This Is Me with Keala Settle, the bearded lady
YouTube video: Donny Osmond sings Puppy Love

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Back to school hasn't changed much for decades. The styles have been updated, but the old standbys still mark the start of a new year:

• Dixon Ticonderoga #2 pencils
• A 3-ring binder
• Glue sticks
• A lunchbox
• 2 Masks
• A case of hand sanitizer

Wait. Whut?

This year's back-to-school shopping list looks a lot different for anyone going to school in person—and so does school itself.

Whether your kids are online or in-person at the start of school, back to school 2020 is going to look like no other. Join us as we remember the glory days and then scratch our heads over just what in the world is going to happen this year—to kids, their parents, and the teachers. Buckle up everyone, this is going to be some kind of ride.

Oh, and one other thing: Do they still use horses to make Elmer's Glue?

Show Links

• YouTube video: Childersburg principal Can't Touch This parody
• Etsy shop: Pee-Chee sweatshirt
• HypeBeast article: Pee-Chee art fundraiser for Black Lives Matter
• The Holderness Family YouTube: Baby Got Class

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You are a parenting ninja. You know it. Your friends know it. And, someday, your children will know it, too.

So you're feeling a little cocky one day, throwing down wisdom you feel sure will shape your little darling into an amazing human being, when all of a sudden, BAM!!

The tables turn. You become the student, and the 9-year-old standing in front of you, the receptacle into which you pour your knowledge and experience much as Yoda does with Master Luke, has become the teacher. Unexpectedly, you've just been handed a lesson from the crib.

This week, we talk about the fact that we learn as much from our kids as they learn from us. It's a symbiotic relationship—think Nemo and the sea anemone. They help each other. They grow because of each other. We do the same with our kids.

And when it comes to the symbiosis between parent and child, I think we both know who plays the clown fish. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming.

Show Links

• CNBC Story: Dr. Faucci's baseball cards bringing in a cool $10K
• YouTube Proof! Boston Whalers are unsinkable
• Entertainment Weekly celebrates 15 Emmy nominations for Schitt's Creek

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You spend nine months nesting, making your everything just right so that your beautiful newborn will know, from the very beginning, that home will always be the safe place.

Then, 18 years later, that little chick you've been loving and coddling and providing for graduates and you burst with pride. Next stop: Leaving home. And then it happens. Your beautiful child morphs into a surly, argumentative and disrespectful pain in the ass. We call it soiling the nest. 

If you're not familiar with the term "soiling the nest", you've probably never graduated a high school senior preparing to start college, never had kids, or are one of the lucky few whose son or daughter is a mature, well-adjusted teen. It's what kids do to make saying goodbye to their childhood home and life as they know it a little less painful, a little less scary. 

This year, teens across America are continuing the age-old tradition of being difficult (and sometimes downright obnoxious) in preparation for the transition. Parents are doing their part by becoming ever-more controlling and clingy. This parent-child dance that often happens when a fledgling is about to fly the coop makes it easier for everyone to let go. 

Everything is different in 2020, however, as families come to accept that there may not be a move-in day, a tearful good-bye at the curb, or mom's ugly crying over the baby book once she gets home. It's pandemic parenting in our new reality. Your freshman is home for the foreseeable future. 

Now where the hell is the wine?

With so many kids stuck at home, every parent under the sun is looking for ways to keep them entertained. Hold our beer.

We're talking games this week–from Minecraft to Ms. Pacman, Racing Demons to Poker–and everything in between. What keeps your kids entertained? Which games did you love growing up? And which games have you hiding in the basement so you don't have to play?

If ever there was a time to stock the game closet, it's right now; because in the words of the House of Stark, "Winter is coming." Who are we kidding? It's already here.

Links

• The author of "Love You Forever" sings the book's song
• How to play Racing Demons, the world's best family card game
• The baby fish mouth scene from "When Harry Met Sally"

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