I Shouldn't Have Had Kids

It starts out so innocently.

Your baby boy or girl joins a team of 5-year-olds running onto the soccer field and chasing down a ball for the sheer joy of it. Before you know it, however, you are shelling out bank for private lessons, equipment, fees, and an airline ticket to some ball field in Arizona, hoping that a big athletic scholarship is in your superstar's future.

What in god's name has happened to kids' sports?!

We share all the mistakes we've made encouraging our kids to chase the proverbial gold ring in every sports arena known to mankind—soccer and baseball fields, basketball courts, and swimming pools are just the tip of the iceberg. And we answer the question, once and for all, of how our 6' 8" son could make it through high school and not be a baller. Hint: It all started with a bad coach.

Links

• YouTube Hilarity: Every High School Sports Parent
• Kent Murphy on YouTube (LANGUAGE): Bunting with Kent Murphy

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Instagram @ishouldnthavehadkids
Facebook ishouldnthavehadkids
Twitter @SHHKids

Or, email us :)
[email protected]

Find all episodes of I Shouldn't Have Had Kids wherever you get your podcasts
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Kids hear "no" from the time they can reach out and rip an earring out of mommy's ear until the night they ask an adult to buy them alcohol for the senior prom. Who knew it was all training for the biggest "no" of them all?

"No, honey, you can't have a social life during a pandemic." Ouch.

It's time to be firm. Telling your kids "no" teaches them boundaries, respect, responsibility, and—these days—how to be a good citizen and help protect the lives of people they will never meet. Nobody ever said parenting was easy.

If you're a bit of a pushover in the "no" department, it's time for an intervention from the irreverent hosts of your favorite comedy parenting podcast. We have stories. We have life hacks. And, as always, we have wine.


Links

• An Associated Press story: Masks Don’t Decrease Oxygen Levels
• ABC News: Woman has a fit in a Trader Joe’s When Asked to Mask Up
• YouTube Video: Dallas Shopper Melts Down When Asked to Mask Up

Follow us on social media!
Instagram @ishouldnthavehadkids
Facebook ishouldnthavehadkids
Twitter @SHHKids

Or, email us :)
[email protected]

Find all episodes of I Shouldn't Have Had Kids wherever you get your podcasts
Buzzsprout
Apple Podcasts
Spotify

Riddle me this Batman: Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

The world has produced incredible kids' cartoons and live action shows over the years: Mr. Rogers, Avatar, Sesame Street, She-Ra, and the like. They are shows that inform, entertain, educate, break the mold, and make us think differently about the world.

Caillou is not one of them.

That whiny little turd and his 30-minute animated show top our list of crappy kids' shows this week in a salute to the good, the bad, and the ones that tried but really missed the mark in children's programming. We're looking at you, Barney.

If you need a laugh, you're in the right place. As long as you don't come looking for parenting expertise, we got you!

Links
New York Times article: History of Pride
YouTube video: Mr. Rogers meets a boy in a wheelchair
YouTube video: Mr Rogers is inducted into the TV Hall of Fame

Follow us on social media!
Instagram @ishouldnthavehadkids
Facebook ishouldnthavehadkids
Twitter @SHHKids

Or, email us :)
[email protected]

Find all episodes of I Shouldn't Have Had Kids wherever you get your podcasts
Buzzsprout
Apple Podcasts
Spotify

How can it be that children around the world—especially siblings—argue about the same things, over and over and over again? Do these fight starters sound familiar?

"I call shot-gun!"
"Heyyyyy. You ate the last cookie!"
"You're looking at me. Why are you looking at me?!"
"That's my sweater. Did you take my sweater from my closet? Mom!!!!"
"Give me the remote. It's my turn to pick."
"Mom!! She won't come out of the bathroom. She's been in there FOREVER!"
"Stop breathing my air!"

When your kids get into it, and hiding in the closet with a glass of wine doesn't work, we suggest you simply look your darling son or daughter in the eye and say, "I know you are, but what am I?"

Of course, you can always do the adult thing and act like a parent. This week, Bonnie and Ellen share their tricks for resolving arguments in the name of peace—both at home and in the world.


Links:
NPR Story: LGBTQ Supreme Court Ruling
A Black Father’s Letter to his Son at Amazon: Between the World and Me
Book about Mass Incarceration at Amazon: The New Jim Crow
Children’s Book on Amazon: Love Makes a Family
CNN Business Story: Band-Aid’s Multi-Color Product
Article on VeryWellMind: How to Practice Active Listening
The Gottman Institute: Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse

Follow us on social media!
Instagram @ishouldnthavehadkids
Facebook ishouldnthavehadkids
Twitter @SHHKids

Or, email us :)
[email protected]

Find all episodes of I Shouldn't Have Had Kids wherever you get your podcasts
Buzzsprout
Apple Podcasts
Spotify

"I promise I'll feed it and walk it and scoop poop—whatever you want me to do. Puh-leeeeeze, mom!?!"

So begins the everyday saga of parents folding when a child begs for a pet. You know the rest of the story, don't you? That's right. The only people doing the feeding, walking and scooping are the parents.

Pet peeves. It's a parental right-of-passage, whether said pet is a guinea pig, a snake, a cat, a dog, or—god forbid—a ferret. All species have fallen victim to the overpromising and underperforming of kids who swear up and down they'll be responsible pet owners. If there is anything that will make you mutter, "I shouldn't have had kids," it's getting up at 5 a.m. to the yakking of a sick dog who's left a little surprise just for you and your bare feet.

Links
YouTube: The cast of Schitt's Creek sings Hero
YouTube: Attack of the banty roosters!

Find all episodes of I Shouldn't Have Had Kids wherever you get your podcasts
Buzzsprout
Apple Podcasts
Spotify

Follow us on social media!
Instagram @ishouldnthavehadkids
Facebook ishouldnthavehadkids
Twitter @SHHKids

Or, email us :)
[email protected]

Ahhhh, high school graduation. Senior skip day. Signing yearbooks. Commencement pranks. Celebrating with family and friends. Parties (the kind with grandma as well as the kind with a keg). Saying goodbye to friends, teachers, mentors and childhood.

Then there's graduation 2020. Damn you, coronavirus!

This week we share funny graduation stories and audacious pranks from the years before quarantine. You can expect bare butts on stage, a grandma flipping off the entire commencement audience, and a shout-out to everyone's favorite graduate, Ben Dover.

Here's to you, Class of 2020. We salute your effort, perseverance, and never-say-die approach to launching during lockdown!

Links
Ta-Nehisi Coates’s book on race will blow your mind: Between the World and Me
Robin DiAngelo's book invites introspection and honesty: White Fragility
Steve Carell is hilarious in Space Force: The Four-Star General's version of Kokomo
Lola invites us all to make a difference in the November Election: Adopt-A-State

Find all episodes wherever you get your podcasts
Buzzsprout
Apple Podcasts
Spotify

Follow us on social media!
Instagram @ishouldnthavehadkids
Facebook ishouldnthavehadkids
Twitter @SHHKids

Or, email us :)
[email protected]

Goodnight Moon. Secret handshakes. Saturday morning waffles. Every family has traditions that help define its culture. Ours has been defined, in part, by an annual, multi-family camp-out in the San Juan Islands.

TBH, the kayaking, crabbing, campfires, sing-a-longs and potlucks on an island floating in the Northwest waters of the Pacific Ocean is ridiculously idyllic—as long as the children aren't falling into the fire while roasting marshmallows, the driftwood forts aren't crashing in on the kids who built them, and the parents don't have one too many glasses of scotch.

We promise you'll laugh when you come along for the (ferry) ride with us to Spencer Spit—and be reminded that what's most important in our lives is connecting with the ones we love. If ever there was a time to lean into that idea, it's right now.

Links
YouTube Video from "I Married an Ax Murderer": Mike Meyers' poem "Woman"
SNL YouTube Video: More Cow Bell!
Tigger's Favorite Childhood Book on Amazon: My Father's Dragon

Find all episodes wherever you get your podcasts
Buzzsprout
Apple Podcasts
Spotify

Follow us on social media!
Instagram @ishouldnthavehadkids
Facebook ishouldnthavehadkids
Twitter @SHHKids

Or, email us :)
[email protected]

Do you know a parental one upper? You know, the parent whose kid is a little faster, a little smarter, or a little more talented than anyone else's? It's the parent who truly believes that her own child's s**t doesn't stink, even though everyone else in the room is like, "Ew! What's that smell?!"

We call this condition Parentitis, an infection plaguing nearly all first-time parents. Most of us outgrow it, especially when child #2 comes along, but we all know at least one parent who is certain that their child is a progeny: the next Einstein, Megan Rapinoe, or Bill Gates. Left unchecked, parentitis can transform otherwise delightful parents into someone intent on keeping up with the Joneses: touting potty training achievements, pushing too hard on their kids to succeed, and becoming a sideline screamer parent at ball games.

We know parents like that. We don't really like parents like that. Hell, we've been parents like that! And we're ready to dish. 

This week's competitive parenting episode was inspired by the 1960s jingle for Ken L Ration dog food, "My dog's better than your dog."

LInks
Czech Republic Face Mask YouTube Video: I Protect You. You Protect Me.

Find all episodes wherever you get your podcasts
Buzzsprout
Apple Podcasts
Spotify

Follow us on social media!
Instagram @ishouldnthavehadkids
Facebook ishouldnthavehadkids
Twitter @SHHKids

Or, email us :)
[email protected]

Parenting is hard, sure, but mostly because kids sometimes do the dumbest things!

This week, stories from grown-ass adults who did things when they were young that are at least as questionable as the stunts their own children pull. Give a listen and you'll be entertained with stories about playing "hide-and-seek" with a would-be molester, nearly starting the house on fire telling ghost stories, and pulling pretzels out the nose! It's just the kind of distraction you need from today's god awful headlines!

Take a break from COVID–19, the quarantine blues, and the crazy that your life has become when you put in a pair of headphones and press play on I Shouldn't Have Had Kids. Go ahead. You deserve some "you time" with Bonnie and Ellen and their comedy parenting podcast.

Links
YouTube Video: Who Wears Short Shorts?

Find all episodes of I Shouldn't Have Had Kids wherever you get your podcasts
Buzzsprout
Apple Podcasts
Spotify

Follow us on social media!
Instagram @ishouldnthavehadkids
Facebook ishouldnthavehadkids
Twitter @SHHKids

Or, email us :)
[email protected]

Sneaking out of the house is a rite of passage for lots of teens. And they'll tell you that it's as easy as 1-2-3.

Step 1: Slip out of bed and use an extra blanket to create a "body" under the bed covers.

Step 2: Army crawl out your bedroom door, down the hall and out the front door, steering clear of squeaky floorboards.

Step 3: Quietly close the front door behind you. Then, run like hell.

This week, Bonnie and Ellen rummage through their own teen years to detail sneaking out and coming face-to-face with a Russian sailor, a prostitute ring, and the bright glare of a police officer's flashlight.

Links
Quarantined female celebrities throw down on YouTube: SS Bitch Fight Challenge
Meryl Streep, Christine Baranski and Audra McDonald sing Sondheim in their PJs: The Ladies Who Lunch

Find all episodes of I Shouldn't Have Had Kids wherever you get your podcasts
Buzzsprout
Apple Podcasts
Spotify

Follow us on social media!
Instagram @ishouldnthavehadkids
Facebook ishouldnthavehadkids
Twitter @SHHKids

Or, email us :)
[email protected]