I Thought I Was Over This

On this episode of I Thought I Was Over This, I share personal experiences with grief and suffering, offering insights and tips on how to effectively communicate with those who are going through difficult times. From the importance of authentic conversation to the use of healing cards, we discuss various approaches to supporting those dealing with trauma or illness. Along the way, I offer anecdotes of what not to say, especially to a person or family experiencing the aggressiveness of cancer. Join us as we explore how to create space for those struggling with grief and trauma, and how to offer words of comfort that truly help instead of hinder.

Key Moments:

[00:03:26] Acknowledging and processing pain is necessary when dealing with grief, rather than ignoring or overriding it. Comments like "You're strong, you'll get through this" may not be helpful. Caring is more important than finding the right words to say.

[00:05:31] Unprocessed grief can lead to ignoring other people's pain, so it's important to know your own history with grief before trying to offer comfort.

[00:13:42] I share a story about a friend who died from cancer and read a post from her about accepting comfort during her illness.

[00:16:19] We ponder how to handle conversations regarding cancer with a focus on responding with authenticity and empathy toward the other person's pain, especially using Christian language. I advocate for asking how to help and offering support as a gift.

[00:24:01] Cards from friends bring hope, laughter, and encouragement; their heartfelt words were appreciated the most by Dr. Beth Fletcher Brokaw.

[00:28:16] Avoid offering silver linings or biblical scriptures out of context.

Resources mentioned: 

• A Teenage Perspective - When Cancer Shows Up and Changes Everything: Sofia Montiel's Grief Story [Grief Series 2]
• Treasures in Ashes: Twin Discoveries From A Cancer Journey Dr. Beth Fletcher Brokaw and Anne Fletcher Grizzle
• Blog post by Keely Chace

Check out past episodes and more information here: https://www.drkimber.net/podcast-info

Please remember that this podcast is not a replacement for treatment by a healthcare or mental health professional.  This content is created for education and entertainment purposes only.

Join 'A Moment of Pause' Newsletter: https://drkimber.activehosted.com/f/5

Fierce + Gentle Retreats - fiercegentleretreats.com

Connect with Dr. Kimber:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr_kimber/
About My Work: https://www.drkimber.net

Fierce Gentle Community: https://www.drkimber.net/fierce-gentle

Book: Still: Making A Whole When Parts Go Missing

Pause episodes are designed to enhance the connection between your mind and body, promoting reset and presence in any circumstance.

This episode is sponsored by Still: Making A Whole When Parts Go Missing, which is a resource for those suffering the loss of a baby during pregnancy. 

Today we will focus on becoming aware of one's body and getting grounded in order to cope with stress and any sort of overwhelm. 

In this episode we:

1. Get grounded
2. Practice breathing exercises
3. Identify what is most important 
4. Self-hug
5. Practice the Voo Breath
6. Feel reset in the face of any circumstance

Check out past episodes and more information here: https://www.drkimber.net/podcast-info

Please remember that this podcast is not a replacement for treatment by a healthcare or mental health professional.  This content is created for education and entertainment purposes only.

Join 'A Moment of Pause' Newsletter: https://drkimber.activehosted.com/f/5

Fierce + Gentle Retreats - fiercegentleretreats.com

Connect with Dr. Kimber:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr_kimber/
About My Work: https://www.drkimber.net

Fierce Gentle Community: https://www.drkimber.net/fierce-gentle

Book: Still: Making A Whole When Parts Go Missing

Pause episodes are designed to enhance the connection between your mind and body, promoting reset and presence in any circumstance. The timing of this episode is to help mothers grieving the loss of children, people who have lost their mothers and feel intense grief, as well as people who grieve they aren't closer to their mothers and feel that weighty reality around Mother's Day.

This episode is sponsored by Still: Making A Whole When Parts Go Missing, which is a resource for those suffering the loss of a baby during pregnancy. 

Today we will focus on becoming aware of one's body and increasing resilience for coping with stress and grief.

In this episode we:

1. Get grounded
2. Speak "I'm alive"
3. Imagine what safe feels like
4. Use our senses
5. Practice movement as grounding

Check out past episodes and more information here: https://www.drkimber.net/podcast-info

Please remember that this podcast is not a replacement for treatment by a healthcare or mental health professional.  This content is created for education and entertainment purposes only.

Join 'A Moment of Pause' Newsletter: https://drkimber.activehosted.com/f/5

Fierce + Gentle Retreats - fiercegentleretreats.com

Connect with Dr. Kimber:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr_kimber/
About My Work: https://www.drkimber.net

Fierce Gentle Community: https://www.drkimber.net/fierce-gentle

Book: Still: Making A Whole When Parts Go Missing

In this episode, we will be mostly standing, but if you prefer sitting, you can sit. Remember that you can do whatever you want here, and the idea is to have some tools that you can use to distract yourself from destructive thought patterns.

Our internal harsh judge has a habit of thinking that we are omnipotent and omniscient, and it starts berating us from a pretty simple perspective, which is that everything is our fault. This negative filter is not sophisticated and cannot help us create a story that holds the complexity of the issues.

Therefore, distraction is a fantastic thing that we can use to change our filter and the way we filter information through. Neuroscience has shown that distraction is the way to change our filter and create a story that holds the complexity of the issues.

The first step is to notice when we are thinking negative thoughts and then distract ourselves from them. There are several cognitive behavioral techniques that we can try, but the idea is not to find something that works all the time but to have some tools that we can use.

In this episode we: 

1. Discuss Mindful Movement
2. Movement Exercise
3. Breath Exercise
4. Tapping Exercise
5. Dancing

At the end of this episode, you will likely find yourself more grounded and regulated. If not, repeat. It means your body needs more time. Do not let the harsh judge tell you that you've failed. You are a sacred being. You matter. You are resourceful. Don't forget that.

Check out past episodes and more information here: https://www.drkimber.net/podcast-info

Please remember that this podcast is not a replacement for treatment by a healthcare or mental health professional.  This content is created for education and entertainment purposes only.

Join 'A Moment of Pause' Newsletter: https://drkimber.activehosted.com/f/5

Fierce + Gentle Retreats - fiercegentleretreats.com

Connect with Dr. Kimber:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr_kimber/
About My Work: https://www.drkimber.net

Fierce Gentle Community: https://www.drkimber.net/fierce-gentle

Book: Still: Making A Whole When Parts Go Missing

Complex emotions and experiences are a part of grief and loss. Whether you are in the midst of grieving or supporting a loved one through their journey, finding healing and peace during this difficult time is crucial.

In this episode, I discuss the complex internal roadmaps of grief and examine how it does not follow any one predictable path. Grief needs space and time to be integrated and it can show up unexpectedly. To prepare for events likely to bring grief to the surface, I talk about the importance of journaling and paying attention to important milestones, not just the day of death.

I also explore the five stages of grief, finding meaning in grief, and allowing yourself to experience and express your emotions fully, with the goal of helping listeners find healing and peace during a challenging time.

Resources mentioned:

Still: Making A Whole When Parts Go Missing: https://www.drkimber.net/books

The Five Stages of Grief (from On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross)

The Five Stages of Grief by Linda Pastan

Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief by David Kessler

Preparation (Article from The Sun Magazine)

Check out past episodes and more information here: https://www.drkimber.net/podcast-info

Please remember that this podcast is not a replacement for treatment by a healthcare or mental health professional.  This content is created for education and entertainment purposes only.

Join 'A Moment of Pause' Newsletter: https://drkimber.activehosted.com/f/5

Fierce + Gentle Retreats - fiercegentleretreats.com

Connect with Dr. Kimber:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr_kimber/
About My Work: https://www.drkimber.net

Fierce Gentle Community: https://www.drkimber.net/fierce-gentle

Book: Still: Making A Whole When Parts Go Missing

Pause episodes aim to improve the connection between your mind and body. It will help you reset and get present no matter the circumstances. We practice mindfulness and mental focus, which have been found to improve the blood flow in the left hemisphere of the brain. These episodes are identified by the white raven on the podcast cover art, and each episode addresses a different topic to assist you in practicing being settled and grounded.

In this episode, I share some valuable insights on how to cope with the feelings of trauma and isolation that many of us may experience at some point in our lives. You are not alone in your struggles. During times of survival, we often have to simplify our lives, but as we heal and grow, we make room for more complex aspects.

Trauma can make us believe that we are alone in our survival, but this episode reminds us that we are never alone. Here we use our imagination to practice doing things differently, and we take steps to reach out to the community, which can help us create a sense of belonging and purpose.

Grab a comfortable position and let's get started.

In this episode we:

1. Box Breath
2. Get Present
3. Practice Hand on Heart and Belly and Gratitude
4. Build Awareness
5. Use our Five Senses

Check out past episodes and more information here: https://www.drkimber.net/podcast-info

Please remember that this podcast is not a replacement for treatment by a healthcare or mental health professional.  This content is created for education and entertainment purposes only.

Join 'A Moment of Pause' Newsletter: https://drkimber.activehosted.com/f/5

Fierce + Gentle Retreats - fiercegentleretreats.com

Connect with Dr. Kimber:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr_kimber/
About My Work: https://www.drkimber.net

Fierce Gentle Community: https://www.drkimber.net/fierce-gentle

Book: Still: Making A Whole When Parts Go Missing

Pause episodes are designed to enhance the connection between your mind and body, promoting reset and presence in any circumstance. Today, we will focus on overcoming "test anxiety," the fear associated with exams. Through a variety of tricks and techniques, we will learn how to lower heightened anxiety and shift our perspective to view tests as setbacks, rather than defining factors of ourselves.

In this episode, I will assist you in your self-discovery journey, teaching you how to relax your tense body and mind. We will also explore ways to shift focus towards the aspects that are within our control, enabling us to show up in the best possible way.

In this episode, we will:

1. Learn effective relaxation techniques.
2. Identify and eliminate feelings of helplessness.
3. Cultivate mindfulness by training the mind to focus on more active thoughts.
4. Practice Box Breathing.

Resources Mentioned:

Orange Coast College: https://orangecoastcollege.edu/ 

Check out past episodes and more information here: https://www.drkimber.net/podcast-info

Please remember that this podcast is not a replacement for treatment by a healthcare or mental health professional.  This content is created for education and entertainment purposes only.

Join 'A Moment of Pause' Newsletter: https://drkimber.activehosted.com/f/5

Fierce + Gentle Retreats - fiercegentleretreats.com

Connect with Dr. Kimber:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr_kimber/
About My Work: https://www.drkimber.net

Fierce Gentle Community: https://www.drkimber.net/fierce-gentle

Book: Still: Making A Whole When Parts Go Missing

Grieving the loss of someone you love is never an easy journey. In this second episode of our series on Grief, I am joined by special guest Sofia, whose mother was diagnosed with cancer in 2016 and passed away in 2018.

Now a high school senior and the oldest of three children, Sofia took on a leadership role in the family in her mother’s absence, and today she's sharing her journey of navigating her grief and balancing responsibilities. By rewiring some of her habits and acknowledging her grief, Sofia experienced self-discovery and healing, and learned to lean on the support of her loved ones while also establishing healthy boundaries and coping mechanisms to help her through the tough times.

I am privileged to share with you Sofia's inspiring story of resilience and strength — please join us today.

Segment 1: Taking on a Parental Role

Sofia starts with talking about how her mother's death forced her to step up and become a parental figure in her family, sharing her experience of taking care of her younger siblings, handling household responsibilities at a young age, and balancing this new role with her own needs and desires.

Segment 2: Realizing the Importance of Self-Care

Sofia discusses how she continued to push herself until the COVID-19 pandemic hit, and then she realized that she needed to take a break and prioritize her own well-being.

Segment 3: Finding Support from Friends

In this segment, Sofia and I discuss how her friends played a crucial role in helping her cope with her mother's passing.

Segment 4: Navigating Her Father's Grief

Sophia discusses how her father coped with her mother's death and how she navigated his efforts to keep her presence alive in their lives. She shares how she found a balance between honoring their mother's memory while also moving forward with their own lives.

Segment 5: Setting Boundaries

In this segment, Sofia shares the importance of setting boundaries, taking me-time, and making mistakes as a way of showing that you care.

Segment 6: Reintegrating into Real Life

Sofia shares her experiences of going back to school soon after her mother's passing, the pressure of being known as the girl whose mother had died, and the fear of being judged by others.

Resources Mentioned:

New Hope Grief Organization: https://www.newhopegrief.org/
Help with Hope: https://helpwithhope.org/
Camp Kesem: https://www.kesem.org/
Donate on behalf of Danielle Montiel: https://donate.kesem.org/fundraiser/4385292
Still: Making A Whole When Parts Go Missing: https://www.drkimber.net/books

Check out past episodes and more information here: https://www.drkimber.net/podcast-info

Please remember that this podcast is not a replacement for treatment by a healthcare or mental health professional.  This content is created for education and entertainment purposes only.

Join 'A Moment of Pause' Newsletter: https://drkimber.activehosted.com/f/5

Fierce + Gentle Retreats - fiercegentleretreats.com

Connect with Dr. Kimber:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr_kimber/
About My Work: https://www.drkimber.net

Fierce Gentle Community: https://www.drkimber.net/fierce-gentle

Book: Still: Making A Whole When Parts Go Missing

Experiencing loss can be particularly challenging for children. They may struggle to comprehend and manage their emotions, and since they don’t have the same coping mechanisms as adults, it's crucial to offer them empathy, affection, and assistance. 

In this episode, I will guide you in establishing a secure environment where your children can openly express their feelings and patiently process their grief. Together, we will explore practical ways to manage emotions and cope with the pain of loss.

Links and Resources Mentioned:

Free PDF: How to Support Children Grieving Losses
No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model  by Richard Schawrtz

Book List for Children, Grief, and Emotions:

My Many Colored Days  by Dr. Seuss
In My Heart: A Book of Feelings  by Jo Witek and Christine Roussey
The Feelings Book  by Todd Parr
What is Goodbye?  by Nikki Grimes
Because of Winn-Dixie  by Kate DiCamillo (you may also find the movie here)
The Good-bye Book  by Todd Parr
A Kid's Journey of Grief  by Susan K. Beeney and Jo Anne Chung (you may also buy this book directly from the H. Norman Wright store)
Still: Making A Whole When Parts Go Missing  by Dr. Kimber Del Valle

Check out past episodes and more information here: https://www.drkimber.net/podcast-info

Please remember that this podcast is not a replacement for treatment by a healthcare or mental health professional.  This content is created for education and entertainment purposes only.

Join 'A Moment of Pause' Newsletter: https://drkimber.activehosted.com/f/5

Fierce + Gentle Retreats - fiercegentleretreats.com

Connect with Dr. Kimber:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr_kimber/
About My Work: https://www.drkimber.net

Fierce Gentle Community: https://www.drkimber.net/fierce-gentle

Book: Still: Making A Whole When Parts Go Missing

Pause episodes aim to improve the connection between your mind and body. It will help you reset and get present no matter what circumstances. We practice somatic experiencing techniques as well as other somatic practices to help your nervous system find calm. These episodes are identified by the white raven on the podcast cover art, and each episode addresses a different topic to assist you in practicing being settled and grounded.

In this episode, I help you get mentally reset and practice getting connected to your body.

In this episode we:

1. Box Breath
2. Become Aware of Our Senses
3. Build Awareness around Beliefs
4. Feel Energized

Check out past episodes and more information here: https://www.drkimber.net/podcast-info

Please remember that this podcast is not a replacement for treatment by a healthcare or mental health professional.  This content is created for education and entertainment purposes only.

Join 'A Moment of Pause' Newsletter: https://drkimber.activehosted.com/f/5

Fierce + Gentle Retreats - fiercegentleretreats.com

Connect with Dr. Kimber:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr_kimber/
About My Work: https://www.drkimber.net

Fierce Gentle Community: https://www.drkimber.net/fierce-gentle

Book: Still: Making A Whole When Parts Go Missing