I Wasn't Always Like This

Sharing stories of adventures with friends - and on my own - on the road. Texas, Idaho, Wyoming, and finally, the road that would take me to Alaska. Also looking at the importance of companions, honesty, and being willing to stay open to all of the possibilities that The Universe has to offer. In addition, there's some laughter, some ridiculousness, some sadness, and a new life beginning. Again.

Learning to navigate my "new life" (it truly felt like I started over on my 30th birthday) was challenging as The Universe was attempting to teach me about Love, through both "Big L" and "little l" experiences of it. I was not the most cooperative pupil! However, through friendship, companionship, and the ever-expanding world of my new gig with the theatre company, I was beginning to get the idea!

Looking at 1992, the year leading up to my turning 30, and the acknowledgment of the many “this-is-the-end-of-everything-oh-wait-no-it’s-not” moments I have encountered in my life. The formation of My Boys, the addition of two new friends that would change my life, and - most important of all - The Summit, on my 30th birthday. The moment that would change my life forever. 

This week, I get to introduce one of the most important people in my story. My soul-twin, my other me. My Jimmy. Also, my return to theatre and the discovery of the way I work as an actor, the introduction of The Knights, and continuing to find ways to use the darkness to keeping moving me into the light.  

Settling back into life in Ohio, find my way to living what might be considered a "normal" life. With the help of my lifelines - my family, Carl, Michael, and others - as well as some custom-made mix-8-tracks and a sweet little piano, I continue to find reasons to live and to keep the Demons from moving in and taking over. 

Welcome to Season Three!

We begin this new season by taking a look back at my departure from NYC, my time in Hudson, and my return to Cleveland. And seeing all of this through the lens of what Healing means to me: the perpetual, on-going experience of returning to my own strong inner self. 

This episode - which runs a bit longer than previous episodes - takes us right into the experience of ECT (shock treatment). How it impacted me and how I survived it. Life in the hospital, out of the hospital, back into the hospital, and - ultimately - out of New York City (that part of the story is my favourite!). I walked through the valley of the shadow and - miraculously - chose to walk out of it. And life truly began.

Six weeks into my stay on the psych unit - 10 West - the arrival of another patient, Clare, brought about a shift in me. Sadly, what I learned from Clare ended up pulling me into a much darker place. I became someone I didn't recognize. And then, I was offered an option that would change everything. Again. 

We have arrived at the part of the story where I admitted myself into the psych unit of a New York City hospital. This episode gives a taste of what life was like on the unit (that word "taste" is a clue - there was a lot of pudding!!). I learned how to navigate the system of tricking my psychiatrists with lies while discovering the power of honesty with one of the psychiatric nurses. Things seem to be going along fine....Until the arrival of a patient named Clare.

Here is where the story goes deeper and gets a bit darker. My time in New York City - although brief - changed the course of my entire life. In this episode, you'll hear a bit more about Michael, about my moment of success on a cabaret stage, a couple of moments that might have made all of this impossible, and the moment that I was truly rescued. Thanks, as always, for listening and for the support.