Summary: In this episode, Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn unpack one of the most overlooked sources of conflict in marriage: the very different ways men and women process thoughts and emotions. Drawing on two decades of research, they explore why many women experience ongoing “open windows,” lingering worries or mental tabs that are hard to close and why many men may not even realize those windows are still open. 

With practical insight and empathy for both sides, Shaunti and Jeff explain the brain-based and physiological differences that shape how we handle stress and disagreement. Most importantly, they offer simple, powerful ways spouses can respond in moments of tension, turning misunderstanding into connection. If you’ve ever felt like you and your spouse were missing each other emotionally, this conversation will give you fresh clarity and practical tools to build deeper understanding. 

Resources: Gur, R. C., & Gur, R. E. (2017). Complementarity of sex differences in brain and behavior: From laterality to multimodal neuroimaging. Journal of Neuroscience Research, 95(1), 189–199. https://doi.org/10.1002/jnr.2383 

FOR MEN ONLY 

FOR WOMEN ONLY  

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Summary: 

What are young couples really wondering about as they step into engagement and marriage?

In this special and deeply personal episode, Shaunti and Jeff sit down with their daughter Morgen and her fiancé Ben—just weeks before their wedding—to talk candidly about readiness, trust, faith, conflict, finances, sex, and what it really means to commit for life.

Drawing from both lived experience and decades of research, this conversation blends heart, humor, and practical wisdom for engaged couples—and for parents walking alongside them.

Resources:

The Secrets of Sex and Marriage

The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages

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Summary 

In this second part of our powerful two-part series, Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn continue their heartfelt conversation with Matthew and Joanna Raabsmith, diving even deeper into the healing journey after sexual addiction and betrayal trauma. 

Building on the foundation of honesty and vulnerability discussed in Part 1, this episode unpacks what it takes to truly rebuild trust and intimacy in a relationship that’s been deeply wounded. The Raabsmiths offer practical, grace-filled guidance for couples, emphasizing the importance of structured healing, safe community, and sustained emotional connection. 

You’ll hear how couples can move forward, not just surviving, but genuinely thriving through intentional steps, compassionate support, and the redemptive work of God. This is a vital conversation for anyone longing to understand the path to restoration and hope. 

If you missed Part 1, be sure to go back and start there for the full picture of this profound dialogue. 

Resources: 

https://raabsmithteam.com/free 

Building True Intimacy 

https://www.amazon.com/Building-True-Intimacy-Creating-Connection/dp/B0CHCLTDZJ/?tag=shaunticom-20

Secrets of Sex and Marriage book  

For referral resources: secretsofsexandmarriage.com  

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Summary 

This episode is part one of a two-part conversation that we simply couldn’t keep to one week. !t’s that powerful! 

Dr. Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn sit down with Matthew and Joanna Raabsmith to tackle one of the most painful but crucial topics in relationships: sexual addiction and betrayal trauma. With deep empathy and rich insight, the Raabsmiths, a couple who are both trained professionals and seasoned by personal experience, share the emotional and relational toll of betrayal and the courageous journey toward healing. 

They explore the critical roles of honesty, vulnerability, and structured support in recovery, highlighting how both partners contribute to rebuilding trust and intimacy. You'll hear practical, research-backed strategies for couples, as well as how the church can be a safe and redemptive place for those walking this road. 

Don’t miss this compelling conversation, and be sure to come back next week for Part 2, where we go even deeper into the healing process and the hopeful road forward. 

Resources: 

https://raabsmithteam.com/free 

Building True Intimacy 

Secrets of Sex and Marriage book  

For referral resources: secretsofsexandmarriage.com  

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Summary:

In this insightful episode Jeff and Shaunti, along with Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, delve into the deeper layers of love languages, unpacking not only the five primary categories but also the nuanced dialects within each one. With warmth and expertise, they explore how the concept of the “love tank”—our emotional reservoir—impacts relationships and why empathy is the key to truly speaking each other's language. The conversation highlights practical tools like the Five Love Languages Assessment and the “My Heart Chart,” offering listeners accessible ways to foster connection. Through real-life stories and actionable guidance, the Parrotts empower couples to bridge communication gaps and build lasting intimacy—one intentional act of love at a time. 

Links and Resources

https://www.amazon.com/Love-Language-That-Matters-Most/dp/0802438903/?tag=shaunticom-20

For assessments and more details: www.5lovelanguages.com

https://www.myheartchart.com/

LesAndLeslie.com

Social media- IG: @Lesandleslie; X: @LesParrott; Facebook: @Lesandleslieparrott

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Summary:

In this insightful episode, Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn sit down with Dr. Gary Chapman, renowned author of The Five Love Languages and The Five Languages of Apology. Together, they explore how understanding both love and apology languages can radically improve relationships. Dr. Chapman unpacks the five core ways people express and receive love—and explains how offering sincere, well-matched apologies can be just as vital to healing and connection. The conversation highlights the power of empathy, emotional communication, and forgiveness in maintaining strong, healthy relationships. Whether you're married, dating, or simply want to love others well, this episode offers powerful tools to deepen your relational bonds.

Links and Resources:

www.5lovelanguages.com

The Five Languages of Apology

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Summary:

In this episode, Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn share their personal journey with MediShare, a healthcare sharing ministry, as they navigate rising medical costs and their own health challenges. They welcome Dr. Ian Day, Chief Medical Officer at MediShare, to unpack how the program works, its biblical roots, and the powerful sense of community that distinguishes it from traditional insurance. Together, they explore how MediShare integrates emotional and spiritual support into healthcare, emphasizing the role of prayer and the holistic vision of biblical wellness—caring for body, mind, and soul.

Links and Resources:

 About CCM | Christian Care Ministry

Medishare.com/serve

Or text “serve” to 70246

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Summary: In this episode, Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn explore the power of intentionality in building strong relationships, especially in marriage and parenting. Instead of aiming for perfection, they encourage listeners to simply focus on doing “the next right thing.” Drawing on research insights, they unpack how small, everyday wins create real momentum, fueling both hope and motivation. The conversation also touches on the crucial role of community, encouragement, and practical steps that foster deeper connection and long-term growth. 

Links and Resources: HBR article https://hbr.org/2011/05/the-power-of-small-wins

The Good News About Marriage 

The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages  

jointhekindnesschallenge.com

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Summary:

In this inspiring and down-to-earth episode, Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn sit down with Tony and Alisa DiLorenzo, hosts of the One Extraordinary Marriage podcast, for a candid conversation about reigniting intimacy and connection in marriage. The DiLorenzos open up about their personal journey through seasons of challenge and renewal, including how the bold decision to start a 60-Day Sex Challenge reshaped their relationship.

Together, they unpack the vital role of intentionality, transparency, and vulnerability in marital intimacy, while offering practical steps any couple can take to grow closer. Drawing from their "Six Pillars of Intimacy"—emotional, physical, financial, spiritual, recreational, and sexual—they reveal how addressing each area can transform not just a couple’s sex life, but their whole marriage.

The episode also explores how everyday distractions, especially technology, can erode connection—and what it looks like to reclaim time and attention for each other. Whether you’re newly married or decades in, this conversation is full of actionable wisdom for building a more extraordinary marriage.

Links and Resources:

oneextraordinarymarriage.com

6pillarsofintimacy.com

intimacymastery.com

Vulnerability Blog Series Part 1

Vulnerability Blog Series Part 2

Vulnerability Blog Series Part 3

Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages Book on Amazon

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Summary:

In this conversation, Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn explore the complexities of anger, challenging the conventional wisdom that venting is a healthy way to manage it. They discuss research findings that suggest venting can actually exacerbate anger and aggression. Instead, they advocate for techniques that help regulate emotions and promote calmness, emphasizing the importance of understanding anger as a signal of emotional pain. The discussion includes practical strategies for managing anger in relationships and highlights the significance of redirecting anger for healthier interactions. 

Links and Resources:

The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages on Amazon

Bushman, B. J. (2002). Does venting anger feed or extinguish the flame? Catharsis, rumination, distraction, anger, and aggressive responding. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 28(6), 724–731. Link to article PDF.

Kjærvik, S. L., & Bushman, B. J. (2024). A meta‑analytic review of anger management activities that increase or decrease arousal: What fuels or douses rage? Clinical Psychology Review, 109, 102414. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2024.102414

Ephesians 4:26 – “In your anger, do not sin.”

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