Summary:

In this conversation, Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn explore the complexities of anger, challenging the conventional wisdom that venting is a healthy way to manage it. They discuss research findings that suggest venting can actually exacerbate anger and aggression. Instead, they advocate for techniques that help regulate emotions and promote calmness, emphasizing the importance of understanding anger as a signal of emotional pain. The discussion includes practical strategies for managing anger in relationships and highlights the significance of redirecting anger for healthier interactions. 

Links and Resources:

The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages on Amazon

Bushman, B. J. (2002). Does venting anger feed or extinguish the flame? Catharsis, rumination, distraction, anger, and aggressive responding. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 28(6), 724–731. Link to article PDF.

Kjærvik, S. L., & Bushman, B. J. (2024). A meta‑analytic review of anger management activities that increase or decrease arousal: What fuels or douses rage? Clinical Psychology Review, 109, 102414. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2024.102414

Ephesians 4:26 – “In your anger, do not sin.”

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Summary: 

In this engaging podcast episode, Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn welcome Jonathan and Wendy Hoover to discuss essential insights into marriage. They explore the Hoovers' personal journey through conflict and resolution, emphasizing the importance of understanding the underlying motivations in disagreements. The conversation also highlights three critical factors to consider before marriage, focusing on faith, character, and the commitment required for a successful partnership.

Links and Resources:

Dr Hoover's Website

Dr Hoover's Podcast

Stress Fracture Book on Amazon

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Summary: In this podcast episode, Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn explore the complexities of communication and conflict in relationships, particularly focusing on the differences between men and women. They discuss a viral clip from a previous podcast that sparked significant conversation about how men process emotions and the importance of reassurance in relationships. The episode emphasizes the need for understanding and grace between partners, as well as the role of introspection and emotional processing in navigating conflicts.  

Links and Resources: Ryan Miller Reel on Instagram       Ryan Miller Podcast

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Summary: 

 In this conversation, Jeff and Shaunti with guest Nate Graybill discuss the pressing mental health crisis and the vital role the church can play in recovery. They explore Nate's personal journey with addiction, the importance of authentic community, and how churches can build effective recovery programs that go beyond traditional counseling. They discuss the transformative power of recovery groups within the church, emphasizing the importance of authenticity, community, and the biblical foundations of healing. They explore how these groups can serve as a starting point for individuals seeking support and spiritual growth, and how they can effectively equip lay leaders to guide others through their struggles.  

Resources and Links Mentioned:

https://www.regenerationrecovery.org/

https://www.watermarkresources.com/

www.thechurchcares.com

When Hurting People Come To Church on Amazon

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Summary:

In this conversation, Shaunti, Jeff, and Chris Legg explore the common reasons couples find themselves at odds, focusing on the differences in communication styles and emotional thresholds. They discuss the importance of understanding translation versus interpretation in relationships, how emotional reactions can vary between partners, and the significance of believing the best in each other's intentions.  

Resources and Links Mentioned:

www.chrismlegg.com

www.alethiacounseling.com

Secrets of Sex and Marriage on Amazon  

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Summary:

In this conversation, Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn, with guests Pastor Des Wadsworth, and Lenny Nasca, LCSW discuss the pressing mental health crisis facing churches today. They explore the challenges pastors face in providing support to those in need, the importance of lay counseling programs, and how to effectively recruit and retain volunteers for these initiatives. The discussion emphasizes the need for compassionate care and the structured approach necessary to navigate the complexities of counseling within a church setting.

Resources and Links Mentioned:

www.thechurchcares.com

When Hurting People Come To Church

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Summary:

In this conversation, Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn discuss the concept of the mental load in relationships with Dr. Morgan Cutlip. They explore how feelings of unfairness and resentment can arise when one partner feels overwhelmed by invisible tasks and emotional labor. The discussion emphasizes the importance of communication, appreciation, and understanding the dynamics of emotional labor in marriage. Dr. Cutlip provides practical strategies for couples to navigate these challenges, including the need to make the invisible visible and to frame the mental load as a shared enemy. The conversation highlights the significance of regular discussions about responsibilities and the unique pressures faced by both partners in family life. 

Resources and Links Mentioned:

https://drmorgancutlip.com/

A Better Share on Amazon 

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In this conversation, Shaunti and Jim discuss the pressing mental health crisis and the role of the church in addressing it. They explore the importance of traditional counseling and the need for a new system of care that includes community support. The discussion emphasizes the importance of building capacity within churches to provide emotional support and the legal considerations involved. They also address the fears and misconceptions that may prevent churches from engaging in this vital work, ultimately calling for a collaborative approach to mental health care that integrates faith and community. They explore how churches can train lay counselors to provide emotional support and care, creating a network that addresses the mental health needs of their communities. The discussion highlights practical steps for church involvement and the universal need for care and support, encouraging listeners to engage in their communities and foster relationships that can lead to healing and growth.

Resources and Links Mentioned:

www.thechurchcares.com

Sign up to get The Church Cares Kit

When Hurting People Come To Church

Purchase on Amazon

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In this heartfelt and eye-opening episode, Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn sit down with singer-songwriter Dave Barnes to unpack the emotional world of men and the dynamics that shape relationships. Together, they explore the often-overlooked depth of men’s feelings, how love is expressed differently than women might expect, and the surprising role of music and creativity in emotional connection.

They also dive into some of the biggest misconceptions women have about men’s romantic intentions, and why understanding love languages—and misreading them—can lead to unnecessary hurt. Drawing on personal stories, research insights, and years of marriage experience, the conversation turns toward the deeper challenges couples face: loneliness, unmet expectations, and the myth that one person can meet all emotional needs.

Throughout, the trio emphasizes the power of believing the best in your partner, the healing gift of forgiveness, and the essential role of community, prayer, and positive communication in building strong, resilient relationships. Whether you're married, dating, or simply curious about how men really think and love, this episode offers a rich, encouraging guide to connection and empathy.

Resources/Links Mentioned:

https://www.davebarnes.com/

https://dadville.substack.com

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Episode 18: Happy Couples Hang Out

Description:

Join Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn as they delve into the habits of the happiest couples. Discover the deceptively simple secret that we learned in the research for The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages about the power of simply spending time together and how that plays a role in maintaining a strong relationship. Learn from real-life examples and research-backed insights to transform your marriage. 

Resources & Links Mentioned:    

The Surprising Secrets of High Happy Marriages 

For Women Only 

For Men Only 

Today’s podcast features the type of game-changing, research-based findings that will strengthen the marriages in your church. If you are interested in bringing Shaunti and Jeff to your next event, please contact Nicole Owens at [email protected].  

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