While self-esteem may seem like an elusive, vague concept, there are practical, everyday actions we can take to build it. In this episode, we explore the actionable frameworks outlined in the classic book, The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden. Together, we will dive into all six pillars: living consciously, self-acceptance, self-responsibility, self-assertiveness, living purposefully, and living with integrity. Beyond the theory, we’ll look at real-world examples and the exact tools needed to implement them, such as Branden's famous sentence completion exercises. I've also included several of my favorite quotes from the book. I hope this helps you deepen your relationship with yourself as part of our ongoing series! This is part 2 in the series. You can find part 1 here: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2318937/episodes/19265696

Resources: 
The book: https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/79352.Six_Pillars_of_Self_Esteem
On sentence completion work: https://nathanielbranden.com/sentence-completion-i/

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You likely know how you feel about your relationships with other people - but how do you feel about your relationship with yourself?

Whether we realize it or not, our relationship with ourselves influences nearly everything: our relationships, choices, ambitions, and even how we interpret everyday experiences.

In this new series, we'll explore that relationship from many angles, including self-esteem and self-worth, validation, comparison, limerence, trauma, self-concept, and more.

In this first episode, we explore why our relationship with ourselves matters so much - and why examining it isn't just navel-gazing or self-absorption. We discuss how self-esteem and self-worth issues can show up in subtle, often unconscious ways, introduce key concepts we'll build on throughout the series, and lay the foundation for the conversations ahead.

If you've ever wondered why certain patterns keep repeating in your life, why some feedback affects you more than it should, or why your sense of worth can feel surprisingly fragile despite your accomplishments, this series is for you. 

This is Part 1 of an ongoing series exploring our relationship with ourselves and how it shapes the way we move through the world.

00:00 How Is Your Relationship With Yourself?
00:53 Why Does This Matter?
03:49 How Common Is Low Self-Esteem?
05:51 What We'll Explore in This Series
09:10 Foundational Ideas for the Journey Ahead
10:27 Key Terms & Definitions
12:22 Beyond Self-Care: Feeling Worthy and Taking Loving Actions
15:37 Why We Sometimes Sabotage Ourselves
17:48 Does Self-Esteem Make Us Arrogant?
19:41 A Simple Definition of Self-Esteem

Article mentioned: 
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9276660/

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There’s an often-overlooked personality trait that shapes how you process almost everything you encounter day-to-day. While traits like introversion and extraversion get all the spotlight, this core piece of our psychology is just as crucial to understand.
Originally introduced by Carl Jung, the balance between Intuition and Sensing dictates whether you prefer to live in the tangible world of facts or the world of endless possibilities.

In this episode, we explore:

• The Tangible vs. The Possible: How Sensors and Intuitives see the exact same world differently.
• Better Connections: How understanding this trait helps you communicate and connect with others.
• Valuing Both: Why we need both perspectives to navigate the world effectively.

Understanding how you process information is one of the best ways to navigate life more smoothly. I love this topic, and I hope it's helpful to you!

Timestamps: 

00:00 Sensing vs. Intuition: The Core Difference 

06:44 Population Statistics of Sensors and Intuitives

10:03 Personality Preference vs. Being Put in a Box

12:25 Diversifying Skills: Valuing Sensing and Intuition

18:06 Meeting in the Middle: Communication for Sensors and Intuitives

20:55 Main Takeaways for Each Personality Type

21:32 Zen and Transcendence Between Both

Resources: 

• Free Personality Assessment: https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test  (NOTE: This isn't a "true" MBTI test, but it's a great one that blends a few different theories together. You can read about their theory here) https://www.16personalities.com/articles/our-theory
• Alternative Test (If past tests haven't felt right) https://mistypeinvestigator.com 
• Article on the "Ladder of Abstraction" https://tombarrett.medium.com/up-and-down-the-ladder-of-abstraction-cb73533be751
• Past Video: "Why doesn’t my Myers-Briggs type fit me?" https://youtu.be/wHoj2Q6qYy8
  
  

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If you’ve ever felt deeply grateful and incredibly sad at the exact same time, you know emotions don't always fit into neat boxes. We often view emotions as a simple spectrum, with happiness on one end and sadness on the other. But our feelings are far more nuanced than that. Instead of living on opposite sides of a continuum, our emotions operate more like individual "knobs" that turn up and down independently. In this episode, we explore how embracing this complexity can enrich our lives, help us move away from black-and-white thinking, and deepen our connections with others. We also talk through what to practically do when those feelings start to feel overwhelming.

Timestamps: 
00:00 - Are you experiencing an emotion, a feeling, or a mood?
04:15 - The spectrum myth: Can you be happy and sad at the same time?
11:00 - What is DBT? (And why we need to let emotions come up)
17:07 - "What do I do with this?" How to actually process a heavy emotion

Resources mentioned in this episode:
- APA Definition of Emotion: https://www.apa.org/topics/emotions
- Stanford Research on Cultural Differences: https://news.stanford.edu/stories/2015/07/emotions-chinese-americans-070215
- Harvard Business Review (On Chasing Happiness): https://hbr.org/2015/08/happiness-isnt-the-absence-of-negative-feelings
- Dr. David Matsumoto’s Research Paper on Emotions: https://davidmatsumoto.com/content/NG%20Spain%20Article_2_.pdf
- Psychology Today (Emotions vs. Feelings): https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-pleasure-is-all-yours/202202/the-important-difference-between-emotions-and-feelings

This is a follow up to this episode on how culture shapes our perception of happiness: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2318937/episodes/19001429

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We’ve all heard the basic advice: turn off notifications, put your phone in grayscale, or just "try harder." But if you’re like me, those tips didn't stick. After years of experimentation and diving into the psychology of habit formation, I’ve finally found a system that is working for me.

In this episode (Part 2 of our series on technology), we are moving past the philosophy and getting into more specific action steps. We’re talking about building friction, managing decision fatigue, and finding the "why" that actually keeps you away from the screen.

In this episode, we discuss:

• The Power of Friction: Lockboxes, website blockers, and "dumb phones." 
• Beating Decision Fatigue: Creating a "Guidelines List" so you don't have to make constant difficult choices.
• Drilling Down to Your "Why": Finding a compelling reason to change. 
• Why adding fulfilling activities is better than just "stopping" (Shout-out to Cal Newport and his "Deep Life" work!).
• Analog Switches: Why using tools such as paper planners, watches, and physical notepads helps more than we may have initially thought. 

Timestamps: 
00:00 Intro: The bold claim about ending screen time
01:10 Strategic Friction: Using lockboxes & blockers to break the habit
07:20 Ending Decision Fatigue: How to create your "Guidelines List"
15:39 The Deep Life: Why "just stopping" doesn't work (inspired by Cal Newport)
17:29 The Core Shift: Digging to your compelling "Why"
19:27 Analog Wins: The psychology of paper, pens, and watches
23:46 Join the Conversation: How to leave a voice note (SpeakPipe)
24:33 A Personal Note: Life update & why the schedule changed

Resources and Episodes Mentioned: 

• Changing Your Relationship With Technology (Part 1): https://www.buzzsprout.com/2318937/episodes/17789635
• Finding Purpose and Meaning: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2318937/episodes/18932472
• How to Organize Your Mind: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2318937/episodes/17960805
• Cal Newport’s The Deep Life Podcast: https://www.thedeeplife.com/
• Gretchen Rubin: Abstainers vs. Moderators: https://gretchenrubin.com/articles/abstainer-vs-moderator/
  
  
  

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Happiness is a universal human aim, but what we believe makes us happy, and how we define a life well-lived, varies. In Part 10 of our Positive Psychology deep dive, we explore how cultural norms, language, and social safety nets dictate our personal views on flourishing.

In this episode, we explore:

• How cultural norms and language shape the way we express happiness.
• Why a national safety net changes how we behave day-to-day.
• The 6-D Model of culture - from uncertainty avoidance to individualism vs. collectivism 
• Why some cultures prize "excitement" while others seek "peace."
• Dialecticism: The unique ability to experience conflicting emotions simultaneously.
• A Global Perspective: My friend Zad shares his story of a family spread across the globe and what flourishing means to them.
• Cultural Evolution: How societies are changing and the nuanced exceptions to the models we study.

Timestamps: 
00:00 How do different cultures express / show happiness: Interview part 1
07:00 Affect Valuation: Why we want to feel what we feel
09:10 Dialecticism: Finding room for "Both/And" emotions
10:55 The 6-D Model of National Culture
15:35 Does culture shifts over generations: Interview part 2: 
18:36 Global roots and the meaning of flourishing: Interview part 3: 
21:30 The PERMA+ Recap: Building your own wellbeing toolkit

Thank you to Zad for coming on! You can find more from him at his instagram: @zadbullfitness 

Further reading available here:
- https://geerthofstede.com/culture-geert-hofstede-gert-jan-hofstede/6d-model-of-national-culture/
- https://behavioralpsychstudio.com/what-the-heck-is-a-dialectic/
- https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/16536652/ Jeanne Tsai's research on AVT

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Do you ever wish you knew what your purpose was? Does your life ever feel void of meaning? In this episode we explore the idea of meaning through the lens of positive psychology, logotherapy, and existentialist philosophy. We learn from Dr. Viktor Frankl and Jean-Paul Sartre as well as from the Oxford Handbook on Positive Psychology. 

Also in this episode: 
-- How to recenter when we get off track so that we come back to what matters to us. 
-- The difference between purpose and significance (or meaning and mattering) 
-- The 5 Whys or what I like to call The Russian Doll of Goals 
-- We hear a voicemail from a friend on the idea of humans being natural meaning makers and how to make the process more conscious 
-- A more Zen approach when we want to simply live with meaning rather than analyze it 

Does living with purpose make us feel more fulfilled? And if so, how do we find it in a world that makes us feel like it is so far from our reach? 
Let's dive in!

Timestamps 
00:00 Situational meaning vs meaning for our entire lives
01:32 Two approaches to meaning: Sartre and Frankl
05:23 Dereflection from logotherapy
07:07 What are the main areas people derive meaning from?
07:42 Do purpose and meaning make us happier?
10:09 What is meaning? How do we define it?
12:53 Do we find or create meaning?
17:37 The Five Why's
20:02 How to recenter on what matters to us
21:41 Hedonic vs. Eudaimonic happiness
26:19 A Zen approach
27:47 Connection to positive psychology
30:50 Voicemail from a friend: Making this more conscious

Resources & Further Reading: 
- Man's Search for Meaning - Book by Viktor Frankl
- Interview with Frankl: Viktor Frankl: Self-Actualization is not the goal
- Sartre and Frankl comparison article/ https://philosophynow.org/issues/162/Frankl_and_Sartre_in_Search_of_Meaning
- Blog by Dr. Michael Levin https://thoughtforms.life/what-advice-do-i-give-to-my-students/ hat tip to Tim Ferriss for putting this in his 5 bullet Friday 
- UPenn on Meaning - https://ppc.sas.upenn.edu/learn-more/perma-theory-well-being-and-perma-workshops
- Logotherapy: https://viktorfranklamerica.com/what-is-logotherapy/
Photography credit: 
- Frankl photo: Source Deutsch: Prof. Dr. Franz Vesely Viktor-Frankl-Archiv - https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Viktor_Frankl2.jpg
- Sartre photo:  Dutch National Archives, The Hague, Fotocollectie Algemeen Nederlands Persbureau (ANEFO), 1945-1989 bekijk toegang 2.24.01.04 Bestanddeelnummer 917-9600
https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Jean_Paul_Sartre_1965.jpg

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How do we build relationships that actually flourish? In Part 8 of our Positive Psychology series, we’re looking at the science of staying connected through Minding and Active Construction. Whether it’s with friends, family, or partners, we’re moving beyond the honeymoon phase and looking at the intentional work of relating to one another.

A large part of this episode is dedicated to the concept of Minding—the ongoing process of knowing and being known by others. We explore how being intentional and curious about the people in our lives can transform the way we relate to one another.

Also in this episode:

• Capitalization in Real Life: I’m joined by a close friend who is naturally incredible at "Active Constructive Responding." We talk about what it actually looks like to show up for someone when things are going right.
• The Gottman Basics: We touch on "Bids for Affection" and the Magic Ratio—simple but powerful tools for understanding the emotional bank account in any relationship.
• Self-Expansion & Novelty: A brief look at why doing new things together helps us grow individually and as a pair.
• The 3 Ingredients for Friendship: What actually makes a friendship stick? I'm sharing some simple takeaways from a positive psychology class that changed how I look at my own social circle.
• A Systems Perspective: We listen to a voicemail that helps us visualize how our relationships aren't just one-on-one, but part of a larger ecosystem.

This series is all about finding practical ways to apply the science of well-being to our daily lives. I’m glad you’re here for the home stretch!

References & Further Reading
- The Oxford Handbook of Positive Psychology (2nd Ed.): Edited by Dr. Shane J. Lopez and Dr. C. R. Snyder.
- The "Minding" Model: Based on research by Dr. John H. Harvey and Dr. Julia Omarzu.
- Bids for Affection & Magic Ratios: Developed by Dr. John Gottman (and the clinical work of Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman)
- Gender Differences in Self-Disclosure: Based on the classic meta-analysis by Dr. Kathryn Dindia and Dr. Mike Allen (1992). While earlier research suggested women disclose more in general, newer studies (like Carbone & Loewenstein, 2023) suggest that while men and women share positive news at similar rates, women may be more likely to share negative news or vulnerabilities.
- Active Constructive Responding (Capitalization): Research by Dr. Shelly Gable and colleagues.
- Self-Expansion Theory: Dr. Arthur Aron and Dr. Elaine Aron.
- The 3 Ingredients for Friendship: Insights from a course taught by Dr. Ryan Duffy at the University of Florida.
- Systems Theory Segment: Special thanks to Lea for the voicemail! You can find more of her work at https://accountabilitycoachinglondon.co.uk/.
- Guest Interview: A huge thank you to Madeline for joining me to talk about being an active constructive responder!

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We are 7 episodes into this series and I have a confession: I expected to feel "happier" by now, but the reality of positive psychology is a lot more nuanced. While I’ve definitely picked up some great habits around Grit and finding Flow in my work, I was surprised to find that the best parts of my day weren't the big achievements—they were the simple things, like a cup of tea and a good book before bed. In this episode, we’re finally tackling the "P" in PERMA+ (Positive Feeling States).

In this conversation, we’re breaking down:

• Flourishing vs. Happy: Why positive psychology is actually about well-being as a whole, rather than just chasing a mood.
• The "Magic Pill": What actually gets us closest to a sustainable sense of happiness?
• The Success Paradox: We always hear that success leads to happiness, but does it actually work the other way around?
• The 10 Positive Emotions: A look at the ten most cited emotions in the field 
• Achievement vs. Feeling: How things like Mastery and Grit connect back to our day-to-day emotional states.

We also dive into Dr. Barbara Fredrickson’s "Broaden and Build" theory. It’s a foundational concept that explains how these small, positive moments actually help us build the resources we need to handle the hard stuff. 

We’ll also continue our ongoing debate: Hedonic happiness (pleasure) vs. Eudaemonic happiness (meaning). 

If you’ve ever felt like you’re "doing the work" but still just want to enjoy the small stuff, this episode is for you.

Timestamps: 
00:00 Positive psychology is not about being happy all of the time: it is about flourishing 
03:50 Broaden-and-Build Theory
06:50 Perma+ as it relates to setting the stage for positive emotions 
08:14 The most referenced positive emotions in positive psychology 
10:41 Does success lead to happiness? Or does happiness lead to success?
12:04 The Perma+ model and how the aspects are interconnected
13:17 The Perma+ model and which to optimize for (9 is too much to keep in mind!) 
15:35 Perma score vs happiness levels & an example
17:58 On not trying to force happiness – the savoring paradox 
21:07 A more tangible tip – and the 2 routes to happiness 
24:10 Hedonic and eudaimonic happiness debate continued: On simple pleasures  
28:14 Closing reflections 

Resources and researchers mentioned in this episode 

• Cited throughout this series - Oxford Handbook of Positive Psychology 2nd Edition - by  C. R. Snyder  Shane J. Lopez  (Editor)
• Dr. Iris Mauss -  on seeking happiness leading to less happiness 
• Dr. Ryan Duffy - Positive psychology professor at UF - referenced in the part on gratitude (What I said after that is my own thoughts though and I cannot speak for his views on that) 
• Dr. Barbara Fredrickson for Broaden and Build theory - https://royalsocietypublishing.org/rstb/article-abstract/359/1449/1367/20449/The-broaden-and-build-theory-of-positive-emotions?redirectedFrom=fulltext 
• Ask Polly - on savoring paradox 
• Character strengths mentioned in the episode: https://www.viacharacter.org

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Is the 10,000-hour rule a myth? We’ve all heard that it takes 10,000 hours to master a craft, but the truth is that not all hours are created equal. In this episode, we dive into the science of peak performance and the current "Gold Standard" of learning: Deliberate Practice.

Based on the research of Dr. K. Anders Ericsson, we break down why simply "putting in more time" isn't enough and how you can greatly enhance your learning curve to improve in your field.

In this episode, we discuss:
▶️ Purposeful vs. Deliberate Practice: Why your current routine might be plateauing and how to fix it.
▶️ The PERMA+ Model: How mastery and achievement fuel long-term happiness and positive psychology.
▶️ Case Studies in Excellence: From the undercover bravery of journalist Nellie Bly to the joy Indiana found in playing the Sugar Plum Fairy in the Nutcracker
▶️ Actionable Steps: How to apply the principles of deliberate practice to your daily life immediately.

Timestamps: 
00:00 Deliberate Practice: The Basics
02:50 The 10,000-Hour Rule: Separating Fact from Myth
06:30 Why is Deliberate Practice So Difficult?
09:19 Tips to Apply Deliberate Practice in Daily Life
18:45 Mastery, Positive Psychology, and the PERMA+ Model
29:42 Podcast Updates 

Up next: 
- Our series on positive psychology: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLPJBR0a3Yz6u9jXWk1uknsVSq-XVGMMXI
- Mastery prior episode on breaking through sticking points: https://youtu.be/sXwhvqoeWxk
- On perfectionism: YouTube version: https://youtu.be/vNB2x1ULLec or the podcast version here https://www.buzzsprout.com/2318937/episodes/16439411
- On grit and optimism: https://youtu.be/puZoiXL_NIQ or podcast version here: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2318937/episodes/18565769

Resources mentioned 📖 
- Deliberate practice: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/18778378/
- Case study with the dancer Indiana: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fa-I7iUErK0
- Article on Perma and savoring achievements: https://www.thepositivepsychologypeople.com/perma-a-is-for-accomplishmentachievement/ 
- The good life podcast interview with K. Anders Ericsson, PhD - https://www.goodlifeproject.com/podcast/anders-ericsson/

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