In The Messy Relationship Podcast

Have you ever looked at someone else’s relationship on Instagram and suddenly wondered, “Why doesn’t my relationship look like that?”

Jan explores relationship comparison, anxious attachment, gratitude, resentment, unmet needs, and what it really means to have a healthy relationship.

Seeing someone else’s highlight reel can make you compare your relationship’s lowest moments to someone else’s best moments. But comparison can also reveal something important: sometimes what you're longing for isn't the other person's relationship—it’s a deeper value or need that matters to you.

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Email: jan[at]janettechu.ca
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In Episode 45 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan reflects on gratitude, love, relationships, loss, and the importance of telling people what they mean to you while you still have the opportunity. Inspired by her fourth wedding anniversary, Jan shares personal reflections on marriage, heartbreak, grief, meaningful relationships, and the people who have shaped who she has become.

This episode explores why we sometimes take the people we love for granted, how unresolved hurt and anxious attachment can make us focus on what might go wrong, and how becoming more secure can help us hold the whole story — both the pain and the goodness.

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Email: jan[at]janettechu.ca
Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
Gratitude Highlight Reel: https://gift.janettechu.ca/gratitude
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter

Have you ever been told to “just calm down” when your mind is spiraling and your body feels like something needs to be fixed right now? In this episode of In The Messy, Jan introduces the SLOW Journaling Method, a simple four-step practice for anxiety, overthinking, emotional overwhelm, and anxious attachment.

You’ll learn how to Settle your body, Let the noise out, Observe and name your emotions, and listen to your Wise Self to choose one small next step. Jan also shares how journaling supported her through miscarriage, stillbirth, grief, and some of the darkest moments of her life.

This episode explores how to use journaling without turning it into rumination, how to recognize your inner critic, separate facts from the stories your anxious mind creates, and reconnect with your secure self.

SLOW Journaling cheat sheet: https://gift.janettechu.ca/slow

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Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter

What if you were the one who cheated? In Episode 43 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan explores cheating, anxious attachment, guilt, shame, betrayal, and relationship repair—without using attachment as an excuse for infidelity.

Learn why people cheat, how loneliness and validation can contribute to infidelity, the warning signs that often come before cheating, and what to do afterward. Jan discusses taking responsibility, telling the truth, rebuilding trust, setting boundaries, and creating healthier patterns.

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Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter

In Episode 42 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan explores cheating anxiety, anxious attachment, trust, intuition, and self-trust. She breaks down how to distinguish emotional fear from present-day evidence, recognize hypervigilance and reassurance-seeking, and regulate your nervous system before confronting your partner.

You'll also learn how to communicate concerns using the Clear, Kind, and True framework, set healthy boundaries, rebuild trust after betrayal, and make relationship decisions without abandoning yourself.

Because security isn't about guaranteeing that you will never be betrayed. It's knowing that you can trust yourself to face the truth, whatever it is, and choose what comes next.

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Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter

Why do you want your ex back even when you know the relationship wasn't right for you? In Episode 41 of In The Messy, Jan explores why breakups can trigger anxious attachment, why familiarity can feel safer than being alone, and why missing your ex doesn't necessarily mean you should get back together.

Learn how to manage the urge to text or call your ex, regulate your nervous system after a breakup, navigate dating again, and distinguish attachment panic from a genuine desire for reconciliation. Jan also explores what needs to change before getting back together can become a secure choice: including accountability, consistent behavioral change, emotional responsiveness, and genuine relationship repair.

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Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter

In this episode of In The Messy, Jan explores the kind of grief that often goes unseen—the grief that comes when someone you love is still alive, but the relationship no longer feels the same. Whether you're navigating betrayal, broken trust, infidelity, repeated disappointment, financial dishonesty, or a partner who continually lets you down, this episode offers a compassionate framework for understanding your pain without abandoning yourself.

If you're grieving the version of someone you thought you knew, struggling to rebuild trust after betrayal, or wondering whether your relationship can heal, this episode will help you approach your next steps with greater clarity, self-respect, and compassion.

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Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter

In this deeply personal episode, registered psychotherapist Jan explores why healing anxious attachment isn't about becoming perfect or never getting triggered again. Instead, it's about learning how to regulate your nervous system, understand your attachment wounds, build emotionally safe relationships, and stay connected to yourself even during life's most painful moments.

Jan shares practical strategies for managing activation, explains why healing looks different for everyone, and opens up about her own 20+ year journey with insecure attachment

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Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
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In this episode of In the Messy, Jan explores the powerful lessons from The Top Five Regrets of the Dying by Bronnie Ware through the lens of anxious attachment, emotional healing, and becoming your secure self.

Together, we'll explore how fear of rejection, people-pleasing, emotional suppression, overworking, and self-abandonment quietly shape our relationships and daily decisions. You'll learn how anxious attachment can influence the choices you make—and how to start living with greater authenticity instead of fear.

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Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter

In this episode of In The Messy Podcast, registered psychotherapist Jan explains why anxious attachment gets triggered, what feeling memories are, and how your nervous system can mistake uncertainty for danger. You'll also learn practical ways to regulate your emotions, communicate from your Secure Self, and build healthier, more secure relationships.

Whether you experience anxious attachment yourself or you're dating someone who does, this episode offers compassionate, research-informed guidance rooted in attachment theory, nervous system regulation, and emotionally focused therapy (EFT).

Visit: Janettechu.ca
Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter