I'm so excited to talk to you about something that comes up so often for those of us whose life ended up so differently than we thought it would, and that is connection. When you think about connection, what comes up for you?

Take a minute and just think about connection.

Does it mean someone understanding you? Does it mean someone looking like you?

Does it mean somebody's story that parallels yours?

Does it mean groups of people around you?

We all have our own definition of what feeling connected means and why it's important to us.

I'm going to focus this mostly today on that lack of connection women without children might feel in society. And why we feel disconnected. Why does somebody's story about their life and about their experiences make us feel so disconnected? And I'm going to first say, if you feel disconnected, you aren't.

I work with women every day, that are really struggling to understand, what they're all about.

What we've come to find out is a lot of the disconnection that we feel is because we feel disconnected from ourselves and who we are and who we thought we would be and what we thought our life would be like.

On today's episode, I want us to start thinking about what connection means to you and how you can go about seeking more of it for yourself. And I'm going to start with giving you my spoiler alert...connection, you might think, comes from others being around you and being immersed in a group of people cheering you on and supporting you might be a bigger definition of connection.

Connection starts with you.

Connection starts with understanding your story. And connection really takes shape when you feel connected to who you are and what you are and what you're here to do with your life and create with every day and every minute that you have available to you.

For those of us that wanted to be parents and wanted to be moms, it could feel very unfair that we have to do this work. And let me tell you that you don't have to do this. You don't have to seek connection. You don't have to understand what it is about you. That creates connection or desires, connection or exudes connection.

You don't have to do that, but if you are not interested in doing it or don't believe that it's fair that you have to do it, it's likely that you won't create connection for yourself. that's not to say it should be fun for you to roll up your sleeves and say, yes, I want to feel connected today.

It's seems like it's an undertaking, but when you do it, you're kind of like, Oh my gosh. Like it's, it's that easy to understand who I am and what I want and what I desire, and what people I want around me, and what are the things that I want to bring into my life.

A lot of us are ingrained to believe that we don't have a choice, we feel disconnected, and that's the way that women feel when they don't have kids, or we feel misunderstood. That it is a curse of being the only one in the room who doesn't have kids or who chose not to adopt or who chose not to do an egg donor.

We think that all these things are just handed to us and we don't have an option of how we want to sort through it. What I work on a lot is working with women like you who want something different. The women that I work with are:

I'm so excited to talk to you about something that comes up so often for those of us whose life ended up so differently than we thought it would, and that is connection. When you think about connection, what comes up for.

Take a minute and just think about connection. Does it mean someone understanding you? Does it mean someone looking like you? Does it mean somebody's story? Who parallels yours? Does it mean groups of people around you? I think we all have our own definition of what feeling connected means and why it's important to us.

I'm gonna focus this mostly today on that lack of connection. Women without children might feel in society. And why do we feel disconnected? Why does somebody's story about their life and about their experiences make us feel so disconnected? And I'm gonna first say, if you feel disconnected, you aren't.

I work with women every day, that are really struggling to understand, what they're all about. And what we've come to find out is a lot of the disconnection that we feel is because. We feel disconnected from ourselves and who we are and who we thought we would be and what we thought our life would be like.

on today's episode, I want us to start thinking about what connection means to you and how you can go about seeking more of it for yourself. And I'm gonna start with giving you my spoiler alert connection. You might think comes from others being around you and being immersed in a group of people cheering you on and supporting you.

And that might be a bigger definition of connection. But connection starts with you. Connection starts with understanding your story. And connection really takes shape when you feel connected to who you are and what you are and what you're here to do with your life and create with every day and every minute that you have available to you.

For those of us that wanted to be parents and wanted to be moms, it could feel very unfair that we have to do this work. And let me tell you that you don't have to do this. You don't have to seek connection. You don't have to understand what it is about you. That creates connection or desires, connection or exudes connection.

You don't have to do that, but if you are not interested in doing it or don't believe that it's fair that you have to do it, it's likely that you won't create connection for yourself. that's not to say it should be fun for you to roll up your sleeves and say, yes, I wanna feel connected today.

It's seems like it's an undertaking, but when you do it, you're kind of like, Oh my gosh. Like it's, it's that easy to understand who I am and what I want and what I desire, and what people I want around me, and what are the things that I want to bring into my life.

A lot of us are ingrained to believe that we don't have a choice, we feel disconnected, and that's the way that women feel when they don't have kids, or we feel misunderstood. And that's a curse of being the only one in the room who doesn't have kids or who chose not to adopt or who chose not to do an egg donor.

We think that all these things are just handed to us and we don't have an option of how we want to sort through it. What I work on a lot is working with women like you who want something d. The women that I work with are commonly used to being very high functioning. They're used to being successful.

They're used to knowing how to navigate things and then when this desire to become a mom didn't happen for us and our body did not produce a child that we thought would be easy for us to do, it couldn't be the first time in your life that you feel like, wow, this is as good as it's gonna.

Life's not gonna get better than this, or, gosh, I thought I'd have this full life and this is where it's at, I'm here to tell you that that does not have to be your truth. you can have a life that has you feeling connected and feeling uninhibited by meeting new people and seeking new things for yourself that you didn't even know existed, or finding new opportunities to.

Spend your time and grow yourself. It does not have to be a compensation prize for you not being able to have children. This could be the thing that truly drives you into discovering who you are at that core so that you can feel connected with this woman that you have been gifted to be. And yes, I say gifted because for so long I.

didn't see myself and my childlessness as a gift. I saw it as something that would have me feeling like the odd person out that would have me feeling that I was unlucky, that had me feeling that I did something wrong, or that my childlessness and my infertility and inability to have a child was in response to something that I did wrong a curse that had been put on me. I mean, how many people really think that childlessness is the curse? When you decide that childlessness or infertility, no, is not something that we necessarily went out and sought for ourselves. But when we realize what we can discover with this vessel of who we are, despite not being able to have children, that is the gift that can create connection for you. Let's talk about where that connection might exist for you. And a lot of it is listening to yourself and listening to others without judgment. It's easy to be offended by. People who come to work and talk about kid activities all the time, or people that complain about motherhood how terrible it is and that they didn't realize it would be this much work and da, da, da, da, da, whatever they say, not judging them for the way that they feel, but listening to yourself when you get this sense of disconnection from.

And I'm not telling you that you've gotta force yourself to stay connected with these people, but that's usually gonna be your indicator of where this disconnection is coming from and what story is going on in your mind that is causing these feelings of disconnection. And from there, once you understand why you're feeling disconnected, is it because you can't relate to them?

Is. That you're angry with them because they're telling you about something that's annoying to them, that you would do anything to have and start to understand why it is that we're allowing ourselves to believe that that is the only place that we can find connection to ourselves is if we would've been mobs.

So we're basically holding on to this notion that the only. Way that we would ever feel connected and evolved and fully present in our lives is if we weren't moms. But that is not our reality, and that is like the hugest spoiler alert. It's like so many of us want to remain trapped by this story of things that we don't have and these things that we couldn't have and these things that we tried to have and weren't able to.

It's hard to let go of that. I get it. I think that there's gonna always be moments in your life where you'll wonder what it would've been like or see a child and a mom interact, and look at that scene and say, I would've done anything to know what that feeling was like and what that connection was like with another human.

But that is not the connection that was intended for. And I know that it seems unfair to you, but what's more unfair is not going out and finding what does connect you. Where can you find people who get you? And where can you find people who tell a story and listen to your story and don't try to compromise for your story or theirs?

What I want you to understand is, Connection is what you create with yourself. Are you open to connection? Are you somebody who is going to put yourself into a situation to meet new people that you've never met? Like for example, I started a meetup group. If you're on the Meetup app, um, you're welcome to join my group.

It's Child Free and Childless Women on Meetup. And in this group you might go to an event. You're gonna walk in the doors and not know anybody. But if you are in a group of other people seeking that going anyway, and knowing that it's likely you're gonna find somebody who doesn't know anyone either, and maybe had that same anxiousness walking into the room, there you go. Like there's your opportunity to create connection. What does it mean to you? To have connection. Are you somebody that says yes to going out with a group of people that you don't feel connected to? Because you think going out creates connection for you, but really you can be in a sea of people and feel so alone and feel so isolated because you aren't connected to the people there.

So how can you create greater connections with others? How can you get to know people on a level that you feel connected to them, whether they have children or not. Maybe they don't wanna talk about their kids all the time, but they have this level of discomfort that that's the only thing that they can talk about that creates interest of them.

Can you find common ground with people? Even though they have children and even though their life looks so differently than yours does, and have this level of connection with somebody and feel good about who you are, and maybe it's an intellectual, something that you're connected to. Maybe it's an education that you're connected to.

Maybe it's a passion for human rights or maybe it's a passion for a certain topic or subject, or maybe it's religion or a study that you're doing. And even though you don't line up in your parenthood path, maybe you have these other things that bring you together and it doesn't matter that they go home and take care of kids and you go home and have a.

Or a partner that is in your life and fills your home. If you allow yourself to go into something and say, you know what, I'm interested in creating connection. And that connection begins with knowing that your story can be different from somebody else's and still be so meaningful. I'm thinking about that now with like Mother's Day.

Like, how many of you have seen ads popping? About Mother's Day. I just had someone message me the other day that they were in Alta and saw Mother's Day signs all over Alta, or I was on the nike.com app ordering a pair of shoes and there was all of a sudden like all the stuff about Mother's Day. I could have I told myself a story of like how terrible my life is because I'm not being celebrated, but instead I created the other.

I decided to create connection for women who might be feeling isolated. So are you somebody who's gonna say, I'm going to seek that connection for myself? I know that Mother's Day is gonna be hard, I'm gonna go to Lana's event in Chicago, or I'm gonna go to one of the ambassador events in Texas or Kentucky or Washington State.

We have ambassador events going on all over, but are you somebody who. Going to put yourself out there and seek connection and feel connected. Because when you put yourself in a place where you are seeking it, that means that you're open to it and you are more willing to let connection flow to you instead of repelling it.

And if you're in a place right now where you're seeking. I can help you. Let me know, message me. I will help brainstorm with you and find opportunities to become more connected in your daily life and with people who maybe you don't even realize are out there seeking the same connection as you. I just really want you to know that connection begins with you and it's being connected to this story that you're telling you about.

And the story you're telling you what's possible for you or what's not possible for you, and are you allowing the chatter in your brain about how different you are from everyone and how your story is so much more tragic than other people's? Are you allowing that story to be louder? Than the story of desire to share common love with each other and for each other and to appreciate differences and to find compassion for somebody who's complaining about having a sleepless night when they get to work the next day and not being mad at them for sharing that story because it's about a child and you don't have that.

So connection is something that I think is so important and. When you start to seek connection and find connection with who you are inside of you, there's boundless opportunities for you to continue having connection in your daily life and in your workplace, and. With your friends that have kids, and when the stories come up that you feel like you have no relation to, that you can still sit there and not feel so violated because you're so connected with who you are and what you are, and what your purpose is on this earth.

So have a beautiful week. I love you. And remember, it's never too late to discover your meeting. I'll talk to you next.

Used to being very high functioning.

They're used to being successful.

They're used to knowing how to navigate things and then when this desire to become a mom didn't happen for us and our body did not produce a child that we thought would be easy for us to do.

It could be the first time in your life that you feel like, wow, this is as good as it's going to get?.

Life's not going to get better than this?

Or, gosh, I thought I'd have this full life and this is where it's at?

 I'm here to tell you that that does not have to be your truth.

You can have a life that has you feeling connected and feeling uninhibited by meeting new people and seeking new things for yourself that you didn't even know existed, or finding new opportunities to spend your time and grow yourself.

 

It does not have to be a compensation prize for you not being able to have children. This could be the thing that truly drives you into discovering who you are at that core so that you can feel connected with this woman that you have been gifted to be. And yes, I say GIFTED because for so long...

 I didn't see myself and my childlessness as a gift. I saw it as something that would have me feeling like the odd person out that would have me feeling that I was unlucky, that had me feeling that I did something wrong, or that my childlessness and my infertility and inability to have a child was in response to something that I did wrong a curse that had been put on me. I mean, how many people really think that childlessness is the curse? When you decide that childlessness or infertility, no, is not something that we necessarily went out and sought for ourselves. But when we realize what we can discover with this vessel of who we are, despite not being able to have children, that is the gift that can create connection for you. Let's talk about where that connection might exist for you. And a lot of it is listening to yourself and listening to others without judgment. It's easy to be offended by. People who come to work and talk about kid activities all the time, or people that complain about motherhood how terrible it is and that they didn't realize it would be this much work and da, da, da, da, da, whatever they say, not judging them for the way that they feel, but listening to yourself when you get this sense of disconnection from.

And I'm not telling you that you've got to force yourself to stay connected with these people, but that's usually going to be your indicator of where this disconnection is coming from and what story is going on in your mind that is causing these feelings of disconnection. And from there, once you understand why you're feeling disconnected, is it because you can't relate to them?

Is. That you're angry with them because they're telling you about something that's annoying to them, that you would do anything to have and start to understand why it is that we're allowing ourselves to believe that that is the only place that we can find connection to ourselves is if we would've been mobs.

So we're basically holding on to this notion that the only way we would ever feel connected and evolved and fully present in our lives is if we we're moms. But that is not our reality, and that is like the hugest spoiler alert. It's like so many of us want to remain trapped by this story of things that we don't have and these things that we couldn't have and these things that we tried to have and weren't able to.

It's hard to let go of that. I get it. I think that there's going to always be moments in your life where you'll wonder what it would've been like or see a child and a mom interact, and look at that scene and say, I would've done anything to know what that feeling was like and what that connection was like with another human.

But that is not the connection that was intended for.

 I know that it seems unfair to you, but what's more unfair is not going out and finding what does connect you. Where can you find people who get you? And where can you find people who tell a story and listen to your story and don't try to compromise for your story or theirs?

What I want you to understand is, Connection is what you create with yourself. Are you open to connection? Are you somebody who is going to put yourself into a situation to meet new people that you've never met? Like for example, I started a meetup group. If you're on the Meetup app, um, you're welcome to join my group.

It's Child Free and Childless Women on Meetup. And in this group you might go to an event. You're gonna walk in the doors and not know anybody. But if you are in a group of other people seeking that going anyway, and knowing that it's likely you're gonna find somebody who doesn't know anyone either, and maybe had that same anxiousness walking into the room, there you go. Like there's your opportunity to create connection. What does it mean to you? To have connection. Are you somebody that says yes to going out with a group of people that you don't feel connected to? Because you think going out creates connection for you, but really you can be in a sea of people and feel so alone and feel so isolated because you aren't connected to the people there.

So how can you create greater connections with others? How can you get to know people on a level that you feel connected to them, whether they have children or not. Maybe they don't wanna talk about their kids all the time, but they have this level of discomfort that that's the only thing that they can talk about that creates interest of them.

Can you find common ground with people? Even though they have children and even though their life looks so differently than yours does, and have this level of connection with somebody and feel good about who you are, and maybe it's an intellectual, something that you're connected to. Maybe it's an education that you're connected to.

Maybe it's a passion for human rights or maybe it's a passion for a certain topic or subject, or maybe it's religion or a study that you're doing. And even though you don't line up in your parenthood path, maybe you have these other things that bring you together and it doesn't matter that they go home and take care of kids and you go home and have a.

Or a partner that is in your life and fills your home. If you allow yourself to go into something and say, you know what, I'm interested in creating connection. And that connection begins with knowing that your story can be different from somebody else's and still be so meaningful. I'm thinking about that now with like Mother's Day.

Like, how many of you have seen ads popping? About Mother's Day. I just had someone message me the other day that they were in Alta and saw Mother's Day signs all over Alta, or I was on the nike.com app ordering a pair of shoes and there was all of a sudden like all the stuff about Mother's Day. I could have I told myself a story of like how terrible my life is because I'm not being celebrated, but instead I created the other.

I decided to create connection for women who might be feeling isolated. So are you somebody who's going to say, I'm going to seek that connection for myself? I know that Mother's Day is going to be hard, I'm going to go to Lana's event in Chicago, or I'm going to go to one of the ambassador events in Texas or Kentucky or Washington State.

We have ambassador events going on all over, but are you somebody who. Going to put yourself out there and seek connection and feel connected. Because when you put yourself in a place where you are seeking it, that means that you're open to it and you are more willing to let connection flow to you instead of repelling it.

And if you're in a place right now where you're seeking. I can help you. Let me know, message me. I will help brainstorm with you and find opportunities to become more connected in your daily life and with people who maybe you don't even realize are out there seeking the same connection as you. I just really want you to know that connection begins with you and it's being connected to this story that you're telling you about.

And the story you're telling you what's possible for you or what's not possible for you, and are you allowing the chatter in your brain about how different you are from everyone and how your story is so much more tragic than other people's? Are you allowing that story to be louder than the story of desire to share common love with each other and for each other and to appreciate differences and to find compassion for somebody who's complaining about having a sleepless night when they get to work the next day and not being mad at them for sharing that story because it's about a child and you don't have that.

So connection is something that I think is so important and. When you start to seek connection and find connection with who you are inside of you, there's boundless opportunities for you to continue having connection in your daily life and in your workplace, and With your friends that have kids, and when the stories come up that you feel like you have no relation to, that you can still sit there and not feel so violated because you're so connected with who you are and what you are, and what your purpose is on this earth.

So have a beautiful week. I love you. And remember, it's never too late to discover your meaning. I'll talk to you next week.