My motto, which I prided myself on during my 20's & 30's was, "self inflicted injuries get NO sympathy." Meaning if I hurt myself intentionally or unintentionally I was not to complain or draw attention to myself or the situation I had found myself in. After all I had probably brought it on myself. Meaning I was deserving of whatever consequences came my way, especially the negative self loathing. Now I think partly this was taught to me by family and society in general. This phrase was essentially a form of self protection to keep people away and a great place to hide the guilt and shame I was feeling, even though I was not aware that was what I was doing.
Today I expose the elephant in my room. I haven't had the best relationship with alcohol and I need and want to be open and honest with myself about this. After all, this is part of my truth. I am at a point in my life where I no longer want to hide from myself. I feel like the excuses or stories I continue to tell myself are no longer relevant and to be honest I'm sick of hearing that voice of justification. The voice that says "just one more, relax, you deserve this, I'm better than I used to be" or my personal favourite, "I'm not hurting anyone!" I've always had this voice. I always thought this was my voice of reason. I now know this is my ego or voice of justification.
I want to be proactive in my life which also means I want to be healed from the trauma that has been inflicted upon me and self inflicted. I no longer can stand the internal dialog that is negative and really, total bullshit! This story that I tell myself that I'm not good enough or not worthy is an illusion that I have bought into and no longer believe. I know it won't be easy. I also know I am worthy of a blissfully, beautiful loving life as we all are. I want to be the person I know I am capable of being. For me that means challenging and changing my relationship with alcohol. My only commitment is to myself and one step at a time. Maybe my story is familiar, maybe you too want to embrace the full potential of who you are. Or maybe you know someone who struggles with alcohol and you don't know how to help or what to do. However this comes to you please remember, you are enough, you are loved and be kind to yourself. There is help available and its #OK2SAYNO.
SEEKING INFORMATION AROUND OVERCOMING ADDICTION OR DRINKING LESS:
https://hellosundaymorning.org/
https://www.soberinthecountry.org/
https://smartrecoveryaustralia.com.au/
https://aa.org.au/
https://ntcoss.org.au/directory/categories/alcohol-other-drugs
RELATED ORGANISATIONS (Australia):
•Beyond Blue: 1300 224 636 (24 hours/day, 7 days/week)
•DrugInfo: 1300 858 584 (9am - 5pm, Monday - Friday)
•Family Drug Support Australia: 1300 368 186 (24 hours/day, 7 days/week)
•Youth Support + Advocacy Service: 1800 458 685 (9am - 8pm, Monday - Friday)
•Kids Helpline : 1800 551 800 (24 hours/day, 7 days/week)
•Parentline (QLD and NT): 1300 301 300 (phones open 8am - 10pm, 7 days/week
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