Inside Out with Jimi Hunt - The Mental Fitness Podcast

Jimi had always thought that he loved other people enough. That he loved as much as everyone else... that was until he met Libby, who seemed to have an exponentially greater capacity for love than he did. This disparity led to some speed bumps in their relationship until Jimi decided that he was going to actively grow his capacity for love.

In this episode Jimi and Libby talk about how understanding that each person has a different capacity for love can greatly improve the experience of being in a relationship. They delve into why they love at different levels and how their previous life experiences created their capacity for loving.

Arriving at some difficult realisations during their relationship, they discuss how being at opposite ends of the scale almost caused them to end things until Jimi’s decision to see if he actually could feel more love created a whole new dynamic in their relationship and brought about many other beautiful benefits.

They speak candidly about the impact that one person in a relationship loving the other one more can have on couples and how it’s a fairly common relationship issue but not something that can’t be fixed.

Like all things, Jimi believes that your capacity for love can be treated like a muscle and to grow it, you just need to work it out. He helpfully lists some of the simple tools and tricks he used to move his capacity for love waaaaaaaay up.

“The quality of your life is 100% contingent upon your capacity to unconditionally love yourself.”

As Jimi chats with self-love expert Gracie Balev they lead us through a beautiful discussion about what self-love really looks like.

Highly misrepresented in social media and mainstream media, self-love is often confused with acts of self-care hyped up as doing lush, trendy things seen on Instagram. Gracie explains how, while not intrinsically bad, those things are merely 5% of the equation when it comes to learning how to truly practice self-love. Guiding us away from the well-intentioned but surface level acts like the occasional face mask and yoga retreat, Gracie re-frames how we can view self-love and helps us understand its importance in our mental fitness.

"We are craving and starved for that self-source fulfillment and that deep knowing that we are actually worthy and deserving of a high quality, loved-based life experience. We are not thriving, we are simply surviving because we are disconnected from that inner core self and we are accustomed to, at this point, reaching externally to fulfill ourselves internally."

As humans we are so used to seeking validation from external sources, feeling like the things we achieve and possess will bring admiration and validation from other people but as Gracie puts it, there is only one true way to be validated; and that's to practice self-love.

"We need to start checking in with self - where our voids might be, where our wounds might be, heal all of that, transmute all of that and then fill our hearts from the inside out so that then we are simply outpouring love because we are so full of that genuine self-validation and self-worth that that’s all we can do - express the true love that we innately are."

Jimi sees the process of self love as “the ability to go inward, to repair the hole that had been dug inside of us through society, through our traumas, through our experiences...what a lot of people find hard is understanding the process of how that happens.” 

Listen as Gracie reveals her three step practice to unlock true, fulfilling self love. Something that she practices multiple times per day, because, as she puts it, practicing self-love isn’t linear and it is a never ending process.

Jimi and Gracie discuss some excellent, practical tools that you can implement straight away to improve your capacity for self-love and they explain the importance of having a daily self-practice, of carving out time in the day, every day, where you go inward without distraction to check in with what you are feeling and why.

Jimi also reveals the three most negative beliefs he has about himself and talks about where these come from and how to heal from them.

In this episode Jimi gives us some fascinating insights into the energy behind things.

He introduces the idea that nothing is inherently good or bad in this world but the defining factor in making an action good or bad is the intention or energy behind it.

He speaks candidly about how needing validation from others was the driving force behind the clothes he wore and how, after looking deep within himself through a filter of brutal honesty, he realised that he needed to change the energy behind his behaviour and not seek outside validation for the love he wasn't giving himself.

“The action is neither good nor bad, the intention, the energy that drives that action is what matters and to be able to find that sometimes you have to take away the action to be able to see what’s left.” 

Sometimes, even innocuous seeming behaviours can be driven from a place of hurt, fear, trauma or lack of self-love, Jimi helps lift the lid on how to identify these and start looking inside so that we can shift the energy behind the behaviour and move ourselves up the mental fitness continuum.

Taking a deep dive into the world of masculinity Jimi chats with the world’s most eloquent Muay Thai champion, educator and vocal critic of ‘woke’ culture, Richie Hardcore, about dismantling the patriarchy, changing the conversation around what it means to be a ‘real’ man and challenging all men to play a part in changing the social construct of masculinity in our modern world.

With vast experience in helping men evolve past their ingrained ideas of masculinity, Richie draws upon his broad humanities background to unpack what it means to be a man today and explores the impact that the expected behaviour and belief structures that have been embedded in men since they were children have on society as a whole.

He discusses with Jimi the mask that he wore for many years in order to feel accepted and admits that the “visage of looking ‘hard’ didn’t take my pain away, didn’t make me immune to depression or sadness or heartbreak or grief and many men think that it does and they hide behind that mask but they’re dying inside.”

Linking the disproportionately high death rate of young men to the ongoing perpetuation of being a ‘real man’ Richie believes “We need to get rid of the idea of being a ‘real’ man and start showcasing ideas of being a ‘good’ man.”

So, how do we change a culture? According to Richie, “It’s about rejecting what we know to be harmful and putting new things in place, it’s a million and one patient, kind, loving conversations.”

Jimi and Richie have exactly one of those types of conversations in this hour-long episode which will leave you with a much deeper understanding of a hugely contentious topic that affects us all.

How much of an impact do you think other people have on your success or failure in life? What kind of influence do the habits of a friend of your friend’s friend have on you? Jimi reveals some stats that may surprise you as he delves into the importance of surrounding yourself with awesome.

Whether it be people you know in real life or those that influence you from tiny squares on a screen, Jimi explains why surrounding yourself with awesome is crucial to great mental fitness and a fulfilling life.

“We can’t just magically purchase or achieve the end result...but we can invest in the tools to help create the end result.”

Listen as Jimi acknowledges that while making new friends as an adult can sometimes feel daunting, he outlines the types of people you should be seeking to surround yourself with, how to do it and why it’s so important in achieving your goals.

Mentioned:

David McClelland https://psychology.fas.harvard.edu/people/david-mcclelland

The Framingham Study https://framinghamheartstudy.org/fhs-about/

Leadership coach Suzi McAlpine chats with Jimi about burnout. A word we are all too familiar with, but do we really know what it means, where it comes from or how to deal with it?

What exactly are the six causes of burnout? How do we spot them? And how do we empower ourselves to ask for the help we need to ensure we don’t come crashing down in a flaming heap in our professional life?

With alarmingly high rates that are still on the rise, burnout can impact anybody so Jimi and Suzi unpack the root causes, identify the three red flags and illuminate some tips and tools to help us help ourselves.

On top of that, they discuss the responsibility of organisations to help their people never reach the tipping point. They discuss organisational health and offer great advice on how to broach the subject within your organisation no matter what level you are or job title you hold.

As Suzi says “We’re putting way too much onus on the individual to spot it, treat it, to prevent it when it’s an organisational and systemic problem. It’s a bit like treating a sick fish when it’s the water that’s contaminated.” 

Acknowledging that there is still a long way to go in addressing burnout among the vast majority of workplaces, Suzi muses that the lip service approach is destined to fail and we must be prioritising actual, effective tools and training to combat the high volume of burnout cases around New Zealand and across the world.

“Burnout is not going to be fixed by a fruit bowl in the lunchroom.” 

She believes that the impact that a person in leadership can have in an organisation is exponential.

“If we start to see leaders having the courage to be vulnerable, someone who has positional power, who has hierarchical power starting to open up about their own challenges at work whether it’s burnout or depression or any mental distress that makes it safer (for others to do the same).” 

Underneath it all, Suzi believes that part of the solution to avoiding or mitigating the impact of burnout is simple...and wouldn’t you know it, it’s a three word phrase Jimi has been preaching for years…

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MENTIONED:

Tasha Eurich - https://www.tashaeurich.com/

Essentialism -  Greg McCowan  https://gregmckeown.com

Beyond Burnout - Suzi McAlpine https://suzimcalpine.com

Due to popular demand and many personal situations I have consulted on lately, I have decided that we need to talk about dating and Mental Fitness in dating. So, in the near future, there are going to be some bonus episodes around this topic, but first, we'll start here;

In April 2012 Jimi and Libby went on The Best First Date Ever™ and in this episode they reminisce about the way in which they met and discuss some of Jimi’s tips for how to stand out amongst all the other available fish in the dating sea.

They discuss some of the trials of navigating the dating world in a modern era and how tricky it can be to get back into after being in a long-term relationship.

Jimi explains how to ‘win at dating’ by thinking outside the box and they reveal a little bit about how their first date went including Libby’s realisation that she was unknowingly part of Jimi’s social experiment.

They talk about how only dating your ‘type’ doesn’t necessarily lead to success but implementing some of Jimi’s tips for making a first date interesting and relaxed might just lead to a second.

Spoiler Alert: there was a second date.

Jimi shares the greatest lesson he’s ever learned....maybe.

Helped by a story of an Old Chinese Farmer, Alan Watts and a Ananda disciple, Jimi has discovered that the word ‘maybe’ just may be the most powerful and important one in his vocabulary.

He explains how hearing a certain phrase at a lecture one day flicked a switch for him that helped him to understand that we, as humans, have zero idea about what’s best for us most of the time and that hoping for certain outcomes can actually stall our progress up the mental fitness continuum.

As Jimi says; ‘the distance between thoughts and actions is wisdom’ and using ‘maybe’ as a tool to learn and gain perspective opens up our ability to see the bigger picture, to take a step back and allow some space for wisdom to prevail over reaction.

In this episode, both Jimi and Libby talk about how learning perspective has been pivotal to their mental fitness and they share their similar stories of times where they wished for what they thought they wanted, only to realise that thing was not actually what they needed.

They also discuss how the worst things that ever happened to them are actually some of the best things and how now, with the ability to quickly gain perspective, similar level ‘worst things’ really don’t make much of an impact on them anymore.

Mentioned:

Alan Watts - Maybe  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=byQrdnq7_H0

Ananda Centres - https://www.ananda.org/find-ananda/

Continuing their slightly unconventional friendship which consists of having only one  conversation per year Jimi chats with Will Fleming - prolific NZ podcaster and seeker of the ‘why?’.

With over 300 podcast conversations under his belt, Will has the unique perspective of somebody who has been introduced to a plethora of concepts, ideas and tools for improving his mental fitness and Jimi wants to know how many he has tried and which of them has stuck.

For Will, the act of podcasting itself has become a part of his mental fitness and he somehow manages to elevate his own mental fitness through osmosis, simply by being exposed to many different ideas and concepts but admits that ‘you can’t just sit there and listen and not do anything about it’.

He speaks about his experience with trying out a current trend that promised to help and why it didn’t work for him. Going against the flow of simply following the latest trend in the hope of finding happiness, Will articulates how important it is to ask ‘why is this going to help me?’ before diving in head first.

Jimi and Will discuss the benefits of implementing small changes over time and how understanding that sometimes we need to jump into our automated system and pull the manual override can help us get out of an uncomfortable state.

They talk about having someone come with you on your mental fitness journey to make the ride a little easier - as Will puts it “if you’re going to look into the abyss, hold someone’s hand.”

In this episode Jimi and Libby talk about talking.

But more than that, they discuss the list of 36 questions that can lead to love...or simply a deeper connection between two people.

Stemming from Libby’s ‘demands’ to be entertained by new, stimulating conversations, Jimi discovered a list of questions which has the sole purpose of creating sustained, escalating, reciprocal, personal, self disclosure. Or, as Jimi prefers to call it, vulnerability.

“The deeper we go with somebody the more we open ourselves up and the more vulnerable we are, the deeper the relationship goes.”

Ranging from interesting first-date questions, through to deep, personal reflections the list provides a unique opportunity to really get to know somebody on an intimate level over time.

As they delve into the increasing intimacy of the list Libby opens up about being an oversharer and how failing to establish mutual boundaries early on has been damaging to some of her past friendships.

They discuss the importance of maintaining eye-contact with people when talking to them and how this can strengthen a relationship whether it’s a personal or professional one.

Jimi also sets a challenge of looking into someone’s eyes for 4 minutes. Could you do it?

Also, would you like to know the exact date and cause of your death? And what does a perfect day look like to you?

LINKS:

You can download The 36 Questions plus mine; http://www.jimihunt.com/DateQuestions.pdf

Original study: https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/0146167297234003