Parallel parenting is a plan with clear rules and clear boundaries. To parallel parent is to stay out of your ex’s house (literally and figuratively) and vice versa. Parallel parenting is based on personal accountability and acknowledges the reality of conflict and divorce.

Trendy coparenting is a philosophy of “shoulds.” Coparents should have free and open and friendly communication. Everyone should get along. Coparenting should work if you love your kids enough and focus on the kids enough. Coparenting is how parents should act regardless of all other factors beside the kids. The list goes on.

Choosing parallel parenting is the decision to stop “shoulding” on ourselves. It is the choice to let go of the idealistic, happy-happy shoulds and focus on reality and autonomy.

Choosing to parallel parent is not a sign of failure. It is not a sign of giving up or opting to be a lesser parent. Parallel parenting is an actual plan with boundaries and rules. Choosing parallel parenting is to recognize that trendy coparenting is an unworkable and undesirable philosophy for most...and it is the decision to clearly define and enforce personal rules and boundaries and to allow each parent the freedom to live their own life.