Is it Me or is it Them? with April Boyd

Have you ever replayed a conversation - picking apart what you said, how you said it, or wishing you’d handled it differently? Maybe a mistake or embarrassing moment left you spiralling for days into shame and self-loathing?

There’s a big difference between self-reflection and self-attack.  One is productive. The other is just punishment.

✨ Self-reflection sounds like:

“What was happening for me in that moment?”

“What need is being brought to my attention?”

“How could I do this differently moving forward?”

🔥 Self-attack sounds like:

“I can’t believe I did that again.”

“What’s wrong with me?”

“Omg I am such an idiot.”

In today's episode I'm sharing 3 questions you can ask yourself to move out of unproductive self-attack and into healthy self-reflection- and then let it go.

If this episode resonates, share it with someone who might need a softer way to look inward — and don’t forget to subscribe to Is It Them or Is It Me? for more conversations about boundaries, relationships, and the moments that shape who we become.

Want to get better at speaking up? Sign up for the free on-demand workshop that will help you be more confident in standing your ground when you're dealing with a boundary bulldozer. Sign up here.

Get on the Newsletter List here.

Have a topic or question you'd love to hear about?

Message me and let me know.

email [email protected]

Instagram @with.love.april

https://www.instagram.com/with.love.april/

Please note:

This show is not a replacement for therapy, assessment, treatment or diagnosis. This show is intended for educational and entertainment purposes only. See your physician, counsellor or local crisis support centre if needed

All identifying details about the people and the stories shared here are removed to protect confidentiality.

When life is moving a mile a minute, it’ might feel like you just want to get in your car and get away for a few days. But you don’t need to book a vacation or escape your life to get back in control. You can shift the energy in the moment, right where you are. And really, this is where our healing actually happens, right here, right now, in how we take control of ourselves on a moment by moment basis.

In this episode, I share three powerful ways to get grounded and in control, even when everything around you feels chaotic:

• Managing your energy with Spoon Theory – a practical way to understand your limits and use your resources wisely.
• Taking charge of your thoughts and self-talk – how to stop the inner spiral and slow down.
• Being responsible for the energy you bring into a room – how to stop adding to the negativity and reset your energy quickly.

Think of this episode as a reminder that you don’t need to overhaul your your whole entire life—you may just need a few small, intentional shifts to feel more calm and grounded right now.

💌 Want more support like this? Sign up for my newsletter to get more tips, tools and resources.

Want to get better at speaking up? Sign up for the free on-demand workshop that will help you be more confident in standing your ground when you're dealing with a boundary bulldozer. Sign up here.

Get on the Newsletter List here.

Have a topic or question you'd love to hear about?

Message me and let me know.

email [email protected]

Instagram @with.love.april

https://www.instagram.com/with.love.april/

Please note:

This show is not a replacement for therapy, assessment, treatment or diagnosis. This show is intended for educational and entertainment purposes only. See your physician, counsellor or local crisis support centre if needed

All identifying details about the people and the stories shared here are removed to protect confidentiality.

In this episode of Is It Me or Is It Them?, we unpack one of the most misunderstood ideas about anxiety: the belief that feeling safe is the ultimate goal. We're going to explore why seeking safety can sometimes keep us stuck—and why building trust in ourselves is a more sustainable path forward.

Drawing on my work as a therapist, and real-life examples from clients and my own experiences, I walk you through the subtle but important shift from trying to avoid discomfort to learning we can handle it.

• Why “safety” might not be what you actually need
• The difference between control and trust
• How to build inner confidence and resilience, especially after trauma
• A reframe for those of us who tend to overprepare, overthink, or retreat
• 
  

If you’ve ever tried to fix your anxiety by making your world smaller—by canceling plans, avoiding conflict, or needing constant reassurance—this one’s for you.

• Try a self-trust journal prompt this week: What have I already survived that proves I can do hard things?
• Want support applying this to your own life or relationship? Learn more at www.aprilboyd.ca

Want to get better at speaking up? Sign up for the free on-demand workshop that will help you be more confident in standing your ground when you're dealing with a boundary bulldozer. Sign up here.

Get on the Newsletter List here.

Have a topic or question you'd love to hear about?

Message me and let me know.

email [email protected]

Instagram @with.love.april

https://www.instagram.com/with.love.april/

Please note:

This show is not a replacement for therapy, assessment, treatment or diagnosis. This show is intended for educational and entertainment purposes only. See your physician, counsellor or local crisis support centre if needed

All identifying details about the people and the stories shared here are removed to protect confidentiality.

No one warns you about this part of love. One day you look across the table at the person you built a life with—and ask yourself: What if I made a huge mistake?

You have spent years getting to know them better than they may even know themselves- and some of it's ugly.

And you wonder: Is this still workable—or am I just fooling myself?

In this episode of Is It Me or Is It Them?, we’re talking about the part of long-term relationships that doesn’t get enough acknowledgment: The moment when your partner’s flaws aren’t just annoying, they are damn right repulsive, infuriating—and they make you question everything.

Here’s what we explore:

• Why seeing the worst in your partner is sometimes inevitable—and what it means
• The difference between difficult and deal breaker
• How your nervous system interprets relationship conflict as danger
• The internal process you need to go through before making major decisions
• Why even good people can still be wildly incompatible sometimes
• What to do when love starts to feel like work you don’t want to do
• 
  

Whether you’re in the middle of a long slow burnout or just hit a bump that’s bigger than usual, this conversation is here to bring some clarity, calm, and honest reflection.

Mentioned in this episode:

→ The Reset Your Relationship audio program – now self-paced and audio-only, for busy people doing hard relationship work.

Check it out here.

If this episode resonates, share it with someone else who’s wondering what’s “normal” in long-term love—and what isn’t. And as always, thank you for being here.

Want to get better at speaking up? Sign up for the free on-demand workshop that will help you be more confident in standing your ground when you're dealing with a boundary bulldozer. Sign up here.

Get on the Newsletter List here.

Have a topic or question you'd love to hear about?

Message me and let me know.

email [email protected]

Instagram @with.love.april

https://www.instagram.com/with.love.april/

Please note:

This show is not a replacement for therapy, assessment, treatment or diagnosis. This show is intended for educational and entertainment purposes only. See your physician, counsellor or local crisis support centre if needed

All identifying details about the people and the stories shared here are removed to protect confidentiality.

Want to get better at speaking up? Sign up for the free on-demand workshop that will help you be more confident in standing your ground when you're dealing with a boundary bulldozer. Sign up here.

Get on the Newsletter List here.

Have a topic or question you'd love to hear about?

Message me and let me know.

email [email protected]

Instagram @with.love.april

https://www.instagram.com/with.love.april/

Please note:

This show is not a replacement for therapy, assessment, treatment or diagnosis. This show is intended for educational and entertainment purposes only. See your physician, counsellor or local crisis support centre if needed

All identifying details about the people and the stories shared here are removed to protect confidentiality.

What do you do when the problem isn’t just your in-laws—but your partner’s refusal to set limits with them?

In today’s episode of Is It Me or Is It Them? we’re talking about one of the most painful and confusing dynamics that shows up in relationships: when your partner won’t back you up, won’t speak up, and won’t protect the boundaries that matter to you.

You’re not imagining it. You’re not being too sensitive.

You’re not crazy—you’re just outnumbered.

Here’s what we’ll explore:

• Why your partner might be avoiding hard conversations with their family (even when they agree with you privately)
• How your people-pleasing, approval-seeking tendencies might be keeping you stuck
• Why waiting for your partner to “handle it” often backfires
• What it looks like to stop outsourcing your self-respect
• The mindset shift that changes everything: Above no one. Below no one.

You’ll also hear a real (anonymous) client story about what changed when she stopped trying to get her partner to fix it—and started showing up as her own steady, grounded, grown-ass self.

This is not about going to war. This is about stepping out of the dance of dysfunction and giving yourself permission to speak truth, hold the line, and take up space—with clarity and dignity.

If this episode resonates, I’d love if you shared it with someone who needs to hear it. And if you’re ready to go deeper into the work of getting on the same page as your partner, check out the Reset & Reconnect program here.

Thanks for listening. I’m so glad you’re here.

Want to get better at speaking up? Sign up for the free on-demand workshop that will help you be more confident in standing your ground when you're dealing with a boundary bulldozer. Sign up here.

Get on the Newsletter List here.

Have a topic or question you'd love to hear about?

Message me and let me know.

email [email protected]

Instagram @with.love.april

https://www.instagram.com/with.love.april/

Please note:

This show is not a replacement for therapy, assessment, treatment or diagnosis. This show is intended for educational and entertainment purposes only. See your physician, counsellor or local crisis support centre if needed

All identifying details about the people and the stories shared here are removed to protect confidentiality.

In today’s episode, we’re pulling back the curtain on a cultural trend that might seem harmless, but actually functions as a form of social control: the "Karen" meme.

While it may have started as a way to call out rude or entitled behaviour, it’s morphed into something much darker—something that often punishes women for speaking up, setting boundaries, or simply taking up space. Especially as they age.

Drawing on personal experience and research, April unpacks how the Karen label is weaponized to silence assertiveness in women, while men exhibiting the same behaviours are often rewarded or even celebrated.

What We Explore in This Episode:

• 🔹 Why calling someone a “Karen” is more than just a joke—it’s a tool of silencing
• 🔹 The disturbing double standards women face in leadership, public, and social spaces
• 🔹 The emotional cost of always having to be “extra nice” just to avoid backlash
• 🔹 Why male assertiveness is respected—and female assertiveness is often resented
• 🔹 How this meme reinforces internalized misogyny among women themselves
• 
  

Stats You’ll Hear in This Episode:

🧠 33% of women in performance reviews were told they’re “too opinionated” — compared to just 4% of men source

🗣 Women’s perceived competence drops 35% when they are described as assertive source

👔 66% of women receive feedback about their personal style (tone, demeanor) vs. 1% of men source

A Personal Story:

April shares a moment during a family trip in Amsterdam when she found herself at risk of being labeled a “Karen”—just for holding her ground about a café table she’d been given.

This episode is an invitation to:

• Question how we treat assertive women
• Notice how we might be unconsciously policing each other
• Start calling out sexism—even when it’s hiding behind a meme
• 
  

If you liked this episode, you might also enjoy:

• Silence or Truth? Two Times I Bit My Tongue—And One Time I Didn’t
• The Ugly Truth About Long-Term Love
• 
  

Thanks for listening.

If this resonated with you, share it with someone else who'd benefit from hearing it. And if you have a story or topic you'd like April to talk about on the show, feel free to reach out.

✨ This podcast is a place for nuance, honesty, and taking up space with dignity.

Want to get better at speaking up? Sign up for the free on-demand workshop that will help you be more confident in standing your ground when you're dealing with a boundary bulldozer. Sign up here.

Get on the Newsletter List here.

Have a topic or question you'd love to hear about?

Message me and let me know.

email [email protected]

Instagram @with.love.april

https://www.instagram.com/with.love.april/

Please note:

This show is not a replacement for therapy, assessment, treatment or diagnosis. This show is intended for educational and entertainment purposes only. See your physician, counsellor or local crisis support centre if needed

All identifying details about the people and the stories shared here are removed to protect confidentiality.

Send us a text

Welcome back to Is It Me or Is It Them? After a short break, I’m so glad to be back with you—and today, we’re diving into something that comes up all the time in relationships: the fear of speaking up.

You might think the problem is that you don’t know how to say it. But what if the real issue is that you don’t think you’re allowed to?

In this episode, we’ll explore:

• Why many people struggle to voice their needs, even when the words are right there
• The cultural and relational conditioning that makes speaking up feel unsafe
• How guilt, shame, and people-pleasing silence us—and what that silence costs
• A mindset shift that can help you speak with more clarity, confidence, and care
• What to ask yourself when you’re stuck between honesty and harmony

Whether you're dealing with in-laws, a disconnected partner, or a moment where your heart is screaming to say something but your mouth won’t move—this conversation will help you start untangling the inner blocks to speaking your truth.

Mentioned in this episode:

• My break from the podcast and why honouring your own season matters
• The importance of knowing your intentions before having a hard conversation
• What it looks like to be direct and kind (at the same time)

If this episode resonates, I’d be so grateful if you’d leave a review or share it with a friend. And if you're navigating these kinds of stuck points in your own relationship, check out the Reset & Reconnect program here.

Thanks for listening—I’ll see you next time.

Have a topic or question you'd love to hear about?
Message me and let me know.

email [email protected]
Instagram @with.love.april
https://www.instagram.com/with.love.april/

Sign up to get tips & tools sent to your inbox.

https://fun-cell-31288.myflodesk.com/ppxzb70s3e

Please note:
This show is not a replacement for therapy, assessment, treatment or diagnosis. This show is intended for educational and entertainment purposes only. See your physician, counsellor or local crisis support centre if needed


All identifying details about the people and the stories shared here are removed to protect confidentiality.

Welcome back to Is It Me or Is It Them? After a short break, I’m so glad to be back with you—and today, we’re diving into something that comes up all the time in relationships: the fear of speaking up.

You might think the problem is that you don’t know how to say it. But what if the real issue is that you don’t think you’re allowed to?

In this episode, we’ll explore:

• Why many people struggle to voice their needs, even when the words are right there
• The cultural and relational conditioning that makes speaking up feel unsafe
• How guilt, shame, and people-pleasing silence us—and what that silence costs
• A mindset shift that can help you speak with more clarity, confidence, and care
• What to ask yourself when you’re stuck between honesty and harmony

Whether you're dealing with in-laws, a disconnected partner, or a moment where your heart is screaming to say something but your mouth won’t move—this conversation will help you start untangling the inner blocks to speaking your truth.

Mentioned in this episode:

• My break from the podcast and why honouring your own season matters
• The importance of knowing your intentions before having a hard conversation
• What it looks like to be direct and kind (at the same time)

If this episode resonates, I’d be so grateful if you’d leave a review or share it with a friend. And if you're navigating these kinds of stuck points in your own relationship, check out the Reset & Reconnect program here.

Thanks for listening—I’ll see you next time.

Want to get better at speaking up? Sign up for the free on-demand workshop that will help you be more confident in standing your ground when you're dealing with a boundary bulldozer. Sign up here.

Get on the Newsletter List here.

Have a topic or question you'd love to hear about?

Message me and let me know.

email [email protected]

Instagram @with.love.april

https://www.instagram.com/with.love.april/

Please note:

This show is not a replacement for therapy, assessment, treatment or diagnosis. This show is intended for educational and entertainment purposes only. See your physician, counsellor or local crisis support centre if needed

All identifying details about the people and the stories shared here are removed to protect confidentiality.

Send us a text

Today we explore two reasons why  the heavy burden many women feel when juggling responsibilities in their personal and professional lives. The conversation dives into the cultural expectations that lead to overfunctioning, how these beliefs impact relationships and why over-working becomes a stress management tool you probably don't even notice you're using.

• Discussing the overwhelming mental load women carry
• Societal expectations and the "good wife" stereotype
• The correlation between overfunctioning and self-worth
• Unpacking overfunctioning as a coping strategy for stress
• Challenging fears of being seen as demanding in relationships
• Introducing the Reset and Reconnect Program to help shift dynamics

Come check out Reset and Reconnect and see if this program feels right for you.

Have a topic or question you'd love to hear about?
Message me and let me know.

email [email protected]
Instagram @with.love.april
https://www.instagram.com/with.love.april/

Sign up to get tips & tools sent to your inbox.

https://fun-cell-31288.myflodesk.com/ppxzb70s3e

Please note:
This show is not a replacement for therapy, assessment, treatment or diagnosis. This show is intended for educational and entertainment purposes only. See your physician, counsellor or local crisis support centre if needed


All identifying details about the people and the stories shared here are removed to protect confidentiality.

Want to get better at speaking up? Sign up for the free on-demand workshop that will help you be more confident in standing your ground when you're dealing with a boundary bulldozer. Sign up here.

Get on the Newsletter List here.

Have a topic or question you'd love to hear about?

Message me and let me know.

email [email protected]

Instagram @with.love.april

https://www.instagram.com/with.love.april/

Please note:

This show is not a replacement for therapy, assessment, treatment or diagnosis. This show is intended for educational and entertainment purposes only. See your physician, counsellor or local crisis support centre if needed

All identifying details about the people and the stories shared here are removed to protect confidentiality.