Welcome to this edition of Newsgram!

Subscribe with your favorite podcast player

You probably don’t know this about me, but I’ve always been a bit of an introvert—and, if I’m being honest, a bit of a people pleaser. I’m not saying I’ve always been good at it, but I do have a hard time saying no. So when today’s topic landed on my desk, it struck a chord.

Today, we meet Monique Worgess. She may not be a household name—yet—but her journey fits into a long tradition of quiet voices who’ve stepped into the light. Think Maya Angelou, Michelle Obama, Lady Gaga… all people who learned to value the thing they once tried to hide. Another well-known introvert? Susan Cain, author of Quiet.

Monique Worgess – I read the book Quiet by Susan Cain. And she has a TED talk also where she talks about shyness and being an introvert and the difference. And that really resonated with me. Because I guess how it’s perceived, for the most part, it’s like everyone should be an extrovert. And then introverts they’re not as confident, they don’t really get the promotions or whatever that may be. But that’s definitely not true. Because I feel like all the information and things I know now, I feel like they’re probably half and half when it comes to extroverts versus introverts. And there’s a lot of very key people who are introverted, but you would never necessarily know that. Because they’re able to have that persona that they need when they need to deliver something and things like that. So I feel a lot more confident in my approach these days. And not being, I need to conform to what others are saying, just because I have a different opinion, which I refer to in the book as well.

Cain’s TED Talk, The Power of Introverts, has been viewed over 30 million times, and her book started a global conversation about the strength of being introverted. Monique, like Cain, didn’t just find her voice—she’s using it to validate others like her in her own book, It’s Okay to Feel Like This: Suppressed Thoughts of an Introvert.

Monique Worgess – I just finally been feeling finally feeling comfortable, I guess, being the introvert that I am. And yes, I just wanted to share that with others.

When she says “feeling comfortable,” she’s talking about those moments when we stay silent even when we have something to say—moments that can shape a career.

Monique Worgess – So, for example, one of the key things in the book that I’ve said is, so let’s say I’m in a meeting, there’s about 20 people in the room and there’s something that’s being discussed and then everyone will be in agreement. But then I will have a different view. But then because of how shy I was at the time, and then I’m thinking, well, if everyone’s in agreement, then that must be the correct way of thinking. So then there’s no point me saying what I have to say. And I remember I had a manager one time and I guess he realized how I was kind of coming across in those meetings. And he came over to me and he said, Monique, is everything OK? And I was like, yeah, everything’s fine. And he was like, what’s your thoughts on what we discussed today? And I said to him and then he said, oh, I think that’s the idea that we’ll go with. And then that shocked me because, again, I was thinking, you know, I have a low self-esteem as well. So you’re like, well, if everyone’s thinking that way, that must be the correct way of thinking. But then again, I guess that the way he managed helped me to, I guess, come out of my shell a bit more and to speak up more, even when it is different, as opposed to going at the crowd.

Kudos to that manager—leaders who notice and make space for quieter voices are rare. But Monique’s journey isn’t just about meetings. It’s also about identity, self-esteem, and the things we hide.

Monique Worgess – So I’m someone, I have always been a person at school who had a different hairstyle every day. And I think there was one moment, I guess, if you could ever turn back the hands of time. So I remember my sister wanted to dye my hair one time and I always said no, no, no. And then I finally gave in. And it felt like from that moment, that was the beginning of the end. So I think I was around 18 and I actually started to lose my hair. And it got to a point where it couldn’t, it wasn’t contained anymore, so the only option was to cut it. And that made me feel so, because you know when you feel like you’ve lost my identity in a way, because being that person had different hairstyles and just couldn’t do that anymore. And also being female as well and having no hair as well. So I actually hid in the house for about three or so years at the time. I just didn’t like the look, I didn’t want to be mistaken for a man or anything like that. But whereas now I love my hair, it always took time to kind of grow into it.

If you google her, you’ll see Monique keeps her hair extremely short—and she wears it beautifully. But that confidence came later.

Monique Worgess – So I would say this book is for people who find it hard to express themselves. I guess, in a nutshell, you can say self-sabotage. But in the world we live in today, I feel like people are moving more and more away from speaking. And I guess that community aspect and things like that. And I guess things can only get better when you kind of talk about them. And so I actually realized that in my ways that not talking or being reserved doesn’t necessarily help. And that can potentially even create barriers when it comes to creating new relationships and things like that as well. So I guess I would just say it’s for anyone who has had a similar path in life, but then is actively open to wanting to make a change for the better.

Introversion may be something you’re born with, but life experiences shape how it shows up. For Monique, one of the most defining experiences was what she calls the Dark Figure.

Monique Worgess – I grew up in Jamaica. I currently live in London at the moment. And so I left Jamaica when I was 11 years old to come to the UK because my family was moving. I wanted to move here. And so life was great in Jamaica, so to speak. But then when we came here. We started to live with what’s known as a dark figure in the book. It felt like five years of living in hell, so we left around when I was 16 years old and I wanted to write the book then. But honestly, if I had written the book, then it would have been a lot more bitter than it is today. But so fast forward many decades on and then I had a career break. And that was a time when I finally had the chance to sit back and just write the book that I always wanted to write, into words that potentially help others who are potentially feeling the same way.

Abuse breeds self-doubt. Monique’s advice? Stop being a mind reader—because most of the time, what you think others are thinking about you isn’t true.

Monique Worgess – I was also an over-thinker as well. So it’s almost like you’re making up things in my head about what I think other people are saying or thinking about me. That’s not actually true. So now I’ve created a whole situation of something that wasn’t true to begin with. And then that’s the fact that’s in my head when, again, none of this is true. And then that just, again, that affects everything. It will just affect everything around you because it’s not true. And then it’s just more barriers have been put in place. And it’s just a never-ending cycle.

Writing this book took time, time she only found because of a career break.

Monique Worgess – So I think having the career break, that was probably the first time I’ve ever been able to slow down because being constantly on the go. Always busy, always doing something. But then just having that 14 months to just think, OK, what do I want to do with my life? Up to now, things haven’t quite worked out as I’d like them to be. So going back to some of those stories, some of the pain and even talking to family members as well, because, you know, even though we all go through what you would say, we’re in the same situation, we experience things very differently. And you even remember things very differently as well. And then just really seeing where the problem was and what lied with me and just actively putting processes in place and just gaining knowledge to see how I can improve the way I think about myself and how I want to show up in the world moving forward.

She says that while we as introverts share similar traits it’s important to remember that your journey is your own. There is no right or wrong way to transform or become the person you are trying to be. You need to ensure that you do it at your own pace and when you are ready. Her story is one that I think you’ll find interesting but it’s not a blueprint. It is a reminder that the past doesn’t get to be the author of our future, it’s just one chapter. The real power lies in deciding which parts we carry forward, and which we leave behind. And one of the bravest things we can do is give ourselves permission to step out of the shadows. The book, It’s OK to Feel Like This: Suppressed Thoughts of an Introvert, is available online wherever you buy books. And that will do it for this edition of newsgram from Webtalkradio.com

The post It’s OK to Feel Like This…! by Monique Worgess appeared first on WebTalkRadio.net.