It's Your Time

Do you know that is actually a super important question? Let me tell you why - the reason we do anything in life is because of how we think we will feel…. Or to avoid feeling something.

Helllo! How are you guys? Hopefully doing amazing - my coach always says amazing.. I mean why not say amazing right?

Ok - so today we are talking about why we over drink.

First - I want to remind you that in episode 1 I mentioned the work we do here will likely be unlike what you have done in the past. This work is not about willpower and white knuckling. It's about making lasting changes by doing the work - not just listening to my "amazing" voice..lol. but actually taking the info and applying. That's when the magic begins.

Next - all of this work is best done from a curious standpoint. We are all usually pretty good at beating ourselves up - but that is not allowed here. When you allow yourself to be curious you become more aware of what is going on. Btw - how has beating yourself worked so far? Right? It's like we think is necessary but has no upside. Ok -but that I shall save for another podcast.

Back to why we over drink… or maybe, if we are being curious – I wonder if even think you are over drinking?

To be honest when I first started doing all of this work I began using the tools for weight loss. I didn't really know if I wanted to drink less. I didn't think I was drinking too much. But, I found myself each morning wanting to be more productive and thinking maybe if I didn't have that last glass of wine the night before I would've felt better.

I just seemed to keep telling myself I wanted to do more in life. Now don't get me wrong - I think I have a really good life - but there was just this voice that kept telling me I wanted to take it to the next level - whatever "it" was.

So if you are thinking you are not sure about this - I get it.

But I encourage you to ask yourself this - do you like your current results? If not - let's dive in and start looking at our drinking thinking.

Here's the thing - drinking less is not that hard - you just don't pour the glass of wine. What comes up when you don't drink is where all the work is - It's all the work between your ears - that my friend is how all this work is different than what you've tried before.

We over drink because we over desire alcohol.

Desire is just a strong feeling of wanting to have something.

We essentially program ourselves to want it.

Here is the good news.

Desire is something we learn and repeat.

If you learn it - you can unlearn it.

It doesn't always feel like that though right?

Sometimes you may feel like you are drinking against your own will, but when you understand desire, you will understand nothing has gone wrong here.

You have trained your brain to do that. You have simply practiced a thought that makes feel desire for the alcohol, and done it enough that it is now a habit. If you are the one that created it, you're the one that can "uncreate it".

Now - how do you create it?

The way you create any feeling - like desire - is with a thought. For example - when I think of my dog trying to snuggle with me - I feel so happy. When I think I think of my dog dying I feel sad - even if he hasn't died - it's just the thought of him dying that makes me sad. We will talk a lot about how our thoughts create our feelings in this podcast - it's super important to the work we do here so I encourage you to bring that curiosity along with you every week.

When it comes to drinking you may have a thought as simple as - it's 5 o'clock, or I want a glass of wine, or it's time to cook dinner, or - this is a big one - I just need to relax. It doesn't have to be a deep dark thought - it really can be as simple as I want it.

Now - our brains are designed to work on what is called a Motivational triad. Simply put our brain wants to seek pleasure, avoid pain, and do it as efficiently as possible. So let's say you have a crazy end of quarter - or product launch - or any big project at work. Lots of stress, and by the end of the day you reach for the glass of wine.

This Makes total sense - your brain wants to escape the stress, the wine is pleasure, and if you have done this before it is easy for the brain to just go there.

Can you see how this is just as the brain is supposed to work - avoid pain, seek the pleasure and when we do it long enough it becomes efficient.

Think about this - remember when you first started driving? It was likely not the smoothest - hahah - hands at 10 and 2 - make sure you were using the blinker and not the wipers. lol - pay attention to all the signs - lol –

I remember this one time I was driving with my dad early on and as I was going about 55 around a corner he was pointing out the speed limit sign said 45 mph - I clarified for him that that was a "suggested speed" sign b/c it was in yellow.. his reply -I suggest you slow down..hahah..

Ok - but here's the thing - driving was clunky back then. Now you can arrive at a location and be like - how did I get here? Or better yet - or worse yet - you see people driving and doing makeup and reading… it's crazy. But it is now an activity that has been moved to the lower brain - doesn't take much energy because you don't have to think about it.

It's very similar to your drinking. It has been delegated to the lower brain and is easy to go to.

Make sense?

Another aspect to understand is that Concentrated pleasure (alcohol, drugs) creates an artificial dopamine response, and concentrated pleasures lead to bigger dopamine reward, which leads to more intense desire.

Now Our primitive brain - or lower brain - or lizard brain - all the same - prioritizes activities that create the dopamine response and believes them to be necessary for survival.

So by drinking over and over, we have programmed the brain to believe it is necessary.

Nothing has gone wrong.

But we also have a more evolved part of our brain.

Our more evolved human part of the brain, the pre-frontal cortex is more powerful. This is the part we control. This is the part that we want to bring into the mix when working on un-learning the over desire for the alcohol.

This week - I encourage you - Before you grab the glass of wine just start paying attention to what the thought is - I want it, it's time to cook, it's 5 o'clock.

Whatever it might be.

Just write them down.

Write all of them down.

It's important to write them down so you can see what is doing on – when it is on paper it allows you to look at them from a different angle vs just thinking them over and over in your brain.

Notice they are just thoughts.

This will have you interrupt the process for a moment and allow you to become more aware of what is going on. This activity will give you an idea of where you are starting. All of this work is a process. Start where you are.

Remember - this is not about will power. We only have so much will power each day and that's one of the reasons will power doesn't work long term for most people.

This is about being committed to un learning the over desire pattern. The clients that see the best results are the ones not "trying" the program - but the ones who are committed to doing the program. Big difference.

Remember - where you are today didn't happen over night. In order to unlearn it you will have to do some work.

And that is perfect. Because once you start seeing how it works you start realizing how in control you really are. And that my friend is magic - because then you begin to see how in control of your life you are.

You can tell a different story.

If you want more help with Drinking Less head over to www.mindfulweighs.com/freebie – remember weighs is w-e-i-g-h-s like you are weighing decisions – and there you can download a free guide to get started tonight. The link will be in the show notes.

Ok - that's it for today. So happy you were able to join me and let's circle back next week - until then - make it a great day - take care!

To be honest when I first started doing all of this work I began using the tools for weight loss.  I didn’t really know if I wanted to drink less.  I didn’t think I was drinking too much.  But, I found myself each morning wanting to be more productive and thinking maybe if I didn’t have that last glass of wine the night before I would’ve felt better.

Hi there everyone! Welcome! How fun - I'm so excited to have you join me on this new adventure.

On today's podcast, I'm going to give you a brief overview of what to expect here. My producer told me to make it as long as we need and not a minute more.. lol. Listen - totally get that being in sales for so long - time is money so let's get going.

I am going to be honest here - this is not my first time recording this episode.. lol - you see - I am a recovering .. people-pleasing perfectionist! With a podcast title of drinkless you may have thought I was going to say something different - but really - I have been wanting to make sure this is perfect and finally I just decided - we are all human - this is me - and honestly - this is your chance to see if I'm your jam so I may as well just be myself... so here we go. -

I'll start out by letting you know who this podcast is for. If you are a highly functioning woman who wants to drink less this is for you. If you have been feeling like you are drinking against your own will and want to cut back - this is for you. If you are tired of feeling the regret and hearing the negative chatter from the night before - this is for you. And if you have been thinking once you begin drinking less you will do something more - maybe build your confidence, hit higher sales goals, lose those last pesky pounds, increase productivity, or just feel better - this is for you.

I know this is not going to be for everyone and that's OK. This is not like a 12 step program, and I'm not going to be preaching to stop drinking altogether. Most of the clients I work with just want to cut back on drinking and as they do are so surprised at how other aspects of their life change - and these are the skills I want to teach you here.

My guess is this is going to be unlike anything you've tried before - and I am super excited to be able to share what I have learned - and done myself - in hopes of helping you feel better, and show up as your best self in all aspects of your life.

........

So, My plan is to be here each week giving you Real talk and real advice. We will tackle some serious work - but always with a flare of fun. Life is too short to not have some fun, my friend.

In the first 6 weeks, I will give you some bite-size foundational info on drinking less - and after that, we will chat about a variety of topics around drinking less and ideas on how to be more mindful as you weigh decisions in life.

When I come across some cool product, book, or podcast, I'll be sure to share it with you here - just like I would my girlfriends. You take what you like, and feel free to leave the rest -

and that goes for anything I share here - these are all suggestions - there is never a "right" or "wrong". Some of what I say will be exactly what I would say to my girlfriends, but some of what I say may have you thinking I'm calling BS on some of your stories.

And that is perfect.

When I coach my clients they don't always like what I say initially but it's almost like a trainer at the gym - it is always from a place of love, no judgement, no labels. My role is to show you your brain - perhaps from a different perspective and help you find new solutions to get new results.

Let's face it - if I always agreed with your problems I wouldn't be much help right?

Oh - speaking of being helpful - if you do think we will continue this journey together it would be super helpful if you subscribe to this podcast so you don't miss anything. I imagine you are quite busy - I totally get it - so once you subscribe you get notified with any updates and that takes that off your list of things to remember.

As a heads up - In the next episode - Episode 2 I'm going to talk about why we overdrink. It might not be what you think.

Ok - now - you may be asking Who am I to be giving you advice. To start, my name is Michelle Arnold Bourque and I am the Owner of Mindful Weighs Coaching. Weighs is W - E - I - G- H - S - because I want to show you the power you have of weighing decisions in your life and how those choices create the results you want.

I am a Certified Life Coach, and I am also someone who has done this work. I was at a point where I kept thinking there has to be more to life. My life was really good but I just felt like there had to be something more for the next 40 something years. I wanted to cut back on drinking but the struggle was I didn't think I had "a problem" but I didn't want anyone else to think I did because I wanted to drink less.

Make sense? Isn't that so crazy - I want to drink less and am afraid people may think that's a problem..lol.. back to my people pleasing crazy brain

So I'll share with you how I've done it. I still get coached myself on so many topics so of course as I learn new tools I'll pass them along.

Truly - doing this work has changed my life in ways I never imagined.

I've also been in Sales for over 20 years so those experiences may come up here as well. I have been in the medical field for the majority of those years, and for the past 12 years specifically in Neuromodulation - I am fascinated with brain science so what I do here will be a combination of the science - and Maybe a little woo woo .. lol

I love Sharing this info because I feel like I've found the secret to life. You truly are in control - not only of your drinking - but also getting the results in life you dream of.

I promise you this - once you do the work for drinking less you can take the meta-skills you learn to improve any other aspect of your life. So. Much. Fun.

Before I end - one last thing - the way this podcast will work best for you is when you start doing the work on you. You are the hero of your own story my friend. You get to write it.

I love helping amazing women do amazing things and I hope you stick around to do the work and blow your own mind.

Ok - that's it for today. Let's circle back next week - same time - but for now - make it a great day and we will chat soon! Take care.

I am going to be honest here - this is not my first time recording this episode.. lol - you see - I am a recovering .. people-pleasing perfectionist!  With a podcast title of drinkless you may have thought I was going to say something different - but really - I have been wanting to make sure this is perfect and finally I just decided - we are all human - this is me - and honestly - this is your chance to see if I’m your jam so I may as well just be myself... so here we go.