In this episode, we explore the impact of beliefs formed during your fertility journey and how they shape your life after infertility. Lana guides you through understanding and challenging beliefs that may be holding you back from thriving. Drawing from her personal experience, she shares practical steps to let go of self-doubt, guilt, and the belief that IVF failure defines you.

Through “paper thinking” (or journaling), Lana encourages you to identify outdated beliefs and take the first steps toward transforming them. She discusses how to:

• Understand the roots of self-defeating beliefs, like feeling "a failure" because IVF didn’t lead to a baby.
• Embrace the concept of gradually shifting your mindset, step by step, to believe in a meaningful life beyond motherhood.
• Create a new narrative for yourself, beyond what infertility or IVF terminology like “failed cycle” has led you to believe.

Key Takeaways:

1. Challenge Beliefs Rooted in Infertility: Explore the origins of beliefs about self-worth tied to the outcome of fertility treatments. Recognize that these beliefs often stem from past experiences or the words of others.

2. Redefine What Success Means for You: Embrace the possibility that you can live a fulfilling life even without becoming a mother. Shift away from labels like "failure" and take control of your narrative.

3. Small Shifts, Big Impact: Transforming your mindset takes time. Begin with small, manageable steps toward more empowering beliefs. Gradually replace thoughts that don’t serve you with ones that support the life you want.

4. New Beliefs, New Future: Realize that your story isn’t over. By choosing new beliefs that honor your worth and purpose, you can create a vibrant, fulfilling future beyond motherhood.

For Listeners Navigating Life After IVF

If you’re struggling with feelings of inadequacy after leaving IVF childless, you’re not alone. This episode will help you challenge the belief that infertility defines your value. Discover new ways to live with purpose and meaning, and see how shifting even one belief can change your outlook.

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If this episode resonated with you, please subscribe, rate, and leave a review. Let us know what future topics you’d like to hear as we continue to support those navigating a childless life after infertility.

Subscribe to The So Now What? Podcast for more insights on thriving after infertility. Join our community where we believe in your power to redefine a meaningful life beyond IVF.

Please follow me on IG Lana Krstich Manikowski (@lana.manikowski) • Instagram photos and videos On Youtobe: Lana Manikowski- Failed IVF & Infertility Activist - YouTube

Today I would like to discuss What you Believe About your Life after IVF. When I was told that my one frozen embryo wasn't viable for implantation and further fertility treatments weren't recommended, I was crushed. In that instant, the life I believed I was destined to live had vanished. I believed that these years of fertility treatments and the thousands of dollars were all for nothing I believed I was a failure because my body had failed me during these treatments. I believed I let my husband down because I couldn't give him a child I believed I let my in-laws down because not having a child stripped them of being grandparents. I believed I would grow old lonely and die alone in a nursing home. I believed that people pitied and felt sorry for me because fertility treatments didn’t work for me Probably most profound was my belief that I would never live a life of fulfilment and meaning because I didn't have a viable embryo or a viable pregnancy and therefore would never be a mother. Come to learn, these beliefs are quite common among us in the fertility community. When you go through years trying to create something that isn’t possible, its normal to have heartache. To have disappointment and to be confused about what the rest of your life will look like. What isn't common is the practice of questioning our beliefs. We take them for face value. Often we are so convinced of who we think we are, we don’t realize that is completely changeable. Yes, we can change who we are by what we think about who we are . We get to decide what we believe about ourselves and how to define ourselves and our lives. You are only defined by what you believe about yourself. What people have said to you or the things you once believed are not The Gospel. And as long as I believed these beliefs I was unable to change the way I saw my future. I just kept myself on rinse and repeat. Day after day. Year after year. Hearing about friends who were pregnant, invites to baby showers, babies being born, 1st birthday parties…all the stuff I thought I would be able to have. What I'd like to offer to you in this podcast is the opportunity to begin to get curious so you can identify the beliefs you’ve accumulated about yourself because you aren't a parent. The first, and probably most liberating, is the learning not to judge yourself for what you believe about yourself, and the thoughts and feelings they are creating. If you can start by being curious and honest with yourself, you can begin to create the life you want to live. Sit with yourself and start to ask some questions. We will just start with 2 today. Take out a piece of paper and write these down. 1. What do you believe about yourself? 2. What do you believe about your future? Take time to sit with yourself and really begin to think about what you believe about yourself.. It may be uncomfortable to hear what you come up with. That's OK. No one is listening except for you. When it comes to the relationship with yourself, you must first start to pay attention to what you BELIEVE about yourself. It's completely changed my story and my life. You are no different. There is absolutely no reason why you can't change how you see yourself so you can be and do exactly what you want. I know it sounds simplistic but the most important part of this process was realizing that I was even thinking these things. They were hiding just below my awareness. I never knew to question them because I wasn’t aware they were there. Once I became aware , it was enlightening and actually much easier to change my beliefs. What if I told you that your beliefs can be anything you decide. I went through the beliefs I was clenching onto and decided I was going to be the one to evaluate each one of them. Now I look at my life through a different lens. I am still not a mother, but I am an example of what is possible!

In this first episode, we’re diving into the heart of what it means to find purpose, joy, and fulfillment in a life without children after fertility treatments. This journey isn’t an easy one, and if you’re here, you probably understand just how complex and isolating it can feel. Like many of you, I always dreamed of being a mom—it was at the core of my identity. But after countless rounds of treatments, devastating disappointments, and years of trying to make my dream a reality, I was left without a child. 

My name is Lana Manikowski, and I started this podcast for women like us—those who are navigating life after infertility without the children we dreamed of. I know firsthand the heartbreak, the isolation, and the confusing path forward. But I also know that you don’t have to go through this alone, and you don’t have to give up on a meaningful, fulfilling life. 

In today’s episode, I share my personal journey—the moments of despair, the pressure to shield myself from others’ well-meaning but painful questions, and the constant sense of not quite fitting in. But I also share how I started breaking free from the feeling that my life was defined by not having children. Slowly, I learned to create my own sense of purpose, building a fulfilling life in ways I never imagined. And this choice—to live deliberately and choose fulfillment every day—led me here to help other women on the same journey.

This episode will give you a glimpse of what’s possible. Together, we’ll explore how to break through those walls of self-judgment and sorrow, and step into a life of abundance, meaning, and connection. Whether you’re struggling with friendships, dreading the holidays, or simply feeling lost in a world that doesn’t seem made for you, I’m here to tell you: it’s okay to feel this way, and it’s possible to build something beautiful from it.

Join me on this mission to revolutionize the way we think about life after infertility. Each week, we’ll explore practical steps and powerful mindset shifts that can help you thrive—not in spite of, but because of the journey that has brought you here. Let’s create a community of women who wake up every day choosing to live deliberately, forging deep connections, and building a life filled with purpose and joy.

Before you go, I have a free resource just for you: The Top 27 Things People Say When You’re Childless. Download it to handle those all-too-familiar questions and comments with grace. Get your copy at http://lanamanikowski.com/thingspeoplesay . 

Tune in every week, and let’s walk this journey together. You’re not alone.