JaackMaate’s Happy Hour

We’re annoyed… at everything. In this episode that’s slightly reminiscent of an angry early-years YouTuber JaackMaate, we’re unpacking the tiny, irrational things that absolutely shouldn’t bother us but somehow send us over the edge. From a current trend online that is quietly ruining wholesome content, to TikToks that make your toes curl, to true crime content creators, Stevie is arguing about the internet. 

Alfie is annoyed by a competitive hobby that is taken a little too seriously, the strange world of unsolicited expertise on social media, and the odd assumptions people make about him for no real reason. We also touch on recent guest backlash and how quickly things can spiral when opinions collide online. Jaack has strong thoughts on British behaviour abroad, an embarrassing Royal Family tradition, and makes a HUGE surprise confession about his Sunday League habits… 

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We sit down with TikTok sensation, rockstar and comedic enigma Rufus Rice and, even after spending time with him, we’re still not entirely sure if he’s playing a character or simply so posh that he confuses us…

Rufus gives insight into how rich he and his family really are. He shares stories from his early years in Singapore - from the secrets of a strict boarding school to what happened when he got drunk underage in a country where minor lawbreakers are punished with actual whippings.

Rufus addresses the Tory allegations, and we give him the ultimate Posh Test to decide where he sits on a scale from Max Fosh to the King of England. We also test his knowledge of common council estate things. Has he ever had a Lambrini? Does he know how to play Dog’s Arse? Would he ever set foot in a Euroshopper?

Plus, the time a game of Ding Dong Ditch REALLY backfired, his most controversial opinion involving charity, and whether we’re ever going to see him in a Sidemen charity match.

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The Love Doctors are clocking in for another shift at Heartbreak Hospital. Jaack, Stevie and Alfie open the surgery doors to a truly unhinged stack of listener submitted love woes, ranging from “I got chased by a car after a date” to “my partner keeps cheating but I’m strangely chill about it?” Nothing is too messy, too awkward, or too legally concerning to avoid discussing.

We tackle petty revenge temptations, height insecurity, gooch-based abuse, workplace crushes, neighbours who’ve overstayed their casual welcome, drug-fuelled husbands, sneaky wanks, sibling crushes, and whether sleeping with your ex’s enemy is self-care or just being a menace.

As always, the advice is light-hearted, deeply unserious, and almost certainly not HR-approved. Viva la Love Doctors.

If you liked this, check out episode #538 for last year's Valentine's Special featuring a very tipsy BambinoBecky...

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The sultry tones of Northern Irish comedian and podcaster Shane Todd grace the studio today as he shares stories from his chaotic life. Despite having no acting experience, he somehow landed himself the lead role in Ireland’s top kung-fu zombie film (it’s a niche genre) but tells us about how he nearly died on set. 

Speaking of disasters, we also hear about his drunk audition for Top Boy, and how he managed to misinterpret some simple instructions during an audition for Derry Girls. There’s garden centre trips with celebrities, scoring a worldie goal against a huge footballer, and being accidentally knocked out - twice. 

We feel like we need Shane’s dad on the podcast too after hearing about how he got scammed in Tenerife, why he enjoys strangers punching him, and and the time he gifted Shane a wholesome souvenir that turned out to actually be not very wholesome after all… 

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We’re taking another trip to nostalgia town - this time with our token old man Robbie, who walks us through what it was like growing up in the 1800s. Sorry, I mean 80s. 

From the first time tourettes was ever shown on television, to how Robbie bribed his way to owning a Blue Peter badge, to the reason why shows don’t accept live phone-ins anymore. The boys reminisce about the best computer games and kids tv shows, with Robbie treating us to a performance of his favourite theme tune. 

Robbie shares how he consumed adult entertainment pre-internet, Stevie confesses something we’re pretty sure no other child did infront of their parents, and Jaack tells us about his first experience on crack. 

Check out #384 for our previous nostalgia episode with Alfie. 

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Knox

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After graduating from film school, Dick Bush (yes, we ask him if this is his real name) had dreams of becoming the next Tarantino or Scorsese. What he didn’t anticipate was that his award winning films would be in the sector of adult entertainment. After many years in the porn industry, Dick has seen it all - literally. 

Dick breaks down how he accidentally fell into this line of work, how the job has affected his relationships and attitude toward sex, and why he cannot watch his own films. Dick shares insider secrets from behind the camera, wildest shoots, weirdest injuries, and the most disgusting thing he’s ever witnessed. We delve into what really happens on set when performers can’t finish, and the carefully crafted science behind the perfect “money shot”. 

Dick also shares his unfiltered takes on AI in porn, Bonnie Blue’s stunts, and what it’s like working with top performers Danny D and Rebecca Goodwin. Plus, he shows up with a suitcase full of surprises that immediately gives us flashbacks to Rebecca’s sticky tentacle… 

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We’re rolling Indra deep end of main shows lately but we’re not complaining! Well, we might be after this episode. Alfie has planned this entire episode in about 3 and a half minutes, so let’s see how this goes… 

Whenever Alfie has a deep thought - usually while doing a sit down wee - he makes a note of it so he can bring it to the pod for all you philosophers out there. And with a very limited amount of Googling allowed during this episode, we have to philosophise by ourselves using our existing (and again, very limited) knowledge. 

Why do we need to measure our age? What would happen if everyone stopped paying their mortgage? Why do all humans not like the same foods? What is the point in having a name? What gender are shoes? 

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We’re well into January AKA Fat Month now but we’re doing a main show all about new year’s resolutions. Jack’s kicked 2026 off by being a very bad boy and getting himself nicked by police at a Tommy Robinson march, before going on to massively embarrass himself on a Zoom call. Speaking of embarrassing yourself, Robbie has unveiled a brand new challenge for the pod that the entire internet deserves to witness. 

After breaking down our own resolutions, we’re  reacting to our listener’s own niche and deeply unhinged goals. From judging people harder, to losing their virginity, to hated housemates, to pub crawls, to masturbation. 

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