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We're joined this week by fearmonger Jan Fran to discuss our brand new upcoming mini series 'Jan Fran has issues'. Each week, Jan and Dan will tackle a hot button election issue in the lead up to the 2022 election. 

Keep your eye on the podcast feed for new episodes in the coming weeks.  

In preparation for our live shows in Melbourne, at the end of this episode we throw it back to our 2019 show at the Brisbane Powerhouse for Climate Week. With fearmongers Bridie Connell, Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd, Steph Tisdell, Mel Buttle, Tom Ballard, Professor Hillary Bambrick and Lewis Hobba we cover:

PLUGS:

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Heading into the election your support is going to be more crucial than ever!

Thank you FEARMONGERS!

If you enjoyed this please drop us a review on Apple podcasts:

https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/a-rational-fear/id522303261

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Bertha Announcement  0:00  
This podcast is supported in part by the birth of foundation. 

Dan Ilic  0:04  
Good evening, Lewis. 

Lewis Hobba  0:05  
Hello, Daniel, how are you holding up with your new illness? 

Dan Ilic  0:09  
I'm not one for jumping on trends early. You know? COVID-19 That was two years ago. It's 2022. And I thought it's about time I- you know, I just want to wait out and see how everybody else is taking it. I saw you had it and you, for me, the the culture, Spirit guide of my life. And I'm like if Lewis is doing it, I got to do. 

Lewis Hobba  0:29  
I'm a COVID influencer. Yeah, I've been taking a lot of sponsorship from COVID been doing a lot of posts about how everyone should get it. That's actually a thing I have been accused of quite a bit on the on the triple J text line

Dan Ilic  0:41  
Like milking milking your COVID Exposure? 

Lewis Hobba  0:44  
No no no no no, like as, as the anytime we talk about COVID We'll just get a couple of like people being like, how much does the government pay you to pretend this is real? You're like? Well, I honestly not enough.

Dan Ilic  0:56  
Not more than my usual poultry wage, which the government happens to pay me. Yeah, that's right. 

Lewis Hobba  1:01  
Uh but are you okay? Cuz I called it last week. And I was like, Dad, you sound sick. And you're like, I'm just tired. I was like, no, no, that's sickness. 

Dan Ilic  1:07  
Yeah. Well, you're right. Like, it took me about four or five, about four days to test positive. So now yeah, I've done I've definitely got like, I've got it now. So I'm out on Monday, free free man back on Monday back on the streets. Look out. Look out people who Sydney. It's been wild. You know, I don't want to talk about my COVID symptoms. Ever. Everyone's been through it. It's kind of boring now, isn't it? It's one of those things where everyone's done it.

Lewis Hobba  1:30  
Yeah, you've it's like you've just bought a pair of crocs. It's like me, everyone was doing it last year. Kpop.

Dan Ilic  1:34  
There was some in the early days when my friends got COVID. I'd send them nice packages, or send them a goodie bag, a bottle of wine. No one sent me anything.

Lewis Hobba  1:43  
No, I sent you a message being like, sorry, but you're on your own hay.

Dan Ilic  1:50  
This week. It's great. As a result, I haven't been able to have the energy to put together a full show. I've been watching a lot of Netflix. But we've got another a rational conversation for this week's show. Jan Fran is coming on the show. And she's going to give us a little bit of a preview about something special she's going to be delivering for us. I had irrational fear on this podcast feed a little later on the year. And I believe Louis, you have no idea what this what this project is all about.

Lewis Hobba  2:14  
As always with irrational fear updates. I learned about it when you do. It's exciting, you know, keeps me on my toes. I get to yes. And well. Here's

Bertha Announcement  2:22  
a great update. Our Melbourne Comedy Festival show has sold about 150 seats, which is great. Oh my god, the venue holds about 600. So

Lewis Hobba  2:31  
I feel like we're on track

Dan Ilic  2:33  
150 is just about what we played to last year in that small room. Yeah, like this is great. So you know, we've got about four weeks left, please get your tickets. Huge X. A joining us including the one and only Australian of the Year, Grace time. And the future Australian of the Year. Lewis Harbour.

Lewis Hobba  2:52  
Yeah, we're holding out we're not quite sure. Maybe I'll get it when it's old Australian of the Year.

Dan Ilic  2:58  
Citizen of the Year Lewis?

Lewis Hobba  3:00  
Yeah. Just services to podcasting. He did. 1000 

Dan Ilic  3:04  
Oh, yeah. Yeah. And not to take anything away from those people who get AM's and AOM's for years of doing the same job over and over again. But if you have the same job for 50 years, you deserve a medal.

Lewis Hobba  3:15  
Sure, yeah. I mean, no one will in our generation know, like, Who the hell is going to have a job for longer than even a decade? I just

Dan Ilic  3:22  
Just want a shout out to our Patreon supporters. David Higginbotham Laureen Brody Felicity Biggs Shannon Peach. Chima. Also big thanks to Dana Bergstem, Julie Lawless from more comedy has chipped in. Thank you, Julie. It's very kind of you. Keegan and legend Peter Lawler has upped his amount to 100 bucks a month thank you Peter Lawler for supporting us I definitely need it. We're definitely gonna be spending that money on frivolous content in the in the coming months. So thank you so much for joining us on Patreon our Patreon members. I'm recording my end of irrational fear on Gadigal Land of the urination sovereignty was never seated when it treaty. Let's start the show.

Voice Over  4:00  
A rational fear contains naughty words like bricks, Canberra, fed gum, and section 40 of a rational view recommended listening by immature audience.

Dan Ilic  4:13  
Tonight the office of Prime Minister and Cabinet apologised for the design of their women's network logo that looked like a cock and balls. The logo will be replaced with a picture of Tony Abbott. And conversations about petrol prices are at an all time high. And Barnaby Joyce says those carrying coffins in Ukraine are not focused on climate change. Which begs the question, what are those carrying coffins in Lismore focused on? It's the 17th of March 2022. And there's only 65 sleeps until there's a hypothetical election. This is a rational fear.

Welcome to rational fear. I'm your host for I'm a video editor of Channel One Russia, Dan Ilic. And we have only got one fee manga for tonight. It's the the Walkley award winning smartass. Jan Fran Hello, Jan.

Jan Fran  5:10  
Ah, hello, gentlemen, how you going?

Dan Ilic  5:13  
It's great to have you.

Lewis Hobba  5:14  
It's always one and a half guests with you. 

Jan Fran  5:16  
Well, it is one and a half guests. And I'm actually sitting at home in my underpants because I no longer have any actual pants that fit me. Because for those who don't know, I'm almost six months Prego.

Dan Ilic  5:32  
Fantastic! When's your due date June or something?

Jan Fran  5:36  
Yeah, I'm due in June. So two really big things happening in my life, the baby and of course, the federal election. Which one's bigger? Which one's more important? We'll never die. 

Lewis Hobba  5:47  
And the third my birthday.

Jan Fran  5:50  
And that's the trifecta. There we go. Topped off. That's

Dan Ilic  5:52  
the big big thing. Louis homeless 50th birthday coming up.

Jan Fran  5:57  
He's on track for the senior Australian of the Year. Any any day now

Lewis Hobba  6:01  
Any minute.

Dan Ilic  6:02  
Jen, it's so great to have you on the show. Yeah, longtime fear monger done the show many, many times in the past. And we've kind of got something interesting. We want to flag with the audience. And because the people are going to be-

Lewis Hobba  6:15  
And me

Dan Ilic  6:15  
And Lewis. Yeah Lewis, the co host of a rational fear. Because people are going to be hearing a little bit more of you during the election than they normally would tell us about what we're going to be making.

Jan Fran  6:26  
Yes. So this is an exciting project which like elections for me if I can just preface to like Christmas. You know how people sometimes they look forward to this thing they get together at someone's house, they eat some snacks. Emotions are high. Like imagine watching a football game ads. That's the emotion that elections kind of bring up in May. So what I'm doing is a special eight episode series for a rational fear called Jan Fran has issues.

Dan Ilic  6:52  
Yes. We don't have a sting. I wish I had a sting to play. I don't have a stinger.

Jan Fran  6:56  
Well, look, it's still early days. We've got a lot of things that we don't quite have ready for the podcast yet, which is giving me a little bit of hives, but we'll get there. And it's going to take a look at all of the issues leading up to the federal election, which as you know, will be happening. I'm guessing at some point in May.

Dan Ilic  7:15  
Yeah, I counted back to from the 21st of May. It looks like yeah, 6065 days is kind of what we're heading into. So 

Jan Fran  7:21  
Yeah, that makes sense. 

Dan Ilic  7:22  
We've got we got an exciting two months for people like you and me, Jan, I'll get Louis to like, I think we are you an election Buffy? Is this your Super Bowl? Or do you actually care about this?

Lewis Hobba  7:34  
I care much more about an actual grand final than the like I I think I feel like I remember you and I went to an event once on the on election night, Dan, if you remember we was we were at an Australian Podcast Awards night. And it was the same night as the federal ocean. Do you remember that?

Dan Ilic  7:51  
And we went straight after we went straight after the Podcast Awards?

Lewis Hobba  7:55  
No, no, it was during everyone during the podcast was like checking their updates. And you will just like I just need to get this election party. I was like I've got a gig to get to I really like I just I don't I don't want to be it's obviously I care about the the results and even the lead up like I enjoy it. But I kind of find the fascination with it a bit like, I don't know, I just feel like journalists can lose their minds a bit during the election. 

Jan Fran  8:19  
Yeah. 

Lewis Hobba  8:20  
And really, they can start reporting on the shit that they know is bullshit. Because it's happened before and it's just like a bit of fun and you like you're telling them to stay on the issues. You're not staying on the issues. No one's staying on the issues. It's all about who's lost weight. And it can make me really angry. 

Dan Ilic  8:35  
Well Jan, this is a big question. And we're gonna be looking at eight separate main issues, like each episode is gonna be centred around one issue around the lens. 

Jan Fran  8:42  
Yes. 

Dan Ilic  8:43  
So you kind of water people. What's your vibe for the big issues out there? I've asked our Patreon audience and I'll explain I'll show you what they've said. But what kind of big issues are you thinking at the moment? 

Jan Fran  8:53  
Yeah, well, I know Lou, you're saying that no one focuses on the issues. It's all about the personalities and what people are wearing. We will be focusing on the issues.

Dan Ilic  9:01  
That's right. 

Jan Fran  9:02  
We're doing it!

Lewis Hobba  9:04  
Are you answering my prayers?

Jan Fran  9:05  
We're doing an entire show. It's it's gonna be no personality. It's gonna be no scandal. Am I selling it? 

Dan Ilic  9:14  
In fact, the only weight gain we're gonna be talking about is Jan's weight gain. We'll have a weight in at the start of every episode. Well have a vital signs 

Lewis Hobba  9:24  
None of of the men and the only woman let's do that.

Jan Fran  9:27  
That's slightly separate issue to election stuff. But yeah, so each episode is going to be looking at basically a different issue and my vibe, and sometimes it can I mean, elections, were sort of like goldfish, right? Like, we tend to forget certain things. And sometimes I think, really only in the four weeks leading up to the election, can you get a clearer sense of what the issues are going to be for the people? However, let's do some speculation because I love speculating Oregon. Yeah. The key issues leading up to the election are going to be things like cost of living which include because you're hearing a lot about petrol prices rising, you're hearing a lot about inflation, you're hearing a lot about interest rates and what that actually means for the hip pocket. And for people that own homes, but also for people that just that your average person that might not own a home but owns a car and needs to get from A to Z and now has to pay 100 bucks in fuel. That's gonna be a big one. Climate change. I mean, climate change has been around for, I mean, actual climate change. It's been around for quite a while. But climate change has been=

Dan Ilic  10:29  
I think you'll find Jan, the climates always been changing. And-

Lewis Hobba  10:35  
How much are they paying you Jan?

Jan Fran  10:38  
It was cold in the Ice Age, guys. But yeah, but I think this election, it's gonna be a really interesting one to watch, because we've got so many independents that are that are sort of loosely connected. And they're running on the very strong climate action agenda, right. So be interesting to see.

Lewis Hobba  10:56  
You call them a ragtag bunch of me. That's exactly what I would call them.

Dan Ilic  11:02  
The Rebel Alliance. Don't they?

Lewis Hobba  11:05  
Everyone loves a ragtag bunch of misfits, and they always get the job done.

Jan Fran  11:08  
They do! I mean, hey, I've seen movies, ragtag bunches of misfits, they win in the end. Yeah.

Dan Ilic  11:16  
Here's, here's some of the care some of the things that the people on Patreon have been speaking about. And if you can say this, but there's a lot of transitions to zero missions, there's integrity. I love this line from pedal Allah. He said, integrity battle, probably something stupid, like fuel prices, or cloud power. Cost of Living. Mike, what you said, Jen, also from Kelly, fix and expand Medicare, which is a big issue for a lot of folks. There's some stuff I mean, there's some stuff that is that is kind of rising to the top particularly. I mean, I asked the irrational fear Twitterfeed a lot of it has a lot to do with climate. And that is understandable. We've cultivated an audience that is dedicated to thinking talking and dealing with the climate crisis. But this year, it does feel different. It feels like climate is perhaps a it's an issue that is affecting a lot of people all around the country. Right. It is an elections hitting, so it can be very, very strange for for the coalition coming up. Yeah. 

Jan Fran  12:13  
And the light- So one of the key differences around climate change between the last election and this election is that unfortunately, we've had two very terrible weather events, including bushfires, which happened over in 2020. And now we've got the floods, right? So climate change has gone from this thing that, you know, maybe terrible for our grandchildren in 50 years to actually, no, this is tangibly affecting me now. And it's affecting people that I know and love. And I can see them and hear from them and talk to them and see the images on the television. So I think that that's kind of brought people a lot more into the present around climate change. And that's one of the key differences from the last election. Well, Jen,

Dan Ilic  12:53  
why should you and I be hosting this podcast? Like, why are we going to what do you think makes it like, you know, what, why, why even put it on a rational fear?

Jan Fran  13:03  
Why you and me, Dan, well, what else are we doing?

Lewis Hobba  13:12  
I mean, you guys aren't allowed to leave the house.

Jan Fran  13:16  
You know, I mean, I look, I think, because we're just both massive political nerds, Dan, we're not cool people. Okay, we need to accept this about ourselves. And I think, you know, you're obviously someone that's very involved in politics and in democracy, and you're trying to get people engaged. And so am I. And I think, you know, just getting it out there to an audience that's, that's a bit tap Dean that wants to know a little bit more, that can then kind of share the information with other people as well. It's really important. So I think it was just the right fit.

Dan Ilic  13:48  
Yeah. And now is the perfect time because we're coming into the election. There's only eight weeks to well, pretty much eight weeks ago, we're gonna go hard. And we've actually got a great production team involved as well. Louis, are you familiar with Caitlin? Sorry. Oh, Katie, Katie, sorry, superstar Podcast Producer is going to be onboard and helping us make this podcast so it's going to have all the rigour of a have a have a have a hack slash gimlet slash New York podcast. It's gonna be the best that's gonna be a premium podcast.

Lewis Hobba  14:23  
Damn Wow. Well, so good to have something decent on the stick in it up here for 10 years. I mean, Julie is Amira has had you know, it's been great to have her on a little bit of credibility to this absolute garbage fire. And now it's a real information. Thrill a thrill for me. It's the first time I'll actually be able to listen to her.

Dan Ilic  14:44  
Actually, I'll listen to that. For my worldview,

Lewis Hobba  14:50  
I'm excited. I'm excited. You guys are gonna crush it. It's exactly what I want. It's exactly the kind of thing that I feel like I need cuz I'd read the news constantly for my job, but it's I read exactly. The things that I hate. So all of those things that I was complaining about, they are the things that I need to survive because of my job doing daily FM radio. Like that's, that's my, you know, they're my points that I

Dan Ilic  15:11  
Maybe we should rename it called the Lewis Hall the brief.

Lewis Hobba  15:16  
Yeah, it really is. And then I can just spend all day reading about weight loss and, and only fans mass scandals. And I can come here and and learn about reports and data. Finally,

Dan Ilic  15:34  
yeah, it's like Axios, but in your ears.

Lewis Hobba  15:39  
So do yo u know what your first issue is gonna be? Are we allowed to talk? 

Dan Ilic  15:42  
Well, it's gonna it's gonna be a meaty Lewis, it's gonna be a real, real meaty one.

Jan Fran  15:47  
Look, what I will say is I reckon our first episode is probably going to stream the week that the budget is announced. So that's, that's what we know so far. So I imagine our first issue is going to be centred around that. Although the good thing about making a podcast on an interface like irrational fears, you can just do whatever the fuck you want. At any time, maybe it'll be about the budget, maybe it won't be about the budget, you know,

Dan Ilic  16:20  
what we can tell you, there's going to be eight of them. They're going to be coming out weekly. And Jan, Fran, and I are going to be hosting it. And it's going to be really good and meaty. And I'm excited because Jan and Katie have worked together in the past. And I'm excited to hear what here what you know, I mean, let's face it, Jan's gonna be doing most of the work. 

Jan Fran  16:40  
Hang on what?

Dan Ilic  16:41  
She is the journalist. So I'm really excited to kind of hear these issues, and be confronted with these issues as they come. And it's gonna be great. I'm excited for sir. Awesome, excited for the audience. And I hope you really enjoy it 

Jan Fran  16:53  
Me too. Me too. I look, I just think it's kind of one of those things where it's like, don't get me wrong, I love scandal, like I will read about the PMCS cock and balls logo for many hours. You know, I will and I want to get involved in that sort of stuff. But I also think as well, I think that the more informed you are about who's doing what, in politics, I think, the better chance you'll have of sort of just voting for the right person for you. And I know that sounds a little bit earnest, but sometimes, like I get to the ballot box, I'm like, I don't know. There's all these numbers. This like the Senate voting sheet, Jesus Christ, it's like a towel, you know. And sometimes I think it just kind of it just helps to put all of the kind of weird scandals and the personalities just to one side for just 20 minutes and just sit with an issue and actually think, okay, how the hell do I feel about this? And maybe a neutral and that's okay. But at least you know that, you know, yeah.

Dan Ilic  17:49  
Some other issues folks have been tweeting in include ikat China submarines getting rid of Scotty from marketing wages. Someone said Jan, Jan is an issue. So maybe we will discuss Jan as an election issue, but I doubt it.

Jan Fran  18:03  
I'm a massive issue. I'm going to create some issues. That's what I'm gonna do.

Lewis Hobba  18:07  
Apart from what you think the biggest issues are gonna be out there and in the world. Jan, do you have a personal issue? Do you have something that you hope gets brought up?

Jan Fran  18:15  
Yeah, you know what? And look, I think it's, I think it's the Prego thing, but I don't think I've cared more about childcare in my life. Right, like, childcare is, I mean,

Lewis Hobba  18:25  
I hear it's expensive.

Jan Fran  18:26  
I hear it's very expensive, and I hear that you have to enrol a foetus into childcare. How about that? 

Dan Ilic  18:35  
Wow. Against that foetuses consent

Jan Fran  18:38  
against the foetuses consent against you're against any kind of moral objection that you might have used for that you just have to do it. I had a mate who was like, Oh no, you should enrol the baby in childcare now and I'm like, but the baby is a cell like the baby does not currently exist outside of my body. I don't know if I should do that. She was adamant so I did.

Dan Ilic  18:59  
Wow, you did? You booked the foetus in?

Jan Fran  19:02  
Yeah, and I was like foetus Morrow. Cuz I asked you for a name. I'm like, Girl, it's a foetus so yeah Foetus Morrow, he's enrolled at the neighbourhood Early Learning Centre,

Dan Ilic  19:21  
you know in in a year's time just make sure you change that on the roll because roll call will be really odd. Like, Julie Smith, Foetus Morrow. Is Foetus Morrow here. But hey. It's 2022. So you might love you know, you might go learn to love that name. Hang on to it forever.

Jan Fran  19:40  
Yeah. But childcare is one is one of those issues that doesn't it doesn't really get talked about as much as what I think it should because it just effects so many families. And you don't really know or care too much about it until you either have kids or know someone who has kids who's just trying to balance like working and then putting all the money that they're working to Get into childcare. It's a weird it's a weird little system.

Dan Ilic  20:04  
Well Jan thank you so much for coming on to tell us about Jan Fran has issues I'm excited about it I can't wait to get to break ground and start working on it. Lewis I'm sure you're excited listen to it.

Lewis Hobba  20:15  
I'm thrilled I genuinely am and only because this is my only have a chance to do a rational fear admin. Are we still doing a rational feared OG? 

Dan Ilic  20:23  
Yeah, we're gonna still do it. We're gonna do we might even we might even triple it up. We might even do three times a week now. Two or three times a week. No, we're still going to aim to do once a week COVID and hills pending. So yeah. But if you're listening to this right now, hang in there because at the end of this podcast, we're going to play one of our favourite live shows from 2019 from Brisbane when we took our show to the Brisbane powerhouse and performed for climate week. At the at the Brisbane powerhouse was a sold out show. Just to kind of get you ready for our Melbourne sold out show which I anticipate being sold out. We still need to sell another 500 600 seats in three weeks, but I'm sure we can do that.

Lewis Hobba  21:05  
I'm calling all my cousins. I'm getting everybody

Dan Ilic  21:08  
Gen friend. Thanks so much for joining us on irrational

Jan Fran  21:10  
fear. Oh, pleasure, Jen. See you soon. Yeah,

Dan Ilic  21:13  
Jan Fran, we have issues is going to be hitting the a rational fear podcast feed in the next couple of weeks. Big thank you to rode mics, the birth of foundation, and all of our Patreon supporters as well as Jacob round. Lewis, do you want to plug anything?

Lewis Hobba  21:26  
Ah, no, no, I'm all good. All right. Well, thank you, though. Excited to tune into Jan. Jan. Fran has issues or Jan Fran we have issues, Jennifer and has issues. drug issues. And yes, I'm sure that Dan also has some issues. Yeah. Yeah. Dan, Fran, how are we good? Yeah, that's

Dan Ilic  21:48  
so annoying.

Jan Fran  21:50  
Dan Fran. Issues. That's genius.

Dan Ilic  21:53  
Well, Jen, when I go get coffee at a takeaway coffee shop, people will say, Jan, when I give my name, like, no it's Dan. Jan. No how hard is it. Does it anyway, doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. And

Lewis Hobba  22:08  
for more info on that guy. In reverse misheard coffee orders.

Dan Ilic  22:14  
Yeah, Google, it's got 17 million views. So you've probably already seen 

Lewis Hobba  22:17  
It's always you. It's always the work you're least proud of the gets the most recognition. 

Dan Ilic  22:21  
Yeah. Hey, we're actually thinking about getting a puppy Lewis. 

Oh, wait, are you going to call it Lewis?

No we're gonna call it Steve with a dollar sign

Lewis Hobba  22:32  
No way! A reference to the infamous coffee sketch!

Dan Ilic  22:35  
A reference to that sketch we were just talking about Alright, that's it for a rational fear for this, but hang in there and listen to our climate week live show. It is an absolute baller. Steph Tisdale, Tom Ballard. Lewis Hobba absolutely killed it on stage that night.

Lewis Hobba  22:52  
Also Wyatt and Bridie.

Dan Ilic  22:53  
They brighten that show too. O

Lewis Hobba  22:55  
Oh, and this is they did a great improvised song 

Dan Ilic  22:58  
A great, really hilarious improvised song. And also, don't you- this isn't in the recording. But we got told about five minutes before we went on stage that we couldn't say the word Adani. 

Lewis Hobba  23:14  
Oh that's right!

Dan Ilic  23:16  
This is a show a comedy show about climate change in Queensland. And we weren't allowed to say the word Adani.

Lewis Hobba  23:23  
it was just after the election. It was literally all anyone was talking about, like Queensland swung the election on Adani. I'm now like, Oh, gee, I just hope no one's got any jokes about that. Like what are you talking about?

Jan Fran  23:33  
Did you have to replace it with something.

Dan Ilic  23:35  
Well, we did we everybody replaced him something sounded like Adani. And I went out on stage before, after the work in the country. And I said, Hey, everyone, I just got told five minutes ago that we can't say a certain word and like 400 people yelled back Adani. So I said if you know what word that we can't say. Adaini! Then you know, just hanging there, but you know, we're gonna do our best to replace that word "Adani" with something. So throughout the show, quite a few people had Adani references and people were replacing it. So that is that is a tribute for the shows. So enjoy that. It's one of my favourite episodes. And we'll see you in Melbourne on April 10. At the forum. 

A serious note before we start the show, irrational fear was built as a vehicle to make fun of the media's propensity to make us scared of every little thing. Ironically, we build it as The show that tells you what you should be scared of. And if this week has anything to go by, what you shouldn't be scared of is being a journalist that is critical of the Australian Government. Which is why I'd like to say at the top of this podcast, that the federal government's climate change policy is one of the best in the world. If not the best, probably even the bitterest dust in the world. And if you're from the AFP and you're listening to this podcast, you do a stand up job We understand that sometimes that you have to do what the minister from Home Affairs tells you what to do, you know, you have to enforce laws. They're only three months old, who cares? Good on you, you give it a go. So dear AFP investigators who are downloading and listening to this right now, you may as well stop listening the podcast right now, because there's nothing in the next 80 minutes that will be critical of the Australian Government. In fact, here's some music to help you transition your podcast app to the off position

Okay, I think now that they're gone, I think it's safe to say the Climate Solutions package is absolutely fucked and we're all gonna die.

Voice Over  25:45  
A rational fear contains naughty words like Brex*it, Canberra B*bble, Fair D*inkum, and section 4*. A nrational fear recommended listening by emo to your audience.

Dan Ilic  25:58  
Tonight, climate change deniers admit they're only in it for a spot of fun and the money and we investigate how many keep cups you need to keep before the climate crisis is over. And after the AFP raided homes and offices of journalists reporting on government overreach, the media gets to ask only one question and that is Scomo's most favourite question. How good is Australia? This is a rational fear. 

Excellent, hi. My name is Dan Ilic. And this is a rational fear live from the Brisbane power house at the inaugural Queensland climate week. Yes enjoy it I hope you learn lots of things because the climate crisis continues it could be the last ever climate week is great as I like to say here in the North summaries coming so let's meet our fear mongers for tonight. Our first fear monger is here to convince you that and I quote It's All Over You should give up there's no point in going on I'm sorry that's what the ABC head of entertainment said when she cancelled tonightly with a host Tom Ballard! 

Tom Ballard  27:14  
Hi everybody

Dan Ilic  27:17  
Tom Why do you want to stop the show off in such a pessimistic way?

Tom Ballard  27:21  
Because we're all doomed Dan it's great to be here everybody

Bertha Announcement  27:27  
our next fearmonger is the Head of School of Public Health and Social Work at QUT and is here to tell us why climate change is actually good for your health. Oh sorry. Bye Good actually mean bad. It's Professor Hillary Bambrick. Hillary, what exercise would you recommend for the apocalypse?

Hillary Bambrick  27:46  
Well, it's gonna be way too much to run so you're gonna have to crawl to the nearest emergency exits which located here, here and here.

Dan Ilic  27:53  
excellent 

Hillary Bambrick  27:53  
And deploy the escape slides.

Bertha Announcement  27:55  
And now thanks to climate change, insects are on their way out but our next fear monger plans to fight for their six legged lives it Steph Tisdell. 

Steph Tisdell  28:05  
G'day 

Dan Ilic  28:05  
Steph. Tell us out why should we care about whether or not insects make it in the apocalypse?

Steph Tisdell  28:11  
Because there was there's that face it was trending on Facebook. You know that spider? We've seen that little it's got a little kid's voice and it was trending. I fell in love with that little creature. That's the only reason why I didn't

Tom Ballard  28:25  
I didn't know we had to do intense research for tonight.

Bertha Announcement  28:29  
But there are some species we'd love to see the back of in fact, we hope go extinct. none more so than the endangered foodie of Instagram something Mel Buttle knows too much about. Mel Buttle. 

Mel Buttle  28:39  
Hello! Hi.

Dan Ilic  28:40  
Mel How will foodies have to adapt to the climate crisis?

Mel Buttle  28:44  
It's gonna be very hard to Instagram in the bunker isn't it Dan.

Bertha Announcement  28:50  
And our final fearmonger is a member of the ABC elite. He has a face that says he has all the answers but what does his mouth say? His triple Js Lewis Hobba.

Lewis Hobba  28:59  
Hello! Well, my mouth says that I'm quite offended that while the AFP were writing the ABC they did not come to Triple J. What, we don't have any secrets.

Dan Ilic  29:12  
What have you got? What is Triple J got?

Lewis Hobba  29:14  
I got no 

Dan Ilic  29:19  
you got that hottest 100 planned out for the next 3 years

Lewis Hobba  29:22  
I know in the next flume single is probably gonna. They don't tell us. They tell us they don't tell us anything.

Bertha Announcement  29:28  
This is a rational fear already exceeding maximum emissions. That was a that was our one and only pyrotechnic. Because that's all our climate credit could afford. This is like the new reality for New Year's Eve. It's just gonna be people hanging around the Brisbane foreshore waiting for an ibis to explode.

Steph Tisdell  29:56  
In it luckily there's lots of plastic in the tummy. So From a distance might look like

Tom Ballard  30:03  
Happy climate week everybody!

Dan Ilic  30:06  
now, there is cut. There's a couple other people we haven't introduced yet. We're gonna introduce them right now. I don't know how we got them. They are some of the best musicians, comedy musicians in Australia. They performed on ABC tonightly rip. In fact, most of us performed with ABC tonightly. I was the boss for a little bit. It was very good. You should have watched. Infact, Bridie and Wyatt these guys next folks I'm about to bring out they won an ARIA for Best Comedy release last year. Thanks to their work on tonight. It was the only award that's nightly one. So are you ready? Bridey and wyatt Come on. Where are you guys?

Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd  30:49  
This is amazing.

Bridie Connell  30:51  
I love that Dan said best musicians in comedy musicians.

Dan Ilic  30:56  
It's an important caveat.

Bridie Connell  30:58  
This is a very important. It's o lovely to be here. That was a really lovely intro. I'm actually super embarrassed that you brought up the ARIA. We don't like to mention it.

Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd  31:08  
We were trying to bring it up but they confiscated it at the airport.

Bridie Connell  31:12  
Like Wait, we don't really talk about the aria that we won quite recently. Very much. We're pretty humble folk. But um,

Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd  31:20  
Our lives have changed since we won it though. Like before we want it. We were employed. 

Bridie Connell  31:24  
Yes. We have won an Area. We are not 

Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd  31:30  
Yeah. Oh boy though. It's great. 

Bridie Connell  31:33  
I got to smelt it and sell it. Yeah. I was gonna eat you know. Life has to look 10 You've said it now. You've mentioned the ARIA. 

Dan Ilic  31:43  
Aria award winners Bridie and Wyatt. 

Bridie Connell  31:46  
Yes, I guess we'll sing the song that won us an Aria. 

Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd  31:48  
I know it's climate week. But this is I've put this on. It's not about climate change, though. But it is about an issue that keeps coming up in the nws.

Bridie Connell  31:54  
And yeah, it just comes up time and time again. So we'll sing that song. 

Hey girl. You know that moment 

Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd  32:01  
Yeah you do 

Bridie Connell  32:03  
when your heart skips a beat, and you feel weak at the knees

Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd  32:06  
Oh. So nervous

Bridie Connell  32:08  
Well, it could happen at any time. It could happen in any place and ladies it could happen to anyone. Well, it could be the guy from Cafe the one the look in his eye

Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd  32:23  
I got my eye on you

Bridie Connell  32:24  
It could be the man from the bus stop who smiles every time you walk by

Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd  32:28  
Catch a ride with me to ride with me 

Bridie Connell  32:29  
It could be the boss from your office. He always says you're the best

Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd  32:33  
You're the best

Bridie Connell  32:34  
Well it could be literally anyone. Anyone can be a sex pest. Sex Pest. Sex Pest. Don't have to be famous and be well dressed to be a sex pest. Well, it could be the guy from your sports team. Or it could be the guy at the bank. Well it could be like guy at the hotdog stand or it could be that guy friend. It could be the guy that you that one time. It could be Keira Knightley 

Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd  33:03  
That's right

Bridie Connell  33:04  
That's right. It could be a woman. It's just very unlikely 

Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd  33:09  
It's not the guy in the fancy bar

Bridie Connell  33:11  
It's not just that big Hollywood star 

Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd  33:14  
It's not just the guy in the park in the door

Bridie Connell  33:16  
No that's just Mark. He likes dark parks. And let me break it down. It should be as easy as 123 to demonstrate basic decency so listen those people and learn from me boys don't hang out if you got your wang out. Please don't rock our if you've got your cock out. We won't get along if you whip out your schlong. Unless of course it is consensual

Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd  33:40  
Yeah consensual. Consensual schlong. Consensual schlong

Bridie Connell  33:51  
All right. It's kind of fun to say so let's give it a go. Repeat after me. Here we go. Oh, a consensual schlong.

Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd  33:57  
a consensual schlong. 

Bridie Connell  33:58  
A consensual schlong song.

Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd  33:59  
A consensual schlong song.

Bridie Connell  34:19  
The statistics show everyday people out there do it. So be careful out there but more importantly. Boys, don't be a sex pest

Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd  34:37  
Thank you. 

Bridie Connell  34:38  
Thank you very much. Are you okay? 

Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd  34:41  
Yeah, we did well, it's kind of like you've got a good message through

Bridie Connell  34:45  
Yeah that's right. Anyone could be a sex pest

Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd  34:49  
Dream and you can achieve

Bridie Connell  34:52  
Not aspirationally like a warning like anyone. Not like. Anyone can be. Oh God,

Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd  34:57  
but from the song Got us an award for the song that got us in a lot of trouble

Bridie Connell  35:02  
Yes we nearly got fired for this song, which is weird because this next song was actually one of the more wholesome songs that Wyatt and I have written. And we wrote a song last August when Scott Morrison became the Prime Minister because we thought we should do like a little fun introduce our new prime minister of the country song. And we actually

Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd  35:20  
He's a fun guys. Exactly. He's a Daggy dad

Bridie Connell  35:23  
He is a daddy dad. He loves football. He so daggy, like when he was Minister of Immigration, the Human Rights Commission, like the Commissioner for Human Rights was like, Oh, we condemn you such a daggy dad real cute. When the United Nations condemns you're, like a such a rebel. That was in 2014 Fun times. So we wrote a song about all that fun stuff, so we could get to know Scotty a bit better. And we wrote it in the style of Christian pop rock in the style of Christian pop rock. Because if you didn't know, Scott Morrison is really into Jesus. That's great. He's super into his evangelical faith and we're like yeah, let's get on board.

Jesus made the animals like kangaroos and he also said to look the kids up on the roof 

Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd  36:10  
I am Jesus' son

Bridie Connell  36:11  
and I'm Jesus daughter and there's nothing more Christian closing the border. We love Jesus. Jesus but not refugees if you want to win then you gotta stop boats to do a pleases Jesus deny them all visas and you can't get more Christian then that 

Suffer my little children who come on to me the government takes the doctrine literally. Scomo is under the spell of Jesus charm. And kids under safety watch for self harm

Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd  36:42  
We love Jesus. Jesus. But not refugees

Bridie Connell  36:46  
If Jesus was a refugee we'd say fuck off we're full. To do a pleases. Jesus, deny them all Visas. No you can't get more Christian than fishes and loaves. And shipping people off to Manus in droves. No you can get more Christian then not showing contrition when you are found wanting by the Human Rights Commission. If you love Jesus, Scott Morrison, clap your hands. Don't cross our boarders, even if you walk on water. Yeah you gotta love your neighbour. But not if they vote Labor. Or if they're foreign or gay. And you can't get more Christian then that. 

Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd  37:41  
Once we did that song everyone loved it in the Murdoch press didn't they.

Bridie Connell  37:48  
Thank you, 

Dan Ilic  37:49  
I love it. You guys have really covered all the topics, refugees, the metoo movement. So this is climate week so take it away with your climate song 

Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd  38:04  
So sorry Dan.

Bridie Connell  38:07  
We were just told to do one second

Bertha Announcement  38:12  
doing climate, this is climate week so you should do a climate song 

Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd  38:14  
Hang on a sec. Band meeting

Bridie Connell  38:17  
you're speaking into the microphones actually

Bertha Announcement  38:21  
all right. Okay, we these guys these guys actually yeah, we're actually gonna these guys are just gonna make up a climate song for us here tonight. So this is great. So do you guys want to take some suggestions? 

Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd  38:31  
We'd love that and then we'd like to take an hour Yeah. Then would like to come back

Dan Ilic  38:36  
Any anywhere you can pick any word you want from B to Z. Any word. You can use numerals, symbols.

Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd  38:49  
Carmichael. Wow. Guys, what's 

Bridie Connell  38:57  
Reef?

Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd  38:58  
Reef. What's something that you actually honestly really scared about? Banani

Bridie Connell  39:03  
My favourite fruit. 

Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd  39:07  
Yeah, good good. 

Bridie Connell  39:09  
A delicious cuisine

Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd  39:12  
but like obviously waters rising what else what some things were worried about

Bertha Announcement  39:18  
Heat death of the universe.

Bridie Connell  39:23  
Major key for this lungs can be cheery 

Dan Ilic  39:27  
Climate refugees, that's good.

Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd  39:30  
very cheery topic when- so many laughs to be had

Bridie Connell  39:34  
we aren't- coal. 

Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd  39:36  
Oh, that's fine coal.

Bridie Connell  39:37  
I love it it rhymes with so many things. Thank you.

Lewis Hobba  39:40  
It's so great to watch the creative process

Bridie Connell  39:51  
Wait can you put in Bieber fever as well?

Bertha Announcement  39:57  
I think I think he was really in the dengies

Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd  40:02  
your grandkids What's your name? Your specific grandkids guide, 

Bridie Connell  40:07  
Make it personal that won't go bad at all.  Perfect. Okay.

We'll be back into an hour with the most happy song you've every heard all right all right. 

Dan Ilic  40:28  
All right, folks.

Lewis Hobba  40:28  
Let's get Brisbane hasn't had two REO winners in the same room. Since one of the Veronica's broke up with Ruby rising, came home

Dan Ilic  40:38  
bought an honour.

Bertha Announcement  40:41  
Huge. Alright, let's get into some basic fears. Now, when we're talking about climate change language is really important. It comes it's really important to help communicate about extremely complex thing things like climate change, teenage activist icon Greta Thunberg. Yeah. Now, last week, I think it was or maybe a couple of weeks ago, she implored us all to stop using the phrase climate change and really encouraged us to use climate crisis. But this week, the fossil fuel industry is also on the rebrand to in the USA, the Department of Energy is leading the way to rebrand liquid natural gas to freedom gas. These are actual words from the US Undersecretary of energy. 

Lewis Hobba  41:22  
Increasing export capacity from the Freeport LNG project is critical to spreading freedom gas throughout the world 

Dan Ilic  41:31  
I guess anything to make it more attractive to the end user. Thank you. Thank you. No, yeah, well, yeah, it wasn't worth it. All right. You're right, let's move on quickly. And then, right. So in using that context, very funny stuff. And then it came back again, in the same press release from this guy.

Mel Buttle  41:48  
I am pleased that the Department of Energy is doing what it can to promote an efficient regulatory system that allows for molecules of us freedom to be exported to the world.

Lewis Hobba  42:01  
So molecules of us freedom this used to be bullets. Fuck yeah. Now what's funny

Dan Ilic  42:12  
is like Steve Weinberg is the name of that guy who read that who's quite that was, but why doesn't he use his own powers for rebranding his own portfolio? In case you missed it? This is his full title, Assistant Secretary of fossil energy. It doesn't really scream innovation. It kind of sounds like something like an intern where Fred Flintstone works. Thank you for that. laughter that cutting edge 60s reference. Really appreciate that. 

Lewis Hobba  42:37  
Yeah, that's the fart joke now this

Bertha Announcement  42:39  
Strap in! Alright, fear mongerss tell me Is there a better way to rebrand LNJ Tom

Tom Ballard  42:47  
Well first of all to apologise I love some freedom guests in the dressing room but that's probably still experienced freedom freedom guests isn't bad if you think you're really on appeals like your right wing Christian crazies you want to go for like Jesus gas aspiration guess not pushed against fair dinkum gas is probably coming down the pipeline from scope or

Steph Tisdell  43:10  
I think we can hit the the niche market of voluntourism you know you know the dickheads who go I'm going to I'm going to take a year off before guiding any and build schools. We could call it no no it's freedom gas again. Call it woke.

Bertha Announcement  43:30  
Woke gas. Yeah. What other fossil fuels should be rebranded this way? Do you think?

Mel Buttle  43:37  
No, what's the fossil fuel?

Bertha Announcement  43:41  
We should clarify. Mel doesn't know what climate change is. We were discussing this backstage. Because I'm

Mel Buttle  43:46  
from Queensland and the origin was on last night doesn't mean all.

Tom Ballard  43:53  
Oregon's not an energy company it's a fucking game

Mel Buttle  44:04  
No I did think what was gonna end at halftime last night but the boys turn around

Tom Ballard  44:13  
I'm glad we're all gonna die with this kind of shit. 

Dan Ilic  44:17  
What about you Hillary? Do you think do you think this makes LNG sexier? Like wouldn't mom and dad's you know pick LNG over other fossil fuels to it advisor home yeah, look, I

Hillary Bambrick  44:26  
don't think there's anything particularly sexy about freedom gas to me it sounds like the joy of a newly single person who gets to fire in the bed

Mel Buttle  44:34  
why would you want to make it sexy? It's already called liquid natural gas just like gasoline just Why are you gonna get some more liquid naturally? I'm gonna get some natural maybe

Lewis Hobba  44:50  
it's already all natural. I feel like I could pick it up at a farmers market. I mean it sounds like

Bertha Announcement  44:57  
something that should be at the top of an SBS promo for A documentary about too much the following programme contains liquid natural gas

Hillary Bambrick  45:06  
instead of liquid just organic

Tom Ballard  45:10  
if you want to turn people off like fossil like they're made out of like like dead animals we should just call cold dead puppies. I think that would just like my family's been mining dead puppies. Hopefully you should stop that there

Lewis Hobba  45:23  
is no way that's stopping and guess what I did with their skins I tend to do this

Bertha Announcement  45:34  
while we're still on words once again returned to Sweden recently the Swedes in social media have coined a new phrase. This is the movement here it's called flick scam flick scam. Yeah, and it's often seen in conjunction with the hashtag yak Stanhope hammock and the Mongols you can hear any ideas what this could mean I'm pretty sure I built

Lewis Hobba  45:55  
one of them an Alan Kay It was an absolute

Tom Ballard  46:03  
game show and those letters are going to make some goddamn sense 

Steph Tisdell  46:08  
flicks scan was that thing when you get a little cold drop of water go down the back here

Mel Buttle  46:16  
well, that hashtag is obviously a really successful

Bertha Announcement  46:22  
hashtag get tattooed in Bali

Tom Ballard  46:25  
remember the hashtag

Lewis Hobba  46:30  
a wedding between two people who you don't know that well you like you know when they fuse it together. It's like the Hayden's and the Smith. Hey Smith wedding and then use the hashtag

Tom Ballard  46:47  
racist because they're white

Dan Ilic  46:51  
are clearing that up Tom. It actually is the it's like a flight shame. It's actually the feeling of being embarrassed or ashamed to take a plane because of the environmental impact. And the hashtag in Swedish means the long hashtag means stay on the ground. According to Swedish rail, a single flight between Sweden's two two biggest cities Stockholm and Gothenburg generates as much co2 as 40,000 train journeys. And thanks to a flick scam, Swedish railway operators are experiencing a 20% rise in Rail Journeys. One owner of a rail holiday company said he'd never experienced demand like before working 16 hour days just to keep up he said sometimes there were 30 people waiting on the phone just to talk to him about about booking a rail holiday. Yes

Tom Ballard  47:41  
clap the shame. Clap he shame. Is this footage of him on the phones I think he's going broker broker apparently and again, not racist because he's a muppet

Bertha Announcement  47:56  
so just just for perspective here who took a flight to get to the show tonight? Dad not only did I fly, but my water flew.

Lewis Hobba  48:06  
Thanks San Pellegrino.

Bertha Announcement  48:09  
Do you think flick scam would work in Australia? Hillary,

Hillary Bambrick  48:11  
you'd have to improve the trains a hell of a lot before?

Mel Buttle  48:15  
We already have it when I won. What if a friend of mine flies Jetstar like you dog

Dan Ilic  48:21  
You shoulda gone Tiger.

Mel Buttle  48:25  
I don't know. If like you shouldn't find a plane. I'll be like, well, you want to drive me mate like Sydney's 18 hours let's go.

Bertha Announcement  48:33  
What would it take to get Australians to feel shame about unnecessary flying stiff?

Steph Tisdell  48:37  
It surprises me that bintang shirts and fucking braids don't so I think it's a hard slog

Tom Ballard  48:50  
like I didn't like these slides I don't like being slut shamed and I don't like being flight shame. Slot who is a gold frequent flyer? And I'm proud don't shame me, sir.

Mel Buttle  49:01  
Tom, if you're sort of just at home, just pottering around. Like is it like you identify as a slot.

Tom Ballard  49:10  
And one day you'll see and you'll all see

Bertha Announcement  49:14  
We could have Skyped you in for today. Finally, here is some good news. Do you one of the upsides of rising sea levels is very critical internet infrastructure will be destroyed. Yes, according to a report from the University of Oregon, over 4000 miles of fibre optics and 1000 nodes will be underwater. I don't know what a note is, I assume it's like a Fat Controller of data. And with the hardest cities in the US being hit will be New York, which of course is home to global finance Seattle, home to Amazon and Microsoft data centres and Miami, home to cocaine dealers who only accept Bitcoin. So very tricky, very tricky and to fix it Amazon does have a plan they simply planning to say hey Alexa move to higher ground. So fear mongers. What are you most looking forward to when the internet goes dark for it?

Lewis Hobba  50:12  
Ah, Dan I'm so glad you asked. Not having to attend or listen to podcasts

Tom Ballard  50:25  
finally the hellish nightmare. I feel like Australia is preparing for this eventuality by installing the NBN. Getting in the mindset,

Dan Ilic  50:35  
it's already a reality.

Lewis Hobba  50:37  
Practice, run, 

Tom Ballard  50:38  
We're ready

Bertha Announcement  50:39  
What about you guys? What do you feel like when it goes doc? What are you looking forward to?

Mel Buttle  50:43  
I think it'd be a nice time to make your own porn. To reconnect with your local community like in the old days like what have you got? I've got this I thought that on a CD for sharing porn

Lewis Hobba  51:01  
back to the theatre

Mel Buttle  51:05  
Homemade bloody Aussie porn. No more important shit from overseas. Keep it local keep your porn miles in your suburb

Lewis Hobba  51:15  
we'll have Cate Blanchett on the Sydney Theatre Company. And over in the Sydney porn theatre company will be Cate blank. Not chett. Everybody thought it would work. Maybe Oh, that's pretty good. Yes. Okay. Cate munch it was the joke I said

Dan Ilic  51:37  
this is a rational fear is the new Prime Minister for the Environment Nelly because it's getting hot in here ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Tom Ballard

Tom Ballard  51:52  
Hi, everybody. Thank you, Dan. Thank you beautiful people in Brisbane. It is lovely to be here. Go maroons. Whatever, I don't give a fuck. I cant believe you gonna boot from it. So this is gonna be a tough time. 

Bertha Announcement  52:07  
Who gave the boo down here was it. Malcolm Turnbull Is that

Tom Ballard  52:14  
why did you boo. Just a bit of fun. Are you afraid? All right. All right. There's a mutiny in the audience already. But look, it's lovely to be here. It's lovely to be at this wonderful climate week event. Looking at this theatre. You know, I just see the faces of hopeful concerned citizens taking the time to come together to learn about how we can collectively take serious action to hold the existential threat. That is the climate crisis and I can't help but think we're fucked. We are fucked. It's over. We've lost Good night, everybody. I think live away. Don't be so pessimistic. Tom. Come on, have a bit of hope. Piss off nufarm. You're not even real Queensland. You're a human version of Melbourne. What would you know your hippies? With facts and many you know it we are all fucked right? The peperoni coal mine is going ahead. The Great Barrier Reef is dying. 1 million species face extinction. The latest report says human civilization will be coming to an end in 2050. And our country's just decided to reelect a human man named scomo. We are sky now. scomo Sounds like a disease that affects pirates really, doesn't it? Yeah, I lost my legs to scomo

That's a leader and the leader of the opposition as Anthony Albanese a man we've decided to call Albo. Australian politics is scomo versus albo. Just a nation of cavemen me like scomo me like albo. We won't have elections anymore it'll be scomo An elbow wrestling in a muddy Billabong and whoever emerges as the victim will become the fucking primeo mate. We're so backwards in this country we can't even make fun of New Zealand anymore that is they go and carbon neutral by 2050 men that are those other progressive should be well Australia's just next door go and when you say six it sounds like six say fish say fish a New Zealand safe fish stop trying to help the planet just say fish say fish if you don't do anything to help the environment it's gonna kill all the fish. i You said it

We're fucked that's the topic of my 45 minute speech tonight everybody. We thought we always knew I always knew deep and down deep inside we weren't really up to this challenge. There was no chance our society could do the work and make the sacrifices and take the collective action required to confront climate change. I knew that the moment I saw the McDonald's was an option on Uber Eats you see what I'm saying? We're going to transition to an entirely renewable economy by 2030 People can't be bothered leaving their house to go to a drive through restaurants to get fast food we can't do drive thru anyone has to be drive to drive to me. We we had drive thru we couldn't be bothered using all the letters in the word through it we just thr you that alone. We amongst away from Uber Chu as a society okay. Is where you just lie on the couch and the exploited immigrant comes around and feeds the chicken nuggies into your mouth and moves your jaw for you okay five stars the chickens come and then Uber pool you know it's on the way to go to the toilet What am I trading for the media professional athlete Now bring me the ball Muhammad let's go oh yeah, you grown Queensland fact oh don't worry Tom. Technology will save us will invent the technology and that will fix everything now I would believe that if every single scientist and person with technological expertise was working on the problem okay, in all the buttons around the world are working 24/7 on eliminating carbon from the atmosphere then sure, maybe humanity would have a shot but that's not what's happening is it? The scientists are working on some other shit. They're working on Uber Chu and working on Snapchat filters that make it look like a baby they're working on making a live action version of The Lion King rebell you watch The Lion King is a kidney Phillip nets good but not enough dimensions. Oh my singing lines to be more realistic please. Last year a bunch of nerds spent hours and hours ensuring that the horses in the video game Red Dead Redemption two would have testicles that shrink in the coal time and energy on the real world actual horses contract their balls because the planets too fucking How about you stop writing code so digital horsey balls and join us in the war against the sun. This isn't even common anymore just real anger. My generation screwed Millennials were just screwed. We can we could even buy a house now the entire planet is dying fantastic. We're heading for a post apocalyptic Waterworld scenario. I'm not going to be able to afford a boat 2050 The world's flooded it's me and a bunch of other 60 year olds living in a shared dinghy. Well, you baby boomers will be dead by then Monia you've timed that very well actually, climate change kicks in you guys see a bitch by you go up to your negatively geared property in heaven. Meanwhile on did he working 15 hour shifts for Uber swim, trying to save up a deposit for a fucking guy it's great to be what are you proposing? Then? Tom? What do you propose? We'll just give up going against the very essence of climate week. Is that what you're proposing it about that we just give up? Um, yes. If something's really hard, you give up. I learned that from the Australian Labour Party people. I love that. Thanks for having us. He's up against the fight against climate change. And I say let's just go for it. Let's just lean into it. Do you ever do that? Like do you ever do something bad? And you think well I'm I'm doing this bad thing? I may as well do something worse. I'm drinking caramel milkshake I might as well smoke a cigarette you know kind of cancel each other out? No, they don't. You killing yourself faster by saying we should lean into it with climate change. Our political leaders don't do anything about it. That's what we got to work with the racist Fox that's gone our biggest natural tourist attraction did we need more ways to attract tourists? I say let's lean in and really destroy our environment so much. People will come from all over the world to see just how much we fucked. Man, if you've been to Australia, that place is fucked up. It's like nothing I've ever seen before. They made a replica of all the route out of burning tires on top of the original Ola route and you're encouraged to climate. It's insane. They turn Tasmania into a coal mine. They're fracking the Great Barrier Reef which doesn't even make sense. You're allowed to hunt koalas man. Seriously? Alright, you don't go with that.

Bertha Announcement  59:44  
chlamydia. Yeah.

Tom Ballard  59:46  
If nothing else, friends, if we can't do that, if the politicians aren't gonna do anything to combat climate change, I say please, at least legalise drugs. Okay legalise all drugs and give us that it'll help Okay, let us be as high as the sea level Alright ladies oh the ice caps are melting nah bro fucking everything's melting Thank you for listening and remember everybody give up

what about you folks? Do you have any hope left Hillary after? After listening to Tom

Unknown Speaker  1:00:23  
look, I've got some great news for Tom and that is under climate change cannabis plant should grow really quickly and really big.

Tom Ballard  1:00:29  
Yeah. Well, that's great. 

Mel Buttle  1:00:32  
What about cocaine? Hillary? How will that grow?

Lewis Hobba  1:00:36  
will it grow any cheaper in Australia? At the moment, it grows at about 300 A bag I'm told and that's too much.

Mel Buttle  1:00:46  
300? 350 in Brisbane, and you better be organised.

Lewis Hobba  1:00:51  
I'd heard that in Sydney they deliver But anyway, this is still you know, a different conversation.

Bertha Announcement  1:00:57  
You're gonna get right.

Steph Tisdell  1:01:02  
I feel like I've got an advantage because my titties are probably made for flood.

Tom Ballard  1:01:08  
people listening to this, go to the website, check out the photos.

Steph Tisdell  1:01:13  
The end somebody will be trying to stay on there. And when there's no room for example, there is room. That's a reference the Titanic. Whatever

Dan Ilic  1:01:21  
Would you rent space?

Steph Tisdell  1:01:23  
Yeah I would. Uber boober. I shoulda just said Boober. Dammit

Dan Ilic  1:01:32  
Yes. Do you think comedians have a place in the apocalypse Mel?

Mel Buttle  1:01:37  
Look, sure we're very important. If you check out our Twitter doing some pretty cutting edge work there. I'm retweeting to over what five 600 people a day and they are reading that and then lucky enough.

Dan Ilic  1:01:51  
Tom, you suited for the apocalypse?

Tom Ballard  1:01:53  
Am I suited? I think I'll be yelling like that constantly. With it like a pan on my head. Every now and again.

Lewis Hobba  1:02:01  
I swear I'm a sloth just fine.

Bertha Announcement  1:02:09  
Well, when it comes to the climate apocalypse, there is no state more vulnerable than your state Queensland. But there's no need to leave Queensland. I mean, you guys have so many wonderful events here. The Indie, the Expo. Expo it I love that guy. That was great. All the big hits. We've actually found a pitch video from the future for a big event that Queensland's going to be hosting in 2038.

Voice Over  1:02:43  
Capitalist club in Queensland and bid city of the 2038 Nuclear Winter Games thanks to industrial growth at all costs Queenslanders live black to the extreme and there's nothing more extreme than our weather. But every cyclone has a silver lining plus G Brady Denise France Ian, Jackie Philippa, Tiffany Melinda Sheriff Rochelle and Dave Neely made space for new stadiums and sporting facilities. And now we're rebuilding again with the Southwood spread of southeast Queensland now has the lowest rate of Denki fever in all of Southeast Queensland. And don't worry if you do catch it some of the best funded doctors in Australia just over the border in New South Wales. Thanks to rising sea levels. In Brisbane, everyone shares waterfront views with some of the most ancient and deadly locals around it's now even easier to take a boat to the Great Barrier Reef Memorial oilfield it's just been refurbished and moved into the habitable zone. Speaking of water, the water wars of 2025 are a thing of the past. We now have a roster. Clean water will be available to farmers Mondays and Tuesdays coal seam gas miners Wednesdays and Thursdays residents on Fridays and theme parks on Saturdays Sundays and public holidays. But going one can work up an appetite grabber by two weeks, literally just a bite. Queensland supermarkets now have round the clock military guard ensuring the orderly distribution of rations and thanks to the Queensland Government's banana buyback scheme the cost of bananas is no longer bananas. You know what they say? Queensland? Beautiful one day of the year.

Dan Ilic  1:04:33  
Ladies and gentlemen Steph Tissdel 

Steph Tisdell  1:04:37  
Hello. So I'm going to talk about the insect extinction or it will insects is they're better known as the aliens of the jungle. I love Oliver good insects. I think the thing is we don't give a shit right? Like we get on board when it's polar bears because they're they're nice and fluffy and they're real cute. You can imagine hugging my On ride or a penguin you're like, oh my god, I can't walk that's ablest I'd be a dick. We care when it's cute little fluffy things, right? But insects gone extinct. That's the real thing we should be given a shit about. But they creepy factors and I don't like looking at it. That's the problem, right? Whereas I think the problem might be that entomologists people who study insects are the fucking worst. Like, you know what I mean? Like when you know, we got dog people, everyone likes dog person. We're a bit sceptical about you know, cat people. I'm a bird person. People think I'm a real weirdo. But we all come together. When it's entomologists, people who fucking study insects. I wouldn't swipe right on that shit, you know? Be like, ooh, bugs gross. And I think that's what we need to change. I think that's what needs to happen is that we need to make entomology sexy again. Are you study insects, guys who study insects should be in set? Thank you. Thank you. Yes. So I will also say for people who might be confused, please don't confuse entomology with etymology. When it honestly really bugs me beyond words. And I actually stole that joke, my boyfriend. Also, he'll probably die first. He's a ginger. So he's gone.

He's crispy little wave in the desert as a fan when it's hot. Anyway. That was on the fly. I'm sure you could tell. Speaking of flies. Honestly, it's a really, really, really fun situation at the moment, we're hitting our sixth extinction in the world, right. So at the moment, 40% of all insect species are declining very rapidly with 1/3 haven't become endangered in the last 30 years. That is fact right, we have a real issue with bio biodiversity. And this is due to both our the climate which is wiping a lot of insects out, but also the way that we go about food production. So what they're finding now is right, this is this really sucks. So pesticides and stuff like that they make these non lethal pesticides disposed to not do anything to bees, and they don't kill the bees that is for her. But they do actually lower their heart rates and impact the way their brains work so they can no longer create paths to get pollen and pollinate flowers. at long distances. That stuff's scary. I'm not even trying to be funny. I'm just fucking scared. This sort of thing. I think I think it all comes down to how we read. Like, we got to rebrand how we see entomologists. I don't want to see fucking cute cat videos on YouTube anymore. Show me that little spider was talking about was trending on Facebook. Do anybody say that spider? Okay, like sway people know what I'm talking about. Really glad to open the show. With a reference to that fucking spider. Just staying relevant. Maybe we need to do that though. Maybe we need to look at our cute. Insects are like butterflies. Everyone likes the butterfly. Fucker. They're like, they're like the cool kids of school. We need to give a shout sheet about dung beetles. Brian, thank you. Oh my god. Dung beetles biggest fan in the front here. We need to give a shit about dung beetles are cockroaches they clean up right? Spiders eat mosquitoes. We got to stop fucking spraying them. You know what I mean? This is all stuff we got to do. The insect extinction. It scares the shit out of me. And so what I want you to do today is fucking entomologist. Just just before I sit down, are there any entomologists in the room? Actually, actually won. Yes! Oh my God, what's your favourite insect? Oh, lame. I'm sorry. I'm joking. But I'm not you know what I mean? Like this is? This is the problem. It's pretty. Alright. What's your second favourite one? Yeah, praying mantis. Cool. All right, we'll just bond over praying mantis. And what was your name? Sadie Sadie's getting lady

Bertha Announcement  1:09:55  
later. Thank you. All right. Thank you. is now excellent you folks would you would any of you swipe right on an entomologist

Lewis Hobba  1:10:09  
as the residents

Tom Ballard  1:10:14  
homosexual but yeah I'll fuck you Sadie. We can talk about ants your Freek out the praying mantis is the ones that eat like they fuck you and then they eat you? Don't you dare eat me

Steph Tisdell  1:10:32  
unless it's the other head

Tom Ballard  1:10:37  
Family show

Dan Ilic  1:10:37  
It's not a family show

Tom Ballard  1:10:37  
Fuck it let's get weird

Bertha Announcement  1:10:44  
but there are words even though this isn't a family show there are words we can't say Would they would spotters be less creepy if they only had four arms

Mel Buttle  1:10:59  
It's the hair that puts me off I think if I if there were only like bald spiders

Steph Tisdell  1:11:03  
yes

Lewis Hobba  1:11:07  
like the spotlight advanced hair. No No.

Hillary Bambrick  1:11:12  
You'd be swiping right on the bald spiders.

Mel Buttle  1:11:15  
Okay, I have to ask and yes, I would date a spider Hillary. In this day and age if that's what you identify as. I do not want to be an arachnophobia they get who says not what I want my Sandman

Tom Ballard  1:11:41  
Dad this is Incy Wincy Poppy sprout

Bertha Announcement  1:11:49  
spout This is a rational beer with more people in this audience and ongoing jobs for a certain mine in the Galilee basin.

Mel Buttle  1:12:09  
Thank you Tom. Tom's a big strong boy Thank you.

Tom Ballard  1:12:19  
Such Strong man.

Mel Buttle  1:12:22  
I will Steph gave you a lot of statistics. Here's one.  71% of all teams who win game one and origin go on a claim series so

Tom Ballard  1:12:34  
stop stealing my stuff.

Mel Buttle  1:12:37  
Ah well first of all good evening, upwardly mobile lefties And the Goldman looks amazing. Hope you all got a good Park for the Prius. So now people people show because I'm a Queenslander that I don't understand climate change and most of the time Yeah, they're pretty they're pretty spot on but look, it's something that we can actually fix Tom, you're wrong. And we can fix it through designer keep cups and vegan brunches from my research professor. Now when it comes to climate change, so the biggest victims will not be some rare bilby in Adelaide, but it will be foodies and it's going to hit hard guys yet. It's fucking coming. It's coming for new farm it's coming for Tenerife. It's coming for Newstead. It's not coming for new market they'll be all right out there it is coming for us hard working blogging granting way to irritating foodies. Okay, so you try and write a memorable blog about Malay chicken in 56 degree hate go for it have a go you can't do okay okay, now here foodies aren't the only ones who write blogs Ave Oh yeah, I've never read one so do you find a blog on the internet that is not about routing or food it is a Russian scam trying to overthrow the government so look, I hate to get all political now love it's fun now the sea levels are gonna rise right and that will mean a lot less alfresco dining, unfortunately. So that's brutal, isn't it? Yeah. Campbell Newman anyway. No, sir. No, sir our beloved No, sir. Everyone here who's on ADK you will know of no. You understand him? No sir. Worse, no saw me nothing more than just just swap. The sound will be swag like it will resemble Redcliff You can say goodbye at a Food and Wine Festival up there. You might as well burn your fedora and you dress chinos Sagat body a little polo shirt with the C boats on it we like that in the future but as Fridays we can help we can turn climate change around we can just stop eating wagyu rump caps that's part of it apparently I read that um now I don't want to give up Shakuni curry but like a lot of it is mined from pork so maybe if we all disagree like I don't know like maybe I need like 10 steaks a year we can save the planet I don't look makes me feel uncomfortable. It's on. But will this life ever be worth living if we are forced into lentil based diets? Tom knows it's not like red meat is the enemy because cows farts are ruining the world. Okay. I read that that's my level of research that I've done for tonight. So the practice Creek hotel needs to be protested, right? They take it to the streets, but because there's nothing rugby Dum Dums love more than red meat. Similar to stiff, I do employ you. If you wrote anyone who plays rugby and they eat steaks on a regular basis you are going to need to withhold sex until they get onto lentils push fries a commie you can say goodbye to the Hunter Valley to the wine region. It'll be on fire. Yep, goodbye. They'll be no more Pinot Noir no matter how good you can make a beautiful painter that won't make up for the flames of your log cabin going down at the winery will it no just the word art is no mean nothing to you people wait must act now. Okay so when all hell breaks loose and you're living in your bunkers out at Brookfields nice isn't it just past injury really love it. And it's not that far to go after I've dropped Harriet Kinder at 930 and I'm in in half an hour it's shocking news. I don't think all allergies are going to be catered for in the bunker it's going to be pretty horrible in that bunker when the apocalypse comes is going to be hives there's going to be upset tummies is some pretty serious stuff. Okay. Why people done your FODMAPs on tin beans because there's gonna be I'm sorry they're gonna be in this bunker for like say two years but I actually can't have lentils because they give me a little Tommy I

made her first get it it's gonna be absolutely dire out there. We might have to end up carrying a Pottery Barn jog down to local soymilk. Well, I know. Okay. People have asked Scott and other people who live in West End for some reason I don't know why I don't understand. Doesn't make any sense, but I don't get it. But I implore you Ritchie's to maybe think about buying a Tesla for Harriet's graduation car. Sale the Range Rover I know it's gonna hurt it is gonna cut deep bad but we have to pull together and don't worry you can still fit a case in McLaren Valley red in the boot of a Tesla I mean wake up though. Have a think about it one and say goodbye to will cold climate grapes that's gonna hurt isn't no more Rieslings I must have blocked it's all gonna be Spanish reds. Tempranillo does not go with everything okay. On the matter of temperature when it's hot kids are absolute assholes So I mentioned the cafes and Graceville in Tenerife just teeming with toddlers when it's 56 degrees screaming and crying into their beetroot hummus

Don't be stupid and kill them all on day one get rid of more anyone called Atticus with a milk allergy beggar bag See you later you weren't gonna make it anyway so the the sea temperature is gonna get very hot The waters are gonna heat right up because the ice is good like when you get like a like you get a rum and coke and the ice melts right and it's like that right? That's how I'm explaining it to you Queensland. So with hot hot water in the sea there's not going to be any more sushi the fish will become you're already cooked they'll be done.

Go down to the shore with a big basket of chips and just get yourself ready for Friday. I bought to be shaped by my stamina, Gary. Imagine a sushi restaurant pitcher. This time pitcher this new fan, a sushi restaurant right with no raw fish. Okay, now this sea water lapping around your ankles but to be fair, you can get the same experience at sushi try and win him but so what can I do to help? I'm just a foodie Wangka with a Volkswagen Golf and a moleskin notepads there's things that you guys can do you can go vegan Mel Are you vegan? No Don't be stupid but you can something you can do I'll catch up later let you go ahead and let me know how it all is yeah, I'm coconut milk my favourite but like you could do it like actually do it for real like I'd kind of do it but I like to add a little bit on my own chicken stock no one's gonna know but you know like it's vague and apart from the parmesan cheese but the cows that made the cheese or bacon China vegans helping each other out is more that is a mentioned my inbox after this when I get home home oh just want to let you know I'm a vegan and you're emailing me who's running the drum circle in Byron but anyway

the sad fact of his whole thing is climate deniers they are out there they exist there might well they're not here because you had to pay to get in but it is it is a weeknight so they would hockey's

good on hogs breath I do a TOEFL one so now let me see cooling and I am radio so

without existing we need to boil them into getting a cape cup okay and then below them for picking a damn Cape cap alright anyway this things you can do you can and I'm doing it already you can hang around farmers markets and help somehow go there and be like oh it's better than call tapes Yummy yummy food miles I'll teach no project say that titles people be like yeah, she knows that I'll finish on this I mean like we're all doing our best but how much coconut oil do I need to smear on myself professor will you can come to this before this is taken seriously? Yes, I have a giant in the bathroom and it makes the bath very slippery I'm doing by myself in this overpriced fucking coconut ball shift five days a week then I forget anyway I'm not sure how it helps but it's definitely it's part of it. It's sort of Mabo it's the vibe it's kind of the whole sort of and and actually I you know what I did to help out as well I use the same jar in the bathroom and I smear myself in the kitchen in my surprise you simply must pop by

Dan Ilic  1:23:34  
fantastic thank you milk bottle

Tom Ballard  1:23:41  
now with booties gone while other narcissistic activities can be done Do you think what will they be left for the apocalypse? Do you think No Can you still do where F45 in the apocalypse

Hillary Bambrick  1:23:53  
I think you're great idea of I'm homegrown porn

Mel Buttle  1:23:59  
just babies will still exist you can still put those on me like he's my little bear love him 

Lewis Hobba  1:24:04  
and also don't die gang so you can have more that's because of the heat

Mel Buttle  1:24:11  
a lot of them won't last yeah any any eczema babies. See ya later you're gona

Lewis Hobba  1:24:20  
The dead baby stuff it normally kills.

Tom Ballard  1:24:24  
New Zealand actually are kind of ahead of the curve there two major supermarkets accord countdown and new world

Dan Ilic  1:24:38  
they do things differently over there.

Mel Buttle  1:24:40  
They let a woman be in charge

Tom Ballard  1:24:46  
Say fish. Say fish

Dan Ilic  1:24:50  
Now after the election, I don't know if you caught Alan Jones The first week after the election. He was on q&a, just spending about 45 minutes gloating. Did anybody see that? Then he went on to explain how many parts per million would there were there was a carbon in the atmosphere. Anyway, he went on this radio programme straight after that and just continued gloating. And here it is here.

Voice Over  1:25:11  
I tell you what, Alan, I wouldn't be caught dead in an electric car because they don't go broom. What God is a car. That doesn't go broom broom. It just can't trust it. 

Alan Jones  1:25:22  
You're right there Mildred hand on the line. We'll send you a freshly slaughtered ham 

Voice Over  1:25:26  
Tgb 873. Well, how about this a? What an election. This Sunday, Australia woke up to themselves. Yes, they've said I've had enough of labour. I've had enough of Bill Shorten. They hadn't too good for too long. And labour Bill Shorten weren't even in government. By the looks of their smiley faces. You'd think they were now let's not mince words here the right people won because the right people won. And it's all right can be right. All right. This was meant to be the climate election. Can you believe that climate change? God the only thing that Labour will be changing is their underwear after they polluted in their pants. Now these climate terrorists I like keep cuts that have made overfilled they're about to explode. The terrible these are some have been lefties, you know they know full well that windmills. Yes, windmills were invented in Iran is around. So what if was ancient Persia, a Middle Eastern windmill is a Middle Eastern windmill. You can't trust them. The blades will spin around and chop your head right off. It's happened. In the footage on q&a on Monday night I asked Alice workman who is a young woman mind you want a percentage of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere? And she a political journalist and a woman couldn't answer me this very simple question. The answer is 0.04%. Now the fact that it was 0.03% when I was coaching the Wallabies in the 80s is beside the point. The point is that these numbers are about as big as Bill Shorten is feeling right now very small. And Australia is responsible for 1% of 0.04%. What can be done about it, it's pointless. Now you may say Oh, but Alan, Australia has 700 radio stations and you're only on one and you're a toxic force in Australian politics. You could just leave and everything would get better. And to that I say thank you. Because of the Alan Jones signature multivitamin, Jonesy vite with everything you need to stay alive when you're in the fight of your political life. That's the Alan Jones signature multivitamin Jonesy right. And let me tell you something I for 1am Very thankful that the coalition won the election. After all, I declared I would retire if they didn't. But you know me, I'm not the retiring type. I'm 78 I don't plan on retiring anytime soon. Bob Hawke didn't retire until he was 89. God I've got some time ahead of me. Speaking of climate change up next, something that really gets my Global's warming Anthony Kalia live in studio. One a voice 

you'relistening to the Alan Jones Australia show right across Australia.

Bertha Announcement  1:27:57  
Now like before, we 

Tom Ballard  1:28:00  
Sorry Steph thought that was real

Steph Tisdell  1:28:01  
I was going is this a fucking joke? But it is. But it was made more sense.

Dan Ilic  1:28:17  
It's me

Lewis Hobba  1:28:24  
Just stay for the Anthony callea jokes.

Dan Ilic  1:28:29  
I wonder what it would be like John Michael Hausen was on Alan Jones's show. Oh, 

Lewis Hobba  1:28:38  
No one know who John Michael Hausen-.

Dan Ilic  1:28:43  
No one under 40 knows who John Michael Hausen is

All right. Now, before we wrap up the show, we've still got a little bit to go before Louis brings us home and gives us hope for the future and solves climate change in five minutes.

Lewis Hobba  1:28:56  
I should. It's weird that I've always known how and I haven't mentioned it. Very minute. It's actually a bit of a dick move. But lucky for you.

Dan Ilic  1:29:05  
We've got an expert here. We thought we'd discuss some of the health implications for humans on a warming planet. Now if you drew like a Venn diagram between climate and disease in the middle would sit Hillary Bambrick

Lewis Hobba  1:29:18  
and her a Tinder bio.

Hillary Bambrick  1:29:22  
Which way you're going to swipe? 

Lewis Hobba  1:29:25  
Right.

Bertha Announcement  1:29:27  
Well, if you had entomologist we'd know. So tell us how does it feel to be in the middle of that Venn diagram?

Hillary Bambrick  1:29:34  
Yeah, look it's very quiet because everybody is dead

Dan Ilic  1:29:42  
I guess you're right.

Yeah. Oh, gosh.

This is the saddest topic of them all we're trying to deal with it in a mature way. Everyone hold on, you're doing very well being here. With the health of the planet is a given we kind of talk about planetary health all time when it comes to climate change, but we don't really talk Talk about, like how it affects human health. Particularly when we when we're talking about climate change, we're always focused on emissions and oxygen and stuff like that. But like what, what are some of the most unusual challenges that humans will face heading into a warmer planet?

Hillary Bambrick  1:30:18  
So this is the time where the show gets serious. So my apologies, but when quite a climate change, or the climate crisis won't actually create any new diseases, but what it might do and what it actually has done already is that might revive long dead ones. So a few years ago, zombie diseases, zombie diseases. So a few years ago in the in the Arctic 2300 Reindeer died from anthrax and dozens of people were hospitalised and a child died and now this disease hadn't been around for a very long time. And the reason why it reemerged is because they were the what had been frozen ground started to defrost in temperatures that were way above average, and basically rotting reindeer corpses leached into the water supply. And those were contaminated with anthrax spores. And so people got sick, and

Lewis Hobba  1:31:08  
Rudolph the anthrax reindeer

Dan Ilic  1:31:11  
had a very white nose. I Antrax only I only remember anthrax because like in September, Levin posted timber living world like members of Congress with getting anthrax infected envelopes. So that's my only reference board like what is it? What is entering?

Hillary Bambrick  1:31:29  
Yeah, and you don't need to like an envelope these days. You can just go like a reindeer on Saturday. So it's bacterial spores and they get released so they can lie dormant you know how you put stuff in your freezer. Mel's got a whole lot of meat sitting in hers obviously. So that preserves it and a similar thing happens with with bacteria and with with other pathogens as well. So you put them in the freezer, they don't you know don't often die they might just sort of lie there dormant for a while have a little bit of a nap. But you start warming the planet and they become zombie

Tom Ballard  1:32:06  
when he get home tonight check your frozen reindeers.

Mel Buttle  1:32:10  
Good takeaway message Tom.

Dan Ilic  1:32:13  
What other diseases would be lying under the tundra in previously frozen places?

Mel Buttle  1:32:18  
Yeah, well, there's some thought that you know, we managed to eradicate smallpox many decades ago, but um, you know, potentially it's not just reindeer corpses that might be rotting you've got human corpses that might be rotting as well. TerraForm everyone's gonna sleep really well tonight.

Dodo aids could be coming back

Tom Ballard  1:32:45  
we've seen Bohemian Rhapsody It is so sad when he gets Dodo aids

Dan Ilic  1:32:49  
What's gonna be really annoying is celebrity campaigns about dodo aids. Every minute of every day? It's so It's so strange. Like we like this. These are things that we know he is very strange. I've never heard of them before. All the time. But with when there's what about when there's a larger? Huge of weather events like big, big, more excessive weather events? What are this kind of strange health implications to that? Does that happen? 

Hillary Bambrick  1:33:30  
Yeah. So you get the immediate impacts from that weather event. If it's a cyclone storm, bushfire floods, you know, people die, people get injured. That's usually you know, it's pretty tragic. But that's not the only thing that happens you also get these longer term impacts as well. They happen all the time now, you know, everyday event got to get used to it. So it's also the longer term impact. So if you've got flooding, for example, you've got contaminated water supplies, you've got breeding grounds for mosquitoes, so you'll get you know, more mosquito borne diseases like dengue, for example.

Dan Ilic  1:34:01  
How prepared are we for this kind of stuff? Like how much demazin will I need?

Hillary Bambrick  1:34:09  
So we know that our health systems aren't as prepared as they could be. We had a taste of that a few years ago in Melbourne when we had the thunderstorm asthma epidemic. So the health systems then got completely overwhelmed. Now we've known about thunderstorm, thunderstorm asthma for a number of years, but there's never been an event like that. And what what that happened then you had 2000 people required ambulance attendants. Which thunderstorm? 

Dan Ilic  1:34:33  
Yes. So just Yeah, explain to people what happened in Melbourne. So there's a huge thunderstorm.

Hillary Bambrick  1:34:38  
And it had happened after a particularly warm, warm spring and you know, there's lots of pollen in the air so when you get a thunderstorm, it breaks open little pollen granules and they get down further into your lungs. And so what happened in Melbourne was there's a lot of pollen in the air, big storm people died is the simple causal chain but you had

Dan Ilic  1:35:03  
Are we excited about climate change yet.

Hillary Bambrick  1:35:05  
8 and a half thousand people went to hospital and nine people died and and most many of those people had never experienced asthma before

Steph Tisdell  1:35:16  
That's before dodo aids came.

Dan Ilic  1:35:20  
So, you know, the weather in Australia has always been pretty extreme. I read a scientific paper the other day and I'll read a bit of it to you. It's from one day Michela, I love a sunburn country. Atlanta sweeping plains of ragged mountain ranges of droughts and flooding rains. You can't you can't refute that.

Mel Buttle  1:35:40  
It's what she

Dan Ilic  1:35:41  
she wrote that

Hillary Bambrick  1:35:43  
Tony Abbott agreed to in 2013 with the bushfires in the Blue Mountains. He said, we've always had bushfires, and I said, Yeah, but not in October. And last year, Queensland in August so middle of winter 1000 bushfires burning now this is completely unprecedented. So yeah, the weather has always been a big factor. We're pretty proud of that. In this country. We like that our weather is like that. But those patterns are shifting. So it's now you know, fact in different times of the year, different ways and it's snowing Queensland this week, snowed in Queensland? Hopefully after tonight's entomology also be there you guys 

Saidie. I'm doing good work.

Tom Ballard  1:36:23  
Sadie, I've been tested for dodo aids and I'm clean. Megative, right?

Hillary Bambrick  1:36:31  
No anthrax on top. 

Dan Ilic  1:36:34  
Hillary, can you leave us with any kind of hope for the future? Is there anything?

Mel Buttle  1:36:41  
Hillary, can you make up some hope?

Dan Ilic  1:36:46  
Can you tell this audience some lies?

Hillary Bambrick  1:36:51  
Yeah, like some kind of hope. Um, you know, if we're talking about jobs from me, area, coal mine. And you know how certain that is. What we do know is that jobs from the Great Barrier Reef are much more certain. So there are so many more jobs with the Great Barrier Reef and so many more jobs in tourism has so many more jobs if we actually have a planet that is functional and that people are alive on. So

Dan Ilic  1:37:14  
I don't know how that works.

Hillary Bambrick  1:37:18  
We have choices about the kinds of jobs we want to create.

Tom Ballard  1:37:21  
Although if climate change happens, and you're a doctor sounds like you don't get a whole lot of business.

Dan Ilic  1:37:27  
You mentioned coal before this is a is a portrait that someone drew of themselves. Can you tell us the story behind this one?

Hillary Bambrick  1:37:34  
Sure. So I used to live in the Illawarra. Down Wollongong way. Yeah, anyone from rolling down? Thanks, Mom. Yep. I lived about 100 metres from the train tracks. And those, those tracks would carry uncovered coal trucks every day. And that often sit up at the train station, and my house would get covered in coal dust as with everyone else's houses. So my daughter drew this picture using the coal dust that was covering our house. So it's a self portrait for those of you playing along at home.

Dan Ilic  1:38:06  
And isn't it beautiful?

Hillary Bambrick  1:38:11  
It's just it's just a bit of a wake up call. Because you know, this is it's a point about coal mining that actually just really want to get across that if we stopped if we actually stopped coal mining today, the air would be cleaner today. It's not like we're taking a gamble on whether whether or not it might actually make things better. You wouldn't get black lung disease. So there's, you know, 21 miners in Queensland who've been diagnosed with lung disease, that wouldn't have happened. You wouldn't have the 3000 people die each year in Australia from air pollution, you wouldn't have 42 million kilogrammes of coal dust cover the Hunter Valley,

Dan Ilic  1:38:43  
like so much coal dust.

Hillary Bambrick  1:38:46  
And then you also wouldn't get fires such as the one at Hazelwood mine. You know, a few years ago that that killed a number of people as well and will have long term implications. So it's not just climate change as being an issue with coal and coal mining. It's every single step from the mining the transport and the burning of coal that actually kills people. 

Steph Tisdell  1:39:03  
Can I ask you a question? Like a serious questions like, why haven't why hasn't the rhetoric about Climate The climate crisis been changed? Surely, because people still oppose it or deny it? Why are we changing the way that we're talking about it to be like, cool, regardless of whether you believe in it or not?

Hillary Bambrick  1:39:23  
it'll still kill you whether you believe it. 

Steph Tisdell  1:39:26  
but but even just even beyond that, right? Like even if you just said, Hey, look, regardless of whether you reckon it's gonna, it's real or not. There is no harm in saving the world and making the world a better place. Do you know what I mean? Like it's such an odd

Hillary Bambrick  1:39:44  
you'd save 4 million lives a year.

Steph Tisdell  1:39:46  
I just don't understand. Sorry, I'm very really had a moment 

Mel Buttle  1:39:52  
I'll give you my dad's phone number.

Steph Tisdell  1:39:56  
Actually, sorry, can I go on a tangent and tell really weird story. 

Dan Ilic  1:39:59  
Yeah please. 

Steph Tisdell  1:40:00  
Okay, so my dad is like, the biggest weirdo in the world. Like just to give you an idea yesterday he sent me a text in the middle of the day that said, Do you reckon the Queen has ever been on official business with a total head poking it? Which is opposed that's about to come out. And I was like, Hello, dad.

Lewis Hobba  1:40:23  
Happy birthday.

Steph Tisdell  1:40:25  
But this is this is a true a true story and I'd like so he was a climate crisis denier and he always listens to the ABC and then he listened to one of his favourite people say it's real and he was like, oh fuck and then he went and

Tom Ballard  1:40:41  
dry like you really think that fucking huge

Steph Tisdell  1:40:46  
that's pretty much what he's like. This was his response to it and I suppose you're going to also have solutions but what do you think of his solution? He went to Bunnings and he bought two he made two giant sandwich boards this tall and painted the words on both sides global warming act now and put them out the front of my fucking drive. And then some some drunk kids on the weekend sorry this is just the ending to the story it's got like it's got nothing to do with the rest is ridiculous. Some drunk teenager started breaking his silence in the middle of the night and he woke up and he was gonna go below get off there. But then he just didn't have enough energy so you just streetlamp with the machete I should say he was nowhere near them just cast a shadow they fucking

Dan Ilic  1:41:52  
next climate talks, we're going to send your dad

Hillary Bambrick  1:41:56  
that's that is Mark Tissdell's action for climate change. But like seriously, do you think it's one of those things that like, is this something that we just go actually, you know what, fuck it Polit like politicians aren't listening. The government doesn't give a fuck. This is just make it totally way more individual level.

You've got to start somewhere. And I think I mean, obviously, we've got a absolute lack of national action when it comes to climate change. Despite the rhetoric that we keep hearing it there. Australia's climate emissions have been increasing by one or 2% for two years, you know, we

Dan Ilic  1:42:28  
got to record levels

Mel Buttle  1:42:34  
don't believe it when they tell you that, that we're on track to meet the Paris targets because, you know, for us they are so

Dan Ilic  1:42:42  
this was my pet peeve with scomo. And when he ever talks, climate change, he's always talking about meeting the Kyoto targets, which was set in 19 Fucking 97 As if that's some sort of fucking achievement, and if there hasn't been 15 More fucking conferences since then. I'm okay, I'm okay.

Mel Buttle  1:43:07  
To be frank, Australia's target of 26 28% below 2005 levels is not at all adequate 2005 levels of almost record levels anyway. So to be back to actually get adequate sort of reductions in greenhouse gas emissions, we need to be aiming for 45 to 65% by 2030, and zero net emissions by 2050. So that's the bottom line.

Dan Ilic  1:43:27  
Alright. Everyone, please thing Hillary. This is a rational fear with more laughs than labour seats in Queensland. Ladies and gentlemen, Louis Hobba. 

Lewis Hobba  1:43:45  
Hello. What a barrel laughs It's been okay, at the end of this at the end of my thing, I'm gonna ask you to do something. And I'm gonna get you to agree to it now. Because in between now and then you're not gonna like me. So can I? Can I get a gist? You all saying? Yes, Louis on 3123. Will you do this for me? 

Audience  1:44:05  
Yes Lewis

Lewis Hobba  1:44:06  
All right. Okay. I'm really glad that we are doing irrational fear here in this part of the country tonight. After the election we just had, I think it's important that we're here in Queensland, where it all went wrong. Despite all the predictions, not a single Liberal National politician lost their seat, and the seats near the mine had swings of up to 15% away from the party that wanted to address climate change. It was the climate change election. I just I don't know if you heard about that. Did you get them? Did you hear it was the climate change election? It certainly wasn't the government change election

to Queensland, you're just a human middle finger the rest of the time. You're out Florida, filled with crocodiles in an ironic Hawaiian shirt. It's hard to imagine a better display of how little you care about climate change than having climate week. Now, you know would be a great time to finally get stories about climate change out into the Brisbane press.

Dan Ilic  1:45:24  
Let's do it the day after State of Origin fuck

Lewis Hobba  1:45:34  
I'm gonna I'm gonna try really hard not to be angry at you. I'm gonna do my best. I'm gonna do my best. Because I understand why you didn't vote for climate action. You know, who among us hasn't decided that 1400 jobs in the coal mine are more important than the future of the human race. We've all been there. I get it. Jobs are important. You need jobs. Everyone needs jobs. We need jobs. If we didn't need jobs, we wouldn't be here in fucking Queensland. We don't need to come here from climate week. We already come from a place that knows that climate change is important. It's called 2019 You should visit

No I'm kidding Queensland's great beautiful one day

Dan Ilic  1:46:27  
fuck you yes for the rest of eternity.

Lewis Hobba  1:46:32  
Can I ask you Is it annoying? Thank you Daniel. He hugged me. Is it annoying to have a real smug like me from the south come up and tell you that you're fucked it for everyone? It is. It is. I know that because that's one of the reasons you fucked us in the first place. After the election. Queenslanders said they didn't like southerners like Bob Brown coming up and telling them how to live their lives right after the election when all the journalists are trying to figure out what the fuck happened here. One opinion piece summed it up perfectly for all of you people if there's one thing Queensland is don't like it said it's being told what to do. New South Wales now there's a state that likes being told what to do. re elected a government with a mandated bedtime

No, sir. Have you ever tried telling a Queensland rugby league player to stop having group sex Good luck. Now in Bob Browns defence, he was probably fine with the group sex it was the mind he wasn't into Queensland's pack. You just you don't like being told what to do. You're cool like that, aren't you? You're cool. Very cool. You don't like being told what to do. Even when it's right. You just you're cool, you know? Hi back. You're not Australia's packing Florida. You're Australia's moody teenager, Wang Qing into the sock of our future.

Tom Ballard  1:48:13  
people hated you

Lewis Hobba  1:48:13  
so much after the election that they demanded your entire state be annexed from the rest of the people wanted quicks it now, not me, I didn't want Brexit. It sounds like a laxative. And even though you did shit the bed, I still believe in you Queensland. I understand why you did what you did. You said with your votes, what really we've all been thinking people who care about the environment. Kind of a drag, a kind of a drag, you know, like, oh, you know? You know, they're just like, they're the people who had their homework in, you know, like, they were like, they visit their grandma.

Tom Ballard  1:49:02  
And they enjoy it.

Lewis Hobba  1:49:05  
And I know the people who say things like that nice sharp, be careful. Off Charlene.

Dan Ilic  1:49:10  
I'll cut my finger off if I want to back off. I don't like being told what to do.

Lewis Hobba  1:49:18  
They're annoying. You know, I find them annoying. What I'm saying and nagging at you. But close to the tipping point. Back off, let me take my call. Whoa. In your defence, Queensland, it's not just you that's burying their head in the carpet on this issue. Ignoring the impending climate crisis is the hottest trend around the world and I mean, hottest. Listen to all of the very cool places that do not want to reduce carbon emissions apart from you, Queensland, Russia, Kazakhstan, China, Saudi Arabia, and Iran. Anyone see a common thread between any of those countries I don't like being told what to do. They're very cool. They like you. They also don't like people, which is fun. But I also think it's an important thing to focus on because somewhere along the line climate change became unfortunately mixed up with the political parties that have a degree of empathy. People who want to fix climate change, they do gooders, aren't they, in the old days do good as men, churchgoers, but Catholics have done a lot of things and none of them good. So now when people think of namby pamby do gooders, they think of the people who care about the environment and no one wants to be you do good. They're the only thing. So here's my plan. I'm going to start a new kind of political party that will trick you Queensland into voting for climate change. A party that will not care about anyone of any kind, I promise you that it will be so selfish, my party will be more capitalist than the Liberals more racist than one nation. It will fuck more staff as than the national I will be a less likeable leader than Bill Shorten. And then you know how my racist bunch of fuckboys are going to outwit you? You bunch of moody teenagers slamming your door in the face of the climate catastrophe. We'll use the only method really available to deal with teens who don't like being told what to do. Reverse psychology. All organise everyone Queensland is hate Bob Brown, the New South Wales origin side daylight savings. And I'm gonna get all of them to tell you what to do. Don't vote for climate action. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't vote for the climate. Look at me. I'm a smuggler from the south. Look at my statement glasses. I'm telling you not to do it. But let's be honest, you're at climate week. Either you got lost on the way home from origin last night. And you're still pissed, or you're already a do Gooding namby pamby who cares about the future of our planet, you're a traitor to your state. The rest of Queensland heights here which means they don't want you telling them what to do either. So join me now in telling them what to do on three don't vote for the climate 123 And again, keep it going. At a time I can feel their rebellion to go fuck ourselves and then accidentally saving the planet. It's working. I'll see you back here next election Queensland. We

Dan Ilic  1:53:00  
did it thank you, Louis. I actually went to South Bank earlier today and I met some Queenslanders who, who? Well, they have a message for you. You might be surprised you probably didn't meet these Queenslanders, but they're they've got a special message for

Voice Over  1:53:29  
Australian's that aren't Queensland. We're sorry about the election. It's just that Clives billboards are yellow. Yellow is very eye catching like a banana and Queenslanders love bananas. We know that. In my word for the climate crisis. Just think of all the jobs it will create. The LNP Deserve liquidy both positions too. And we're sorry for backing bigoted climate deniers, like Malcolm Roberts, even though all the empirical evidence points to him being empirical dickhead. Just that if we admit the climate change is happening, it will be catastrophic for Queensland property. We need to sell our homes for as high a price as possible so we can afford to live someplace cooler like Canberra. Sorry, I didn't mean cool. I just meant someplace colder.So on behalf Queensland, sorry not sorry

Dan Ilic  1:54:17  
To wrap up this special edition of climate week please. Big round of applause for Bridie and Wyatt.

Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd  1:54:31  
What an education experience that was Lewis

Bridie Connell  1:54:34  
we have written a song

Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd  1:54:38  
Yeah. You guys were like hey do some doom and gloom. Oh fun.

Bridie Connell  1:54:43  
refreshing to hear some of the words that you gave us to write a song about? Cole the reef, Pakistani, Afghani Banani climate refugees call again. Dengie fever, grandkids. That was from Tracey, and Bieber fever. Thank you for not the cherriest list but you know what we defy you we reckon in the year 2050 Even if the climate has all gone to hell, humankind will still have hope. 

Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd  1:55:15  
That's right

Bridie Connell  1:55:15  
and we'll still have love so there

Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd  1:55:18  
This is the love song set in the year 2050

Oh what a time everything will be great. One day I met a girl with a normal number of hands. She smiled at me and said her name was Liza.

Bridie Connell  1:55:39  
one day I met a boy down by the lake you know the one the lake that used to be mount iser.

Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd  1:55:50  
I asked her on a date and we went to a swim up movie. This girl's so great I just can't leave her.

Bridie Connell  1:55:59  
I liked a man but not the film it was kind of weird about a climate refugee with dengue fever.

Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd  1:56:08  
Refugee seven they jumped the shark oh, 

Bridie Connell  1:56:11  
What's a shark? 

Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd  1:56:12  
There all dead. I look at her and somethings blooming not just the algae in the water.

Bridie Connell  1:56:19  
I looked at him and sparks of flying, by the way I am Tracy's granddaughter

Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd  1:56:26  
Yeah, if I'm gonna be going extinct I want to go extinct with you. You and me were inextricably linked. I want to go extinct with you. 

Bridie Connell  1:56:38  
I didn't mention my fellas name before it's important you see his name is Barny

Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd  1:56:47  
I'm an Afghani 

Bridie Connell  1:56:52  
He was a bit crude sometimes. Every holes a goal

Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd  1:56:57  
you know what I'm talking about. Punani

Bridie Connell  1:57:12  
If I'm gonna go extinct I wanna go extinct with you. If our lives are gonna be sucint I wanna go extinct with you. Years went by well one of them, our love it was so brief. We had our anniversary down by the normal Barrier Reef

Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd  1:57:34  
But all our year were cut short. I'm no longer a believer. Because my Love came down to a bad case of Bieber fever

Bridie Connell  1:58:02  
Baby baby baby oh. Baby baby baby oh. Yes

Dan Ilic  1:58:15  
Thank you very much! Ladies and gentlemen, please thank Mel Buttle, Steph Tissdel, Lewis Hobba, Professor Hilary Bambrick the staff here at Brisbane Bauhaus. The Queensland Government. The Brisbane Power House. My name's Dan Ilic this has been irrational. Until next time, there's always something to be scared of

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