I can’t help thinking that when it comes to climate change and emissions, New Zealand is like the good guy who does all the right things and when he asks a girl out he doesn’t do it with just one thing in mind - but then loses out to the bad boy who comes from the ‘treat ‘em mean, keep ‘em keen’ approach to life.

So we’ve got James Shaw saying all the right things about how he’s going to look after Mother Nature, and how he’s going to make sure the farmers are good to her - but at the same time Mother Nature’s out on dates with China, the United States, India and Russia. And they’re treating her real bad - and laughing at New Zealand behind our back.

Because they know that, when push comes to shove, it doesn’t matter what New Zealand does because they’re bigger, stronger and carry much more sway than we ever will. And yes, they’ll all talk about cutting emissions - but they won’t, because they can.

This is why I’m not buying the Government’s big sell job on this plan to make farmers pay every time their sheep and cows let out a bit of wind.

According to Climate Change Minister James Shaw and the Prime Minister, the world is watching us because New Zealand is the first country in the world to come up with something like this.

But just because someone’s watching you, it doesn’t necessarily mean they like what they see. This isn’t going to be a Kath & Kim moment for the Government. You know what I mean: “Oi loike what oi see”.

And, mark my words; other countries will be watching this experiment that the Government wants to do with our farmers just as much for reasons not to do it, as reasons to do it.

And, if I was a farmer out in the paddock or in the tractor today, I’d be furious that my livelihood was being used as some sort of ‘look at me, look at me’ act by the Government.

The thing about farming and the impact it has on the environment, is that emissions - as far as I’m concerned anyway - come a distant second compared to the impact nitrates in the soil from farm animals are having on us here in New Zealand. Especially through intensive dairy farming.

When a cow pees in the paddock today, it will take 20 years for the nitrates to work through the soils.

That is covered in this new scheme announced by the Government, but the main goal is to reduce emissions so that New Zealand can say it’s doing something to meet its emissions-reducing commitments.

The same commitments other countries have made but seem to be doing very little about. They’re the ones treating Mother Nature mean to keep her keen, while we play the nice guy and run the risk of getting walked all over.

If the Government was really serious about doing something world-leading, it would be putting time, effort and money into things that really are going to make a genuine difference.

An example I can think of is an outfit in Canterbury that makes plastic out of sheep’s wool. It uses coarse sheep’s wool that normally gets chucked away because it’s not the sort of stuff you can use to make wool products.

But a brilliant young guy in Christchurch has come up with a process that turns it into a plastic-like material that Torpedo 7 is using to make kayaks. And when you’ve finished with the kayak, you can take it back to the shop and they can break it down and re-use the material.

That’s the kind of thing that the world would sit up and pay attention to. Not this scheme that - yet again - uses the big stick and taxes farmers because their animals have the nerve to burp and fart.

And even if James Shaw is right, and the whole world is watching this experiment with intense interest, I don’t think for a minute that we - in particular our farming sector, which so many people say is the backbone of the economy - I don’t think we should be the world’s guinea pigs.

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