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This podcast is a bit different. This one is very personal. I talk about my struggle with my anger and resentment. I speak candidly about my personal struggle to try to do the right things, but I am overcome with rage. I talk about the divorce but more so how I did not expect certain pieces of information to seep out and how I have to come to terms with the fact that I grew up in DMV. The impact this realization has had on me and sort of what's going on in my mind.
When you learn from a young age to fight, you keep fighting, it never stops. As a person you have to work in your triggers because they will keep on showing up. I walked off the job, who knows if I will be back, but somehow does it matter? If you lose your mind you lose everything.
Picture it 3 am and you have a fever, you can't sleep you toss and you turn. But wait you have to wake up at 6am so what's the point of sleeping? All your problems come to you... So here we go a podcast at 3am with me telling you about my personal problem, which I have finally named.
Take a Pause, and check in with yourself. I talk on this podcast about my emotional check-in and what I did for myself. However, this was the year of the money bag! Last year took a toll on my emotional health, and I needed a pause. Sometimes we need to protect our peace and I talk about that here because without emotional health we have nothing.
I was recently moved by this book I am reading. I thought about the question of "Creating self". I have done the Death of Self and the rebirth of self but never creating self. Like what does that even mean? When I was reading this book the thing that popped out is when you have no root, and your are determined to be someone, you can miss out on living because you want to achieve your goals.
You need rest..I did a whole podcast where I spoke about exhaustion and mental fatigue. I pick that up in this podcast. Sometimes we become vulnerable, and we mistake this for weakness. When in fact, we need rest, we need to sleep so that we can function on an optimal level. No one knows this more than I do. When I took those pills and slept solidly, no one felt better than I did. I had such mental clarity; I have not had that in a while. Things were getting to me that made me feel like I was either getting soft or weak. But I was just tired.
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