David Waldman and Greg Dworkin don't need a hastily prepared PVC pipe and black draped tent to deliver the action KITM listeners crave.

Today's apocalyptic earth-shattering black-swan event is the abduction of the President of Venezuela, Nicolás Maduro. Nobody is really certain why we did it. Maybe Maduro is involved with Jeffrey Epstein, or the Nobel Prize committee? Maybe he just wanted to piss off Marjorie Taylor Green one last time? Maybe war with Venezuela was a campaign promise? Did a tariff payment check bounce? You know, Maduro was asking for it… a lot of people are asking for it...

One thing is certain. It sure is fun to watch stuff blow up. Trump wanted Zero Dark Thirty and Delta Force delivered. Delivered clicks, that is, and what's more important than that? Everybody's wondering, "Where does this franchise go from here?" The possibilities are endless, but time is of the essence, as cheap overseas knockoffs are already in the works.

Now, you are probably asking yourself, "Hey, remember Venezuela? What's happening with those guys?" Well, that's yesterday's news. Somebody down there surely has a handle on it. Marco or Stephen will check in later this week to look in on them or something. Right now, it's doing everything Trump needs it to. If not, someone should expect to see a nasty email or drone arrive soon with their name on it. Of course, all of this is perfectly legal. In fact, it is illegal to say that it is illegal, that's how legal it is.

Meanwhile, let's pretend that we still have a democracy. Tim Walz is taking time off from being an assassination target to spend more time with his family, opening the door for Amy Klobuchar to run for Governor. Amy has been preparing for this moment. California also still exists, and Matt Ortega is running for election to the U.S. House to represent California's 14th Congressional District.