Keep Me Young

Spotify: (https://open.spotify.com/show/5T1lFECguCHnfbzyokEWTM?si=JLozFQEVRnC0HXPjHMHPSA)

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We are BOTH patient zero, if the sickness is being community leaders who are relevant and wise and hot and hilarious and never wrong about anything. Thanks for seeing us, Tay <3 And happy 50th episode!

Heather is staying young because of the increasingly frail, gnarled, withering strength of the Republican party. When even DJT is tired of America’s bullshit…we know we’re on the right track. We will (might? maybe?) overcooooome. And Blake will straight up live forever if we get this Glee reboot. Okay, and sorry about it for the Swifties, but we’re not living for Encore. Specifically the buckwild, emo girl, spoken word poetry bridge of Patient Zero. Girl, what? We like the music video, though? I don’t know. We’re not mad, we’re just disappointed. And that’s all we’re willing to put into writing about TSwift! In a very real way, though, we continue to full chest, no-marking, hhhHHate Asmangold. World of Warcraft: Forever beta seemed like it was gonna get him out of these streets (being a right wing grifter who famously doesn’t brush his teeth) but it might have made things worse? Heather’s really worried about his immune system, so we’re not completely heartless.

This week’s depression meals are brought to you by bread, butter, and fried food. The holy trinity. And our DMM submission is a HAIKU?! As always, you can send submissions to [email protected] or on Instagram @keepmeyoungpod. Our theme song “Old” is written and performed by the band pop kiss, fronted by Nicole and Sydney Patrick. @popkisstheband

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, could anyone make my tshirt less loud right now and then and also give me a lobotomy? We are IRRITABLE and OVERWHELMED this week, thanks to hormones for Heather and something like sympathetic hormones for Blake. Thanks, bestie.

Chat is it violent to run a lesbian bar slash venue in western Massachusetts in 2026? This week we’re staying so young thanks to the Beauty and the Beast style, torch-carrying mob who is BIG MAD about loosening restrictions and making masks optional one (1) day a week. Y’all, we love and support immunocompromised and disabled people. And also. Sometimes we queers could . Heather is living for DWTS along with Save the Last Dance fans, the tiktoker Coach Jackie, Juilliard apparently? and all the thirsty girls watching that sweet funny boy do hot things. We’re aging and potentially showing our age by siding with that career counselor who said don’t bring your iced coffee into an interview. But do note that we’re strategic bootlickers over here and sucking up to people to get a job was literally our job as opera singers. Clowning is back and 70,000 people are getting free tickets to the Met opera. The jesters just might save us!

Both of our depression meals are repeats, which sort of adds to the depressing nature of them? DMM submissions are really starting to sound like Shakespeare and we’re HERE FOR IT. And thank you for indulging us by asking us to talk about ourselves in Q&A this week. As if we needed more of an excuse! As always, you can send submissions to [email protected] or on Instagram @keepmeyoungpod. Our theme song “Old” is written and performed by the band pop kiss, fronted by Nicole and Sydney Patrick. @popkisstheband

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Submit your Depression Meals and Q&A with Queer and Gay questions to [email protected] or @keepmeyoungpod.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Y’all behave because we have COMPANY over to the KMY house today. RobbyforShort and ShinyStone are here to gab about life, liberty, and their original drag race-style Pokemon reality show competition: The Girly Pop Games!

The universality of bullying is keeping us young today. Artists, content creators, and protestors in Puerto Rico can all agree that bullying people in power CAN work! Try it! Reality television neither ages us or keeps us young, it’s just a constant in this life. Kelly Clarkson keeps us young and humble by being so @*$%& good at singing since day one. We get into the discourse of *discourse,* the wide and wonderful world of Pokemon, why straight men won’t allow whimsy into their lives, whether or not anything fun would exist if everyone went to therapy, and something called a “ball and gun” game? Which is unfortunately not as fun as it sounds. 

Be sure to watch The Girly Pop Games on YouTube, airing October 2nd! Blake is a guest judge and the rest of the cast will be announced this month. 

As always, you can send submissions to [email protected] or on Instagram @keepmeyoungpod. Our theme song “Old” is written and performed by the band pop kiss, fronted by Nicole and Sydney Patrick. @popkisstheband

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

And! Sometimes! Fridays! We gabbed for a WHILE in this ep, just like old times. Hopefully y’all have some time to kill :) This week we’re aging along with the rest of the gay/artist/weirdo community because of the passing of BOTH Dolly Parton and Tim Curry. We honor their legacy by talking about their amazing movies, how easy it is to get gay people to love you, and how unbelievably hot they are. Do y’all realize how smart and generous Dolly was?? Did y’all know Tim Curry is the voice of that sexy oil spill villain in Fern Gully??? Nobody here is old enough to remember that movie… Anyway, may their memory be a blessing. We’re thrilled that Rocky Horror Picture Show is on Broadway and we honestly just want to slowly stack the cast with everyone from Glee and/or The Glee Project. AI video games continue to be the worst and Blake had to go on an apology tour as a result. Back to School as a concept is a bummer largely because bad interior design makes Heather cry. Our DMM submission comes straight from a fellow Opera Camp soldier who IS translating her text unlike some people… And we finally get into Q&A again!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

And sometimes Fridays! And sometimes UNDER an hour! Can you even believe? This week we are aging aka our brains are literally decaying and atrophying because of a Splatoon brain rot voiceover. And our hearts are both growing 3 sizes like the grinch and also withering away because of the malevolent use of “When Somebody Loved Me” all over Toy Story 5. They’ve got us so bad, we don’t even need to hear the words anymore!! But maybe we all need more plushies? We’re both aging and staying young because of our girl, Ari. We at KMY think everyone deserves to disappear into the woods every now and then (or for months at a time, like Heather), and that especially applies to celebrities. So everybody shutup and leave her alone so she can wear big hoodies in peace! The Women’s Pro Baseball League is keeping us young because 1. lesbian jocks in tight pants 2. women’s sports and 3. a national anthem rendition that defies gravity, time, and even pitch. Play ball!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

And sometimes Thursdays! And sometimes UNDER an hour! Can you even believe? This week we are aging aka our brains are literally decaying and atrophying because of a Splatoon brain rot voiceover. And our hearts are both growing 3 sizes like the grinch and also withering away because of the malevolent use of “When Somebody Loved Me” all over Toy Story 5. They’ve got us so bad, we don’t even need to hear the words anymore!! But maybe we all need more plushies? We’re both aging and staying young because of our girl, Ari. We at KMY think everyone deserves to disappear into the woods every now and then (or for months at a time, like Heather), and that especially applies to celebrities. So everybody shutup and leave her alone so she can wear big hoodies in peace! The Women’s Pro Baseball League is keeping us young because 1. lesbian jocks in tight pants 2. women’s sports and 3. a national anthem rendition that defies gravity, time, and even pitch. Play ball!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ding dooong, two chronically online millennials calling! The world continues to be our oyster and yes, you SHOULD interpret that as yonic imagery. This week we dive into TV and film faves of today and yesterday, and, ultimately, we discover the spectrum of feral Drag Race fandom to tenderqueer Steven Universe simps. Oprah’s name was Orpah? Will a drag queen get dragged in the Big Brother edit? We dig into The Odyssey (again), including but not limited to: Heather not knowing the difference between white men auteurs, straight boy foolishness, making generational talent actors say buckwild lines, Robert Pattinson being the world’s best c*nty frat boy, geeking out about that cyclops sound effect, and Elliot Page absolutely chewing up his 1.5 scenes. And let’s make a little commotion for that witch and those piggy boys! Watching the Odyssey as Christopher Nolan intended: by listening to two gays discuss it on a podcast.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

AND SOMETIMES WE POST ON THURSDAYS. We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again: time is a construct. We are ~*$~artists*$~~ and we can’t be expected to do the same thing more than one week in a row.

Hi besties! Join us on an odd-dussy this week through way too many topics for how many minutes this episode is. Heather’s staying young on the sidelines of Black Instagram watching the “bouncy church dress” trend and giggling at the intermittent beauty of people doing dumb shit and posting videos on the internet for each other. Taco Bae is keeping us all young and healthy by being better prepared than the FDA and that’s on trusting processed foods. Jacob Collier makes another appearance on the pod but it’s because Heather listened to one (1) song and actually liked it. Yikes. Lena Dunham’s memoir Famesick is also aging us just because, like. Girl. What a life. Woof.

Blake is old and young and infinite and limitless because of the ODYSSEY, which he graciously describes to Heather, who has completely forgotten high school English but kind of sort of watched Percy Jackson while they were babysitting. We’re aging at the corner of the internet that continues to be racist and transphobic, shocker. Show us a more beautiful woman than Lupita Nyong’o. JUST TRY. Blake is adding “famous voice actor” to his resume? **Watch this space** for the first and last voice actor Grammy win. 

Depression meals are kind of all desserts this week? And we got the first of hopefully MANY similarly ridiculous Q&As. Submit your Depression Meals and Q&A with Queer and Gay questions to [email protected] or on Instagram @keepmeyoungpod. Our theme song “Old” is written and performed by the band pop kiss, fronted by Nicole and Sydney Patrick. @popkisstheband

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices