Five Ways to Damage Your Marriage (Part 1)

1. Neglect it - again

• Neglect occurs over a process of time
• Neglect always diminishes value
• Failure to invest over a process of time erodes our marriages

2. Treat each other disrespectfully - again

• When we aren't kind
• When we are rude
• When we never express love

3. Separate from each other as much as possible

• Think me and not we
• If you are always heading in different directions, your marriage will suffer
• If you never take the time to talk, your marriage will suffer
• We have found that we have to schedule time each day . . .

Christian Womanhood

1. It involves cultivating selflessness
   1. She is warm
      1. Safe and trustworthy v. 11-12
      2. Good - agreeable, pleasant, better (root is joyful and delightful)
      3. Illustration "You're better than that"
      4. Don't allow issues to turn you into a hard, cold, sarcastic, eye-rolling wife)
      5. Financially - no need of spoil
      6. Personally - does good and not evil
         1. Be careful that the familiar does not become an irritation
      7. Deeply - "good and not evil"
         1. Can He share? When and how he wants to share?
      8. Romantically - intimately - no need of spoil, good and not evil
         1. Beware of hurts, bitterness, frustrations, struggles
            1. Talk them out, work it out, get help-out
         2. Don't fizzle; make it sizzle

1. She is wise
   1. Think - every time
   2. Be kind - every time
   3. Psalm 19:14
   4. Psalm 141:3
   5. Eph. 4:32

1. She wants him to win v. 23
   1. Follow him - treat him like the leader God made him to be Eph 5:22-24
   2. Promote him - with reverence and awe Eph 5:33
   3. Be counter cultural

Conclusion:

Pro 31:28-31

So many women seek validation, praise, honor, status

They want the priceless label, but sell themselves short

What does Biblical Womanhood Look Like?

Consider the word virtuous

1. It involves cultivating strength
   1. Virtuous is Strong in purity, chastity, and righteousness
   2. Modern dictionaries get it all wrong
      1. One strives to be virtuous to appear to be better than others
      2. Bible- it doesn't make you better but priceless
         1. Dictionaries:
            1. Collins - to do what is expected and feeling pleased with themselves, perhaps too pleased
            2. Cambridge - Thinks oneself morally better than others, only does good so he can feel virtuous
            3. Oxford - behaving in a very good or moral way, irreproachable, claiming to behave better or have a higher moral standard than others.
            4. Modern philosophies get it wrong:
               1. A strong woman follows her heart
                  1. The heart is deceitful and desperately wicked
               2. She shows her authentic self
                  1. In my flesh dwells no good thing
               3. She cultivates her own interests
                  1. Be kindly affectioned one to another . . . in honor preferring
               4. She is self-aware and continually growing into herself
                  1. For me to live is Christ and to die is gain
               5. She stands up for herself and and is not afraid to share her thoughts and ideas regardless of what others think
               6. She speaks her heart and mind
                  1. Whoso keeps his mouth and tongue keeps his soul from trouble Proverbs 21:23
2. Same word for going into battle
3. Root is to twist, writhe, twirl, dance
4. The Virtuous woman is strong
5. She is prepared for battle
6. She cha-cha-chas her way through her busy days
7. Cf. Ephesians 6
   1. She is strong 6:10
   2. She is ready for battle 6:11
   3. She is prepared for whatever comes her way 6:13

It involves cultivating a strong relationship with God v. 30

1. A woman who fears the Lord
2. Can't get enough of God
3. Is in awe of God
4. Will be praised

Dave and Bethlie's youngest child, Charity Young, joins them for this episode. As 15 year old young lady, how did God speak to Charity recently when she read through Proverbs 31?

Listen, and enjoy!

Proverbs 31:1-9

1. Verse 1 Taught = to chasten, discipline, instruct, admonish
2. Verse 3 Stay away from women because they destroy kings
   1. This is counsel which Solomon in later years chose to ignore
3. Verse 4-9 Stay away from alcohol
   1. Kings shouldn't drink the stuff
      1. They can cause you to forget the law
      2. they can cause you to pervert judgment
   2. Alcohol use should be reserved only for those who need it
      1. Someone who is dying
      2. Someone who is bitterly ill
   3. Keep away from it so you can be a wise leader

Part 3

We want our children to have good appetites.

Appetites for eternal things over earthly things

1. God's Word
2. God' Love
3. Diligence
4. Faithfulness
5. Character
6. Integrity
7. Family

We want our children to be successful adults

1. Prepared
2. All ready going that way before they get there
   1. Parenting is intended to teach our teens to parent themselves
   2. Know where you are taking your kids
   3. Give them opportunities to prove they are getting there

Part 2

The goals we should have according to the verse

We want our children to have good behavior.

This idea shows up especially in the early chapters

1. Listen to our commands
2. Heed our laws
3. Do right and pursue wisdom

Teach them to obey

1. Expectation
2. Communication
3. Follow-through
4. Correction (Proverbs 13:24, 19:18, 22:15, 23:13-14, 29:15,17)

We Must Emphasize Training

Proverbs 22:6

Recap of our study through Proverbs:

Chapters 1-9 are about his training of his own son.

Chapters 10-31 contain truth about areas we should emphasize.

5 Reasons It Is Right To Emphasize Training

1. It is a word from Solomon, - known for His God-given wisdom.
2. It is the Word of God by the Holy Spirit and it is therefore profitable for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness.
3. It is based on the truth of sowing and reaping.
4. It is simply a summary of God's plan for the home and family.
5. It makes sense.

The Choices We Have As Parents

1. To train or not to train
2. To teach or not to teach
3. To correct or not to correct
4. To love or not to love
5. To impart wisdom or to leave to folly
6. To prepare for adulthood or to relegate to failure
7. To succeed or to fail

1. We must emphasize the dangers of alcohol
   1. We understand this is a debated matter
      1. All of us agree that drunkenness is wrong
         1. Drunkenness is when alcohol is altering our God given faculties
            1. It controls our emotions
            2. It controls our reactions

2. We understand that this is a problem area

3. We believe it is an easy matter

1. 1. 1. All of us agree that we are wrong when alcohol is damaging our life and the lives of those around us
      2. Solomon's main point over and over again is that alcohol is dangerous and should be avoided
      3. It does much damage
         1. One of the leading causes of preventable death in the USA (National institute on alcohol)
         2. 1/3 of fatal vehicle accidents were alcohol related
         3. 174 million abuse alcohol/only 9 million abuse opiods
      4. Financially
         1. It is expensive
         2. It is costly in how it affects work and health and relationships and so forth

4. We must understand that Solomon is warning us about these dangers:

1. 1. 1. What it does Proverbs 23:29
         1. Also 20:1
            1. It mocks
            2. It rages
            3. It deceives and destroys wisdom
      2. How it happens Proverbs 23:30-31
         1. Linger
         2. Search
         3. Look
      3. Where it leads Proverbs 23:32-35
         1. It bites and stings
         2. It affects thinking and perverts v. 33
         3. It makes you sick v. 34
         4. It leaves you deceived. v. 35
         5. It leads to addiction v. 35
         6. It leads to perverted leadership Proverbs 31:4-5
      4. Where it is acceptable
         1. Proverbs 31:6-7 Medicinally
         2. 1 Tim 5:23

As parents we must emphasize the dangers of alcohol.

Show your children those who have been damaged by it

1. Relationships
2. Car accidents
3. Health failures

Stay away from it.

The Dangers of Anger

We just emphasize the dangers of anger

Here are the main verses in Proverbs dealing with anger:

1. 12:16 A fool's wrath is presently known; but a prudent man coverth shame
2. 14:29 He that is slow to wrath is of great understanding: but he that is hasty of spirit exalteth folly
3. 14:17 He that is soon angry dealeth foolishly: and a man of wicked devices is hated.
4. 15:1 A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger
5. 16:23 He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty: and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city
6. 19:11 the discretion of a man deferreth his anger: and it is his glory to pass over a transgression
7. 19:18 A man of great wrath will suffer punishment: for if thou deliver him, yet thou must do it again
8. 21:19 It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman
9. 22:24 Make no friendship with an angry man, and with a furious man thou shalt not go
10. 27:3 A stone is heavy, and the sand weighty: but a fool's wrath is heavier than them both
11. 27:4 Wrath is cruel and anger is outrageous (a torrent - a flood); but who is able to stand before envy.
12. 29:22 An angry man stirreth up strife, and a furious man aboundeth in transgression

Lessons learned from these verses

1) We must address our own anger issues: Defeat anger or it will control you and damage you

1. Confess it as the sin it is
2. Take steps to forsake it

2) We must address our children's anger

1. Younger Children
   1. Never ignore anger
   2. Rebuke it
   3. Correct it (determine beforehand)
   4. Teach them how to respond appropriately
2. Older Children
   1. Model correct responses
      1. Strive to live gently
      2. Admit when wrong and ask forgiveness
      3. Take steps to correct yourself
   2. Teach correct responses
      1. Stop and correct every angry response
      2. Teach your children the proper response
      3. Do it every time!
3. We must separate from anger: handle specific areas in specific ways
   1. On a team or in a sport
      1. Be drastic here
         1. Pull them out
         2. Remove them from the team
         3. Remove their privileges
      2. With a coach
         1. An angry coach is a bad influence in your child's life
         2. An angry coach is a lousy role model
         3. An angry coach is carnal
      3. In a relationship
         1. Anger will destroy relationships
         2. Anger is a deal breaker
            1. In friendship
            2. In courtship and dating
            3. Never date a person who gets angry - and certainly don't marry them
            4. Anger that shows up in dating will only compound in marriage
      4. We must learn to handle intense matters properly:
         1. Learn to speak softly
            1. Respond quietly
            2. Speak in a lower voice
         2. Leave an angry situation

Anger will prevent a happy life and a happy family