Keeping It Young

Part 3:

3. Be wise in your approach

1. Questions that should be asked before a relationship becomes serious
   1. Not all of these are deal breakers, but they need wise examination and counsel
   2. Your spiritual testimony
      1. No Unequal yoke with someone who is not a believer
   3. Virginity
   4. Porn
   5. Drugs/alcohol
   6. Debt
2. Your friends saw the red flags. Your family voiced their concerns. But you were so caught up in the excitement of new love that you missed all the warning signs. Now you're stuck in a relationship that's making you absolutely miserable.
3. Why does this happen? According to researchers at University College London, "feelings of love lead to a suppression of activity in the areas of the brain controlling critical thought." In other words, love can not only make you blind, but stupid.
4. So, how can you keep your brain switched on while dating and dodge potential bullets in the realm of romance? According to relationship expert Dr. John Van Epp, author of How to Avoid Falling in Love With a Jerk, it's about using both your head and your heart by taking the time to understand your partner's F.A.C.E.S.
   1. There are areas you should examine
      1. Family Dynamics and Background
      2. Attitudes and Actions of a Mature Conscience
      3. Compatibility Potential
      4. Examples of Previous Friendship or Relationship Patterns
      5. Skills for Relationships

Join Dave and Bethlie for part 2 of this series on Thoughts for Singles About Finding A Spouse.

Here is the book Dave and Bethlie recommends Get Married by Brad Wilcox

2. Be Practical In Your Approach

1. Be open to dating
2. Be friendly
3. Be where other singles are
4. Be preparing
5. Be more Biblical than cultural
   1. Focus on Character (more than image)
   2. Focus on prepared
6. Be willing to ask for help
7. Allow others to set up dates
8. Ask trusted mentors if they have anyone who would be a potential spouse

Thoughts for Singles about Finding a Spouse

1. Think Wisely about Marriage
   1. Genesis 2 - not good for the man to be alone
   2. Hebrews 13:4 - marriage is honorable
      1. Honorable means valuable; of great price; precious (minerals or diamonds)
   3. Brad Wilcox, professor of Sociology at U of Virginia
   4. Get Married: Why Americans Must Defy the Elites, Forge Strong Families; and Save Civilization
   5. Marriage binds men to the children they father. It stabilizes the romantic relationships of adults and the family lives of children. It bridges the gender divide between men and women; endows the lives of women and especially men with a deeper sense of meaning, direction, and solidarity; and, above all, provides the ideal context for the bearing and rearing of children.
   6. Marriage is certainly the "keystone institution" for our nation. At the civilizational level, this institution has, across the course of American history, promoted prosperity and reduced the risk of widespread poverty at both the state and national levels. It has reinforced the rule of law and minimized the risk of crime and mass disorder. It has boosted the physical health and emotional well-being of the general population. It has maximized the odds that children across the country are happy, healthy, and well prepared to take their place as virtuous citizens in our civilization. For all these reasons, married families maximize the odds that ordinary men, women, and children succeed at that quintessential American quest, "the pursuit of happiness."
   7. Stay away from those who are unBiblical
      1. One of the most influential leaders for the young men of our country
      2. Wedlock is designed to control the peasantry. A King must reproduce at any cost . . .
      1. Andrew Tate has 10.7 million followers on X (Twitter)
      2. Guard your heart so that you think wisely and Biblically

2. Be practical in your approach

1. Be open to dating

How To Enjoy Singleness

Part 2

3. Redeem your time

• • Don't be a couch potato
  • Don't be glued to instagram and all the negative emotions that can result
  • Stay fit
  • Eat well
  • Have devotions

4. Build a life

• • Get a good job
    • A good job is one you love
    • One to which you are committed
    • One where you can use your gifts and talents
  • Make a living
  • Buy a house
  • Take care of your stuff
    • Keep a clean house
    • Keep a nice yard
    • Keep a clean car
  • Have hobbies
    • Choose ones that involve learning skills
    • Choose ones that involve being with people

5. Be open to dating

• • Keep it light
  • Remember the two keys to any relationship:
    • Time
    • Talking

Join Dave and Bethlie as they provide practicle steps that you can use to enjoy singleness.

1. Stay Sweet
2. Serve

• Throw a party
• Invest in others
• Serve family
• Serve in church

3. Redeem Your Time

3. Try to meet each other's needs

1. Intimacy = closeness, love, gentle care
2. A spouse is called by God to meet the other's needs
   1. I Corinthians 7:1-5
      1. The husband has sexual needs that can only be met by the wife
      2. The wife has sexual needs that can only be met by the husband
      3. We are to fulfill those needs
      4. We are not to allow Satan to tempt us to fulfill those needs elsewhere
      5. We are only to refrain with mutual agreement for a short time
3. Failure here always has negative results:
   1. Damages intimacy
   2. Opens doors for the enemy
   3. Damages the relationship
   4. Sins against God

4. Trust God about children (take steps to delay pregancy)

1. It is wonderful to have children
2. It is right to want children
3. It is ok just to have children
4. It is ok to wisely plan them

5. Take time to flirt and flourish

1. Use Words
2. Write Notes
3. Send Texts
4. Buy and Wear Lingerie
5. Use Massage oil

6. Be practical

1. Use Lubrication
2. Make love when you can
3. Go to bed earlier

7. Treat challenges medically where it is needed

1. ED - erectile dysfunction
2. Intimacy anorexia
3. Pain
4. Etc.

In this episode of Keeping It Young, Dave and Bethlie dive into the important topic of keeping the bedroom alive and fresh in marriage. They discuss how seasons of life impact intimacy, the importance of thinking about each other in 'that way,' and how open communication can strengthen a couple's connection.

How do you keep the bedroom alive and fresh?

1. Think about each other in "that way"

1. 1. "Seasons" affect us differently
      1. Young parents with small children
      2. Teens
      3. Pregnancy
   2. Start with positive thoughts
   3. Be aware that it is normal for each of us to think about the bedroom differently

2. Talk to each other about needs, desires, and wants

1. How often
2. In what way
   1. Shower together?
   2. Fast?
   3. Gourmet?
3. When
   1. This can vary by job demands
   2. This can vary by schedule
   3. This can vary by the age of your children
4. What do you need? What do you want?
5. What do WE need?
6. What can we do to meet each other's needs

3. Discern

1. 1. Your spouse's needs or desires
      1. Insecurity may mean your spouse has a need you can meet
      2. Sexually your spouse may need more (or less)
         1. The issue here is whether or not you are focused on your need or your spouse's need
            1. Each of us should be willing to give of ourselves for the sexual needs of our spouse
      3. Just practically
         1. Maybe he has a hobby that you can attempt to enjoy
         2. Maybe she like Hallmark and you can attempt to watch
         3. Maybe your spouse needs more encouragement, or time, or some such . . .
   2. Little foxes that spoil the vine
      1. Hurts
      2. Conflicts
      3. Busyness
   3. How to handle conflicts
      1. What can you do to overcome conflicts
      2. What are you doing wrong in overcoming conflicts
      3. Staying in a cycle that isn't working is silly
         1. Get counsel
         2. Read some books
         3. Talk and listen
   4. How to handle each season of life

4. Diminish the negatives

• • • Focus on 10% of negatives and you cannot see the 90% positives

5. Different (do something different)

1. 1. 1. 1. Shake things up occassionally
         2. Eat at a different restaurant
         3. Take a "talked about" trip
         4. Splurge

6. Delight in one another

How do you keep a marriage alive and fresh?

1. Decide - that it is what you want.
   1. It is never automatic
   2. It is always attainable
   3. It is always worth it . . .
      1. Divorce is never an easy option
         1. Even when it is necessary
         2. Even when you can't stop it
      2. Do everything in your power to keep your marriage healthy
2. Develop
   1. a best friend relationship
   2. Good habits
      1. Pray together
      2. Talk through issues
      3. Keep talking through issues
   3. Trust
3. Discern
   1. Your spouse's needs or desires

Apply the Bible via wisdom sayings

1. 1. You will reap what you sow
   2. A little bit of sin makes a whole lot of mess
   3. The best time to take care of sin is when it is very small
   4. Birds of a feather flock together
   5. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink
   6. He who dies with the dirtiest towel wins
   7. Only one life will soon be past, only whats done for Christ will last
   8. You should always be honest . . .

Consider Christian education

1. 1. If Christian education is used as a tool to strengthen God's Word in the hearts of your children, it is a good thing
      • For you that send your kids to a public school, you have to work harder to protect their heart
   2. Beware of sending your kids to a Christian school and then undermining their foundation by sending them to a secular university that is an expert in attacking, weakening, and altering their upbringing

We want to hear from you:

Do you have any specific ways you are teaching your children the Bible?

Do you have any wisdom sayings that we can share with our audience?