Ok, so I’m going to share something that sounds weird and a little artless, but bear with me.
Tina came into the bathroom the other day. She didn’t know I was already in there and so she found me, just out of the shower in my birthday suit, and now sitting on the toilet. So, to be clear, no one enjoys being unexpectedly exposed and this moment was no different, so Tina—being the sweet should she is—headed off to the other bathroom and gave me my privacy, which I appreciated.
But as I sat there on my throne of contemplation I realized what I appreciated far more was, if she had needed to stay for some reason, she could have, and it wouldn’t have been a big deal. After all these years together we’ve both literally seen it all. And it’s all ok.
I’ve been thinking a lot about transparency lately.
Some of the greatest treasures to be found in this life are relationships in which we can be fully ourselves, fully transparent, fully known, and then most importantly … fully accepted.
Of course, we all regularly find ourselves in situations where it’s prudent to hold back a little, but it’s no fun to feel like you always have to hide a part of yourself away. So to find a person and a tribe with whom you can be fully you, and be valued for who you truly are, that is a treasure.
And of course there’s only one person you should always be fully transparent and honest with, and that’s you.
Which is why I’ve come to believe the greatest gift you can ever give yourself are regular moments of self-reflection wrapped up in complete and utter honesty. Honesty with yourself is not always pretty, not always easy, but it is always healthy.
One of the things which first made me fall in love with Tina was her commitment to being transparent and her instinctive, almost preternatural disposition toward being honest with herself and others. She is the most honest person I know, which is why everyone around her feels safe, unless you have something to hide. I found in her the safety of being with someone who always puts all her cards on the table. You always know where you stand with Tina, which means if you think things are good, you can trust that they are. She is a person without guile. She is my spirit animal, and she has been my teacher in that way for all these many years.
All of this to say, transparency with others is important, but honesty with yourself … that is critical if you wish to be a happy, healthy, growing person.
This is what I’ve learned from Tina: Everything meaningful in life must learn to survive honesty.
Honesty is how you build a great relationship. Honesty how you build a whole safety net of relationships. And honesty with yourself … is how you build yourself beautiful life.