Kick in the Panties

It’s important to hold expectations for how things should and could be in your life, but how do you know if you’re expecting too much, or worse, not expecting enough out of those around you? This week the Panty Kickers talk about how to manage expectations, for yourself and those who matter most to you.

Carolyn says:

* Notice the difference between “HE BETTER DO” and “SHE PROBABLY WON’T”, neither of those scenarios communicate your wants and needs clearly. * The expectations you keep are a really a reflection of you.* If you don’t set expectations you may lose yourself in your relationship and begin to resent your partner.

Becca says:

* TOO LOW: If you expect to be shit on, people will treat you like a toilet.* TOO HIGH: On the flip side acting like you are entitled to what you want and feeling superior to others is extremely unappealing to most people.* COMMUNICATE: You must lay out what you want from others in a clear way, in all relationships this is the only way to be sure your expectations will be met!

HOMEWORK: Examine an unrealistic expectation you carry and see if you can let it go.

We are available on ITUNES, STITCHER, OVERCAST AND SPOTIFY!  Please rate, review, and share a favorite episode with a friend!

See you next week for Melissa’s Q&A: “Dear Panty Kickers, I want to see my Ex for closure, do you think that’s a good idea?”, and for our next full-length episode: Real Life Romance

XO Panty Kickers

SHOW NOTES – Q&A 21, Season 2 Brian writes: “Dear Panty Kickers, what do you think of non-monogamous or alternative couplings?”

Carolyn says:

* If it makes you happy, do the damn thing!* It may not be totally realistic to be only with one person for the rest of your life* Managing your expectations around monogamy may allow to release the choke hold you have on your relationship or partner* Make sure you are in agreement about the relationship you are in, open relationships need parameters to be successful

Becca says:

* Millennials are more open to different types of relationships, which may be responsible for an 18% decline in divorce: https://time.com/5405757/millennials-us-divorce-rate-decline/* Talk to your partner about your expectations around monogamy, and also be a person your partner can approach if they make a mistake* To expect your partner to never have desire for anyone else is completely unrealistic, be open to their desires, it is sexy to not be threatened* Listen to your body, it will tell you if the situation you are in is not working for you!

We would LOVE to answer your questions!  Please DM us on Instagram @kickinthepanties or be like Robyn and use the “write to us” button on our website, kickinthepanties.com

See you next week for a full length episode: Managing Expectations

xoxo Carolyn and Becca

We talk so much about changing ourselves, but can we use this same drive and energy to change someone else?

Carolyn says:

* People only change for themselves!* You cannot change anyone, but you can change your response.* After you’ve addressed an issue in your relationship several times, you must ask yourself – is this something I can deal with in my life?* Be aware of modifying your own behavior to accommodate the bad behavior of your partner.

Becca says:

* In a positive, reciprocal relationship the goal should be for both people to change over time in a positive way.* There are so many great people to be with in the world, it’s cruel to try to shame someone into changing for your love.* Wanting someone to change is really more about you than it is about them.

HOMEWORK NEW YEARS CHEER ALERT!!  I haven’t made a New Year’s resolution I’ve stuck to in a while.  Let’s all think about one thing we want to change about ourselves in the new year, and actually take this pivotal moment to make that change!  Why worry about someone else when you can worry about yourself?!

We are available on ITUNES, STITCHER, OVERCAST AND SPOTIFY!  Please rate, review, and share a favorite episode with a friend!

See you next week for Robyn’s Q&A: “Dear panty kickers, do you think sex is an exchange of energy?”, and for our next full-length episode: Can You Change Someone?

XO Panty Kickers

SHOW NOTES – Q&A 20, Season 2 Robyn writes: “Dear Panty Kickers, do you think sex is an energy exchange?”

Carolyn says:

* Even in an LTR, sex can re-up goodwill and good feelings* Be wary of having sex with an agenda, be sure you are your partner are on the same page* Sex is a meeting of the spirits, it’s a spiritual experience

Becca says:

* Sex can send you on a big high or plummet you to a new low* Don’t forget that sex is a tool for closeness, but can also create more distance if you aren’t on the same level* We don’t think much about WHY we are having sex but it may be worth thinking about

We would LOVE to answer your questions!  Please DM us on Instagram @kickinthepanties or be like Robyn and use the “write to us” button on our website, kickinthepanties.com

See you next week for a really exciting Episode: Can You Change Someone?

xoxo Carolyn and Becca

When you connect with someone immediately you can feel like you trust them completely, but do you REALLY know who they are? The Panty Kickers dig into immediate connections, and how to not let a steamy or strong connection derail you from finding viable long term love.

Carolyn says:

* How well do you really know them? 24 hours, 48 hours total? Beware of thinking, “they usually do this,” or “they never do that”, when you really don’t know someone well.* When someone tells you who they are, believe them. If someone you’re dating tells you something that puts you off, pay attention!* Even though it’s difficult to find someone you connect with, it’s not THAT hard. To think that there is only one person you will connect with is silly. You’ll feel those feelings again and hopefully with someone less problematic.

Becca says:

* Think of your eventual partnership as a business partnership as well as a romantic one.* Follow your gut, whenever I check in with people who have gotten out of serious relationships after any amount of time they usually admit that they knew early on something was not right and they stuck with it.  Your body will tell you, just like my body has always felt peaceful and at home with Emile.* Seek guidance: don’t be afraid to talk candidly with friends, a therapist or your family members about your concerns.  Sometimes, they may see something in your relationship that you cant because the connection can blind you.  With my past bad ex, everyone I knew was perplexed by the pairing.  I knew what I was feeling, but they all saw what was really going on (and tried to tell me!)

Homework: HOLIDAY CHEER ALERT!! Go out of your way to thank someone in your life who you had an immediate connection to and who has made a positive impact on you as a human. 

We are available on ITUNES, STITCHER, OVERCAST AND SPOTIFY!  Please rate, review, and share a favorite episode with a friend!

See you next week for Robyn’s Q&A: “Dear panty kickers, do you think sex is an exchange of energy?”, and for our next full length episode: Can You Change Someone?

XO Panty Kickers

SHOW NOTES – Q&A 19, Season 2 Nancy writes: “Dear Panty Kickers, How do you survive life transitions: babies, moves,  new jobs etc.?”

Carolyn says:

* Acknowledge and accept that things are different. Don’t just pretend that there was no change, lean into your new situation!* Don’t refuse to change! I’ve been fighting finding new friends in my new city, what are you refusing to do for yourself through a transition?

Becca says:

* Allow your partner some space to figure out what’s going on with them before you start interjecting all the time about your needs not being met.  * Try to put yourself second and support your partner, which can be thankless!  * Have patience, faith, and common sense! It’s not a realistic expectation to think things between you and your partner will go perfectly all the time and context clues can tell you a lot.

We would LOVE to answer your questions!  Please DM us on instagram @kickinthepanties or be like Jessica and use the “write to us” button on our website, kickinthepanties.com

See you next week for a really exciting Episode: Good Connection, Bad Anything Else

xoxo Carolyn and Becca

Using apps for dating is finally so mainstream people don’t even think twice about it anymore, but how can you use best practices to be sure you aren’t wasting your time online. Online is a new way to meet people, but the dating is the same as it always was, follow these tips and meet yo’ match!

Carolyn says:

* Talk a little bit before you meet someone IRL. Getting a sense of them, (especially on the phone!), will tell you whether there’s a little bit of chemistry and can make you more invested in the meeting. Bringing your A game to the first date could certainly lead to a second!* Don’t be afraid to say “no!” to profiles that definitely do not match what you are a looking for.* Be real about who you are and what you want. Let yourself be you, the person you are looking for will see and love you for who you are. If you repel people you aren’t supposed to be with, good!

Becca says:

* Don’t have sex too soon – be clear about your intentions and boundaries and hold to it. So many people are online pretending to be serious when all they want is a one night stand.  If you’re seriously looking for someone serious- you’ll be able to tell how serious they are by watching if they’ll wait. * Treat finding your match like a job search. Date a lot. Be open to new types of people. Make a spreadsheet!  It’s not super sexy, but there are so many tools at your disposal that you could use to streamline your process. Make it an experiment, and take a little bit of the emotion out of it. The more you date the less rejection stings.* Don’t let rejection derail you! Try not to make someone not calling you back about your self worth but more just about not being a “fit”. Think of how many awesome people you have met that you don’t want to marry. If someone treats you poorly, that is a reflection of them, keep it moving. 

Homework: Try these tips in your online dating life, obviously!

We are available on ITUNES, STITCHER, OVERCAST AND SPOTIFY!  Please rate, review, and share a favorite episode with a friend!

See you next week for Nancy’s Q&A: “How do you survive life transitions- babies, moves, new jobs, etc.?”, and for our next full length episode: Good Connection, Bad Anything Else

XO Panty Kickers

Hello Panty havers, we are airing a classic episode of Kick in the Panties on when and how to shed cumbersome or negative friendships (we thought this might come in handy this “friends”-giving)!

See you next week for the next fresh episode of Season 2, Dating Duds in the Digital Era.

Be safe and enjoy!

Xoxo Panty Kickers

SHOW NOTES – Q&A 18, Season 2 Michelle writes: “Dear Panty Kickers, I read this article that says that every person only has 3 loves in their life, what do you think?”

Find the referenced article here: https://www.lovewhatmatters.com/we-only-fall-in-love-with-3-people-in-our-lifetime-each-one-for-a-specific-reason/

We would LOVE to answer your questions!  Please DM us on instagram @kickinthepanties or be like Jessica and use the “write to us” button on our website, kickinthepanties.com

See you next week for a really exciting Episode: Weeding Out Duds in the Digital Era

xoxo Carolyn and Becca

Are you dragging heavy emotional baggage into all of your relationships, including the one with yourself? The Panty Kickers are to here to give you some great advice on how to resolve past pain and move toward a brighter future of acceptance.

Carolyn’s 3 Step Process for moving beyond the past:

* Forgiveness, take the time to forgive those who have hurt you, and also focus in on forgiving yourself for what you’ve allowed to be done, or what you’ve done to others. * Live and Learn, figure out the lessons that may have come out of your pain.* Gratitude, now that you’ve learned those lessons, find appreciation for what you went through and what you have learned. If you can get to a place where you truly see a silver lining, you’ll be beyond the pain.

Becca says:

* There is no way to change the past. You have to recognize that it’s over and let it go!* Every human has made good and bad choices in their lives, understanding that you are not alone in this can help you let go of the past pain you’ve caused, and do better in the future.* Baggage can truly ruin your life, you don’t realize how much you hurt yourself by holding on to anger aimed at others.

Homework: Play the “why do I feel this way,” game next time you feel upset or negative about something (big or small) in your life. Keep asking the question until you get to the REAL answer!

We are available on ITUNES, STITCHER, OVERCAST AND SPOTIFY!  Please rate, review, and share a favorite episode with a friend!

See you next week for Michelle’s Q&A: “Dear Panty Kickers, I read this article that says that every person has only 3 loves in their whole life, what do you think?”, and for our next full length episode: Weeding Out Duds in the Digital Era

XO Panty Kickers