Ep. 114: Positive versus Negative Attention

FREE quiz: Is Your Child a Good Friend? https://eileenkennedymoore.ck.page/e37dcc098f

Would YOUR KID like to be featured on the podcast?

SUBMIT A QUESTION TO DR. FRIENDTASTIC at https://DrFriendtastic.com/submit (Obviously, this is not psychotherapy, and it’s not for emergency situations.)

For an easy-to-read TRANSCRIPT, go to: https://DrFriendtastic.com/podcast/

Like the podcast? Check out my books and webinars at https://EileenKennedyMoore.com.

Subscribe to my NEWSLETTER, https://DrFriendtastic.substack.com, to get podcast episodes sent to your email plus articles for parents.

*** DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:

- Why is positive attention better than negative attention? (Hint: how do others react?) What are some things you do or could do to get positive attention from friends?

- Have you ever been in a situation where you felt like a friend was ignoring you? What happened? Did you ever learn why your friend was ignoring you? How did you handle it?

- What would it look like if you were trying to be enjoyable company for a friend? (Hint: What would you do or say?)

- When a friend has been distant lately, why is “I miss you!” a better message to communicate than “You’re mean! Stop ignoring me!”?

- Why is not speaking to someone a bad way to handle conflicts?

- How is ignoring someone different from taking a short break to calm yourself down?

*** You might also like these podcast episodes:

Ep 111 - Friend won’t forgive her (Thea, Age 11)

https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/ep111-friend-wont-forgive-her-thea-age11

Ep. 102 - How to express your feelings with friends (Aida, Age 5)

https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/ep102-how-to-express-your-feelings-with-friends

Ep. 73 - Best friend suddenly stops playing with him (J.J., Age 11)

https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/ep73-jj-age-11-best-friend-stops-playing-with-him

Ep. 113: Choosing between two friends' parties

FREE quiz: Is Your Child a Good Friend? https://eileenkennedymoore.ck.page/e37dcc098f

Would YOUR KID like to be featured on the podcast?

SUBMIT A QUESTION TO DR. FRIENDTASTIC at https://DrFriendtastic.com/submit (Obviously, this is not psychotherapy, and it’s not for emergency situations.)

For an easy-to-read TRANSCRIPT, go to: https://DrFriendtastic.com/podcast/

Like the podcast? Check out my books and webinars at https://EileenKennedyMoore.com.

Subscribe to my NEWSLETTER, https://DrFriendtastic.substack.com, to get podcast episodes sent to your email plus articles for parents.

*** DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:

- What’s the best celebration you’ve had for your birthday? What made it so special

- Which would you enjoy attending more: a big party with lots of kids or a small party with just a few kids? Why?

- Splitting your time by attending only part of each of two parties that were scheduled at the same time seems fair, but it may cause problems. What are the downsides of that solution? (Hint: think of how the birthday kid, other guests, and you might feel.)

- If a close friend invites you to their birthday party but you can’t attend, what are some things you can do to show that friend you care about them?

*** You might also like these podcast episodes:

Ep. 110 - Being apart from a friend (Matilda, age 5)

https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/ep110-being-apart-from-a-friend-matilda-age5 

Ep. 93 - Not invited to a party! (Alice, age 6)

https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/ep93-alice-age-6-not-invited-to-a-party 

Ep. 60 - Friends invited but not him (Henry, age 8)

https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/kids-ask-drfriendtastic-ep60-henry-age-8

Ep. 112: Moving past a friendship rough spot in a boy-girl friendship | Friendship advice for kids

FREE quiz: Is Your Child a Good Friend? https://eileenkennedymoore.ck.page/e37dcc098f

Would YOUR KID like to be featured on the podcast?

SUBMIT A QUESTION TO DR. FRIENDTASTIC at https://DrFriendtastic.com/submit (Obviously, this is not psychotherapy, and it’s not for emergency situations.)

For an easy-to-read TRANSCRIPT, go to: https://DrFriendtastic.com/podcast/

Like the podcast? Check out my books and webinars at https://EileenKennedyMoore.com.

Subscribe to my NEWSLETTER, https://DrFriendtastic.substack.com, to get podcast episodes sent to your email plus articles for parents.

*** DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:

- What does it mean to be open to friendship? Why might kids sometimes NOT be open to friendship?

- Think of a time when you started a friendship. How did you and your friend show that you liked each other and were interested in becoming friends?

- Dr. Friendtastic mentioned two mistakes that kids can make in trying to be kind. What are they? Why are they mistakes? (Hint: How might they lead others to think or feel?)

- What are some signs that another kid wants to be friends with you?

*** You might also like these podcast episodes:

Ep. 85: Fitting in versus being true to yourself (Nev, Age 11)

https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/ep85-nev-age-11-fitting-in-versus-being-true-to-yourself

Ep. 67: Choosing good friends (Paul, Age 12)

https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/paul-age-12-choosing-friends-who 

Ep. 52: Friend’s parents don’t like him (Tyler, Age 12)

https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/tyler-age-12-friends-parents-dont

Ep. 111: Moving past a friendship rough spot in a boy-girl friendship | Friendship advice for kids

FREE quiz: Is Your Child a Good Friend? https://eileenkennedymoore.ck.page/e37dcc098f

Would YOUR KID like to be featured on the podcast?

SUBMIT A QUESTION TO DR. FRIENDTASTIC at https://DrFriendtastic.com/submit (Obviously, this is not psychotherapy, and it’s not for emergency situations.)

For an easy-to-read TRANSCRIPT, go to: https://DrFriendtastic.com/podcast/

Like the podcast? Check out my books and webinars at https://EileenKennedyMoore.com.

Subscribe to my NEWSLETTER, https://DrFriendtastic.substack.com, to get podcast episodes sent to your email plus articles for parents.

*** DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:

- Sometimes kids try to hide what they think or feel because other kids are teasing them. Have you ever been in that situation? What do you think are some good ways to handle teasing?

- Why is it important to apologize when you’ve made a mistake with a friend? (Hint: What does the apology communicate to the friend?)

- Have you ever forgiven a friend for a mistake? Have you ever not been able to forgive a friend?

- Forgiving is not the same as forgetting. How are they different?

- What is self-forgiveness? Why is it important? How is self-forgiveness different from not caring about how your actions affect others?

*** You might also like these podcast episodes:

Ep 107 - Secrets to self-control in friends (Alex, age 10)

https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/ep107-secrets-to-self-control-in-friendship-and-life-alex

Ep 97 - How and why to understand a friend’s feelings (Zoya, age 5)

https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/ep97-how-and-why-to-understand-a-friends

Ep. 73 - Best friend suddenly stops playing with him (J.J., age 11)

https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/ep73-jj-age-11-best-friend-stops-playing-with-him

Ep. 110: Closeness and distance in friendship | Friendship advice for kids

FREE quiz: Is Your Child a Good Friend? https://eileenkennedymoore.ck.page/e37dcc098f

Would YOUR KID like to be featured on the podcast?

SUBMIT A QUESTION TO DR. FRIENDTASTIC at https://DrFriendtastic.com/submit (Obviously, this is not psychotherapy, and it’s not for emergency situations.)

For an easy-to-read TRANSCRIPT, go to: https://DrFriendtastic.com/podcast/

Like the podcast? Check out my books and webinars at https://EileenKennedyMoore.com.

Subscribe to my NEWSLETTER, https://DrFriendtastic.substack.com, to get podcast episodes sent to your email plus articles for parents.

*** DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:

- Have you ever been apart from a friend, maybe because they moved away, went on vacation, or were in a different class? How did that affect your friendship? What did you do to try to stay close?

- In general, how often do you like to get together with a friend? What do you think is the ideal length of time to hang out with a friend? Why do you like that timing?

- What are some ways that being apart can strengthen a friendship?

- What do you like to do when you can’t get together with a friend?

*** You might also like these podcast episodes:

Ep. 97 - How and why to understand a friend’s feelings (Zoya, Age 7)

https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/ep97-how-and-why-to-understand-a-friends

Ep. 92 - What to say when a friend feels down (Mason, Age 13)

https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/ep92-mason-age-13-what-to-say-when-a-friend-feels-down

Ep. 76 - Friends ditch her! (Anaya, Age 10)

https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/ep76-anaya-age-10-friends-ditch-her

Ep. 109:Two kinds of fitting in | Friendship advice for kids

FREE quiz: Is Your Child a Good Friend? https://eileenkennedymoore.ck.page/e37dcc098f

Would YOUR KID like to be featured on the podcast?

SUBMIT A QUESTION TO DR. FRIENDTASTIC at https://DrFriendtastic.com/submit (Obviously, this is not psychotherapy, and it’s not for emergency situations.)

For an easy-to-read TRANSCRIPT, go to: https://DrFriendtastic.com/podcast/

Like the podcast? Check out my books and webinars at https://EileenKennedyMoore.com.

Subscribe to my NEWSLETTER, https://DrFriendtastic.substack.com, to get podcast episodes sent to your email plus articles for parents.

*** DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:

- What is different between the current you vs you three or four years ago? What is still the same?

- What do you think it means to “be yourself”?

- In what situations have you felt less like yourself? Why?

- Why is just walking up to someone and telling them everything about you not a good strategy for making friends or fitting in? (Hint: How is that likely to feel if you did that?)

- When have you experienced the cozy kind of fitting in??

*** You might also like these podcast episodes:

Ep. 44 - Change self to make friends? (Vera, Age 8)

https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/vera-age-8-change-self-to-make-friends

Ep. 95 - Knowing when and how to stop (Owen, Age 8)

https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/ep70-owen-age-8-stop-signals

Ep. 12 - Get rid of toxic friends? (Jessie, Age 13)

https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/kids-ask-dr-friendtastic-ep59-jessie-age-13

Ep. 108: Strategies for facing fears | Friendship advice for kids

FREE quiz: Is Your Child a Good Friend? https://eileenkennedymoore.ck.page/e37dcc098f

Would YOUR KID like to be featured on the podcast?

SUBMIT A QUESTION TO DR. FRIENDTASTIC at https://DrFriendtastic.com/submit (Obviously, this is not psychotherapy, and it’s not for emergency situations.)

For an easy-to-read TRANSCRIPT, go to: https://DrFriendtastic.com/podcast/

Like the podcast? Check out my books and webinars at https://EileenKennedyMoore.com.

Subscribe to my NEWSLETTER, https://DrFriendtastic.substack.com, to get podcast episodes sent to your email plus articles for parents.

*** DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:

What were you afraid of when you were younger but aren’t afraid of now? How did you become unafraid of that?

Think of a time when you felt anxious in a social situation. What thoughts were going through your mind (i.e., what were you afraid might happen)? How did you handle the situation?

Dr. Friendtastic said, “Feeling anxious can lead them to avoid social situations, but that guarantees they’re not going to build the friendships they want.” How could you explain that in your own words?

There are two main ways to cope with anxiety: Jump right in or go in toe-by-toe. Which do you generally pregfer and why?

*** You might also like these podcast episodes:

Ep. 102 - How to express your feelings with friends (Aida, Age 5)

https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/ep102-how-to-express-your-feelings-with-friends

Ep. 95 - Handling embarrassing moments (Sara, Age 7)

https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/ep95-handling-embarrassing-moments-sara-age-7

Ep. 12 - Kid bullies him at recess (Adrian, Age 9)

https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/kids-ask-dr-friendtastic-ep-12-adrian

Re-release of Ep. 47 - Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic | Friendship advice for kids

FREE quiz: Is Your Child a Good Friend? https://eileenkennedymoore.ck.page/e37dcc098f

Would YOUR KID like to be featured on the podcast?

SUBMIT A QUESTION TO DR. FRIENDTASTIC at https://DrFriendtastic.com/submit (Obviously, this is not psychotherapy, and it’s not for emergency situations.)

For an easy-to-read TRANSCRIPT, go to: https://DrFriendtastic.com/podcast/

Like the podcast? Check out my books and webinars at https://EileenKennedyMoore.com.

Subscribe to my NEWSLETTER, https://DrFriendtastic.substack.com, to get podcast episodes sent to your email plus articles for parents.

*** DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:

- Why do you think having good friends makes it easier for kids to cope with stress? How has a friend been kind or helpful to you when you’ve had to deal with difficult situations?

- How can too much conflict hurt a friendship?

- Why do you think kids sometimes stick with a low-quality friendship (where there’s a lot of conflict and not much fun or closeness)?

- What are some examples of things you’ve done to support or care for a friend?

- Think of a time you had a friendship rough spot. How did you handle it?

- Dr. Friendtastic says that learning to be a good friend “is a step toward peace and justice in the world.” Do you agree? Why or why not?

*** You might also like these podcast episodes:

Ep. 97 - How and why to understand a friend’s feelings (Zoya, Age 7)

https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/ep97-how-and-why-to-understand-a-friends

Ep. 92 - What to say when a friend is feeling down (Mason, Age 13)

https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/ep92-mason-age-13-what-to-say-when-a-friend-feels-down

Ep. 44 - Change self to make friends? (Vera, Age 8)

https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/vera-age-8-change-self-to-make-friends

Ep. 107: Strategies for making wise choices

FREE quiz: Is Your Child a Good Friend? https://eileenkennedymoore.ck.page/e37dcc098f

Would YOUR KID like to be featured on the podcast?

SUBMIT A QUESTION TO DR. FRIENDTASTIC at https://DrFriendtastic.com/submit (Obviously, this is not psychotherapy, and it’s not for emergency situations.)

For an easy-to-read TRANSCRIPT, go to: https://DrFriendtastic.com/podcast/

Like the podcast? Check out my books and webinars at https://EileenKennedyMoore.com.

Subscribe to my NEWSLETTER, https://DrFriendtastic.substack.com, to get podcast episodes sent to your email plus articles for parents.

*** DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:

- Think of a time when you were able to do what was right even though you were tempted to do something else. How did you do that? What helped you have self-control?

- Why do you think it’s sometimes hard to have self-control?

- Dr. Friendtastic mentioned three strategies for self-control: 1) change the situation, 2) replace the behavior (do something else), and 3) use self-talk. Which do you think is the easiest strategy to use? Which have you found to be the most helpful?

- Think of an area in your life where you’d like to have more self-control. (Hint: It could be related to a bad habit you have or something you’ve done in the past that has caused problems in your relationships.) If you were going to use self-talk to give yourself a pep talk about doing the right thing in this area from now on, what would you say to yourself

*** You might also like these podcast episodes:

Ep. 53 - How to stay calm when someone is bragging (Lillian, Age 11)

https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/lillian-age-11-how-to-stay-calm-when

Ep. 52 - Friend's parents don't like him (Tyler, Age 12)

https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/tyler-age-12-friends-parents-dont

Ep. 70 - Knowing when and how to stop (Owen, Age 8)

https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/ep70-owen-age-8-stop-signals

Ep. 106: Different Kinds of Friends

FREE quiz: Is Your Child a Good Friend? https://eileenkennedymoore.ck.page/e37dcc098f

Would YOUR KID like to be featured on the podcast?

SUBMIT A QUESTION TO DR. FRIENDTASTIC at https://DrFriendtastic.com/submit (Obviously, this is not psychotherapy, and it’s not for emergency situations.)

For an easy-to-read TRANSCRIPT, go to: https://DrFriendtastic.com/podcast/

Like the podcast? Check out my books and webinars at https://EileenKennedyMoore.com.

Subscribe to my NEWSLETTER, https://DrFriendtastic.substack.com, to get podcast episodes sent to your email plus articles for parents.

*** DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:

- Think of two situations involving other people where you act differently (e.g., at home vs. at school, with close friends vs. casual friends, at a party with friends vs. at a party with your grandparents). How and why do you act differently in these two situations?

- Not every friend will be a close friend. What are some good reasons to have casual friends?

- Have you ever felt uncomfortable around people you didn’t know well? What did you do? What could someone have done in that situation to help you feel more comfortable? Have you ever done that for someone else?

- Dr. Friendtastic often talks about many possible reasons why someone might have done something, other than trying to be mean. Why is this a good thing to do when you have a problem with a friend? (HINT: How might it affect how you respond?)

*** You might also like these podcast episodes:

Ep. 71 - Is she a friend or not? (Tali, Age 11) https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/ep71-tali-age-11-is-she-a-friend-or-not

Ep. 60 - Friends invited but not him (Henry, Age 8) https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/kids-ask-drfriendtastic-ep60-henry-age-8

Ep. 26 - Friendship doesn't have to be all or nothing (Abigail, Age 10) https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/kids-ask-dr-friendtastic-ep-26-abigail