Kiss the Goat

At last… The Fourth Annual Kiss the Goat Holiday Extravaganza! Cootie and X are podcasting from the North Pole this year, where the only hot things are Cootie and the mic. [Has the new version of Skype been wreaking havoc with you, too?] Your High Priest and Priestess of Satanic Cinema talk about the winner of the listener poll, THE MOTHMAN PROPHECIES! Here’s a surprise: X is drunk! The Breaking Point! Dinner for Two with Chef Al! The return of Drinking with the Devil! Also, the telephone keeps ringing.

Pull those sleigh bells outta your arse and get some festivities in your earholes! Happy Hellidays!

MUSIC NOTES

Opening: KoRn — “Jingle Bells”
 Commentary Music Bed: Cryo Chamber — “Nightmare Music”
 Hidden Track: Karaoke — “Starman” [Parody lyrics by X; performed by X]
 Christmas Music: Christmas Music we found on YouTube
 Closing Music: Low — “Half-Light”

We don’t own any of this music so Fair Use Act and all that. Also, hey Cryo Chamber, your music is fucking awesome and, rest assured, we don’t make a freakin’ dime off this show. Non-profit af.

Holiday Song: “Don’t Show Me Your Penis for Christmas” — Cootie & X [words and music by X; instruments by X; lead vox by Cootie]
 Now, THIS one, we totally own. Let us know if you want to use it.

This is it. Make no mistake where you are.
 Welcome to the innermost circle of Hell, and even if the punishment isn’t truly eternal, it sure feels like it.
 What is the final movie you watch in Hell?
 Take our hands and let us wander into this final darkness together.

Sometimes, the Devil wears a little black dress.

The Breaking Point.
 At Least Ten Things I Hate About You.
 Buy Me A Drink.
 Dinner for Two.
 Ask Aunt Goatie.
 The Kiss the Goat team invite you to join them as they reach the midway point of their journey through the cinematic underworld, and here there be witches.
 What is The Third Movie You Watch in Hell?

The journey continues…
 Do you dare subject yourself to The Second Movie You Watch In Hell?
 Sure, you do.

{Closing Music: “The Biggest Ass in the Laundromat (Shelby Mix)” music by halfdeaf/samples by DJX}

October on Kiss the Goat begins with our most shocking episode ever. And we’re only getting started.
You are not ready.

 We let Chef Al program the show and things went insane! Rescued from technical difficulties, recorded twice, and hours spent editing and rebuilding from the ground up, this is the episode the Universe did not want you to hear. But you know what we say here at Kiss the Goat, right?
 “Yes, sir, the check is in the mail.”
 That’s… that’s right, isn’t it?
 Join X, Cootie, and Chef Al as we discuss unnecessary consonants in first names, the inherent terror of voiceovers, and Sammy Davis Jr. We check in with our old buddy, Bob Larson, in our Get Your Exorcise segment. And Ask the Goat goes totally off the rails. Oh, yeah… there’s a movie, too. We talk about Messiah of Evil, written by the same folks who brought you the Howard the Duck movie. It’s bananapants insane.
 If your earholes are empty, be like Carrie White and plug ’em up with this episode of Kiss the Goat!

 Once again, the doors to your Online Shrine to Satanic Cinema swing open wide! Your High Priest and Priestess, X & Cootie, bring forth an offering of a relatively obscure Italian thriller called All the Colors of the Dark for your enjoyment. Will Edwige Fenech and Nieves Navarro escape the clutches of a horrible Satanic cult? More importantly, will they keep their clothes on?
Will you be able to keep your pants on when Chef Al reveals an entire luncheon based on this movie? He calls it All the Colors of the Lunch, and it is amazing.
Spoilers! An exorcism! Bad language! And hang out for the whole episode to find out how Matthew Tangen completely changed the originally planned ending!
Stick it in your earholes and let your brain hear and understand!
Join the Kiss the Goat Facebook group for the unedited, subtitled version of this episode’s exorcism. Visit www.kissthegoat.com for Chef Al’s full recipes and a picture of the luncheon.
Great googly moogly, this show has it all! Let Grandma listen! You know. If she’s into that shit.

Welcome back to the Online Shrine of Satanic Cinema as Cootie, X, and Chef Al take a maggot-filled gander at Lucio Fulci’s absurd classic, City of the Living Dead. Dead priests! Demon zombie ghoul things! Christopher George! What else could you possibly ask for from a movie?

[please don’t say logic please don’t say logic please don’t say logic]

Also on this episode, fancy people perform an exorcism on Boss Nass, Chef Al actually says the word, “thalamus,” and, surprise of all surprises, Cootie and X have been hitting the rum.

How does City of the Living Dead perform during Three Questions? What amazing queries did the listeners send in for Ask the Goat? What horrible song will Drunken X sing at the least appropriate time?

The only way to find is to unctuously slither this show into your earholes, which are on the sides of your face, like flames.

DUNWICH OR BUST!

It’s the crossover episode you didn’t know you wanted (and still might not)! Cootie and X join Cort and Matt for a Cinema PSYOPS/Kiss the Goat musical orgy of bad puns and adult situations! It is heresy, and we will not recant! For this momentous occasion, the gang takes a look at Alucarda, a crazy South American movie full of bloody nuns, uninspired lesbian sex, and renouncing of the Church and the Holy Mother.

Listen to it now! Listen to it again three days later! Throw your phone into the air while it’s playing and celebrate Ascension Day! What would Jesus do? We don’t know. But everyone else needs to roll the stone away and insert this very special podcast into your ear tombs!