Kiss the Goat

 Have you ever heard of the League of Decency? Certainly not something we would normally be involved with, but for decades, they policed motion pictures even more strictly than the MPAA. They had the power to rate films “C — CONDEMNED.” What kind of movies did the LOD hate so much they felt the need to condemn them?
 Let’s find out!
 On Episode 30 of Kiss the Goat, your High Priest and Priestess of Satanic Cinema take a slight detour and start a series on the condemned films of the League of Decency, starting with Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho! There are no sacred cows on Kiss the Goat, and X & Cootie still give it the business.
 Also: Sin returns with a super-segment of Satan in the News, we take the Demon Test, and Cootie has an announcement concerning our web presence. We also use terrible language, put forth unpopular opinions, and make strange sounds with our bodies. Doesn’t that sound like how you want to spend two hours? It sure does to you!
 Lube up those ear canals and slowly ease us into them! It only hurts for a second!

Episode 29 of Kiss the Goat finds your High Priest and Priestess in a fascinating place: drunk after midnight. After a few weeks of tech upgrades, X and Cootie realize they don’t remember how to run their own show. The result is barely organized chaos. Missing segments. Apologies. Wheezing laughter. All of that, plus a breakdown of Sam Raimi’s Drag Me to Hell involving Ukranian porn stars, pieces of shit and office supplies.  Oh, and a rocking segment of Ask the Goat.

No script.

No filters.

No clue.

Welcome back to Kiss the Goat.

We know you’ve missed the show, and now it comes back in the most hellish possible way. Series Two of KTG begins with The Second Annual Kiss the Goat Holiday Special!

Here’s another fun-sized episode for y’all.

The ASK THE GOAT segment is one of the most enjoyable parts of the show for us, simply because it can get wild. Nothing is scripted or censored, and of course, we don’t have any kind of filter, so we love to answer the questions our Acolytes send us. It’s also a segment that highlights our listeners! We’ve always felt we have some of the greatest, smartest, funniest fans in the world, and this part of the show lets us interact with them in a way other shows would never allow. It’s just a lot of fun for everyone, and that makes us happy.

We managed to salvage the ASK THE GOAT segment from the Great Lost Episode of the show. As we continue to put Series 2 of KTG together, we present this small section simply because it’s a hoot.

Enjoy, y’all!

Hello, Acolytes!

Your Demonic Duo has been taking a wee bit of a break in between series of KTG, but we got a wild hair (like we do) and have come up with, well, we’ll call it a “mini-sode.” No Satan in the News, no Ask the Goat, none of the stuff you usually get to hear, BUT…

This is unscripted, uncensored, barely edited and totally drunk.

The topic is Movies that Get Us in the Mood for Halloween (While Not Necessarily Being about Halloween). That’s a long fucking title, though, so we just called it “X & Cootie Get in the Mood.”

Shove us into your earholes for half an hour so, won’t you? We promise not to wiggle too much.

Hello, Acolytes.

Back in the late spring, I got the opportunity to interview one of the founding members of Goblin, Claudio Simonetti. I was a shambling mess talking to the guy. He’s one of my musical heroes, for crying out loud, and there I was in my expensive recording studio (I mean, bedroom) in Knoxville and there was the guy who helped write the soundtracks for Deep Red and Suspiria and did the entire score for Demons by himself, for cryin’ out loud. It’s amazing I didn’t cry while speaking in tongues and shitting myself so hard, it flew up my back like a fucking solid geyser of shit.

That’s gross. Sorry.

I transcribed a portion of this interview for an article at Popshifter in celebration of the remastered reissue of the Demons soundtrack on Rustblade Records. The rest of it has just been sitting in my hard drive, waiting for… I don’t know. Godot. Something.

So here you go, Acolytes: my unexpurgated interview with living legend, Claudio Simonetti. Warning: I am a bumbling, stammering fool in this interview. Claudio, however, is a gracious human being and one of the nicest “famous people” I’ve ever spoken to.

Enjoy this bonus, and we’ll have a new episode out soon.

Hail Satan,

Oh, frabjous July! Not only does this month mark Cootie’s birthday, but it’s also the one year anniversary of Kiss the Goat! Let the bells ring and the banners fly! And while you’re at it, why don’t you give a listen to this Listener’s Choice episode?

The Acolytes at the Facebook group page picked 1997’s THE DEVIL’S ADVOCATE for Cootie to watch, and believe us, she’s got plenty to say about it. Also: our clothing-optional Satan in the News segment, Drinking with the Devil and we answer the age-old question, “Why would a man piss on his own face?”

Won’t you lube up your tight little earholes and stick us into them? We promise we won’t tell your mother!

WARNING: Nudity, adult language, adult situations and so many spoilers, you’ll think the show has salmonella.

Welcome to Kiss the Goat!

The greatest trick Hollywood ever pulled was convincing viewers that bad movies don’t exist. But they do! And in great numbers. Your Demonic Duo can prove it… they found one! And it’s a real stinker. Kim Basinger furrows her brow in the face of ultimate evil in this festering foot boil of a movie, BLESS THE CHILD. But wait! There’s more! Our Satan in the News correspondent, Sin Fallon, reports on the Charlie Charlie craze, our search for a Cathol continues and at last, Kiss the Goat takes over the world! Lock it in and rip the knob off!

At some point, in 1974, some film studio execs thought it would be a great idea to make a movie involving Donald Pleasence, Joan Collins, a horny dwarf named Hercules and a demon possessed baby. To this date, no one knows why. Regardless, the movie was released in the States as THE DEVIL WITHIN HER, and your Demonic Duo is all over it, possibly spending a couple of moments under it, because why not? Also on this here epi-ma-sode: Sin’s got the news, Paul Anka goes to hell and we talk about that one goddamned episode of SOUTH PARK. It’s all right here on Kiss the Goat. Why would you kiss a goat anywhere else?