Know Them, Be Them, Raise Them

Episode 42 is all about fundamental LGBTQ concepts, and ways we can support our kids and others who may be on their own journey, discovering who they are. Elaine Farris joins host Carmelita (Cat) Tiu and shares:

• What the definitions are for assigned sex, gender identity, gender expression, and sexual orientation
• How these terms relate to one another
• Why acceptance is not the goal
• The importance of using pronouns
• How to support your child while being careful not to push them

Guest Bio:

Elaine is a licensed clinical social worker and psychotherapist based in Ann Arbor, Michigan, whose passion is working with individuals within the LGBTQ+ community, and the neurodivergent community, which often overlap. She works under an intersectional, feminist, and anti-oppressive framework.

Email:  [email protected]

In this episode – references and additional resources:

• The Trevor Project
• Previous Episode of Know Them, Be Them, Raise Them:
• Emotional Suppression and How to Create a Safe Space for Your Kids to Open Up // with Ezza Mustaffa (Ep. 35)

Know Them, Be Them, Raise Them

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In Episode 41 of Know Them, Be Them, Raise Them, Cai Graham chats with host Carmelita (Cat) Tiu about connecting with our tweens and teens, and coping.  

Some highlights:

• The importance of being vulnerable in front of their kids
• Why we shouldn’t beat ourselves up for the challenges we feel when raising tweens & teens
• 3 questions to ask your tweens & teens every day
• Healthy ways to cope

Guest Bio:

Cai Graham is a Parenting & Teen Mentor, Podcaster, International Speaker and Amazon #1 bestselling author of The Teen Toolbox™️. She is a mum of two fantastic young adults in their late 20’s - so she has been deep in the parenting trenches.

Cai has blended nearly three decades of motherhood with her background as a Master Practitioner in: NLP, Hypnotherapy and Coaching, together with her experience as a ChildLine counsellor to create her TEEN Toolbox™️ Series  which provides parents and teenagers with the tools to successfully navigate this vital (and sometimes rocky) stages of adolescence.

To learn more about Cai Graham:

• Visit www.caigraham.com
• Follow her on Instagram @caigraham
• Find her on Facebook - Facebook Page: @thecaigraham / Facebook Group: Parent & Teen Toolbox
• Her Amazon bestselling book: The Teen Toolbox

Check out Cai’s videos:

• Breathing Techniques: www.caigraham.com/breathing
• 3 Questions to Ask Your Teen: www.caigraham.com/threequestions
• Tapping (EFT - Emotional Freedom Technique): www.caigraham.com/tapping 

In this episode – references and additional resources:

Previous episodes of Know Them, Be Them, Raise Them related to this topic that you may find helpful:

• Self Harm:  What It Is, Why It Happens, and How to Respond // with Cai Graham (Ep. 40)
• Emotional Suppression and How to Create a Safe Space for Your Kids to Open Up // with Ezza Mustaffa (Ep. 35)
• Are Your Thoughts Fooling You? Reframing Negative Thoughts and Cognitive Distortions // with Julia Hogan (Ep. 20)

Brad Yates 

• YouTube channel for Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), aka tapping
• Brad Yates’ book for kids, “The Wizard’s Wish”

Know Them, Be Them, Raise Them

New episodes drop every Tuesday (and sometimes in between). Subscribe here: Apple, Spotify, Google. 

Leave a 5-star review – you’ll forever have good karma and my gratitude!  

1. Head here
2. Scroll til you see “Ratings & Reviews”
3. Click 5 stars, or tap “Write a Review”
4. Feel the gratitude vibes! Thank you thank you thank you!

For more doses of information and inspiration:

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Want to support?  Buy me a coffee - help keep me caffeinated through the interviews, promotion, admin and editing (til the wee hours of the morning)!

Self-Harm and kids. What parent isn’t struck with anxiety when they think of their child contemplating self harm?  What leads to self-harm becoming an option?

(Warning: this episode discusses self-harm from an educational perspective. There are no personal stories or graphic experiences, but we do discuss what self-harm can look like.  For some, this might be difficult or you may choose not to listen to this around young children.  I encourage everyone to assess their situations, take care of themselves, and if you need additional resources, see the links to NAMI and the Crisis Textline below.)

In Ep. 40, Cai Graham unpacks all of this with host Carmelita (Cat) Tiu in a frank discussion about the origins of self-harm and how we can respond.

Some highlights:

• What self-harm is & isn’t
• The roots of tween & teen self-harm
• The 3 reasons kids say they self-harm
• The first thing to do when you discover your child is self harming
• What NOT to do when you find out about self-harm

Guest Bio:

Cai Graham is a Parenting & Teen Mentor, Podcaster, International Speaker and Amazon #1 bestselling author of The Teen Toolbox™️. Cai has blended nearly three decades of motherhood with her background as a Master Practitioner in: NLP, Hypnotherapy and Coaching, together with her experience as a ChildLine counsellor to create her TEEN Toolbox™️ Series  which provides parents and teenagers with the tools to successfully navigate this vital (and sometimes rocky) stages of adolescence.

To learn more about Cai Graham:

• Visit www.caigraham.com
• Follow her on Instagram @caigraham
• Find her on Facebook - Facebook Page: @thecaigraham / Facebook Group: Parent & Teen Toolbox
• Check out her Amazon bestselling book: The Teen Toolbox

In this episode – references and additional resources:

• Nami.org - National Alliance for Mental Illness
• Learn more: https://www.nami.org/About-Mental-Illness/Common-with-Mental-Illness/Self-harm
• Crisis Textline:  Text CONNECT to 741741
• Learn more:  https://www.crisistextline.org/topics/self-harm/#types-of-self-harm-2

Know Them, Be Them, Raise Them

New episodes drop every Tuesday (with the occasional break). Subscribe/follow here: Apple, Spotify, Google. 

Leave a 5-star review – it's good karma!  Head here, scroll til you see “Ratings & Reviews”, click 5 stars or tap “Write a Review”, and feel the gratitude vibes! Thank you thank you thank you!

For more doses of information and inspiration:

• follow on Instagram @knowberaisethem
• sign up for our monthly newsletter
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Want to support?  Buy me a coffee - help keep me caffeinated through my interviews and edits :)

*Some links may be affiliate links; if you use them to make a purchase, Amazon pays me a small commission for the sale - at no extra cost to you. If you use these links I really appreciate the support.

Ok, who of us hasn’t cringed a little bit, thinking about "having the talk" with your kids?  Why does this awkwardness exist, and can we make it less awkward for our kids, so there’s a healthier dialogue about sex and bodies and relationships?

In Episode 39, Sarah Sproule unpacks all of this with host Carmelita Tiu, sharing what parents can do to create an open atmosphere, build healthy attitudes towards sex and their bodies, and empower their daughters with tools to craft healthy relationships.

Some highlights:

• Where the awkwardness around sex-related topics comes from
• When and how to start talking about sex
• Why it’s not just what you say, it’s how you say it
• A script for have an open conversation with older kids about sex, when you haven’t had one before
• The importance of living the way healthy feels

Guest Bio:

When Sarah was 11 she was afraid she was only growing one breast and didn’t know who to turn to for help. 

Now as mother of three teens, with two decades experience as a therapist and a masters in sexuality studies, Sarah uses her skills as an occupational therapist and sex educator to ensure every parent and caring adult knows how to nurture deeper connection with their growing kid(s). 

Because no child should ever feel alone and unable to reach out for help with their body, their boundaries or their knowledge about sexuality. 

… and yes Sarah eventually grew two breasts roughly the same size.

To learn more about Sarah Sproule:

• Visit www.sarahsproule.com
• Follow her on Instagram @iamsarahsproule
• Find her here on Facebook
• Check out Sitting in a Car, her podcast about sexuality relationships and consent for parents of teens & little kids 
• For a guide on how to talk to little kids about sex and making babies, visit www.sarahsproule.com/bio  

Know Them, Be Them, Raise Them

New episodes drop every Tuesday (and sometimes in between). Subscribe here: Apple, Spotify, Google. 

And leave a 5-star review – this helps other moms find and listen to the show. You’ll forever have good karma and my gratitude!

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• follow on Instagram @knowberaisethem
• sign up for our monthly newsletter
• visit www.knowberaisethem.com to share feedback, topic ideas, or just say hi :)

What woman hasn’t disliked part of her body, or all of her body, at some point in her life? That is a problem.

Diet culture, thin ideals, and ever-changing and unattainable beauty standards – these are self-esteem sabotaging issues that women and girls deal with every day.

In a continuation of a conversation from Episode 37, Defying Diet Culture & Making Peace With Our Bodies, Body Relationship Coach Debbie Saroufim chats with host Carmelita Tiu about what parents can do to help empower their daughters with healthy body relationships, and immunize them to diet culture and fat phobia.

We cover:

• The ways we might inadvertently reinforce fat phobia
• Understanding diets as disordered eating, and the scary stats connecting diets to eating disorders
• What we can say to give them a healthy sense of self, when we ourselves may still be working through our own body issues
• How to address your daughters feelings of frustration around her body
• The importance of normalizing all body shapes and ages, and that your body will change throughout your life

To learn more about Debbie Saroufim, visit www.bodyrelationship.com , and follow her on Instagram @bodyrelationship_coach.  And check out her Parents Guide, for what NOT to say to your kids if you want them to have a health relationship with their bodies.

In this episode – references and additional resources:

• Understanding Body Positivity and Fat Phobia // with Emily Lauren Dick (Ep. 24)
• Defying Diet Culture & Making Peace wIth Your Body // with Debbie Saroufim (Ep. 27)
• Unpacking Gender Equity // with Annie Warshaw (Ep. 11) 

Know Them, Be Them, Raise Them

New episodes drop every Tuesday (and sometimes in between). Subscribe here: Apple, Spotify, Google. 

And leave a 5-star review – you’ll forever have good karma and my gratitude!

For more doses of information and inspiration:

• follow on Instagram @knowberaisethem
• sign up for our monthly newsletter
• visit www.knowberaisethem.com

What woman hasn’t disliked part of her body, or all of her body, at some point in her life? That is a problem.

Diet culture, thin ideals, and ever-changing and unattainable beauty standards – these are self-esteem sabotaging issues that women and girls deal with every day.

Body Relationship Coach Debbie Saroufim chats with host Carmelita Tiu about how we can navigate diet culture and embrace our bodies, and escape from shame and guilt cycles.

We cover:

• Her journey to becoming a body relationship coach
• How to redefine our relationships with our bodies
• What food rules are, and how we can identify and challenge them
• The need for a broader definition of health 
• Why fat is not a bad word

Guest Info

To learn more about Debbie Saroufim, visit www.bodyrelationship.com , and follow her on INstagram @bodyrelationship_coach.  And check out her Parents Guide, for what NOT to say to your kids if you want them to have a health relationship with their bodies.

In this episode – references and additional resources:

• Understanding Body Positivity and Fat Phobia // with Emily Lauren Dick (Ep. 24)

Know Them, Be Them, Raise Them

New episodes drop every Tuesday (and sometimes in between). Subscribe here: Apple, Spotify, Google. 

And leave a 5-star review – you’ll forever have good karma and my gratitude!

For more doses of information and inspiration:

• follow on Instagram @knowberaisethem
• sign up for our monthly newsletter
• visit www.knowberaisethem.com

Alicia Haywood, Executive Director of iSpeakMedia, chats with host Carmelita Tiu and unpacks what media literacy is and explains how we can build media literate kids (it’s easier, in some ways, than you think)!  

She shares:

• Questions to ask
• A playful way to invite dialogue about media literacy
• How simply modeling can help ensure your child becomes media literate

To learn more about Alicia Haywood and the ISpeakMedia Foundation, visit www.ispeakmedia.org, follow @ispeakmediafoundation on Instagram, and follow @ispeakmedia on Twitter.  You can also find Alicia on LinkedIn here.

In this episode – references and additional resources:

Previous episodes of Know Them, Be Them, Raise Them: 

• Understanding Body Positivity and Fat Phobia // with Emily Lauren Dick (Ep. 24)
• Confident and Grounded Daughters in a Social Media World // with Charlsey Childers (Ep. 10)
• Self-love and Second Guessing Society’s Definitions of Success // with Lacey C. Clark! (Ep. 22)

Books and links:

• Can’t Buy My Love: How Advertising Changes the Way We Think and Feel, by Jean Kilbourne, Ed.D
• So Sexy So Soon: The New Sexualized Childhood and What Parents Can Do to Protect Their Kids, by Diane E. Levin, Ph.D and Jean Kilbourn, Ed.D
• Digital Wellness Lab
• Common Sense Media’s 5 Questions Students Should Ask About Media

Note:  Podcast guests make independent suggestions. Some of these are affiliate links; if you use them to make a purchase, Amazon pays me a small commission for the sale - at no extra cost to you. If you use these links I really appreciate the support!

Know Them, Be Them, Raise Them

New episodes drop every Tuesday (and sometimes in between). Subscribe here: Apple, Spotify, Google. 

And leave a 5-star review – you’ll forever have good karma and my gratitude!

For more doses of information and inspiration:

• follow on Instagram @knowberaisethem
• sign up for our monthly newsletter
• visit www.knowberaisethem.com

If you’re like me, you believe on some gut level that burying and ignoring your emotions isn’t healthy - and the research continues to back that.

A study from the University of Texas found that when we avoid our emotions, we’re actually making them stronger — which can create serious implications for your body and mind, including depression, aggression, low self-esteem, and physical problems like headaches, insomnia, heart disease, intestinal problems. 

Another thing to consider, is that opening up can go both ways.  We want to hold space for our sons and daughters, but when we’re feeling off, we make a mistake, or have big feelings, it’s also OK to share these with them in an age-appropriate way.  It’s only by knowing our hardships and obstacles that our kids will understand how resilient, persistent, and courageous we are.

_____

Getting your tween or teen to talk to you can be notoriously difficult. We’re all used to one-word answers and hearing “fine” when we ask how they’re doing.  

Today's article, "How to Get Kids to Open Up," comes from Ezza Mustaffa, a licensed professional counselor who works with individuals of all ages.

Learn about:

• The importance of a safe emotional environment
• Reptilian brain?!
• 5 tips on how to create a safe space

Ezza Mustaffa received her Masters of Education in Community Counseling from Loyola University Chicago. She works with individuals of all ages and couples, presenting with a wide range of concerns. Ezza approaches therapy from a relational, integrative, and multicultural framework with skills grounded in mindfulness-based and evidenced-based approaches.

Know Them, Be Them, Raise Them

New episodes drop every Tuesday (and sometimes in between). Subscribe here: Apple, Spotify, Google.  And leave a 5-star review, I'd greatly appreciate it!

• For more doses of information and inspiration:
• follow on Instagram 
• sign up for our monthly newsletter
• visit www.knowberaisethem.com
• email: [email protected]

April is sexual assault awareness month -- a reminder to acknowledge and support survivors, advocate for further awareness, and educate ourselves and our kids.

While we know what sexual assault is on some visceral level, I wanted to do a quick episode that spells out what body boundaries, sexual assault, and consent are.

It's so hard to know when to talk about these topics - and how to talk about them without instilling fear or anxiety. So I tried to find ways to raise the topics organically, what to say as a baseline of understanding, and other helpful phrases that our daughters need to hear.

Listen to hear:

• The definition of sexual assault and consent
• How to bring up this topic with your daughters, including using current events and pop culture to help facilitate conversations
• 7 things to say to your daughters, to foster open communication, and help them feel more empowered and aware about sexual assault going forward

Other episodes to check out:

• RAINN.org
• 24/7 Free Support Hotline - 800-656-HOPE (4673)

Know Them, Be Them, Raise Them

New episodes drop every Tuesday (and sometimes in between). Subscribe here: Apple, Spotify, Google. And if you got something out of the podcast, I'd love it if you could leave a 5* review!

• For more doses of information and inspiration:
• follow on Instagram 
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• visit www.knowberaisethem.com

Every failure presents opportunities for learning, and a failed marriage is no different.

In Ep. 33, Part 2 of a conversation that began in Ep. 32, Heather McGinley and Laura Koo chat with host Carmelita Tiu about the ups and downs of life post-divorce, and what they’ve learned.

To learn more about Heather, Laura, and Thirsty: the Podcast, check out:

• www.thirstythepodcast.com
• Instagram:  @thirstythepodcast

Know Them, Be Them, Raise Them

Subscribe here: Apple, Spotify, Google. New episodes drop every Tuesday (and sometimes in between). 

For more doses of information and inspiration: 

• follow @knowberaisethem on Instagram  
• Like the podcast page on Facebook
• sign up for our monthly newsletter 
• visit www.knowberaisethem.com