This article is by Michael Lee and read by an artificial voice.
Just before sunrise on Aug. 16 last year, Kim Kyo-hee felt a nudge on her shoulder.
Kim, who was due to fly to Hong Kong that morning, assumed it was her boyfriend of two years waking her to make sure she wouldn't miss her flight. But as she turned around in bed, she saw him on one knee beside her, holding up a ring.
"The way he proposed felt so sweet and intimate," she recalled. "We took a photograph while we were still in our pajamas to mark the moment, and then he helped carry my bags downstairs and load them into the taxi to the airport."
However, this was no ordinary trip for Kim - she was heading to Hong Kong with close friends for her bachelorette party. Her wedding in Manila, where her soon-to-be-husband grew up, was less than three months away.
While a proposal so close to the nuptials may seem startling to Western observers, it is the norm in Korea, where formal proposals often happen well after wedding planning has begun.
Why, then, do Korean proposals take place so late in the process - or sometimes not at all?
The answer lies in a fundamentally different Korean understanding of what it means to be engaged, and who usually calls the shots in planning a wedding.
Logistics over suspense
In many Western countries, couples may float the idea of marriage as a relationship becomes serious, but it's the actual question - and the "yes" in response - that marks the beginning of an engagement.
In Korea, however, the moment an engagement becomes official isn't the proposal - it's when both families approve the match and agree to invest in the couple's future together.
"Usually, Korean couples don't simply announce their intent to marry," explained Kim Ji-yun, CEO of the upscale wedding planning company LACIEL, who has worked in the industry for 24 years. "They might agree that they're on the same page about getting married, but they usually seek permission from their parents before making the commitment."
In Korea, such approval is also contingent on agreement on how to fulfill a wide range of conditions, such as wedding budgets, venues, guest lists, gifts and where the newlyweds will live. As a result, the engagement is confirmed only once both families are on board with the marriage, and the proposal becomes more of a celebration than a turning point.
"In the West, people start living independently at 18. But here, young adults continue living within close family structures, so it's hard for marriage to be a totally independent decision by two individuals," she added.
The engagement ring itself reflects that dependence, according to Kim.
"Unlike Western grooms, who typically save money themselves to buy a diamond ring for their girlfriends, Korean grooms usually purchase the ring with help from their parents," she observed, adding that the ring "is often even considered a gift from the groom's parents to the bride."
People interviewed by the Korea JoongAng Daily also remarked that discussions of marriage that took place relatively early in their relationships somewhat diminished the importance of making a formal proposal to kick-start wedding plans.
Park Ji-hyung, who married in March 2022 after a year and a half of dating his wife, said the pair spent "almost every evening" together during their first six months as a couple, leading them to realize marriage was the next logical step.
"We'd hang out late, go our separate ways to head home at 2 or 3 a.m., then wake up early for work," he recalled of their early courtship. "At some point, we thought it would be more efficient to live together, and marriage was the simplest way to do that. So I just suggested we get married, and she agreed."
Kim Kyo-hee similarly said that she and her husband "were certain about marrying each other early on."
While noting that she may have regarded their relationship "with more intention and seriousness" than if she had been younger, she said that her husband was the one who ...