Have you ever felt like making friends used to be easy—but now it feels downright impossible? If you’re longing for deeper connection, author Kristen Strong gets it. In this episode of the Christian Habits Podcast, Kristen shares practical advice and hard-won wisdom about how to make friends when it doesn’t come naturally anymore from her book Desperate Woman Seeks Friends: Real Talk About Connection, Rejection, and Trying Again for the Friendships You Need. Whether you’re navigating a new season of life or just feeling a little lonely, I think you’ll walk away from our conversation with encouraged.

Kristen grew up in a small Oklahoma town, surrounded by extended family. “I didn’t have to work hard to make friends,” she said. Even in college, she moved with a group of familiar faces. But that all changed when she transferred colleges to follow her husband, Dave, during his military assignment.

“I just assumed I would have instant friends,” she said. “I thought the Lord would just apparate them to my doorstep like in Harry Potter.”

Instead, she found herself isolated for the first time in her life.

It was a turning point. “I had to learn how to connect,” Kristen said. “And now, I’ve written the book I wish I’d had back then.”

These days, many of us are in the same boat Kristen was in. Life changes, seasons shift, and even our culture doesn’t make it easy. Kristen pointed out that in Western society, independence is often valued over interdependence. “We like our space,” she said, “but that can convince us we don’t need friends.”

And social media? “It can scratch the itch for connection, but it doesn’t satisfy,” Kristen shared. “It’s like eating breadcrumbs all day instead of sitting down to a nourishing meal.”

Kristen offers three pillars for cultivating friendships:

“Friendship rarely happens by accident anymore,” Kristen said. “You have to show up where people are—and keep showing up.”

That might mean joining a regular group at church, taking a class, or saying yes to that coffee invite, even when it feels awkward.

She encourages people to think practically: “What do you already enjoy? Is there a way to do it with others?”

“Opening your home is like opening your heart,” Kristen told me. And it doesn’t have to be impressive. “People don’t care how clean your house is. They care that you made room for them.”

She’s hosted friends for frozen pizza or a glass of water on the porch while the kids played.

“Not every person I’ve had in my house became a great friend—but every great friend has been in my house.”

Kristen is intentional about praying for friendships—and encourages others to do the same.

“Jesus had friends. If He needed friends, we certainly do. And God will be faithful to answer that prayer,” she said. “But we have to partner with Him in the process.”

I asked Kristen what she would say to someone who’s weary of putting themselves out there—especially if they’ve been hurt before.

Her response was both gentle and bold.

“I’ve been there. I’ve said, ‘Women are tricky. I don’t know if friendship is worth it.’ But I don’t want someone to miss out on what God has for them—or for others to miss out on her.”

She reminded us that even Jesus was betrayed by a close friend. “He understands,” she said. “Take your fears and frustrations to Him.”

Whether you’re twenty-five or fifty-five, building new friendships takes effort. “You’re not in a petri dish of peers anymore,” Kristen explained. “The older you get, the more intentional you have to be.”

But it’s worth it—for your emotional and physical health. Loneliness, she pointed out, has been shown to be as dangerous as smoking a pack of cigarettes a day.

And even short-term friendships can become long-term blessings. “You never know what you’ll receive in that season,” Kristen said. “Even if someone’s only in your life for a short time, the connection can last.”

Kristen has leaned on her friends through difficult seasons in recent years. “I don’t know how I would have handled it without them,” she said.

She compared it to the story of Aaron and Hur holding up Moses’s arms during battle. “My friends have done that for me—and I’ve done it for them. It’s a gift.”

And sometimes, those friendships sharpen us. “A good friend once pointed out a critical spirit in me,” she said. “I had to admit she was right, and it helped me turn a corner.”

If you’re feeling isolated or discouraged, you’re not alone—and you’re not out of options.

As Kristen reminded us: “God works through both the verse and the voice. We need Scripture, but we also need people.”

So take the risk. Make the coffee date. Open your door, even if it’s messy. And pray for the courage to try again.

You might be surprised by the friends He brings your way.

Listen to the full episode on the Christian Habits Podcast!

Kristen Strong, whose authored books include Girl Meets Change and When Change Finds You, also compiled the 90-day devotional, Praying Through Loneliness. She writes as a friend walking alongside you in your lonely season to a more helpful, hopeful destination. She loves sharing laughs, long talks, and meaningful stories with family and friends while holding a cup of strong black tea. She and her US Air Force veteran husband, David, have three beloved adult children.

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