Lady and The Simp

Oh the perils of being hot and dumb! Wouldn't these two like to know! This week these two virginal nerds take a deep dive and spelunk into a cave of petty vanity. Yeah, yeah, what else is new? But this one tops the cake. Why? Cause it's fun! What would you do if you had a week of being drop-dead gorgeous and stupid? Jess and Igor discuss/fetishize. Plus, Jessica shares old war stories of battling on the fields of movie and TV sets (aka hiding in porta-potties), how she would be the worst CSI agent, and how she will probably become everything she hates. Meanwhile, Igor discusses his relationship with young people, confidence (or lack thereof), and autism porn. The Lady and the Simp are coughing up some solid goods faster than a COVID patient. Too soon? Wear a mask.

It's the most wonderful time of year, filled with the magic of Christmas, COVID, and cringey  Christmas cards. Thank you little Baby Jesus for Santa and alcohol. Distractions are the mother of invention and the duo discuss their holiday plans that just might help you white knuckle the shit out of the holidays. Also, the two explore puppy heists, leaving your mark on the world via sperm counts and birth canals,  rekindling draconian family order, and performing for crowds that think they are at a Medieval Times. So roll out the mutton and swill some nog and get in line for them COVID tests. ‘Tis the season, baby! Happy Holidays!!!

It's a special episode, folks. The mustache rocking, one-earring wearing, international sex symbol Christopher Waitkus joins the Lady and The Simp as their first guest before his big move to La La Land (that’s code for Los Angeles, you uncultured swine). It's a triple threat of keeping it real by doubling down on bidets, gum, relationships, and glory holes. This is an episode your mom wouldn’t want to miss, so grab the family and gather round the fireplace for this heartwarming episode filled with shame and bodily fluids. Thanks for listening.

This week, the debauched duo explore international relations via Lucky Charms, dream catchers, and organic Nutella. Levin considers firing her therapist and continuing her mental health journey with the help of crystals and tea leaves (you know, REAL science). Meanwhile Igor laughs in the face of loneliness, eating alone in his underwear in the dark. And more cereal talk involving milk ratio, mascots, and feminism in Grape Nuts. Also, SPORTS! Fútbol and football. And that's just the tip…of the iceberg, you perverts. Thanks for listening and judging.

It's a showdown as old as time, folks: Igor vs. Toilet. Man vs. Plumbing. Who will reign supreme? Jessica goes on her first hike after a night of steadfast binge drinking and smoking enough cigs to smoke out a 5-alarm fire and she also takes a BDSM test. How dirty does she go? Just how much fluid is involved? Speaking of fluid, the duo discuss the mating habits of other animals (who are definitely getting more ass than them). Would peacocks get more poon if they were around penguins? Plus, parents who overestimate their child's athletic abilities. What happens when you find out that your child is not a prodigy (the hard way)? And as always, thanks for listening and sharing.

The old sports debate: who do you want when there’s 1:30 left and your team is down? Who is the MJ or Tom “Tommy Boy” Brady of the fast food game? Crinkle fries from Nathan's, steak fries from Wendy's, or seasoned fries from Checkers? In this episode, the debauched duo debate over the delicate word "moist,” Jessica discusses more of her new obsession (hot yoga and the cast of characters involved), and Igor has more run-ins at the gym and shares a story about catching nuggets between two cheeks. Not to mention, more talk about slowing down, breathing, and anger. Remember kids, behind every mad, there's a sad. YAY!

Life is always how you approach it, kinda like prison rape. In this episode, Igor stands up to his hypothetical cellmate “Meat Cleaver” and forces his children to get a job that’ll benefit his bank account. Also, Jessica continues her obsession with hot yoga and she presents another convoluted installment of "What Levin Learned in Therapy.” Plus, the duo rant on how theatre is for snobby one-percenters and the same goes for Oscar-nominated films. When will Saw 7 see its day at the Academy Awards?!? Finally, the exploration of humility via humiliation through roast battles and stand-up comedy. Thanks for listening.

In this episode we learn that one of our hosts expresses rage in a passive-aggressive manner while the other one expresses it in an aggressive-aggressive manner. Can you guess which one is which? Igor shares profound thoughts on bananas and the BBC while Jessica shares her thoughts (ahem, fantasies) on Oscar Isaac and ketchup. The other holy condiment that makes it to the table of discussion (cue eye roll) is hot sauce. And as always, another segment of "What Levin Learned in Therapy.” Thanks for listening and keep spreading the good word like a sex worker with COVID and daddy issues.

The glory of All Hallows’ Eve is upon us folks and our hosts are here dressed for the occasion. The duo is packing heat like a set with Alec Baldwin. Igor discusses his contempt for candy corn and fights with a co-worker over the term "organic.” Jessica plans on having one slutty Halloween in the near future and wants to wrestle with boys, while hot yoga reaches new heights with gravity-defying acrobatics and stretching birth canals. Plus Igor and Jess talk starting a Michael Keaton fan club, rating the blockbusters of holidays, and popping suds in the shower. This episode is full of drama, horror, and absurdity, just another day with these two maladjusted clowns.

ICKY! Growth is so nasty! EWW! This week the duo delve into emotions, beating up Uber drivers, and Igor's "Bad Bitch" playlist on Spotify (seriously, follow that shit). Do not get the man started on Britney, Madonna, Mariah, Selena, and of course, Whitney, as well as his love for SiriusXM radio. Jessica's latest lesson in therapy is generational trauma and how toxic masculinity turns her on. Plus throw some Janet Jackson, Jock Jams, lisps, Little Nas X, and the genius of Norm Macdonald into the mix and we have ourselves one hell of a mixtape time capsule. So come get you some, suckas.