Stories this week include:

• Bistro leaves unpleasant taste in mouth following ill-conceived joke.

• Man struggles to let go of dead brother. Literally.

• Cheating husband admits to morning Pernod.

• Irrelevant rapper organises immersive Lord of the Flies experience.

Also revealed: Rob encounters the mythical porn fairy...

Stories this week include:

• Middle aged man gatecrashes outward bound holiday for disadvantaged teens.

• Cross-dressing basketball player passes peacefully after learning of Trump's impeachment.

• Man fails to find anything in his back garden. Twice.

• 4/5 people in Greater Manchester confused by the prospect of sex on a wine rack.

Also revealed: We try not to mention Hitler...

Stories this week include:

• Nationwide chain store to stop stuffing rabbits into chocolate eggs for Easter.

• Chelmsford in uproar following Burger King prank.

• Pensioner claims full grown gorilla will fit in a Vauxhall Cavalier.

• North Korea vows retaliation against local paper after Pyongyang compared to Skegness.

Also revealed: We take time to reflect on the sacrifice made by chocolate Benedict Cumberbatch?

Stories this week include:

• Donkey with low self-esteem struggling to skate again.
• Renamed shopping street 'Archway to Hell' sees surprise decline in sales.
• Local town beats off stiff competition to be named 'Pervert Capital of the United Kingdom'.
• Charity fundraiser cancelled due to lack of interest.

Also revealed: Would you consider contributing towards Rob's honeymoon?

Stories this week include:

• Supermarket manager attempts to cut short impromptu guitar solo by eight-year-old.
• 'Celebrated' editor takes to his keyboard to vent fury at pigeon-feeding pensioner.
• Drunk man fails to order Happy Meal from car wash.
• An alarming new crave called 'Water Drinking Battle for Men' is sweeping Japan.

Also revealed: We spend too much time perfecting our Roland Rat impressions...

Stories this week include:

• Jobseeker fails interview after struggling to answer probing questions.
• Corpse successfully contests rigged election.
• 'Greggs the Delicatessen' denies employing rats to manage mouse infestation at local store.
• Councils told to stop named streets after potential sex offenders.

Also revealed: We come up with a new slogan for Birds Eye...

Stories this week include:

• New human speed bump proving unpopular with motorists.
• Man reluctantly admits that 3 hours in A&E preferable to watching Newcastle United.
• Cheltenham in shock after unripe avocado used in drive-by.
• Canary bears uncanny resemblance to an angry Cheeto.

Also revealed: Rob admits to being a Harvester apologist...

Stories this week include:

• Busty bust-up in Toby Carvery.
• Village resident regrets selling lover to circus.
• Father's fury at sh*tty swing in sh*tty park.
• Cornish newspaper breaks Trump 'exclusive'.

Also revealed: The Graduation Theory gathers momentum...

Stories this week include:

• All female Slayer tribute band denies link to Croydon (and surrounding area) Cat Killer.
• Matalan defends range of luxury gifts made by 'highest category of UK-based prisoners'.
• Shopper tries to locate mystery woman following basket banter.
• Police detain poaching gang following unpheasant discovery.

Also revealed: Rob makes a cash offer...

Stories this week include:

• Woman shocked by exceptional breasts.
• Town refuses to recognise local hero that saved beloved pet from imaginary fire.
• Giant goose thought to be heading to Exeter.
• 'Expert' claims that the Ford Transit is the extra-terrestrial's light commercial vehicle of choice.

Also revealed: Concern grows for Alex's mental wellbeing...