Launching Your Daughter

In today's episode, Nicole shares the changing of the podcast and future of Soulfilled Sisterhood. To stay informed please go to www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com and sign up for the newsletter. Thank you all for your support, encouragement, and feedback along this journey. Moving forward in bringing women together and how they are impacting our future generation of girls.

Today's guest is Stuart Fensterheim, a licensed clinical social worker, blogger, author and podcast host. He is located in Scottsdale, AZ. Stuart is a couples expert which means he works with couples having difficulty feeling close and connected to one another. He assist them in finding ways to deepen their relationship by understanding and sharing what each persons needs in the relationship. In today’s episode we are going to discuss divorce and how parents can navigate this with their teens. 

If you need parenting support or wanting to reclaim your inner knowing I invite you to go to www.NicoleBurgessCoaching.com or www.NicoleCBurgess.com/ep72

What you will learn in today’s episode:

• Stuart shares his personal journey of experiencing divorce as a child and how he became a couples counselor,
• Emotional connection can make or break a relationship
• Changing one couple can positively impact the future generations
• Stuart shares his belief about how marriages can be saved He defines a “relationship injury” and the repair work
• How parents navigate going through a divorce with their children
• Have to do it without blaming the partner
• Remind your children they are not responsible for the divorce
• Depends on age of child and how much you share
• Parents have a conversation prior to speaking to children and create a plan
• Children may not have questions immediately Grieving is part of the process
• Parents “this is the time to use your resources”-other adults as support vs your children
• When parent begins to date again, ready to introduce your children to new person do in a neutral location
• Your daughter doesn’t have to choose between loving you or their other parent-she gets to love you both
• Father and daughter relationship can become stronger if there is a divorce
• Life can be beautiful-do the inner work

Stuart’s Information:  www.thecouplesexperts.com Couples Expert Podcast:  http://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/podcasts/ YouTube Channel: http://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/video-blog/

In today’s episode I discuss the difference between praise and encouragement, discouraging statements and self-reflection. Being a teenager can be challenging because they are wanting to feel accepted, step into their own identity but are still trying out new behaviors or beliefs, and wanting to feel successful and that they are enough. Parents, teachers, coaches, and mentors can role-model encouragement to improve self-esteem and use language that supports the teens in their life.

I invite you to sign up for my newsletter to stay updated and receive other parenting tips or information about upcoming events at www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com or www.NicoleCBurgess.com/ep71

In this episode you will learn: What discouragement can look like or sound like from your teen daughter Praise vs encouragement language PCIT-Parent-Child Interactive Therapy for parents of young children and how labeled praises is encouraging for compliance vs good or bad child Family meetings episode 2-help in decision making process Reflecting on what your expectations are for your teenager-overly ambitious which reinforces she is not enough or accepting her where she is Previous conversation with Neil Brown PhD (episode 58)-power struggles and faith in your child Comparing your children to one another or other teens-creates self-doubt, sense of unworthiness Exploring your own values and hers-check out episode one Encouraging her effort and improvement Focus on her strengths vs only focusing on the negative behaviors Stating what you appreciate about them (in any relationship) Embracing being imperfect as a teen and parent Examples of encouraging statements Build self-esteem: give them responsibility, have faith in them, s how appreciation for what they are doing at home, ask them for suggestions and feedback about family decisions, help them accept mistakes they made-episode 32 discussion with Lisa Damour, PhD reflect on her progress and process look at positive expectations without rescuing Reframing, zooming out, and helping her with different possible perspectives Parents reflect on how do you encourage yourself?

My guest today is Lisa Marchiano, is a licensed clinical social worker and Jungian Analyst. She has a private practice located in Philadelphia, PA and works with adults struggling with depression, anxiety, relationships issues, past traumas and grief and loss. She likes to work with myth, dreams and fairytales in her practice.

If you need parenting support or wanting to reclaim your inner knowing I invite you to go to www.NicoleBurgessCoaching.com or www.NicoleCBurgess.com/ep70

Myths, fairytales and archetypes:

• Lisa discusses what it is to be a Jungian analyst
• Jung stated we don’t stop growing psychology-it is a life long journey
• Lisa shares her experience of being a mother and doing Jungian training
• Parenting has its challenges and it can help parents continue to grow

Why self-care is important for mothers

• Self-care can help mothers staying connected to themselves
• Motherhood can increase creativity
• Giving yourself permission to set time aside for creative outlet
• Can help you focus more vs trying to make the situation perfect
• Role models to children
• Creativity can feed our soul
• Split off from creativity due to motherhood
• Lisa shares how Rumpelstiltskin fairytale mirrors splitting off part of self and reintegration
• How JK Rowling’s childhood experience with her dad impacted her creativity and relationships Stories that were created from ancestors and challenging them
• Can nurture your creativity and children
• Changing from “either/or” to “both/and” language
• Being mindful of not making your children the excuse for not practicing self-care, staying connected to self or pursuing your dreams
• When we don’t make time for ourselves it can increase feeling overwhelmed, stressed, anxious, and depression

In today’s episode I am going to discuss family roles and how your teenagers can challenge them. Before I get into this I want to share a movie I watched recently called Tommy’s Honour. It is based on true facts regarding a father (Tom Morris) and his son (Tommy Morris) in the late 1800’s in Scotland. These two men are credited with being pioneers of professional golf. Tom wanted Tommy to take over the business of being greens keeper and the club and ball maker when he died. Tommy wanted to play golf and challenged not only his family role but unwritten rules of social class. Tommy and his father had various conflicts when his dad attempted to remind him of his role or place in life. Tommy not only changed professional golfers being paid fairly, but role modeled not letting prejudice or old beliefs systems stop him from loving the woman he married. Margaret (Tommy’s wife) had gotten pregnant out of wedlock and was banned from her church and Tommy’s mother wanted him to “never see her again” when she discovered this information. Tommy went against his mother’s advice and the towns. Toward the end of the movie, Tom makes a decision for his son vs allowing his adult son to make the choice himself, and it had a heartbreaking impact on Tommy. Tommy showed his Dad how we can love through the biases, not live to get other people’s approval and forgive others when they have made mistakes. In episode 65 Julie Hanks briefly mentioned if a family has an identity such as a ‘sports family’ and your daughter doesn’t like sports. In episode 49 I discussed how a psychotherapy conference earlier this impacted me and my hope for parents and caregivers are to stay curious and seek to understand the teen girls in their life ways vs dismissing or discouraging them. I am a big movie lover and have watched thousands of movies over my lifetime. I know there are other movies that demonstrate choosing to be different or standing up to challenge beliefs systems may not make you the most popular person in your family or your community, but not letting fear stop you from doing what you believe in. Parents and caregivers, I encourage you to pause and give yourself permission to explore what you think and feel when that teen girl in your life challenges the family or societal roles. Stay curious with her and seek to understand why it is important to her, what she wants from being an artist, engineer, athlete, or whatever she desires. Being beside her, owning your own fears without projecting them onto her, can help you stay a team vs placing the “issue’ in between your relationship. I invite you to invest in yourself through my coaching services at www.NicoleBurgessCoaching.com or find the show notes www.NicoleCBurgess.com/ep69

My guests today is Susan Sweet PhD and Brenda Miles PhD. Susan is a clinical psychologist and mother of two.She has worked in hospital, school, and community-based settings and is passionate about children’ mental health and well-being. Susan hopes worries never overshadow anyone’s dreams. Brenda is a pediatric neuropsychologist who has worked in hospital, rehabilitation, and school settings. Brenda has conquered her fear of writing, despite the risk of rejections, revisions, and writer’s block. As for her other fears, she’s still working on them. Susan and Brenda have co-authored Princes Penelopea Hates Peas: A Tales of Picky Eating and Avoiding Catastropeas, King Calm: Mindful Gorilla in the City, Cinderstella: A Tale of Planets Not Princes, Jacqueline and the Beanstalk: A Tale of Facing Giant Fears, and Chicken or Egg: Who Comes First? These books are written for ages four to eight.

I invite you to sign up for my newsletter to stay updated and receive other parenting tips or information about upcoming events at www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com or www.NicoleCBurgess.com/ep68

Why write the books? Worked together and decided to write a book about picky eating Retelling of fairy tales and combing psychology with creativity Early interventions helps build resilience and healthy habits. Picture books open up dialog and communicate in way for young children. Mental and physical health impact one another. Stories can help change thought patterns regarding eating habits and anxiety management. Fun to write and “our brains crave stories”-Brenda. Parent and caregiver notes in back of book What are concerns of parents? Parents want the best for the children, but put a lot of pressure on themselves. Parents wonder when should I address issue. Books are about non-judgment. Want skills to help children be successful. Times is limited so having two pages in back of book with condense information from vetted sources. Words of encouragement for parents. If your young daughter is struggling with anxiety it can be addressed and improved-we are able to rewire the brain with evidenced based practices. Anxiety can help keep us safe as long as it is manageable. Doesn’t reflect on skills of parents-anxiety is common and parents are not alone. Explore other factors that may contribute to anxiety symptoms.

In today’s episode, I am returning to a discussion about transitions in life. If your daughter is graduating high school or college this year, now is a good time begin having conversations around this change. Often we do not acknowledge the joys and sorrows that come with ending a chapter in our lives and creating dialog about this topic is important to help create a smoother transition. I also share the possible transition with this podcast and embracing changes.

I invite you to sign up for my newsletter to stay updated and receive other parenting tips or information about upcoming events at www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com or www.NicoleCBurgess.com/ep67

In today’s episode, I discuss ways parents and caregivers can either deepen their relationship with their teen daughter or create a bigger divide. Over the years teenagers have shared their frustrations with me about what their parents do or don’t do in building a relationship with them. These suggestions are areas to reflect on, discuss during family meetings, explore how to improve or change current behaviors both as parents or as teens. 

I invite you to sign up for my newsletter to stay updated and receive other parenting tips or information about upcoming events at www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com or www.NicoleCBurgess.com/ep66

In this episode you will learn: Actively listening to your teenager without judgment or trying to fix Grilling your teen with questions Be mindful of not stereotyping your teen behaviors Chores, timing, hidden agendas and compliance Family meetings Conflicts and apologies-this is repair work in the relationship; embracing imperfections Social media-do NOT publish embarrassing photos or video about your child-causes shame, humiliation, and damages your relationship with your teenager Not sweating the small stuff and choosing conflict wisely Criticizing or nitpicking your teen daughter or giving feedback with love and respect Putting down your teens appearance vs self-expression Being on the phone, social media or with friends vs being with your teen Comparing your children to one another or other teens-creates self-doubt, sense of unworthiness Expectations at extracurricular activities-criticizing your child or belittling their performance Working together as a team vs placing the problem between your relationship

My guest today is Julie de Azevedo Hanks, PhD, LCSW is a licensed clinical social worker and psychotherapist specializing in women’s emotional health and relationships. Dr. Hanks is the founder and director of Wasatch Family Therapy, author of The Burnout Cure and The Assertiveness Guide for Women, a blogger, a local and national media contributor, an online influencer, a consultant, and an award-winning performing songwriter.  A native Californian, Hanks currently lives in Salt Lake City, UT with her husband and their 4 children. She enjoys spending time with family and friends, taking naps, reading, writing, eating a lot of chocolate.

I invite you to sign up for my newsletter to stay updated and receive other parenting tips or information about upcoming events at www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com or www.NicoleCBurgess.com/ep65 

For PDF on emotions: http://nicolecburgess.com/emotions/

Why write the book? In her clinical practice noticed young women didn’t know what to be assertiveness about, so wrote a five step process to assist women. “We are socialized to care for others.” Dr.Julie Hanks Vital for women to know themselves Women can lose themselves when focused on others only Fear of disconnection in relationship When adult women don’t know themselves - can project unresolved issues onto daughters About role modeling and connecting What is attachment theory and how it impacts assertiveness? Anxious, Avoidant and Secure Develop during childhood Can change through healthy relationships Psychotherapy can assist with developing more secure attachment Differentiation of self and why it is positive step Developmental stage where teen girls can challenge family identity What do I think, feel, want and need-can change daily Being able to label emotions-primary and secondary emotions Julie shares personal story about her and one of her daughters Tips Do your own inner work for both you (parent) and your daughter Self-Care role models to both sons and daughters to take care of themselves and when they are in relationships

Julie’s Information Download first chapter for FREE www.assertivenessguide.com Website: www.DrJulieHanks.com Social Media: @drjuliehanks 

My guest today is Dr. Maggie Wray. She is a psychologist, mentor and life coach in the Atlanta, GA area. Maggie has Ph.D. in Neurobiology & Behavior from Cornell and is a success coach for teens and young adults. A fun fact about Maggie, she has a Bachelor degree in astrophysics from Princeton.

In this episode, you will learn:

• Getting the “why” in time management for your teen
• Training yourself to focus
• Planners, calendars, and organization

I invite you to sign up for my newsletter to stay updated and receive other parenting tips or information about upcoming events at www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com or www.NicoleCBurgess.com/ep64